#bones!verse

The shit with Hydra and the inevitable collapse of SHIELD happens in October, so when Quinn comes home to them, it’s very near her birthday. Of course, Quinn probably doesn’t even realize it’s her birthday, but Steve and Bucky know. What’s most important is the fact that she’s there. Quinn may not be Quinn, not yet, but at least she’s not dead anymore. An amnesiac of a soulmate is better than a dead one.

Less than a month has passed since Quinn came back to them and Bucky can’t lie and say it hasn’t been hard. Quinn’s pretty much barricaded herself inside her room and Bucky and Steve have fallen asleep in front of her door more times than he can count when she wakes them up with her screams. She won’t let them inside, afraid she’ll hurt them by mistake when she’s in too deep, and Bucky looks at that hopefully because if his soulmate wasn’t in there then she wouldn’t keep them out.

Love’s no a walk in the park, Bucky’s learned. Definitely worth it, in the end—Steve and Quinn will always be worth it—but it’s not easy. Steve wants to celebrate, but Bucky doubts there’s much to celebrate on Quinn’s end. November twenty-first is probably another date on the calendar. But Steve does make a pumpkin pie because it was always Quinn’s favorite and her ma always tried to make it for her birthday instead of a normal cake.

Quinn comes out of her bedroom, blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, in a pair of Steve’s boxers and one of Bucky’s shirts. Despite the fact that she now has clothes of her own thanks of Natasha and Miss Potts, she still prefers theirs. Once, she whispered that Bucky and Steve’s are worn in and more comfortable than the brand new fabric of what’s in her closet. Neither of them tried to explain she’d have to wear her clothes to break them in because they sure as fuck don’t mind to see her in their clothes.

Steve startles when he turns around and sees her in the doorway. “Oh. Uh. Quinn, I didn’t hear you come out of your room.” He tries to move in front of the oven so she can’t see inside and Bucky snorts. Real subtle move, Rogers, he thinks. Quinn obviously notices and cocks her head to the side. “I wanted to surprise you,” he cofesses with a sigh and slides back over to where he was before so she can see the pie on the rack. “Pumpkin pie,” he explains when she steps forward and bends over to squint and look inside. “For your birthday.”

“My birthday,” she repeats slowly as she stands back up, whole body tense. That’s not new. Whenever she walks around in their presence, she’s always tense. “Today is November twenty-first.” The way she says it…he suddenly realizes that she must’ve had no idea about the importance of the day. She says the date like it's a brand new fact to be remembered.

“Yeah,” Bucky speaks up from the table and her eyes move over to him. “Today’s your birthday. You look fantastic for someone that’s ninety-three today.” A lame attempt at humor. Bucky and Steve force smiles, but her face remains blank. “You loved pumpkin pie before it was a trend.”

Steve pulls the pumpkin pie out of the stove and walks over to set it down in the middle of the table. “You had it for almost all your birthdays. I know it probably can’t compare to your mom’s recipe, but I thought why not start the tradition back up?”

“Besides, it’ll be the first decent meal you’ve had since—” Bucky makes a face and stops and edits what he was going to say. “First nice meal you’ve had since you’ve been here.”

“I don’t remember—” she stops. “They never let me eat food—” she fumbles to try and come up with the best thing to say, but whatever she says will only break Steve and Bucky’s hearts if how Hydra treated her is involved. “Thank you,” she finally decides on.

Stiffly, she takes a seat at the table while Steve cuts and serves out pieces to the three of them. Bucky’s a lot better at keeping an eye on Quinn as she slowly eats away at her piece and not being obvious about it than Steve is. Steve only takes a couple of bites before he stops and looks at her, glances only lingering longer as time passes.

It doesn’t take long before Quinn starts to get twitchy. “Can I eat this in my room?”

“Of course you can,” Steve answers. “You don’t have to ask.”

Steve looks a little discouraged when she picks up her plate and disappears out of the kitchen, so Bucky reassures him with, “Hey, at least she’s eating.”

-

After that, Steve decides that he wants to try his hand at cooking. He always makes sure to leave a plate out for Quinn. It seems to go well because they always wake up to her dishes on the counter, cleaned both of food and grit. And there’s never anything in the trash to hint that she’s just throwing the food away when their backs are turned.

What concerns Bucky, though, is the fact that as time goes on, Quinn only looks thinner. Steve notices it, too, because he works to make the food richer and heavier, so they’re more filling and can hopefully put a few pounds on her. It doesn’t help.

Bucky finally caves and invites Bruce over to dinner in hopes that he can catch a peek, maybe see if there could be something else that Bucky and Steve don’t know about that could be behind the weight loss. Its the only option they have because they’ll never force her to see a doctor and he’s pretty sure she won’t go see one willingly, not with the bad relationship she has with doctors. Bruce is almost as much of a ghost as Quinn is, which is ironic since they both have such loud demons, so she has no idea he’s there until she drifts into the kitchen and tenses up when she spots him at the table.

“Hey, Quinn,” Bucky greets and watches as her hand twitches down by her side, reaches for a weapon that isn’t there anymore. “This is our friend, Bruce Banner. He lives a few floors down. He’s here for dinner.” Quinn nods stiffly. “Were you hungry?”

“I’d like to eat in my room,” she says with a clenched jaw, eyeing Bruce warily.

“Sure you can,” he replies quietly.

Dinner goes without a hitch after she head back in her room. Bruce doesn’t bring up Quinn which worries Bucky even more because he feels like if there wasn’t a problem then Bruce wouldn’t be afraid to say it in their suite. He probably doesn’t want to spook Quinn and doesn’t say it where she could hear with her enhanced senses. So, Steve and Bucky sit through dinner, tension probably radiating off of them.

Finally, the hammer drops when Bucky walks Bruce back to his own floor. “She’s not eating,” Bruce informs him when they’re outside his door. “If she is eating then it’s definitely not enough. If she was eating as much as she should, she wouldn’t look the way she does.”

“She has to be,” Bucky shoots back. “She cleans off her plate every single night. I know she’s not throwing it away because there’s nothing in the trash.”

“I hate to remind you of this, but she’s one of the best assassins and spies in modern history. If she doesn’t want you to know she’s not eating, I don’t think it’d be that hard for her to do.” Bruce sighs. “I don’t want to scare you, but you have to get her to start eating. She might not carry around a metal arm like you do, but if she has the super soldier serum then I’m sure she has an enhanced metabolism and after awhile, her body is going to start breaking down if it hasn’t already started to.”

Bucky takes a deep breath and scrubs a hand across his face. “Just when I think things are gettin’ a little bit better,” he snarls under his breath. Bruce pats him on the shoulder sympathetically.

-

There’s no way Bucky can sleep with Bruce’s words banging around inside his head. He’s thinking about how he can sit Quinn down and tell her she needs to eat without taking away her autonomy. He doesn’t want to order her, but if it’s about her safety, he’s really debating on doing it which probably makes him a shitty person.

Late in the night, Bucky hears her bedroom door open. She’s loud about it. A lot louder than she normally is and that’s…odd. He quietly slides out of bed and as he peeks outside his own door, he sees the bathroom light on and hears wretching. Heart in his throat now, he closes the door behind him and darts over to the bathroom to knock.

“Quinn,” he calls out between her heaves, not so loud that it won’t wake up Steve but he knows she can hear him with her enhanced senses. “Are you…throwing up in there?”

“No,” he hears her snarl but then there’s another wretch.

Not sure if it’s good or bad that she’s still stubborn. “I’m coming in,” he tells her as he pushes open the door. If she’s okay enough to lie then he thinks it’ll be okay for him to break the rules a little and check on her even if she probably doesn’t want him to.

Quinn’s curled around the toilet in silent agony and Bucky walks over to sit on the rim of the bathtub, close enough to her that he can pull her hair out of her face for her. There’s sweat on her forehead and she’s so pale that he’s almost sick himself with worry.

When she’s done, Quinn flushes the toilet, wipes her hand across her mouth, and then leans back against the wall. She’s shivering and he wants to wrap his arms around her, but he’s already pushing his luck with her personal space. She won’t look him in the eye.

Bucky takes a deep breath. “Did you have a bad dream or does this have to do with why you’re not eating?”

Quinn closes her eyes and presses the heels of her hands against her eye sockets. “I’m trying,” she whispers hoarsely. “The food–” she moves her arms down to wrap them around her stomach. “What you give me isn’t the same as what they did. They woke me up from the ice and shoved tubes down my throat to feed me. I don’t remember being awake as long as I’ve been now. They never fed me more than before my mission and before I went back to the ice.”

“Yeah, I guess what we give you must be a lot compared to what they did,” he realizes wryly. No wonder she hasn’t been gaining any weight. She’s been throwing up whatever they try giving her. “Why didn’t you tell us, Quinn? We could’ve figured something else out.”

“I was afraid–” she hesitates. Even though she says, “I was afraid of disappointing you,” he knows what she means is that I was afraid you were going to hurt me. The unspoken words are shots to the heart. He’s happy Steve isn’t awake to hear this. Steve’s heart bleeds more than Bucky’s and Bucky’s is gushing blood right now.

“I want you to know something, Quinn,” he starts slowly and she lifts her eyes up to stare into his. “I will never hurt you. Steve will never hurt you. That doesn’t seem possible, but it’s true. If it ever turns out not to be and we ever lay a hand on you then you have permission to rip our throats out, okay?”

Quinn’s eyes dart to the side. “You don’t speak for the both of you.”

“You’re right, but I’m sure Steve will say the same thing,” Bucky retorts. “Now, I want to help you eat, but I ain’t a doctor. Banner, who we had dinner with, he is. He can help with this. Or we know another doctor, a nice gal from South Korea, Doctor Cho. If you’d be more comfortable with her, we can call her to come see us.”

She chews her bottom lip. “Will you two be there?”

“If you want us to,” he answers.

Pal. It’s not horrible at all! You telling me that you love my writing in any way shape or form, doesn’t matter what universe it’s in, makes me super happy. So about the one-shot…I SWEAR THAT I AM WORKING ON THIS. IT IS MY TOP PRIORITY. I haven’t really been able to work very much on any writing because life has been very difficult lately. But seeing your message is inspiring and a reminder to get my ass into gear! To help ease you over, have a lil’ nugget from the one-shot! Though it doesn’t have Quinn in it because I’m evil. >:]

The doctor clears Steve to be released, thank God. The both of them were raised with some damn manners, so Steve doesn’t complain to the doctor, but as soon as they’re alone, Steve hasn’t shut the hell up about how he’s healed up and wants to start the search for Quinn already. Bucky loves Steve, he does, but he swears that Steve couldn’t sit still to save his damn life. He’s always been that way—the second he could move, he wanted to and didn’t think that it’d make his whatever illness he had at the time worse if he did more than his body was ready for.

While Steve throws on his clothes, someone quickly darts into the room, face hidden by a bouquet, and closes the door shut behind them. Before the person reaches over to shut the blinds, Bucky watches some frantic nurses dart past their room, probably on the lookout for their guest…which turns out to be one Tony Stark.

Because Tony doesn’t have a non-dramatic bone in his body, he drops the bouquet onto the nearest flat surface and proceeds to complain. “You know, I almost regret not throwing my name out there and risk having a parade of paparazzi stalk me here. Do you know how hard it was to sneak in here? They have this hospital locked up tighter than Fort Knox.” Then, he winces. “Just realized that I probably shouldn’t mention anything in or remotely close to the state of Kentucky, right? Considering that your girlfriend isn’t quite as dead as we all thought she was?”

Bucky’s used to Tony's…very loud personality. The two of them have spent a lot of time with each other over the past few years since Tony’s the one who supplied Bucky with his fancy metal arm. Steve, however, isn’t nearly as used to Tony as Bucky is, so he pinches the bridge of his nose and heaves an all-suffering sigh. “You could’ve called, Tony.”

“Only for you and Bucky Bear to be on your way to Europe on the hunt for your lady friend? Besides, this is one of those extremely important conversations that you need to make a personal appearance to for,” he explains. “Also, I need a headcount here. You guys didn’t make any more friends other than Bird Boy Two, did you? Is he going to be a permanent fellow ass-kicker? I’m sure you’ll let him sleep over in the meantime, but I need to know—should I commandeer another floor in the tower for him or no?”

“Jesus, not this again,” Steve mutters under his breath while he scrubs a hand across his face.

“Tony,” Bucky starts slowly. Steve and Bucky have been over this with Tony before. The polite excuse that Steve came up with was that they want to keep their personal lives separate, but what it basically is that they like their privacy and Bucky doesn’t want someone to barge in on him if he’s balls-deep. “Look, we appreciate the offer, but—”

Tony holds up a hand to shut Bucky up while he fishes his cell phone out of his pocket. “Rhodey, my snickerdoodle, how are you?” He croons when he answers. Whatever Colonel Rhodes says, it makes Tony’s nose scrunch up. “I assume not very happy by that tone of voice. Nice to hear from you too, sugar plum.” He perks up for a second, so Bucky assumes Rhodes is sweet on Tony for a second, but then Tony rolls his eyes so Rhodes has probably started a lecture. They remind Bucky a little bit of himself and Steve in the fact that they won’t let the other get a word in. “Look, someone should stay with Pepper until the heat dies down—yeah, yeah, I know she can whoop ass on her own, but sue me if I want a little more protection—hey, dear old dad technically did help kick Hydra ass back in the day, and also I’m a really important person. Hydra would be stupid not to target me.”

“No,” Tony suddenly barks and Steve and Bucky glance at each other in surprise. In a rare show, Tony is serious, and that worries Bucky for obvious reasons. “No, you and Pepper can’t come to the tower.” Both Rhodes and Miss Potts are as serious about Tony as he is with them, so of course Rhodes wants to be there to back Tony up with whatever has him so serious and argues some more. “It’s like talking to a brick wall with you! Is this how you feel all the time when you’re talking to me?” Tony throws his other hand up in exasperation. “Goddamn it. Look, okay, you want to know the truth? Fine. There is a very dangerous, very deadly, very confused ex-Hydra assassin waiting in my tower for her princes to come rescue her. I’m not even sure if she’ll be there by the time I come back with said princes—that need to hurry the fuck up and get dressed, by the way—but if she is then I don’t want to risk you two, okay? Believe it or not, I do care." 

I’M SORRY THAT FENRIR!QUINN IS TAKING SO LONG BUT I HOPE THE FACT THAT THE WORD COUNT IS AT 17K AND I’M STILL NOT DONE MAKES YOU HATE ME LESS! I LOVE YOU! PLEASE HAVE THIS LIL NUGGET FROM THE ONE SHOT!

It happens in steps and it sure isn’t easy. 

To start, she is Fenrir. Like an animal, the second she knew her previous owners wouldn’t immediately hunt her down, she scrambled to men who had shown her kindness. In the very, very early days, it’s…hard to be in such a cramped place, but she’s desperate to prove her value to them because she doesn’t want to be sent away. They also explain that she was a person, was Quinn Esther Hayden before she was brutalized and turned into an animal. That had been hard to believe, that she’s a person, but Hydra had physically beaten the lesson into her so much that she was scared to hope. She’s still scared to hope. But the more time she spends out of the chair, out of the ice, in a place with not only peace but love, memories start to seep out of the cracks in her mind. Then, there’s the flood and she remembers. 

And she is mad as hell. 

Even before Hydra took her, they’d branded her with that name—Fenrir. They made her into a wolf that stalked the world and left a trail of bodies in her wake. They wanted to strike fear into the hearts of their enemies. But she knows that they never expected she would break out of her chains. Like the story of old, she rose up, broke free of the chains around her body and mind, and she desperately, desperately wants to watch Hydra burn. 

They’re out there. They’ve always been out there. She’s not sure that Steve and Bucky completely understand that. Hydra was shoved out of the shadows and the chain of command is probably in total disarray, but as they say: cut off one head and two more takes its place. They’ll bide their time, heal their wounds—well, they’ll try, but Quinn won’t let them make it too far. She’s pissed off. A woman scorned and all that. 

But there’s a problem. Two problems actually. Steve and Bucky. They want her to have peace and it makes her feel bad because she doesn’t want it herself—not yet. There is…a ball of pure fury that sits in the center of her chest now. She’s not sure she’s been as much of an animal as she is now. Before, she was a tool. Now, she doesn’t want to do more than sink her teeth into Hydra and rip and tear until there’s not a body for any heads to pop back out of.