#boml

Study groups are supposed to motivate you, right?

But at the same time, they behave like an orchid - you need the perfect circumstances for it to bloom:

For instance, everybody needs to have a common goal and ideally the same level of motivation as you. Last but not least, one of the criteria everybody takes for granted: your study buddies need to be located near you. No one wants to have a long commute in order to suffer in the library even if you suffer collectively.

I’ve always had trouble finding a perfect study group and I haven't found one to this day. But I try to remain positive - so I think to myself: a very much imperfect study group is still better than NO study group 🤷🏻‍♀️ RIGHT!?

Knowing that I need to be surrounded by other people with a common goal in order to study for a non-favorite subject I tried my best: I asked around a lot...

But students at my university are not study-group-friendly... most of them like to study by themselves... which is totally fine! Everybody has a different study technique that works best for them! (I should know..)

Others while being willing to study with me, absorb the information so much faster, that I'm unable to keep up (and they don't even help me)’. This results in frustration, which I was trying to avoid in the first place.

But often I got discouraged from trying to organize a meeting with a study group... either they don't agree on the location or the time or the whatever... and all this although I'm VERY(!) open to compromises...

Finally, I got two other girls to join me 🙌🏼

I know I should be happy and thankful... and I am - TRUST ME 🤗

BUT... we break all the criteria (found on the internet) for productive work in a group:

1. No one is ever punctual... shows how no one takes this work seriously (I'm also guilty of being a little late... BUT I still arrive A LOT (!) earlier than the rest.

2. The only person who comes prepared is ME! ... in a perfect world, everyone would prepare a topic and help the others understand it better. This way, every meeting would cover at least 3 topics.

3. Although I suck at this subject, I’m the fastest learner in this group... I know about the Feynman-Effect and how it should benefit my learning progress... but I get discouraged once I notice that no one takes this thing as seriously as me...😔

There are probably more items that I missed... but these are the most frustrating ones.

I get that punctuality might be the least of our problems... but seeing how low my friend's motivation levels are, makes mine plunge too...

SO... while this might be a lot better than nothing at all, me being the tutor of this “study group” (although I suck...) is less than optimal😉

The good thing about this is, last semester I passed the test despite all this - YAY ME!!!🙌🏼🎉

All’s well that ends well! 🤷🏻‍♀️😇

Today was my first day out. But not partying... It’s the first time I left my apartment in three days. 

I call these phases in my life “breakdowns” but I’m not sure they deserve this dramatic title. After all, these are just periods of time in which I give up my life completely to distract myself from reality... How do I do this you ask?

I spend my days watching series and/ or Youtube videos. Whatever I watch consumes me enough so I don’t think about my life and the stress and pressure that come with being me.

While this might sound like a relaxing spa retreat, it really isn't. 

In reality, I’m the loneliest during those days. And I can't even say that I’m truly enjoying whatever I’m watching. Because usually, I don't allow myself to have ‘real fun’, because most of the time supposed to do something productive. 

So when I don't, I feel like I don't deserve any real fun.

If this is not relaxing, no fun and I’m lonely -  Why do I keep doing this to myself?

I don’t know...