#boring stuff

2025

I ended 2024 just after being released from the hospital. I had been admitted on my birthday with my second round of bilateral pulmonary embolisms. (Otherwise, it was a pretty nice birthday.)

Because this was the second occurrence, I got diagnosed with an 'undifferentiated clotting disorder.' (Worst birthday present ever.)

Nearly dying (again) sucks. Pulmonary embolisms suck. 'Undifferentiated clotting disorders' suck.

Recovering from hospitalizations and pulmonary embolisms are hard. I spent the first three months of 2025 sitting at home, on oxygen for most of it, trying to become a person again.

I started 2025 behind and I've stayed behind.

Going back to work was hard. Continuing to work was hard. I kept getting sick. It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize the reason I kept getting sick was that the embolisms and hospital stay had wrecked my poor immune system. It already functions at a deficit, so I should have seen that coming. It's what happened in 2022, too.

After how well 2024 went for me (until the end), I was pretty frustrated by the time I was 'done' with recovery and went back to work. I had gotten used to having a decent pace, getting things done, and not feeling like I was holding my life together with duct tape and paper clips.

The Good

I wrote a lot. I hit my goal of one million words in September.

I posted  Defiance chapters weekly. In more than eighty weeks, I haven't missed an update.

I (barely) made my goal of sixty chapters/fics posted.

I didn't fail at writing this year. Or last year. Or 2023, for that matter.

I wrote every day. I kept my posting schedule.

Best yet, I have written something people like. A lot. Defiance has a server now. Fanart. Fan music! And other people have written fics in my world!

Fanart of my OCs, y'all. How often does that happen in fic?

This is one of the big high points of my year. And of my life as a writer.

There were a lot of things that happened this year that don't have much to do with me reflecting in my goals and personal progress this year.

Except for what they say about my priorities. Thinking about them in that light - well, they become a bit more important.

I helped out a friend who needed a place to stay. It's been a few months of chaos. There were a lot of other things I was asked to do for friends and family and I was able to do it all.

Overall, I'm pleased I was able to work through the OCD to focus on the things that mattered as opposed to being hyper-focused on things that aren't as important.

The Bad

Given how hard on my self I generally am, this is usually a busy section of my reflections. I'm going to take this in sections, most of them ongoing goals/projects, etc.

Writing

I tried - and (mostly) failed - to write for most of the events I wanted to write for. To be honest, most of what I wrote was for Defiance. I love Defiance - and I am still having a lot of fun writing it.

But I have a lot of other things I want to write, too. In 2023 and 2024, I wrote a fairly good variety of things, and I want to get back to that in 2025.

I ran out of buffer chapters this year. I very much need to get my buffer built back up this year.

This was mostly a failure of time management and allowing myself to get distracted too often. If I can avoid as much of that this year, I'll be much better off.

Organization

I am so disorganized. Augh!

A lot of this came from not having a good planning system this year. I didn't get a planner. I didn't set up a prime notebook.

If you know me, that would tell you I was not doing well at the start of the year. It wasn't that I wasn't planning. I wasn't planning enough or in the right ways. I am so used to using a running list in a notebook and taking notes on things, building project pages/spreads/collections (whatever term you prefer for such things.)

When I went back to work, I needed to get set up fast, so I cut corners and didn't invest in the research and tools I normally use.

That meant going (partially) digital. I started using the Microsoft To-Do app I use with my students.

It's a decent To Do program. One of the nicest features is the 'My Day' list. The program takes everything you add to 'My Day' and any task due that day and sticks it there. You can share lists with other people (so, with my students) and all the tasks I have to think about that day are in the one place.

I bought a pocket calendar (Gallery Leather. Great pocket calendar.) I'd had success with a pocket calendar about thirty years ago.

Of course, back then, I didn't know what I didn't know. I had fewer things to track. My life was less complex. (Also, less deep and less full. I would not trade the current complexity for the shallow simplicity of yesteryear for anything.)

That poor pocket calendar did some heavy lifting, let me tell you.

Near the middle of the year, I grabbed one of my trusty (and mostly empty) pocket notebooks and used it for some lists and notes. Eventually, I added a another. A task notebook, a notebook for the random notes I always keep, and my pocket calendar.

The problem with the system wasn't the tools. It was how haphazardly I used them.

Having a to-do list on my phone? Not as easy as advertised. Not having a notebook has made note-taking haphazard and clumsy.

I'm going to be much more deliberate and purposeful about it next year. And go back to my notebooks over digital.

Space

I am so disorganized. Again!

Somewhat because I didn't have a good planning system. Somewhat because I was distracted by writing Defiance.

I started the year with the idea that I would clean and organize my space, purge, and clear some space. That hasn't happened. Some of it was because my friend moved in. Some of it was because my aunt gave me a new piece of furniture (a roll-top writing desk) I needed to make space for and integrate into my room.

My office and room space are a fucking disaster and I must fix it. This will require several days of concentrated, contiguous work. I can't let myself keep putting it off. Because it will take a full, granular re-organization and purge.

My garage is a mess. This bothers me. A lot. Because that's where Mom's hoard lived. About three or four years ago, I finally cleaned out the last of her hoard and my garage was open, clean and neat. I was very proud of that, and by the end of this year, I will get back to that. Somehow.

Cleaning out Mom's hoard was huge moment for me. A profound exhale of years of stress and frustration.

Now, my garage looks like a hoarder's stash again.

But it's not my stuff.

My ex left her stuff there in 2023. Some of it needs to be sold, some of it I will just mail to her mother and let them figure out. That's going to be expensive, but it needs to happen.

Right at the end of 2025, a project was delivered by movers. A friend moved away a few years ago, and a lot of her stuff was in a storage unit. Now, everything that was in the storage unit is in my garage. I need to go through it, repack it, and send it off.

I thought it would be a couple of boxes, not half of what she owned!

It may take all year. And there's some of it I won't be able to ship, I think. She and I will have to figure out that stuff little by little.

But by the end of 2026, the garage will be clean again. My closets will be organized again. And my space will be organized and fully usable again.

I also would like to do some serious cleaning and purging through the rest of the house.

Social

Socializing has never been easy for me.

I've done well with it throughout my life, though. Through lots of effort. Energy. Moreso for me than other people I know. I am aggressively introverted.

I did well until lockdown, where my natural inclination to be a hobbit and not socialize was rewarded and encouraged.

So I do not have an in-person gaming group. I do not have an in-person writing group.

I do have friends I can go hang out with, but stairs. Most of them have second floor apartments. Or are at least an hour's drive away. However, I think I am going to have to start planning for some of those drives. I also know of an in-person writing group and I know of a social group I can.

I have made an effort to be on voice chats more often, which I have enjoyed greatly. I do not intend to stop doing this. But I will be more intentional about it and schedule better.

The 'Bump' List

Yeah. So. Alas.

There is a list of things I have had on my to-do lists for years. Some, almost a decade! I am going to take the time and effort this year to knock (some of) these things out. I am very unhappy with myself that I haven't spent the time to work on these projects, even when I've had the time!

Some of it is forgetting this list when I have time.

A lot of these things are just personal organization - which, hello. I will feel much better once I get done. Consolidating where things are and reducing the amount of work I need to do to keep myself sorted and organized.

Some of these things are paperwork or future planning things, and as I get further into my forties, I start to realize I need to get on the ball on some of those things, at least enough that I can rest a bit easier.

There's no reason the list of things I 'bump' from week to week, month to month, and year to year can't be a lot shorter by the time I roll into 2027.

Routine

I need to fix mine. I do so much better when I have a routine. I get more done. I feel better. I feel happier. I am more comfortable and content with myself and my life. I need to re-establish some daily habits. I have the discipline and I have the ability.

It's been a long time since I've had this particular problem, which means I know I can get back to a better routine. I've already started.

To be fair, I've had a lot of disruptions in my routines this year, which contributed to them falling apart, but both organizing my space and re-setting my planning tools will go a long way to helping with this.

Use My Tools

The biggest thing I did this year was not using my tools - or not using my tools the right way.

I have a lot of fantastic tools at my fingertips. I teach these tools. I need to use these tools that I teach (again) and stop sighing at myself all the time. I cannot let myself off the hook anymore.

I have recovered (as much as I can) from the embolisms in 2024. I have learned the lessons of 2025, and I cannot avoid the fact that I am falling closer and closer to what the ancient Greeks called akrasia. Especially since part of my identity is built on leaning more towards Enkrateia.

You nod your head as you land back on your feet, and yeah, the reason why you couldn't leave the mist hashira's training is because of how fragile and sort of slow you are, but you are slowly developing of course👏

"Yes Mu!"

You call him 'Mu' as short cut for 'Muichiro'! Funsies!🙃

Oh and he doesn't mind because-

🖕: Your a year younger than him (he respects your spirit)

✌️: Your in good terms with him

👌: He likes you (I'm crazy, you don't have to remind me)

💅: (so pretty) You know about his training with the Obanai and Sanemi so he lets you observe and watch him till you know his moves

🖐️: You usually visit him in his mansion to give him the randomest food, yeah food😏

Now Anyway let's timeskip after the training (it was kinda like Tanjiro's)

IT'S NOT MY FAULT I'M JUST TOO LAZY TO WRITE WHAT HAPPENED BUT YOU HIT YOUR HEAD BECAUSE YOU TRIPPED AND YOU WERE A LITTLE DIZZY OKAY.

You followed Muichiro to their training place as usual, but you however felt like someone was eyeing on you, and yes you can hear millions of footsteps once you take off your earbuds, but the footsteps weren't spiders nor ordinary animals (you had sensitive ears which results you to hear things 5 minutes away. SBG things *Ashlyn Banner*)

-

Of course, you wanted to tell Muichiro but you didn't wanna ruin his training with the other hashiras so you kept quiet, it wasn't that serious, or so you thought.

TIMESKIP I'M RUNNING OUT OF BATTERY

At the time you both reached it to the place where the hashiras trained, like usual you took one earbud off just in case and observed how they fought.

But this time

Obanai and Sanemi asked you to join, to test your skills

"Oi, I think I'd had enough of you just staring at us like that."

Said Sanemi

"Join us."

Said Obanai

"I agree with them Y/N."

Happily said Muichiro

You stuttered on your answer but of course, you couldn't turn down, so you took both your earbuds off for better awareness of the soroundings.

"Yes."

you said

"Come at me kid"

says Sanemi with a grin.

But of course, you weren't very reckless to attack, you knew that you would immediately lose once you dont pay attention to your soroundings so you used your breathing technique instead.

"Bunny breathing... second form: Agility."

(I made it myself😍)

Your Bunny breathing gives you the abilities of a rabbit such as high jumping, speed, reaction time (that basically needs leveling up) and you can dissappear in the air and leaving a bunny as trace.

(So good right😏)

Thanks to your hearing you were able to avoid any of Sanemi's attacks while running around him as Obanai and Muichiro just watched from the side, drinking water that you bought for them.

You were almost gonna land an attack on Sanemi but he used his Wind Breathing to throw you away.

But before that...

"Bunny breathing, seventh form:Trace"

You manage to escape from Sanemi's sight once again while a poor bunny was being thrown into the air but suddenly, Muichiro disappeared and caught the bunny and bought it back, petting it(I can imagine it being so cuuuteeee😩)

Timeskip you lost and went bavk yo Muichiro's mansion😔

After you arriveeed

"Y/N I like you."

LIKE WE WENT STRAIGHT TO THE CUDDLING HUNS

He was the small spoon, his face on the crook of your neck while you two fell asleep.

In the more you were both caught by Mu's students, including Tanjiro.