#boughie

Today, as I sat with my sun at the Children's Hospital I couldn't help but become increasingly frustrated with this white man doctor. I came for a specific reason, but the doctor chose instead to take a tangent off the note in my sun's file that said he was being raised vegetarian.

Looking at me and raising his eyebrows he said. "What country are you from? Is this something your people practice? I know there are areas in India and China where vegetarianism is part of their cultural beliefs." Clearly so eager to flaunt his ignorance.

"I'm from here." I responded, not caring to elaborate or enter a discussion on my choice of lifestyle with him.

"That's....so strange. You don't see too much of that in....Hmm. Well it's funny your son's B12 and Iron levels are right on target, I wouldn't have expected that," he said looking down at his chart.

I sighed, "Yes, I am very careful about his diet and try to ensure that he gets a good amount of green vegetables for iron as well as drinking enriched [rice] milk and taking vitamin supplements." No need to further disclose that I in fact feed my son a vegan diet.

This has increasingly become a topic of fascination for people that I've never seen before as a reaction to white vegetarians or vegans (parents or not). While for the most part their values and beliefs are not questioned in their decision making process mine constantly are. Have I made an informed decision? Am I ruining my sun's life? In white vegan/vegetarian circles I am lauded for "being brave," or "breaking the cycle." However, as bad as the "uniqueness" or "oddness" that I feel both within white circles and even mainstream vegetarian/vegan circles, the exclusion I feel from my brethren is far more hurtful.

I knew becoming vegan & vegan parenting would be a difficult transition socially, but I didn't realize how disrespectful & unwilling to accept my decision (as if I need their acceptance) people would be. My sun's adult cousin thought it would be funny to feed him some ribs (although I've never even had pig in my life). I've gotten "lectures" from older Black people with high blood pressure and adult onset diabetes about my "dangerous" nutrition choices. Family members have told me that it isn't right for me to make choices like this for my child (I guess their choices of feeding their children a "standard American diet" or feeding them religion are better).

It has been very trying to have to constantly have people act like "I don't eat anything," or am too boughie to eat some chicken [read: not culturally Black anymore]. I am often treated as if I don't exist or am an impersonator of a "white thing." I don't expect anyone to go out of their way to make me something different (I always bring my own food anyway) or to even subscribe to my same beliefs. Honestly, I don't care--but if you want to eat a cheeseburger in my face, please don't try to give me a bite and PLEASE don't tell me that my food would probably taste good if it had some meat in it.

Don't get me wrong there DEFINITELY have been positives. Other family members have shown a lot of interest and willingness to try foods and constantly ask me for health/nutrition advice. I'm not trying to convert any of them and I doubt any of them would really commit, but I love being able to cook for them and have them completely fall in love with a healthy plant-based meal. I made my sun's grandma & great-aunt dinner the other week and they tore it up :)

Black vegetarians/vegans have their own unique set of issues that differentiate them from "mainstream" vegetarians/vegans (as PoC do within any group). I do not have the resources to buy many items aimed at the vegan community, but I want better for myself & my sun than what is typically targeted at poor Black families. I straddle a difficult line which I am not fully embraced by either community and often either mocked or forgotten.

There is an ever growing Black vegan/vegetarian community & support system, but I think more important than that is for Black omnivores to stop forcing the false connection between Black [American] culture & fatty foods. Our culture is what we make of it--if "soul food" was cultivated in the 1960s as a tool for Black unity then why can't our children's soul food be fresh fruits & vegetables? To paraphrase Bryant Terry, 'the original soul food was fresh fruits and vegetables cultivated in the gardens of sharecroppers.' I think what Black vegans/vegetarians represent is a revolutionary shift from the notion of "taking the worst part of the pig and making it a delicacy." Why do people feel that our Blackness is tied to foods that were (fairly recently) decided to be Black? Let's have a conversation about food and be honest about it.