when your poly but also borderline so every time your fp does anything with your mutual female partner you get jealous and think your fp is starting to resent you because you're literally the worst partner ever anyway

i've been really easily triggered since the year started. Yesterday my husband criticized my ability to load the dishwasher. This brought up a bunch of repetitive memories of my stepmonster screaming about "half-assed" chores. Even thinking about it now, i can feel my brain distancing itself lol. but i'm having these short, "mild" dissociative episodes. then last night C told me he might wanna be actively poly too, after a year of hard insistence upon his monogamous inclinations. even though i always said "you never know" i didn't really feel the need to address the possibility since he was so adamant about it not being a thing 🙄like i'm not 100% opposed but i definitely have some reservations. i just know that bpd is probably going to affect his freedom to be with whoever and i hate it