Mirrors: Confession
Paring: Bokuto x OC
Genre: Angst, smut
Warnings: Aggressive behavior, anger, language, sexual themes, split personalities...+
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My face is buried in my hands as I explain everything to the girls sitting with me.
I tell them how Bokuto offered to take me back to his place, admitting it was a trap as I do. I confess the electricity that sparked when he led me through the crowd and didn't dare to let go. I recount Bokuto and Sugawara's altercation and how surprised I was that Bokuto was willing to fight for me.
I share in-depth details about the session Bokuto and I experienced. I laid out all the praises and compliments he soaked me in as he moved against me. Lastly, I tell them how that night has all been washed away. I don't conceal the hurt on my face when I tell them that it seems like he's forgotten me.
"Wow..." Monica gasps, slowly putting her back against her chair. "Just wow...."
Gabby's hand is over her lips while her eyes bulge out of their socket. "I didn't even know that side of Bokuto existed."
I tried not to cry but couldn't help it. I witnessed myself in a new light; reached an elated state that once was nonexistent to me. All for it to be snatched from me in a blink of an eye. I dry my now damp lashes before putting my chin in my palm and looking in Bokuto's direction. I let out a sigh as I think about what we could have been.
Maya adjusts the high ponytail butterfly locs on her head before sighing deeply. "You want us to beat him up?" I snap my head at Maya to see the seriousness in her eyes. "Cause I won't stand for you to be used like that."
"Yeah!" Monica perks up out of her seat. "Ain't nobody finna mess with my twin and not pay for it!"
I scowl at Monica. "Girl, sit down. It's not that big of a deal." I rush out before she makes a scene. Monica has always been the confrontational twin and has gotten into many fights on my behalf. She once gave a girl 16 stitches when she found out she bullied me.
"Nah, nah, nah." She ignores my plea. "I'm finna beat his a—"
"So you've been juked by him too, huh?"
Our heads turn to the stiff voice that cuts in. Maya's eyes immediately turn into rage and disgust when they land on the owner of the voice. Serenity Flores stands over the table wearing a somber expression. Once again, I don't know her personally but have heard a lot about her from Monica.
Gabby's hand reflexively clutches Maya's to hold her back. "What do you want?" Maya seethes through her teeth. Serenity briefly looks down at her with unimpressed eyes. She ignores her and looks back at me.
"Bi–
"I couldn't help but overhear everything you said. I kn–"
"More like you can't mind your own business." Maya spits before Serenity can finish. "You just love to stick your fat nose in places it has no business being in. Get a life and stop trying to ruin others."
Serenity releases a breath and then sucks it back in. Maya isn't going to let her talk, and rightfully so. Back in sophomore year, Maya and Sugawara split. She had gotten together with a boy named Daichi Sawamura and they were a strong couple. Daichi always followed the rules and prompted Maya to do the same. I thought they'd stay together for a while before Serenity came in. She somehow divided them and split them up. Things got so bad that Daichi moved away to a different school district and far away from Maya. Now, Serenity and Maya can't stand to be in each other's presence.
"Maya, I know you hate me–"
"I despise you." Maya corrects.
"Yeah, yeah. But I'm not here to stir something up," Serenity focuses her coffee-colored eyes on me. "I'm just here to console you."
"And why would she need you of all people to console her!?" My stomach gurgles when Maya's raised tone gains some attraction. "All you do is lie and manipulate people!" There's hurt laced behind Maya's words. Losing Daichi clearly bothers her still and she won't forgive Serenity for it.
Serenity and Maya can fight on their own time, I don't care. But I am interested in what Serenity has to say. She could be lying but there's a chance there's some truth woven into it. That's the art of deception anyways.
"Maya," I call out. She pulls her raging eyes to me. I swallow my nerves and give her a gentle smile. "It's okay, I do want to hear what she has to say. Clearly, she must know something."
I don't wait for Maya's response and look back to Serenity. "This doesn't mean we're friends though. Say what you need to then leave."
Monica sits back in her chair and glares at the lighter-skinned. "Yeah, you aren't necessarily wanted."
Serenity slightly nods understanding that she's unwelcomed in our space.
"All I wanted to say is that you and I are the same, at least when it comes to dealing with Bokuto." She looks down as she starts fiddling with her fingers. The same somber expression she had before returns. "I went over to his house once. We had been talking for some time and he had invited me over. I remember everything about him was different. We had sex, obviously but not before he treated me like I was his world."
She glances at Bokuto with a yearning look in her eyes. It reminds me of the way I was looking at him only a moment ago. "He knew all my concealed secrets and forced me to accept them. He made me feel a different side of myself but then..." A deep frown forms on her lips. "The next time we saw each other, he ignored me." She shakes her head. "No, that's not right. He had completely forgotten the night we had. He went back to the immature boy he is now and the boy I witnessed that night was completely gone."
Her eyes suddenly snap back to me and she scowls. Maya goes on the offense when she sees rage pouring out from Serenity's eyes. "So don't go thinking you're special. You're just some chick he screwed and forgot about the next day."
Serenity turns on her heels and leaves me with a burning sting from her harsh but most likely true words.
"And you're just a whore who nobody loves!" Maya shouts after her. Maya grits her teeth and turns back to us. "I knew I should have just punched her the second she inserted herself. You don't believe her do you?"
I keep my lips sealed. Slowly, I curl into myself. "I do," I admit after the pregnant pause passes. "I believe everything she said."
"What?" Gabby shakes her head. "Serenity lies for fun. She probably just made that up after overhearing what you told us."
I cross my arms and stare at the table. Serenity is telling the truth but they'll never believe that. I'm confident she is. When she looked at Bokuto with that twisted look in her eyes, I knew she wasn't faking it. It takes a lot of skill and practice to mimic a face like that. It's an expression rooted in deep sorrow that many people aren't willing to show; almost like she was grieving something she never really had.
"How about this," Monica speaks up after my silence drags on longer than it should. She takes my phone and unlocks it with her face. A perk she loves to endorse for being my identical twin. "I'm going to give you Bokuto's number."
"And why would you do that, Moni?" Gabby questions, not hiding the disapproval in her voice.
"So she can get to the bottom of this." She answers as she types his number into my contacts. "If you really want to find out, text him. Let him know who you are and find out for yourself if he's forgotten you. I don't think he has."
Something in Monica's tone indicates that she's withholding information but she's too scared to share. I'd ask but I think I'm just as scared to hear what it could be.
"Here."
She thrusts my phone to me. His contact is open and my mind races as I stare at it blankly. For whatever reason my eyes can't drift away from the contact saved in my phone as Bokuto.
~~~
The crickets chirp outside creating the only sound in my room besides my heavy breath. It's past 10:30 and sleep refuses to come to me. My eyes stare at my bland ceiling and I rest the back of my palm on my forehead. A long, slow, and heavy sigh leaves my lips before I roll over to my side.
I look at the long paragraph I've typed but I'm too scared to press send. I don't know why I let Monica talk me into texting Bokuto when we got home. She even pulled Mama into the matter and she cursed him out in Spanish and English. After mouthing off, Mama told me I should give him a piece of my mind. It was two against one and I walked away as the loser.
I didn't cry as I typed my message. Even though my heart still aches, I didn't let it show in my text. I relayed all my anger and confusion to him. I made sure my words would leave him with guilt and regret. I purposely provoked him, calling him every swear word I knew, and just like Mama told me, I let him know that it was me.
But after exerting my frustration, I'm left feeling nothing. It's as if I'm a tall wine glass that is waiting to be filled with something intoxicating. My body is trembling on the inside waiting to feel that ecstasy it did with Bokuto. My heart is pounding in my chest, screaming at me as if I'm the one denying it's pleasure.
I'm a mess. Complete disarray is what Bokuto has left me in. All for him to have the audacity to forget about me as if I'm a soda can lying in the streets.
Yeah, screw that.
In a split second, I'm slamming my finger against the blue Send button. I block his number before powering off my phone and tossing it to the bottom of my bed.
Tears well in my eyes as I shove myself under my blankets. I hate sleeping under the comforter but tonight I want to feel suffocated. The heaviness feels minuscule compared to the weight pressing against my forehead. My head drowns in pain as I relinquish hot tears onto my pillow. I make a promise that this is the last time I'll cry over this boy.
I'll forget about Friday night, even if that means I'll have to operate on myself to cut the memory out.
~~~
A forceful sound shudders me out of my slumber. At first, I think going to sleep with a headache was a bad idea. I thought the pounding sound that woke me was my head telling me it needs some Aspirin. But when I struggle to sit up under the comforters, I realize that the thundering noise sounded a lot like knocking.
I reach for my phone, cursing myself for crying myself to sleep, falling asleep underneath the thick blanket, and throwing my phone so far away.
My phone is halfway through turning on before the blaring knock comes again. My shoulders convulse and I start to hear the drumming of my heart. Whoever is knocking is using their whole fist to create a deep but powerful base behind their knock. They're pissed and won't relent until someone opens the door.
11:54 PM
Who in the world is knocking so intensely at this time of night? Mama picked up a night shift at the hospital and Monica left to spend the night at Akaashi's. It's just me, which isn't unusual.
Mama has ambitious goals so she's picking up shifts wherever she can to accumulate the money to accomplish them. Monica is falling more in love with Akaashi as the seconds pass (her words not mine) and can't spend a second apart from him. It's starting to become a routine for me to be the only one at home. I'm actually starting to like it so whoever is knocking at the door can kiss my butt.
When the person continues to assault the front door, I groggily shift out from my bed. I slip on my fluffy cross-band slippers before leaving my room. The dimly lit hallway makes me feel like I'm the main character in a horror movie. It's like I'm slowly approaching my death and I'm too stupid to realize it.
I tug my plush lilac robe closer to my body like it'll give me extra protection–as if it gave me any to begin with. Maybe I should have just texted Papi and dealt with the knocking until he came. He'd shoot off the intruder's head and then make sure I was okay.
Sighing when I reach the bottom of the stairs, I inch closer to the front door. The intruder keeps slamming against the door, it's so intense that the door shakes with each knock. Poor door.
My breath starts to run rampant as I'm centimeters away from the door. I clutch my robe to steady my trembling fingers and curl my toes to recenter my balance. Everything is telling me that answering this door is a horrible idea but I can't find the will to turn around. I'm desperate to see who is compelling me to the door.
I let go of a shaky breath before standing on my toes to see through the peephole.
I choke on my own breath when I see the image of a familiar person through the convex lens. My chest tightens while my legs shake like a toddler trying to walk for the first time. I blink before double-checking to assure myself I'm not seeing things. Even then, I still can't believe who I'm seeing.
The muscle in my chest whimpers and demands that I open the door. My body listens and my quivering fingers unscrew the locks. The wind from how quickly I swing the door open nearly knocks me off my feet. My eyes bulge out of their sockets and my mouth gapes at the sight before me.
With his monochrome hair laying flat on his head, Bokuto stands on the opposite side of the door.
My throat turns into a desert. It's like what I realized the first time I felt his lips on mine, he owns and controls my every breath. He's consuming all the air around me and depriving me of the privilege of breathing. I can't hear anything but the ringing sound of my heart losing its freaking mind.
His starlight irises are glaring at me with his rosy lips turned into a scowl. His olive skin is flushed with red while a rivulet of sweat drips down the side of his face. His aura is different from the one I just witnessed at school today but it's the exact same as the one Friday night. He's panting slightly and his eyebrows start to pinch together when he sees me.
"I thought you'd never open the door." His sonorous voice is rich and it sends my senses into overdrive. I curse at myself for missing it. I have half a mind to slam the door right in his face but before I can, he's stepping inside forcing me to retreat back into the house.
I gag when he presses against my smaller body and his spicy scent invades my nostrils. He pushes against me, nearly knocking me off balance but before I hit the ground, he's snacking his arm around my waist and slams me against his broad chest. He grunts, forcing me to look into his wild eyes.
"W-w-what are you d-doing here?" I embarrassingly croak out. I had to search deep inside of myself to find the weakest and quietest voice to use against him.
A moment passes as he searches for something in my eyes. I have no idea what he's looking for but I know all he'll see is how terrified I am. Bokuto is 6'2 while I'm barely 5'4. This boy is larger than me in every possible way. I'm suffocating in his grasp and I'm petrified by the angry glare nesting in his eyes. All his rage is pouring onto me and I don't know why. Shouldn't I be the one pissed at him?
"What was that text message?" He finally asks keeping his voice lower but stiffer than a mountain. I can't find the words to say, for a second, I don't even know what he's referring to.
His fingers dig into my side. My vision blurs at the slight pain he's causing. He leans in close and an indescribable look of fury paints his voice and face.
"You can call me what you want, but you have lost your mind if you think I'm going to let you walk away." My mouth drops. Literally.
"We're over?" He quotes my words from the text with venom spewing from his lips. I flinch when he throws his back and his laughter echos off the walls. His laugh is deep and sinister, it's everything but joyful. It's nothing like the laugh he had with Mark today. I can feel it vibrating in his chest and I'm ashamed to admit that it awakens something in me. The folds between my legs instantly dampen with arousal.
I flinch again when he brings his head back closer than it was before. A pure evil grin plasters along his mouth and his royal eyes glimmer with wicked intent. "Oh, baby we've only just started and you better fasten your seat belt 'cause you're in for one hell of a ride with me."
My lips part and I moan.
I freaking moan.
I couldn't stop it from passing my lips. I've never felt such an attraction to something so powerful and wicked in my life. Whatever darkness he has is pouring onto me, entangling me into something I have no business being a part of. My body is being torn into pieces, screaming at me to let go but also to plunge in deeper.
His wicked grin widens when he hears my moan. "You sound so pretty, did you know that?"
I'm speechless but not for long. The image of him shrugging and forgetting about me reappears in my brain. Heat rushes to my face as my body twitches with anger. I place both of my palms on his chest and use every inch of energy I have to push him away from me.
His arm slips from around me and pure air starts to fill my lungs again. I gasp, desperate to breathe clearly, and turn away from him. I stumble over to the brown leather couch I've told Mama a million times to get rid of. I place my hands on its back and drop my head between my shoulders as I grasp for air.
Seconds pass before I regain all the breath I need. I look back at Bokuto who's standing there with an amused grin on his perfect face. I'm over here dying from the air he stole and he's smiling?
I narrow my eyes with fury burning beneath them. I lunge my body at him with my fist flying straight for his jaw. He doesn't flinch, instead, he grabs my wrist before impact and jerks me close to him.
"Feisty aren't ya?" His smirk and eyes widen with pleasure. He looks like a maniac. A sexy maniac.
"You jerk!" I spit at him. "Who do you think you are?" I jerk my wrist from his grasp but he's too strong. I groan in frustration before using my other hand to push against him. It's useless though, he stands like an indestructible wall.
Mama is going to come home to her house destroyed because when I get out of his hold, I'm throwing everything in this house at him.
"Who do you think you are!?" I holler again. "You ignored me! Forget about me!" I know I promised that I wouldn't cry over him anymore but hot tears start to spill from my eyes.
A mixture of frustration, anger, and pain is coated into my voice. His grip loosens as he hears it. "You made me feel like I could conquer the world! You made me reach a peak I didn't even know existed!" My voice lowers and starts to crack. "You made me feel loved and beautiful. I thought you wanted me!" I raise my voice again and let more tears slip out.
I watch his eyes turn from harder than nails to softer than feathers. He almost looks confused about why I am so angry which only fuels my rage even more. "All for you to act like I was nothing today! Like I was nothing more than just a body you slept with! Then you just storm in here like you didn't ignore me!"
It was just one night. One late September Friday night. Why am I getting all emotional over one night? It's because it's the best I ever felt in my own skin since forever. I thought I had something true and real, just for it to be stripped away from me. Just like every other thing in my life. I'm exhausted from losing things all the time.
These tears aren't just for him but he is definitely the main source right now.
He releases my wrist but I'm too hurt to find something to throw at him. "Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?" I ask the same question repeatedly. "Why? Why? Why? Why? Wh..."
I repeat myself over and over until tears take over. I can't speak anymore as I wail and bawl in front of him. I want to know why everything is taken away from me and I want to know why he forgot about me so quickly.
He steps forward, he wraps his arm around my waist again but not as roughly as he did before. He's gentle and I feel a comforting heat radiating from him. I sink into him even though he's part of the reason why I'm crying. He tilts my head up and uses his thumb to catch my heavy tears.
His eyes are soaked in sorrow. He's hesitant and I don't know why. How has his whole aura shifted so drastically so quickly? Who is Koutaro Bokuto really?
"It wasn't me." He admits softly. His voice is so quiet I barely heard him. I see vulnerability flash through his golden eyes and it almost brings me to tears.
A small part of me is still angry though. That part of me scoffs at him. "Who do you think you are? Shaggy?" He's unaffected by insult. Another tear slips out and he flicks it away.
He closes his eyes and inhales deeply. He braces himself before letting go of one of his biggest truths.
"Do you know what DID is?"
I freeze, sucking in a huge breath. I nod after being stunned for a few beats.
"Yeah, I have it. I'd rather not talk about where I got it from or the years it took to be diagnosed with it but if you don't believe me, I have papers to prove it." His heavy voice sounds so quiet as he opens himself up. I can feel his nerves running wild; I get the feeling that I'm one of the few people who know about this. I shake my head to let him know I don't need to see any papers.
He sighs heavily before caressing my cheek with his thumb. "The guy you saw at school today, isn't the guy you see now. We're different and we can't stand each other." Resentment flashes in his eyes. "He's a complete idiot. He acts like he's the best and mindlessly flaunts himself when in reality he's pathetic and insecure. He runs from himself. He runs from me. I'm his true self but he shuts me out."
I nod, processing the information I'm being told even though my mind feels blank. "Does he not remember me?" I ask barely above a whisper.
"He has no reason to." He responds honestly. "You and him have no connection. Not like the connection you have with me."
"But you–he looked at me, almost like he did remember me but didn't know why." It was brief but that look of confusion meant something. It was like he wanted to remember me.
He nods, understanding what I'm trying to say. "When he's out, I'm forced to watch from behind the glass. I saw you. I wanted to reach out and hold you. I did what I could to help him remember you but he....doesn't like you."
He delivers the blunt truth with all the gentleness he could. It still hurts because that's what truths do. They freaking hurt.
I push against him gently before he can see the hurt in my eyes. I walk away and frantically enter the kitchen. I grab a red apple from the fruit bowl and take a harsh bite to stop myself from crying. A small part of me had a feeling Bokuto had split personalities but fear stopped me from entertaining the thought for long. It's what stopped me from asking Monica what was on her mind earlier. She probably suspected it from long ago but wanted to spare my feelings.
All these years of wanting him to like me, down the drain. All the hopes I had that he might have feelings for me dissipate into nothing leaving a sharp pain in my chest. It shouldn't matter though, his other side likes me that should be enough, right? Right?
I take another firm bite when I hear him come up behind me. I suck in air when he presses himself against my back as I lean over a counter. The weight of him is grave and I feel his crotch against my behind. He leans in inches away from my ear. His silvery voice whispers into my ear.
"But I love you."
He backs away as I gasp and nearly choke on the apple. There's no way he just confessed the sacred three words to me. I whip my head around to see him looking at me with a blissful expression. He's serious, like the plague serious.
"You–"
"He likes Monica, been crushing on her for years." I swallow the fruit so I don't choke. The truth burns through my heart. "He won't go for her though. Akaashi is his best friend and Monica would never return his feelings."
"And wouldn't." I mutter. Monica has told me how she never saw the appeal for Bokuto. He's too loud and arrogant for her liking. I never had to worry about her catching feelings for Bokuto.
"That's why Sugawara said what he said that night. Everyone knows he likes Monica but don't speak about it. It's like a taboo in the group." He shakes his head and looks off to the side.
He grimaces. "He's so stupid though. Why go for Monica when you're right here? You're perfect in ways I never imagined were possible. I've been watching you for years and fall more in love every time I see you. I've been complacent for years but I refuse to lose you because he wants to be an idiot."
My heart can't help but swoon at his confession. The elevated feeling from the praises he sang to me sinks back in and I can't stop my heart from wanting him. I want to reach out and pull him close to me but I'm hesitant. I'm obviously attracted to him but can I confidently say that I love this side of him? I only met him a few nights ago.
"I don't expect you to love me back right now. You just met me Friday night." He says as if he just read my mind. "But..."
His eyes snap back to me. Untamed desire pores from his golden hues and latch onto me. My breath is stuck in my throat and my muscles tense at the piercing glare he gives me. He takes two heavy steps before he's pressing himself against me. I drop the apple to the floor as his presence invades my space. The crushing feeling wraps around me again as he stares into my eyes.
"You're going to fall in love with me." His low and rich voice holds so much weight as he declares confidently. His hand grips the side of my neck. He presses his thumb against the start of my throat and I fight back the urge to gag. "I meant what I said, princess. We're just getting started. In time, you'll learn that you're bound to me. You can try to run but I'll find you. You're mine and mine alone."
That last line sounded like a threat. If he were to catch me with someone else, they'd be dead and I'd have to face his wrath alone. He's so dangerous but that danger has me salivating for him. There's still so much I want to ask. What triggers him to his other side? And what happened between him and Serenity?
I don't have time to think of any questions before he's lifting me onto the counter. I squeal at the sudden movement but slam my lips shut at the pure adoration flowing from his eyes. Does he...really love me?
He begins untwisting the bow keeping my robe close to me. A blush creeps onto my face when he sees that I'm not wearing much underneath. I'm dressed in a skimpy white spaghetti strap t-shirt with lacy scarlet panties hugging my waist. He curses when he sees my nipples poking from my shirt. There's no hiding that this side of him turns me on.
He moves his large hand to the back of my head and smashes our lips together. It surprises me but my body immediately falls into him. Our lips roughly press against each other as our bodies mold into each other. His hand buries itself in my wild curls and tugs at them. I slip out a moan which allows him to slip his wet tongue into my mouth. My thighs clench against him as I feel his hard crotch against my most sensitive muscle.
"So sweet," He murmurs. "I want to drown in you, Veronica." I groan at the sound of my name falling from his lips. "Drown me in your waves, baby," He plants a sweet kiss on my swollen lips. "But watch how I'll become the conqueror. Your waves will become mine and heed every command I tell them."
I whine feeling the pressure of him against him. I know what I want from him but my words are trapped in my chest. "I-I want to feel it," I manage to groan out. He looks at me intently waiting for me to finish my wish.
I swallow and find my voice. I look at him with all the confidence I can muster. "I want to feel your love for me."
His lips curl into an evil grin; something snaps beneath his eyes. I can tell I'm in for it now.
All the restraint he's been holding back withers away as he moves his hand to the sides of my hips. He grabs onto my panties and roughly pulls them down my legs. His nails roughly glide across my skin as he does. I weep for him as he tosses my panties onto the tile.
He spreads my legs and kneels before me, I could have an orgasm just by the sight. "Oh my gosh..." I breathe out when I feel his breath against me.
"I hope you're ready, darling." He drawls as he looks at me through his thick eyelashes.
His sultry voice vibrates against me making me release another whimper. His thirst for me seeps out as he stares at me through half-lidded eyes. "Because my love is strong and I don't plan to stop. Not even when you're begging and moaning. I'll keep going, I'll devour every drop of you and leave you screaming for more."
.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.
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