Serious smut warning! Featuring Chris Evans before he was Steve Rogers (earliest days of Hollywood). But because he was once really Captain America, I call him Cap.
Hollywood Hills extended (4.3k w/c)
This is a private letter I wrote to Cap on the night of Hollywood Hills. In it, I write down everything that we relived together, and then some. Definitly 18+!
Friday, January 24, 2025
Dear Cap,
WE DID IT!!! We did it. I've been working on a poem about it, although I may want to extend it. I don't know. I just don't want to ever forget. Maybe I need to write it down in my journal. Maybe we just need to spend more time together (I know- I know!).
For the record, after more than a week of waiting, which felt much longer- no thanks in part to all of your flirty gifs, video clips and pics!- we finally were given to one another through the Lord and through the link. I checked. We have not done that since January 3- and back then the link was still very weak. It's sooooo much stronger now!
Do you know? I'm trying to think of the last time we were able to be as close as we were tonight, through the link.
I mean, I saw so much dreamwalking with you today - so very clearly. I could practically smell the beach motel room. And I knew where it was - on the otherside of the highway from the malibu beach. You thought the beach-side motels were too visible. And they wouldn't convince me that it was just a business trip in the beginning.
Anyhow- I'm just realizing that the link may have been compromised in those last few months leading up to the December event.
The bottom line is, it feels like tonight was a long time in coming. And that's not just from a Garden of Eden perspective.
Maybe it's because of the unique nature of tonight's date: -normally we only find out who I am going to link to the day of, and if anyone gets bumped, we never know if and when we'll get another chance, -but this time I was super sick for a much longer time than I can remember, -and not only that, but the Lord was very clear that you were to be next, and then Hawk- I even wrote it down to make sure, -and because it was delayed for so long, you kept sending hints, reminders and flirtations- and the Lord did too by sending songs we wrote together or that you wrote for me...
Huh. It also strikes me that I've listened to a number of our novels together back to back too: Suddenly in Love and Suddenly Dating. We have two more in that series, by the way.
And both were set in modern times. Both were written after I became the Leader of the Order, actually!!! No wonder they smack of so much relevance.
Anyhow- I just remember thinking about it yesterday - how long I've been waiting to be with you again, through the link. Hell, I wanted to join you in the Dreamworld and Jesus took over once and then the Dreamworld became unsafe and I was just so frustrated. And this cold/flu is just devastating. I haven't been able to use the wand at all in weeks, which only pushed you and I further apart.
And then, blessed of all blessed events!!! The Lord gave us over to one another tonight. And even though I was in so much pain and crying, you just broke through it all. You held me in a way that made me feel close to you, like I was more than just my sex - like you were with me because of me.
You didn't just touch me, you kissed me too. And you kissed me until the tears stopped and the pain stopped - you kissed me until I found you again, through the fog of all of our roadblocks.
And then you leaned your head over my shoulder, so that my cries and moans as you touched me flowed directly into you ear... a new experience for me. And it made me feel seen, heard, beautiful and above all, loved. So inexplicably loved.
And that pushed me past another barrier. And finally my head finally broke the water and I could breathe again, and remember us. Remember you. Remember what we loved to do with one another.
And I whispered in your ear and asked if you would like to dreamwalk a memory with me. And it's like you answered me in my mind, sending me flashes of your own memories.
And I zeroed in on them, watching them skip rapidly by, different times, different relationships to one another, different places we met- and I realized we met many times on many timelines back then. I haven't seen that kind of skipping since the Fall, when we were first in the Cave of Treasures. The splintering of time back then was unreal.
In the end, I found you as an executive in Hollywood, making films in one capacity or another, way back in the 20's, 30's or 40's... maybe even earlier (Hollywood began in 1911? 1914, I believe?).
And I was your secretary or assistant. And both of us were shy, once again, in our feelings for one another. You had to make appointments up in Malibu just to get time with me in the car, because I had to drive you. You pretended to read scripts and work.
And then you took longer meetings, or later meetings, forcing us to get dinner before returning back to LA. And then you lied and said the studio was concerned we were arriving on the lot together so late at night. And I believed you.
So you said we needed to stay overnight at a malibu beach motel/hotel. And so we did. In the beginning, we had separate rooms, far apart. But over time you said the hotel preferred our rooms next door to each other, and I didn't argue, though it made me nervous. I would listen at night, so closely, to hear what you were doing. And I tip toed around my room, even taking soft socks so that you couldn't hear me move. I ran the shower when I used the bathroom or brushed my teeth.
And you wondered why I took more than one shower :) When you asked about it, I made up a fancy system of running the water vs running the shower. Oy! You made me so nervous! I liked you soooo much! You were so smart, so sharp, so savy- I learned so much from you- I was terrified of the day they'd move me onto the next guy, because I'd learned how awful the other guys were. They pinched me, propositioned me, cornered me, rubbed themselves on me, trapped me... and you never did that to any of the girls. You were so different.
You had girls. You had so many dates. I tried to learn from how they dressed, to see what you wanted and what you liked.
But there came a time where you were doing it just to get my attention. I always had something to say about them if you said it didn't work out, or if you said she broke your heart. I would just tear into them if you let me - and all the while you were having me drive you up to Malibu on the weekends, while you tested me during the week.
And finally you bought the whole motel up, so you could force the innkeeper to put us in one room. And you fought like hell with the innkeeper, even though you'd set it up. Because you wanted me to see how hard you fought.
You oversold it though, because I felt terrible that you had to stay in the same room with me. I felt like you were angry because I was such an inconvenience. I thought I would not only be underfoot, but that -if seen by this super-packed hotel - I could comppromise your job.
Little did I know that you'd gotten the name of the motel from another executive because they had used it to meet without being caught. The place was practically built for privacy. But I didn't know that.
But neither of us even realized that there might not be two beds - not until we opened the room's door. And then I thought, "Well, he gets the floor I guess!" Only to gasp and realize, "He's my boss!!! He can't sleep on the floor!"
And you were way too big for me to ever let you sleep there. But it was still the old-fashioned days, when a man would never let a woman sleep on the floor - ever. Hell, you almost offered to sleep out in the car!
Until you remembered what you'd booked the entire hotel for. And then you blushed. I was already blushing. I hadn't thought of the car. Not even close.
Honestly? I was just wondering how the hell I was going to survive. You were so close, for one, there wasn't a couch- only the bed - for two, and I couldn't fathom how I'd run the water and shower the right way to match whatever I'd been doing for all those months. I think I contemplated giving up and sleeping on the beach at that point.
And I think you saw that I was about to bolt. And you went into a whole other mode, telling me that it was my job to make you comfortable, and you wouldn't be comfortable until I was in bed and reading a book, or whatever I did at night (I did, in fact, read a book before bed, so I could do that).
And then, for good measure, you asked if I could maybe shine up your shoes for the morning while you took a shower. And that smacked me out of my blush-and-run mode. I made the quick decision to change into my nightclothes first, and brush and everything while you were in the shower, and then I did your shoes.
I'd just finished when I heard you turn off the shower, so I threw myself in bed and opened my book, planning to look up casually and smile and tell you that your shoes were all finished, expecting you to be happy with the result.
But no. You were so used to living alone, or living without me, and so relaxed from the hot shower, that you kind of forgot what you were doing when you walked out in nothing but a towel. I don't even think you were facing me at first, but I had been looking your way so that I could tell you about the shoes.
Instead, I shrieked and hid under the covers. I startled you so bad that when you turned to look and see if I'd cut my hand or sliced a toe off or something, you couldn't help but start laughing when you realized that I literally shrieked and hid because you were in nothing but a towel.
And that's the thing about startle. it can snap us into our reflexes, which are rooted in our past lives. And so it just bubbled up in you - a sort of delight- a joy, laughter and trickster combo - and you jumped onto the bed crawling over to where I hid, calling my name in a teasing voice, as if we were best friends and equals, not boss and employee, master and servant.
You couldn't believe I worked in that industry and couldn't handle nudity - well, a man shirtless, anyway. But you didn't know that I was reacting to you. Had a janitor walked out shirtless, or some model or actor I didn't know, I may have just rolled or averted my eyes,
But it was you. I'd dreamed of you that way for so long. And I'd played masterful mind tricks for months, forcing myself to think of you as dressed when you ran your shower, rather than undressed, just so I could make it through the night with at least a wink of sleep.
But no! you had to walk out, not just shirtless, but drenched in water and with your legs - your fucking amazing legs - hell, I can still see them! I freaked out because the towel had opened and I saw your thigh above your knee!!! HELL YES I shrieked and hid!!!
Oh, but you were merciless. You tore my hands out from under the covers, tsk tsk'ing me for not being able to handle shirtless in my profession. And you thought you were doing me a favor - yes a favor that benefitted you a little - but mostly you were thinking I needed this - and you put my hands on your body.
Oh! I only dipped further down under the covers, and when you pulled them off, laughing all the while, you saw how tightly my eyes were shut.
And we got in this crazy slapping match while we argued and traded jabs so fast that it would make for a brilliant comedy scene today. You were saying, "Seriously! It's NO. BIG. DEAL! Here!!! FEEL!!!" And I was like, "No no no no no no no no no no no no no..." and so you were like, "What in the world, woman!? Have you never---?"
And you began filling in the blanks. And to every, "Have you never ____!?" my answer was, "NO!!!" with a gasp of shock and horror, like I couldn't believe you ever thought I'd had.
And then you started to become a bit concerned, and you asked if I'd ever even been kissed - with no small amount of incredulity in your voice: "Wait. Have you-? Are you telling me-? Wait. No..." because everyone in Hollywood had had sex. You just assumed I must have in order to get the position, but that it turned me off to the act or something.
But no. You were starting to wonder if I'd ever even been kissed. And you asked me. And I couldn't believe that you thought that I'd had! "NO!" i cried. And you dropped it all. You only wanted me more, and you were suddenly worried that I'd never seen a hard-on, or knew what one was. And you didn't think a towel was the best option for you at that moment.
Plus, you saw a way in. Oh, someone else might have backed off, if they just wanted to conquer me. But you didn't. You loved me, whether you knew it or not yet, and I loved you, whether you knew it or not yet.
And you didn't plan to let this entire motel booking go to waste. Instead, you saw the path ahead with much more clarity. You didn't have anyone to compete with at all. Only you, and you alone, could fuck this up for yourself. I was all yours, in every way, if you didn't scare me off. And you realized that's exactly what you were doing.
So you quickly kissed me on my forehead, while my eyes were screwed shut, said, "good girl," as if to say that's what every young lady's answer should be, especially a young lady working for you, and you told me to keep my eyes closed while you got some clothes on.
You said you'd let me know when it was safe to open my eyes again. and you apologized for coming out of the shower that way. You said it truly was an accident, and it was, so I believed you.
You quickly dressed in PJ's, told me to open my eyes, and by the time you got into bed next to me, I had my book open, pretending like I was reading it.
But I wasn't. My heart was pounding a million miles a minute. I'd seen what I'd seen and I really didn't think I could ever survive watching you with anyone else again. I was freaking out, wondering how I was going to fake sleeping all night. That was going to be much harder than faking a shower.
But instead, when you got into bed, you asked me to face you and look you in the eyes. You asked for both of my hands, because you could see that I was still shaking. But you could also see that I was red. My cheeks were very, very flushed.
And you said something about how you were sorry that I'd never been kissed, that you could never have imagined. And then you said, "Let me..." and you held my chin as you came in very, very slowly, waiting to see if I'd pull away.
But there was no fucking way I was pulling away. I would've put someone in jail if it meant one kiss with you. And I didn't care that it was a pity kiss. I mean, I knew it was a pity kiss, because you kept your body far, far away from mine.
You only leaned in with that long, masculine, athlethic neck of yours that drives me and the rest of the world crazy. But all I remember, honeslty, was the look in your eyes. I had seen it before, but rarely, and not nearly a strong. You've given me that look here, on this bed, in the last year, on this timeline, on this loveline. And it transfixed me then like it melted me last year.
I just let you come to me, and when you pulled me in slightly, I obeyed and looked at your hair, your ear, your cheeks, your lips, and I thought that they looked so different now, after you'd showered, out of the office. You looked much younger, much less angry - and really, a wall had been let down. This wasn't work. This was you. I was finally seeing you.
And your cheeks were flushed too.
You thought you had it all figured out. You thought I had zerio experience. You thought we'd never been together, nevermind thousands of times. You never thought we were Adam and Eve reunited!
But if you had, it would've helped you understand the kiss.
Because it was hot. It was sweet. It was gentle, even so, but it burned through both of us. You opened my lips with your own, mostly so you could breathe, and I needed to breathe too, but our lips never stopped roaming, never stopped grazing, never stopped exploring... and the heat burned through our veins like fire.
Our bond ensured that we both felt it. We only had to touch- touch lips to know it. I knew what you felt, and you knew what I felt, the longer we ran our lips across the other's mouth, cheeks, brow...
...and then, when I wanted to graze my swollen hot lips and breath down your jawline to dip below your ear, burying my face in your neck, you'd had enough.
And you shoved your fingers gently into my hair and brought my mouth back to your lips where you sealed our open mouths up, and you introduced your tongue into my mouth with a hungry sweep. I remember it.
You were saying that you accepted it - you accepted that I hadn't kissed anyone before, but that it was time, for I didn't kiss like a virgin. Nor did I kiss like I wanted you to stop. In fact, you were pretty certain that I'd wanted this all along, somewhere deep deep down... or that I was made for this. I was made for you.
And I let you. I didn't back away. I leaned in, just as hungry to taste you - marveling at this heat and most of all, marveling at the love, the connection- the 'rightness' of it all, as if we'd been charged with doing this when we were born, and God wanted us to catch up already. We'd missed a lot of assignments, or something, you know?
And once I kissed you back with my own tongue, you moved your body in finally, sliding me down the bed, under the blankets even further, where you leaned over me, and took possession of my hair, my face, my neck and my hands.
Eventually you pulled away, and looked me in the eye and then kissed my hand. And you placed it on your chest, carefully and purposefully, as if to say, "Here. I am wearing pajamas. Touch me. Touch me this way instead," as if to wipe away what you'd done before, forcing my virginal hands onto your hot wet body when I was pulling away, unwilling, with my eyes screwed tight.
This time you were asking permission. And I watched as you slowly pulled my hand and rested it on your chest. And you let me get used to it- how hard you were, how strong, how different, how close. And you held my other hand and kissed it as I began to explore with the hand you'd just placed on your chest.
At first I just traced the lines of your pajamas. I traced your pocket. I traced the topline. I traced the collar and eventually even the buttons. And you kissed me every onnce in a while on my forehead, taking breaks from watching my face as I slowly moved from touching your pajamas to actually touching you through the pajamas.
my face was screwed up so tight, in so much concentration. You knew I was taking so much in. And you almost said that I could ask you, but you knew that I would ask, when I was ready. But instead, I kissed you.
I wanted to slide my hand under your collar, but I couldn't do it while you watched, so I kissed you instead, and you knew what I was doing and you laughed.
And you said, "Later. First..." and then you slid down into the bed next to me, and asked, "May I?" and I realized you were asking for permission to do the same.
And I liked that idea. So I took your hand and kissed it, the way you'd done to mine. And then you let me place it wherever I wanted. And I felt comfortable placing your hand on my tummy. And you loved that. You got this smile on your face, where it tilited up higher on one side, and you closed your eyes with that very slight groan only you do...
And I felt so happy that I'd pleased you, that I actually giggled. And you liked that, because you felt me giggle with your hand on my tummy. And it made you tuck in to my side, so close, and you said, "Do it again," into my hair, keeping your hand on my tummy. And I giggled and asked, "what?" and you said, "Exactly that."
I had no idea what you were talking about, so I turned to look up at you and realized how close you were, and you were so happy that you just thought, "fuck it," especially when I gave you those big eyes that truly had no idea, but wanted to know oh, so badly.
And fuck it, you did. You slid down under the covers, but this time you were on top of me. Oh, you didn't drop your full weigh onto me, but you straddled my legs and slid down until our stomachs touched, and you kissed me like you'd wanted to for so, so, so, so long.
You wrapped your arms underneath me, but left me space to breathe, left me space to fight back, if I didn't want it. But you knew that I did. You just knew it. All you cared about was not scaring me at that point, and you knew if you pressed your hips in too quickly, you would in fact scare me.
And it went on from there. Passion, tenderness, laughter, tenderness, laughter, passion - a little closer here, back off there, a little closer here, sit up and breathe there... like the waves of the ocean on the other side of the highway, we ebbed and flowed, in and out, in and out... but just like the tide, we crept closer and closer and closer with each wave.
Eventually we crashed into one another by the end of the night, and in more ways than one. You found that my lack of experienced combined with my eagerness and love for you allowed for almost anything to be possible. But still, that first night, you laced my fingers in your own and took me when we were both naked, in a non-stop missionary position that lasted for numerous orgasms for both of us.
But only after you whispered in my ear your confession about renting the entire hotel that night, just to get us a room alone. After my intial shock, and then delight, I realized I could scream all I wanted to, and nothing but the wind would ever know.
And that's when you finally owned me.
You know the rest. Entire weekends. A switch in the driver, a switch in my hairdo, a switch in our lunchtime activities, a switch in our Malibu trip schdule, a switch in your weekly line-up of dates, a switch in my dress code, a switch in your understanding of just how much my throat needs in order for you to take what you want...
And even a change in parking space.
Even a change in parking altogether.
The first time you took me on the front seat behind the hotel, we went so hard and so long that we fell asleep in each other's arms in the front seat of the car... not waking up until the Sun showed its face.
And so I wrote this poem. Which does none of it justice.
hollywood hills
black and white stills
waves on the beach
background our heat
suits and fresh reels
skirts and red heels
business and lunch
hide our car crush
and our love runs still
in those malibu hills
