I just can’t help wonder which self I’m growing into.

I rub my forehead, frown set in place on my brows as I struggle with the work before me. I can feel him glancing in my direction, and I will myself not to break my focus as he shifts, standing up from his position on the hotel bed.

In the corner of the room by the desk, our leader sits, aware but purposefully ignoring us. A small smile slips onto her face as she continues writing in her planner.

He slides into the chair next to me, grabbing a handful of papers from the stack in front of me.

“Here, let me help”

My grin is thankful. His smile is kind. He gives me a friendly nudge as I breathe my thanks and turn back to the work. My arm radiates warmth from his touch.

A few minutes later, the work is done. We pile the paperwork back in the briefcase from which it came. We stand side by side, relieved, as we glance over the now cleared table - our work was done for the night and we were finally ready for our competition in the morning.

A thought runs fleetingly through my head and I act on it without second guessing myself. I nudge him with my shoulder, leaning into him for a good few seconds before moving away.

He laughs, a bit startled, a bit bewildered, but thrilled. It’s not often that I initiate physical contact.

“What was that?”

I shoot a quick glance in his direction, smiling sheepishly as I glance away. His smile is warm, as always, and his eyes are teasing.

“I’m bad with affection”

“Oh. Well then”

He wraps a warm arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. I look up, flustered but amused as I turn to face him. I lean into him, just a bit closer and pause. Our leader is here. No matter how much she decides to ignore us, the embarrassment of being seen is too much for me to handle.

I pull away. He understands, eyes flicking to our leader before turning back to me, disappointed.