#bonus bracket

[image ID: the first image is of The Dear Hunter's album Act IV: Rebirth in Reprise. it depicts a person in a plague doctor's costume standing between two trees with intertwining branches. the trees have windows in their trunks. behind the person is an iron street lamp and buildings with older looking architecture. the second image is of Poopsie, a yellow beanie baby bear with a red ribbon around his neck. end ID]

Hunter

“The protagonist of the story, a boy doomed to a life of heartbreak and despair and destined to die alone. The instigator of the tragedy who makes several bad decisions as time goes on. The albums (Acts I-V) that tell his story fucking slap.” “Hunter is so obscure that not even he knows who he is. He was raised by his mother, who is a prostitute. He steals his half brother's identity after meeting him in WW1 and killing their father. In the rest of the concept albums (2 albums out of 5) Hunter struggles to get a hold on his identity, which he has lost. One of his songs is titled "Who Am I" for god's sake.”

Poopsie

Otto von Bismarck (1871-1890)

The Iron Chancellor

With a man as talented and powerful as Otto von Bismarck, it is hard to know where to start when outlining his accomplishments. His rule over Prussia and later Germany totaled a combined thirty years, during which he upended the global order and reshaped the map of Europe as we know it today. His title of "The Iron Chancellor" originates from the iron grip he had over both German and international politics, as well as one of his most famous speeches.

Bismarck's greatest accomplishment was no doubt the unification of this great state of Germany, which he accomplished through both shrewd diplomacy and skillful warmaking. His wars against Denmark, Austria, and France propelled Prussia to new heights and allowed for the declaration of the German empire in 1871. As Bismarck had said 9 years prior to that exalted date, "the great questions of the day will not be decided by speeches or majority decisions, but by iron and blood"

Nations that claim power on the world stage by way of military might or economic excellence still kneel before Germany when it comes to care for their citizenry. Under Bismarck, Germany passed groundbreaking laws providing aid for injured or sick workers who could not earn a living for their families. Later, those benefits were expanded to aging or disabled citizens, creating the first social welfare program in Europe. It is my hope that countries with prospering upper classes may take a page from Germany's playbook and allow the government to care for those workers which have ensured its economic success. (Real subtle - T)

Leo von Caprivi (1890-1894)

A moment's pity for the poor man who must stand in the footholds of giants. How can one hope to compare to the eminence of Otto von Bismarck? Caprivi gave his answer by ripping to shreds one of Bismarck's foreign policy achievements, our former Reinsurance Treaty with Russia. This was a treaty that protected Germany from her greatest fear: a two (or three or perhaps even four!) front war, the Gallic rooster to our West and the Russian bear to our east. Why, then, would he not reinsure this treaty? Perhaps Russian reproachment with France was already a foregone conclusion; maybe he placed more value on Austria-Hungary and Italy than Russia; one scholar I've become familiar with has proposed that maybe his brain was "riddled with the worms of idiocy." The histrionics of the critics has never moved me. War will not come between Germany and Russia. A piece of paper changes nothing.

Caprivi realized that Germany would maintain her pre-eminence in Europe through either war or trade. For the first time, we chose industry. Commercial treaties were forged with an assortment of European nations including Austria-Hungary, Italy, Belgium, and Spain. He even ended a trade war with Russia, giving Germans access to cheaper Russian agriculture products. (What? Were the Merkel jokes too easy? -L)

Chlodwig zu Hohenlohe-Schillingsfürst (1894-1900)

Perhaps the greatest thing to say about Hohenlohe is that he was nobody's first pick for the job. Other names had been floated, but those picks proved too controversial. Hohenlohe, albeit aged, was a safe choice and caused the Kaiser no scandal. He served inconspicuously, which is to say without distinction. His cabinet was shuffled and reshuffled without his input and he found the winds of change blowing past him faster than he could react. A chancellor in name only, disempowered to enact any sorts of policies in the vein of predecessor. The most he achieved were reforms to the Prussian Military Law and the Law of Associations. In 1900, Hohenlohe took himself out of his misery and retired. Like his reactions to cooling relations with Russia and Britain, it came too little, too late. He died a year later.

Bernhard von Bülow (1900-1909)

The position of the Chancellor in the early 20th century increasingly seems like an ornate title for the caregiver of the Kaiser. After Wilhelm II inflamed tensions between Germany and France during the Morocco Crisis, it fell upon von Bülow to clean up the debacle. He represented the Kaiser at the Algeciras Conference, a meeting meant to defuse the tensions of the aforementioned crisis. Germany was humiliated, her terms discarded and the alliance between Britian and France was strengthened. When von Bülow defended his work at the conference, he became so overwhelmed that he collapsed.