#bnyc

Chapter Six: Career Anxieties and Evening Activities

Roy walked into the large hall where the awards ceremony was being held, still glued to his phone texting back and forth with his adorable musician.

“Roy!”

He looked up from his phone screen and saw his longtime friend Chad enthusiastically waving him over. He smiled and made his way over, stopping only to scoop a champagne flute off the tray of a waiter as he passed.

“I haven’t seen you in a minute, how the hell are you?” Chad greeted him warmly.

Roy smiled. “I’m doing well. How have you been?”

“Doing great. I finally managed to talk DuJour into joining my program to teach my Contemporary Voice and Fiction Techniques courses. I’m actually so glad to have more faculty and especially someone so different in personality from Mrs. Davis, our adjuncts, and I.”

Roy barely managed to disguise his laugh as a coughing snort. He remembered Danny vividly describing his Fiction Techniques professor walking into class the first day and dropping a baby doll out from underneath her skirt after a buildup of groaning and grunting. DuJour had picked up the baby doll and apparently offered it up as a casserole thereafter. Having thoroughly mortified and confused the class of freshman Master’s students, she had thrown the doll atop her lectern and deadpanned to the crowd, “this is what fiction can allow you to create. Chaos. Drama. Confusion. A world that doesn’t operate by the constraints of our own.” Roy had to keep from smiling as he remembered Danny animatedly telling him how he literally thought he might have accidentally taken a hit of his roommate’s acid before leaving the apartment. He also remembered the way Danny had bit his lower lip and told Roy how much he liked his laugh. He took a sip from his champagne glass in an effort to hide his ridiculous grin.

“Her style is a bit eccentric, I’ll admit-,” Chad continued on, at which point Roy couldn’t contain himself any longer and burst out in laughter.

“I’ll fucking say,” Roy managed to spit out between cackles.

“I know she comes off a bit odd, but I promise her style is with reason,” Chad began blindly defending his employee, but Roy waved him off.

“No, I’m sure she’s great at what she does, I just know one of her students and he’s shared stories with me of her in the classroom.”

Chad perked up at that. “Which student?”

“Daniel Noriega.”

“Danny! Gosh, he’s really excelling. He’s got a ton of potential. I’m really excited about what he’s going to be able to accomplish in the program.”

Roy was surprised by the amount of pride he felt. “He really is amazing. I haven’t had the chance to read his work but I know how much of himself he puts into his writing,” Roy agreed.

“You really should try and read some of it. How do you two know each other?” Chad asked, popping a mini quiche into his mouth. Roy wanted to roll his eyes at the pretentiousness of the entire event that extended all the way to the food served.

“He works at a coffee shop that I go to a lot.”

“And that was enough for you to know he’s passionate about his writing?” Chad asked with genuine curiosity.

“Well, no, but we got to talking and I actually happened upon one of his shows. He’s an amazing singer.” Roy smiled into his glass as he took another sip.

“Hmm,” Chad hummed, looking at Roy pointedly.

“What?”

“You have a lot to say about this boy.”

“I have a lot to say about most things. What’s your point?” Roy exasperatedly questioned.

“Well you’ve yet to say anything shady about him,” he explained with an attempt at a nonchalant shrug that reeked of curiosity.

Roy rolled his eyes. “Quit being a fucking mute and just say what you’re thinking. You’re being more annoying than Bunny when she’s sober.” Roy could feel his skin prickling in annoyance. Chad had a tendency to dance around what he really wanted to get at and Roy wasn’t interested in his friend’s games.

“I think you like this kid.”

“Congrats Sherlock. You want an award for your work?” Roy snapped.

“You’re defensive tonight.”

Roy forced himself to take a deep breath before answering. “And you’re testing my patience.”

“Roy … He’s very young.” Chad looked at him gently, almost warily. It only increased Roy’s annoyance.

“You’re astonishingly perceptive,” Roy deadpanned.

“Cameron was younger than you and it was a problem for you two. Danny’s incredibly emotional. His writing practically screams insecurity. How are you going to make sure this relationship is healthy for you both?”

Roy thought back to his ex. He had been with Cameron for over two years. It had been good in the beginning, but he had still been performing as Bianca at the time and had been making it big. Cameron was younger and it threatened him. He had been constantly worried that Roy would meet someone else or become so big that he would forget him. Roy had done just about everything in his power to convince Cameron he wouldn’t do that to him. The fighting had eventually gotten so persistent that Roy had stopped performing to appease Cameron. He knew what toxic was. Toxic was giving up something you loved doing in order to make someone you thought was your forever happy.

“Danny’s not at all like Cameron. Yes, he’s younger than me, but he’s … he’s not secretive the way Cameron was. He says what he feels when he feels it. He’s not going to hide shit away until it boils over. Okay? Don’t talk to me like I’m five years old.” Roy felt himself getting overly defensive. He knew that Chad had at least somewhat of a point. But hell, he had given up performing already! He was a fucking theater teacher. What was there that Danny would be insecure about? Danny was the star in this relationship!

“Yeah, sure, but c’mon Roy. He’s very young. He’s where you were ten years ago career-wise. He’s just coming into his own. He’s unpredictable and emotionally erratic. He doesn’t even know himself yet. Is that really someone that you want to be with? It’s going to be a huge amount of emotional investment for you.”

Roy was over this conversation. He didn’t need Chad telling him everything he already knew about Danny and him. He had already thought all these things through and barely come out of it confident in his decision to continue pursuing Danny. He really did NOT need someone he respected putting him through that entire experience again. He had come to the conclusion that going after Danny was good as long as Danny reciprocated. He had never felt this strongly this quickly before and that wasn’t something you just ignore. It wasn’t unhealthy for him to engage in a relationship with someone who made him feel happy and young and like there was something worth feeling excited about in the morning. Danny had improved his life. So Chad could fuck off with his negativity. Roy had thought this through. Ten times over. This was okay for him. This was good for him.

“Not to mention how hard it could be on Danny,” Chad continued, throwing Roy off.

He gritted his teeth and struggled to let out an even breath through them. Doing his absolute best to keep his temper even. “What does that mean?”

“Just that Danny isn’t even at the peak of his writing ability yet. He needs to be in a place where he can focus on cultivating his talent. His emotions completely impact his prose and his focus. Is being with someone right now really what’s best for his growth?” Chad said carefully, looking at Roy meaningfully.

“I’d never do anything to get in the way of him or his art. You know that’s not me.”

“I’m not saying you’d do it on purpose. But, just think about it. Is this what’s best for Danny at this point in his life?” Chad gave him a careful smile, his eyes wide with concern, before he waved over a waiter and plucked two fresh champagne flutes off the tray, handing one to Roy. “But, for now, I’ve got an award to present, and you’ve got an award to accept.”

Roy bit the inside of his lower lip. Chad wasn’t entirely wrong. He thought back to when he was 23 years old. He had been in no place for a serious relationship, having just been displaced from home and determined to become something big. The last thing he wanted to do was get in the way of Danny pursuing his dreams. Roy couldn’t imagine Danny not becoming a star, either through his music or his writing, or hell, both! Danny needed to fulfill his dreams and Roy felt anxiety sink its cold claws into his stomach as he contemplated his ability to destroy that.

He sighed, drawing his phone out of his pocket and checking the screen.

He saw the unopened notification from Danny.

Danny N: I miss you too.

He read it and felt a bit of his nervousness subside. Danny wanted this. It wasn’t one sided. But his throat still felt far too tight as he turned to look toward the stage where Chad was preparing to announce Roy. He pocketed his phone and began to make his way slowly to the front. His eyes barely focused on anything along the way as he struggled to get Daniel and his sudden guilt out of mind and remember the speech he had so carefully mulled over all day.

–

Danny smiled ridiculously as he pushed the door to his apartment open, practically running into Matt as he entered the hallway.

“Hey stranger,” the mellow blonde drawled. “How’d the review go?”

“Hey Matt!” Danny smiled, closing the door behind him. “It went so fucking great, man. Like way better than I expected. Dr. Michaels really liked my shit and was super supportive and wants to help me and it was very that.”

Matt slowly curved the left side of his mouth into a small grin. “Proud of you, kid.”

“How have you been? Haven’t seen you around lately,” Danny asked, tossing his bag into his room before heading to the kitchen.

“Yeah, umm, I’ve been hanging out with Jason a lot so we mostly go to their place since it’s closer to work. But we’re going out tonight to a place nearby so we came here.” Matt looked down and away, avoiding direct eye contact.

Danny smirked knowingly. “We? Oh my god. Fucking finally. I literally didn’t think you guys would ever actually start fucking,” Danny laughed, enjoying the flush of red that began creeping up his roommate’s neck.

“Whatever,” Matt sighed, rolling his eyes.

Danny laughed, pecking a kiss to his cheek, before flipping around and heading back to his room, a can of beer in hand. He collapsed onto his desk chair and cracked the can. He spun around to grab his bag and slide his laptop out from it, grabbing several of the now heavily marked up pieces of work that he had shown Dr. Michaels as well.

He absentmindedly sipped the beer as he went through the first short story, keeping pace on his monitor with the corrections he was scanning on the paper copy. He made his way through the piece, taking in the suggestions, making quick work of fixing minor mistakes, and taking time to add or delete work in certain places where more attention needed to be paid. He had finished his drink a while back but continued to furiously type away, working through two short stories and one poetic narrative before his eyes began to glaze over. He looked out his window and realized with a start that night had fallen. He allowed his imagination to wander as small specks of light managed to break through the light pollution of the city and dot the night sky. He smiled wistfully as he began to think about Roy. I bet he looks amazing on stage in that well-fitted tux. Accepting awards and shit because he’s fucking incredible. Danny bit his lip and smiled softly. He’s so fucking incredible.

Danny jumped as the harsh buzz of his phone vibrating on the metal surface of his work desk reverberated through the room and brought him back down to earth. He flipped it over to read the screen and felt a small twinge of disappointment when the name on the screen read “Michelle” and not “Roy”.

He pushed it down before swiping to accept the call.  “Hey boss!” He greeted warmly.

“Hi Danny. You got a sec to talk?” The New Jerseyian said, the faint sound of a keyboard clacking in the background.

“Yeah! What’s up?”

“Do you know the music duo Precinct 75?” Michelle asked, the keyboard still pounding away.

“Yeah man, of course I do! They’re so fucking punk. I literally stan the fuck out of them on insta,” Danny answers, his tone incredulous at Michelle’s apparent lack of knowledge regarding the electronic heavy pop punk experimental music project.

“Excuse me for checking,” Michelle chuckled into the phone, her keyboard finally silencing. “Well, they had an opener lined up for a four week winter tour, but they bailed out. I checked the dates, and all of the performances fall in your school break. It’s a ten show run. I can get you on the tour as the main opener.” Her business side was so brusque. It was such a contrast to Danny’s constantly emotive and descriptive approach to speech. It was one of the things that made them work so well together, but, right now, it was what was preventing Danny from feeling able to share with his manager the reason why this amazing opportunity made his body grow cold and numb and made his stomach clench into a knot.

Four weeks. That’s almost an entire month. It seemed only a few days ago that Danny and Roy had first met but it had already been almost two months and they had only been on one real date and barely managed to get to a real make out. They hadn’t even begun to discuss what they wanted. I would be gone for a month. In just over a month. Where would that leave Roy and I? Fuck. What if it changed everything? What if Roy didn’t want to wait around for something?

“Danny? Earth to Daniel? …. You better be coming up with all the hundreds of ways that you’re going to thank me for this opportunity …. Danny?” Michelle’s tone grew increasingly confused and closer to concerned as Danny’s end of the line remained silent.

Finally, Danny managed to regain control over his voice. “Where?” he asked quietly. Maybe if it’s all nearby gigs then I can be in the city on days we don’t preform? Four weeks … ten shows. That’s like three shows a week. I can come back. I don’t have to be away the entire time…

“You’re going to love this. It’s two stops in Canada, six in the States, one in Mexico, and one in Puerto Rico. You’ll be running from airport to airport but it’s the farthest reach we’ve come across. They want you and this couldn’t be a more perfect chance for you, Danny. It’s literally during your winter break. I talked to Bonnie and even promised her we’d find a way for you to go home for Christmas Eve and Day. You’re welcome for that if that’s why you’re so quiet.”

God. I wish it was just my chola mom needing me home for the holidays. Danny worried his lower lip before letting out a quiet breath. “I … I think I just need to take a second to let it sink in…” He muttered, trying to buy time. I can’t say no. This is literally like the biggest fucking gig I’ve ever landed. But how am I toing to tell Roy? It’s four weeks away. The logical side of his brain screamed at him that four weeks wasn’t even all that long, but the part of him that had begun to see a future with Roy, a real, actual, possible relationship with a man he could see himself completely falling for, was desperately clawing through the surface. He felt trapped and nearly nauseous with indecision.

“Daniel. What’s going on? Is everything okay with you?” Michelle demanded in a softly caring yet harshly intimidating motherly way. He almost smiled at her attempt to disguise her concern. Almost. But he couldn’t. Not right now. Not when he felt like he was losing two things so important to him at the same time, watching them slip out of grasp. He needed to smoke.

“Umm, yeah, it’s just a lot to process. Ummm. I’ll think about it. I don’t know. It’s .. yeah. Can we talk about it later?” Danny mumbled, fumbling with the window lock to his room and clambering out onto the fire escape. Fuck. Okay. Fresh air. This is good. This is better. It’s okay.

“No, Danny. This isn’t a ‘think on it’ kind of situation. This is a ‘could make your career’ kind of situation and you need to take this opportunity!” Michelle scolded him, unimpressed by his ramblings.

“I’m just in a weird head space. I can’t talk about this right now.”

“Is this because of that guy you’re seeing?” Michelle asked gently.

Fuck.

“Maybe?” Danny said after a few moments of debate. Michelle always saw through him. It wasn’t worth lying. “It’s just so soon and it’s not a super huge amount of time but like it also is because we’re not even a real thing yet and it could keep us from being a thing you know? And like, I don’t want to choose right now.” Danny slumped into one of the lawn chairs on the escape, grabbing the tin box out of the flowerpot. Popping the lid open, he growled under his breath when he realized that his flat mates had polished off all the joints he had neatly rolled and stashed in there. He reached into the pot and grabbed the small booklet of rolling papers they kept there.

“Daniel, if it’s right, he’s not going to leave you because you’re going after what you want. Remember how many chances the ex took away from you? I’m not letting that happen again. You need to do this. For your career and for you.” Michelle’s firm voice was almost soothing by how steady and predictable it was.

“I know,” Danny whispered, staring at his hands. It was so hard to readjust his senses. He didn’t know what it was like to be with someone supportive of his career and his aspirations. Of course Roy’s going to tell me to go. Of course he’ll want what’s best for me. He’s not Gregg. He’s Roy. It’s going to be okay. Danny tried to force his nerves down below the surface, but they refused to go. A small part of him held on to the idea that Roy would find someone in his absence. A voice inside him whispering that he wasn’t worth waiting for.

“Okay, look. Sleep on it. We’ll talk tomorrow. But you know what the right choice is Danny. This is for you. Choose you this time,” Michelle sighed into the phone before reminding him how much she cared about him and bidding him goodnight.

“Night,” Danny replied on autopilot, ending the call and throwing his phone on Do Not Disturb.

He quickly threw some weed into his grinder and rolled a fresh joint, lighting it and drawing a deep breath through it. He felt his shoulders relax as the smoke danced over his taste buds and filled his lungs. He tried to follow the smoke, imagining it being absorbed by his blood and traveling through his limbs, calming his nerves, easing away the tension, bleeding through the screaming anxiety with whispered tranquility.

But it wasn’t enough. His brain wouldn’t stop thinking. Fuck it.

He grabbed his phone, swiping it open to his conversation with Roy. His fingers danced above the keyboard for a moment before committing to a message.

Danny N: How are you handling all that fame and recognition?

He sat there, mulling over the message for a few minutes, pulling a few more times on his joint, before some tendril of courage made the decision for him, his finger pressing decidedly onto the send button.

Well, man. Fuck it. The only way to know is to talk to him about it.

Danny wanted to be confident about this. But he wasn’t. What if Roy isn’t receptive to me going away? What if he doesn’t see this thing, whatever we are, lasting that long anyway? What if bringing it up ends it all?

Danny started as his nearly forgotten joint dwindled to a nub, the lit end biting into the skin of his fingers.

“Fuck,” he hissed through his teeth, stubbing the largely wasted joint out and tossing the remains into the flowerpot. He forced a breath of air out harshly into the nighttime breeze. It was nearly November and he suddenly realized that, while it wasn’t exactly freezing outside, it was certainly cold enough to warrant a jacket. He shivered, rubbing his hands over his exposed arms to warm them. I should get a jacket. I should go inside and calm the fuck down.

He didn’t move. Choosing instead to roll a second joint and focus on actually making use of this one instead of allowing it to burn to nothing while he stared at a blank phone screen.

Throwing his phone down on the side table, he closed his eyes and tilted his head back, willing calm to overtake him. 

The window beside him opened and Jason slipped through. “Want some company that’s not your negativity?” they asked, despite not waiting for an answer, choosing to fall into the chair next to him before even completing their question.

“Whatever, man.”

“So, what the fuck is the attitude about?” Jason quipped, one eyebrow tilted quizzically, their hand extended, silently demanding the joint.

Danny relented, passing the joint over while huffing out a breath that was somewhere between annoyance and begrudging gratitude that he would be able to talk this out with someone painfully honest yet genuinely astute. “I’m … I don’t know man. I guess I’m just freaking the fuck out. I got an offer that’s seriously so good for my career but I recently met someone and, like, it’s the first time since my ex that I can really see something happening, you know? But this guy, he’s just, he’s so amazing. He’s like a teddy bear, man. Like honestly. He’s sassy but so like fucking genuine, too. He mellows me out when he’s around. It’s like being stoned but better. Seriously.” Danny lolled his head onto his shoulder, turning to make eye contact with Jason.

Jason looked back at him evenly. “So what’s the problem?”

Danny frowned, thinking for a moment. “I’m just scared that he won’t want to wait around for me. Like, why would he wait around if he can find someone else? Or what if he never wanted to be anything at all and this just is it?”

Jason rolled their eyes, pushing the joint back into Danny’s hands. “You’re being a fucking idiot right now. I’m sorry but you need to find some confidence like yesterday. You’re hot Danny and you’re talented. He won’t find someone else because what he has right now is pretty fucking great and he sounds like the kind of guy to know that. Quit bitching and just talk to him. Nothing’s going to be fixed by smoking your way through all of the apartment’s weed,” Jason said flatly.

“Thanks for the great pep talk,” Danny moaned, choosing to sulk just a little longer. He put the joint to his lips and dragged a large breath of smoke into his lungs. He let it linger there for a moment before breathing it out.

He passed the joint back to Jason and looked at his phone screen.

Roy H: Well, I’ve decided it’s only right I move into a one room cabin in the middle of the Montana forest to begin writing my autobiography in isolation. I’ve also realized that it’s time for me to get serious and adopt a few babies from a third world country. I’m thinking Cambodia. Does Angelina have one from there yet?

Danny N: Fuck if I know lol

Roy H: Well I’ll plan on Cambodia for now but we can add Morocco to the list as a back up.

Danny N: We???

Roy H: Well, any real rich and famous artist has a young piece of arm candy by his side to keep the tabloids talking about him. So I was thinking you’d be willing to do me that favor?? *winky face*

Danny N: What can I say? I’m honored to be your sugar baby. Are you going to fund my music career? *tongue out face*

Danny smiled at his phone screen.

“Stop. That’s literally gross.” Danny looked up to see Matt step through his window onto the escape, ambling over to pluck the mostly spent joint from Jason’s fingers and catch it between his lips.

“What?” Danny asked, looking at him only briefly before turning his attention back to his phone.

Roy H: I never said shit about being your daddy, queen. I only said that I would let you walk a red carpet with me *hair flip emoji*

Danny N: Well … I guess the exposure is good for my career.

Roy H: It’s a win-win.

Danny N: How’s the ceremony going?

Roy H: I’m dying to get away.

Danny N: Anything I could help with?

Roy H: Want to fake an emergency and call me??? *upside down face*

Danny N: I could do that….

Danny N: But…..

Danny N: I think it should somehow benefit me too… *winky face*

Roy H: And what exactly would you be requesting in exchange???

Danny N: I was thinking that maybe I could see you again?

Danny N: Soon??

Twenty minutes had passed since Danny had sent his last text. He had, by now, relocated to the couch in their living room where he was uncomfortably perched right beside an obviously preoccupied Matt and Jason. Jason was fully straddling Matt and there was clearly nothing that would halt the coming sexual tryst, so Danny moved himself off the sofa and to the fridge to grab another beer. He heard a few faint knocks on the door.

Pulling the tab open on his beer, he walked over to the door. Who the fuck knocks nowadays??

He pulled the door open to an adorably disheveled Roy. A faint hint of five o’clock shadow was barely visible along his jaw line and his bowtie hung around his neck, still tied, but barely.

“Roy,” Danny breathed, a huge smile overtaking his face. “Why’re you here?”

Danny leaned against the doorframe so fucking suggestively. There wasn’t anything innately sexual about it, but the pure fact that it was Danny and he was biting his lower lip, looking into Roy’s eyes, supporting his weight on the exposed beam of his shit apartment made Roy’s heart accelerate. Fuck, I’m tipsy.

Roy had downed a few … several … glasses of champagne at the ceremony before he could get away. He had spent the whole time thinking about Danny, attempting to justify what they had despite the risks it posed to Danny’s career. God did he want Danny to succeed … but was it guilty for Roy to want Danny to succeed with him by his side?

Roy was at once grateful and wary of the liquid courage that was pulsing through his veins. “You said you wanted to see me. So I came.” He smiled tentatively. Danny felt a wave of affection crash through him as he looked at this precious man before him. A man that cared enough to come racing across town just because he wanted to see him again. God, he’s so fucking gorgeous.

Danny stared into his amber eyes for a moment longer before leaning in to press a gentle kiss to his lover’s mouth. “I didn’t think I’d get to see you this soon,” he whispered against his adorable professor’s lips. “Aren’t you supposed to wait before seeing someone again? Something about building anticipation,” he giggled into Roy’s smiling lips.

“The whole waiting thing is for guys who don’t have your perfect ass. Speaking of which, I’d really like to see that magnificent part of you in person,” Roy crooned, leaning in to gently pull his teeth against the underside of Danny’s jaw, eliciting a quiet but undeniable moan from the younger man.

“Fuck,” Danny exhaled, feeling Roy’s tongue trace a line back to his earlobe before placing a gentle kiss to it.

“Do I have your attention?” Roy muttered, still pressing lazy, open-mouthed kisses to the exposed skin of Danny’s neck.

“Baby,” Danny breathed. “You’ve never not had my attention.” He let his head fall to the side, exposing more of his neck to Roy. God, this is good.

“Mmm.” Roy continued to lavish the length of Daniel’s neck. “I want you. Alone.”

“My roommates are here…,” Danny remorsefully admitted.

“I need to let my dogs out anyway.” Roy laughed. “Want to come over to my place?”

“Fuck yeah,” Danny whispered as he kissed the hollow of Roy’s ear. He smiled at him dangerously. God he’s so fucking sexy. Fuck. His ass is like a shelf. I swear to god, I’ll bury my face in it and suffocate and I’ll still die with a smile on my face. Roy took a deep breath. Okay. I’m tipsy. Like close to drunk tipsy. But he’s so cute. Fuck, I really want him to fuck me.

Roy could feel himself biting his lip. He hadn’t told himself to do that. But the way Danny’s eyes followed that small action made him grateful for it.

“Do you want to spend the night at mine?” Roy asked, his voice betraying a hint of nervousness.

“Yes,” Danny smiled, bending toward his adorably sweet partner, “I would love to spend the night with you.” He chastely kissed the edge of Roy’s smile. “Give me a minute,” he breathed.

He ducked into his room to grab his wallet and keys. He grabbed his patchwork jean jacket from his bedpost before turning the lights off in his room and returning to Roy. He kissed him, trying, and almost failing, to restrain himself from starting a full on make out session in the doorway to his apartment.

He pulled back, smiling softly at Roy. “Let’s go.”

“Party,” Roy said in a ditzy voice, a mischievous glint in his eye.

Danny mocked offense before turning around. “I guess you don’t want to get laid tonight. Sucks, man. I have a few tats you haven’t seen yet and they’re really fucking cool. But whatever. Bye.” He made to go through the door but was stopped by two arms wrapping around him and a head resting on the crook of his shoulder.

He growled softly into Danny’s neck. “I’m sorry babe, I take it back. Please come home with me so I can finally see what you really look like without all of your dilapidated, falling apart at the seams clothes covering your body. And I really want to become acquainted with every tattoo on you.” Daniel smiled and leaned into Roy’s touch.

He turned himself around without breaking their embrace. He brought his hands around Roy’s neck and brushed through the hair there. “Party,” he laughed, kissing him before closing the door behind him and dragging Roy to the stairs.

“Oh, fuck you,” Roy giggled.

“Please,” Danny smiled over his shoulder as they made their way out of his apartment building and onto the sidewalk.

They worked their way back to Roy’s place, stopping several times to make out against some unsuspecting building wall or conveniently placed tree.

When Roy pulled him into a nice building off of 11th and 27th in the midst of a bunch of art galleries, Danny swallowed heavily. The doorman smiled politely at them as Roy walked him through the lobby. Fuck … this is bougie. Danny gaped as Roy ushered him into a beautiful elevator with marble flooring and floor to ceiling mirrors. Roy took out his keys and pressed a fob to the wall next to the 7th floor button and pressed it. He turned and smiled lazily in Danny’s direction, leaning over to press a gentle kiss to his lips.

Danny smiled into the kiss, still slightly overwhelmed with the grandeur of Roy’s apartment complex. The doors opened to an equally opulent hallway with very few doors. Fuck. His place is nice.

Roy pulled him to the door at then end of the hallway. He slipped his key into the lock and turned it. He looked back at Danny. “My babies aren’t always the friendliest at first but I promise they’re wonderful and perfect, they just need time to warm up to new people.”

“They get that from their dad?” Danny laughed.

Roy rolled his eyes and opened the door. Immediately two small bundles of golden fur swarmed him. They excitedly jumped up on Roy’s legs, their tails wagging faster than Danny thought should be possible. Roy gingerly moved around them, heading into the apartment. Danny smiled as the dogs registered his presence and began sniffing his feet. He crouched down, letting them sniff his hands before he tried to pet them. Their tails slowed as they took in his scent but then sped back up again as they jumped up on him too. Danny laughed.

“They’re not usually this friendly,” Roy smiled, looking at his two babies who were apparently as drawn to Danny as he was.

Danny looked up from the dogs smiling. “Which one’s Sammy and which one’s Dede?” He spoke, the wild grin never leaving his face.

“Sammy’s the one who’s trying to lick your face and Dede is the one that’s trying to get in your lap,” he laughed. A liquid warmth spread through his chest as he imagined coming home to this everyday. Danny and his dogs. Danny’s excited smile as his two dogs showered him with love. When did I get this fucking sentimental?

“You said they need to be walked?” Danny stood, Sammy and Dede still excitedly circling his feet.

“Yes, I grabbed their leashes. You can hang out here while I take them. It’s not a long walk,” Roy offered, bending down to hook their leashes to their collars.

Danny was frowning slightly when he stood back up. He looked remarkably like a puppy dog. “But I want to go on the walk too,” Danny pouted, his lower lip pushing out past his upper one. God I want to bite that lip.

“Do I need to get you a leash too?” Roy sassed.

At that Danny’s face lit up. “That could be fun,” he whispered as he leaned in to peck Roy’s lips. He pulled away with a suggestive smirk on his face as he grabbed one of the leashes from Roy and walked back toward the elevator. Roy locked the front door and took a minute to appreciate the view. Danny walking away from him was never something he wanted to see, but he was always happy to see that man’s ass in action. I really could get used to this. Danny, the dogs, domesticity.

Roy surprised himself when he realized just how badly he did want this. How natural it felt for Danny to be here, walking his dogs with him. And how good he looked while doing it.

Danny pressed the call button for the elevator and turned around. “You coming?”

Roy cackled. “I hope so.”

Danny laughed. “Baby, you’ll come,” he teased, leaning in to kiss Roy again. He moaned when Roy surprised him by immediately deepening the kiss. He opened his mouth, letting Roy tangle their tongues. He brought his hand up to cup Roy’s face, tilting their heads slightly, pulling Roy’s body closer to him. They jumped apart when the elevator dinged open.

Roy laughed breathily. He looked down to find two pairs of chocolate eyes staring back at him quizzically. “We need to walk these dogs now so I can get you naked,” he said decidedly, moving past Danny into the elevator.

“Party,” Danny mimed in the ditzy voice Roy had used earlier.

Roy rolled his eyes. “Really queen?”

Danny laughed and pecked Roy’s cheek.

They managed to bring Sammy and Dede on a short walk, barely making it through the park without stopping every five seconds to kiss one another.

Roy was amazed by his own neediness. He wanted Danny, badly. He felt some of the effects of his earlier champagne fade slightly but still felt incredibly light and giggly. He was literally acting like a high school girl. Pull it together, Haylock. You’re better than this. He tried to ignore Danny’s hand that had gone from being wrapped around his waist to tightly gripping his ass.

Once they entered the elevator to go back upstairs, Roy growled, pinning Danny to the wall and aggressively kissing him.

“You’re so fucking hot,” he snarled into Danny’s lips.

The elevator stopped moving and he pushed himself away from Danny. He liked the way he looked right now. All mussed up and thoroughly kissed. His naturally juicy lips were even plumper now from Roy’s teeth having sunk into them several times during the night.

They stumbled back into Roy’s apartment, quickly unleashing the dogs and throwing them into their crates before Roy practically dragged Danny through the small corridor into his bedroom. Roy had that incredible grin on his face, that one that Danny would imagine when alone, able to shut his eyes for a few moments before sleep overwhelmed him. Danny bit his lip as Roy slumped onto his bed in what was probably supposed to be a sexy move but ended up being closer to a disaster.

He laughed. “You’re a fucking mess, babe,” Danny whispered as he bit his lower lip.

“I told you I’m tipsy,” Roy groaned, arms stretched toward Danny, inviting Danny to join him on the bed.

“Are you sure you want to do this,” Danny asked. He didn’t think Roy was drunk but if he was, he didn’t want this to be something the alcohol decided for him to do. He didn’t want to be a booze-induced regret.

“I’ve wanted to do this since you gave me that stupid chocolate croissant two months ago,” Roy admitted, rolling his eyes shyly before beckoning Danny closer. “Please, Danny. I really want you,” he said earnestly.

Danny smiled, biting his lip as he fell onto the bed, pushing Roy back until he was straddling him. “I want you too, babe.”

He leaned down, kissing Roy’s neck as he worked to unbutton his shirt. Roy threaded his fingers through Danny’s hair, grazing his nails across his scalp. Danny moaned softly. “Fuck babe,” he breathed against skin at the base of Roy’s neck. He gently bit the exposed bit of clavicle, soothing the mark with his tongue. He finally managed to undo the last button, pushing the clothing away from Roy’s chest to expose his skin. Roy pushed Danny away from him in order to pull the shirt off, throwing it to the side. He fell back to the bed. Danny stared at hungrily at him. Swaths of smooth caramel skin pulled taut over surprisingly well-defined muscles. Danny raked his nails over the skin before beginning a trail of open-mouthed kisses along Roy’s chest, stopping to lavish attention on each of Roy’s nipples, smiling when he heard Roy moan his name as he did so.

Roy began pushing away Danny’s jacket, his actions only slowing long enough for Danny to allow it to fall away from his shoulders. He leaned back down, passionately kissing Roy. Roy rucked Danny’s shirt up and over his head, allowing his hands to drag over his back. His skin was warm and electricity shot through Roy as their exposed chests molded perfectly to one another. He sucked on Danny’s lower lip before turning them over so that he was on top. He propped himself up on one arm, using the other to cradle Danny’s face. He lined their hips together and rocked a bit, desperate for any amount of friction. He was way too hard for just a few minutes of making out. Danny was so different from the guys he usually went for but he couldn’t remember a time when he was so desperate to be with someone. He pushed Danny down, moving to suck gently at the skin below his jaw line.

They traded steamy kisses, Roy dividing his time between kissing Danny’s mouth and suckling on the delicate skin over his pulse point, a satisfied smirk spreading across his face at how fast Danny’s pulse was. He repositioned his hips slightly and let out a guttural moan when his hard length dragged along Danny’s deliciously.

“You’re so beautiful babe,” Danny breathed as Roy began his own tour of Danny’s skin, licking and nipping his way down Danny’s body.

Danny let his head fall back, enjoying the feel of Roy’s teeth biting into his skin. He was so hard, every scrape of Roy’s teeth against him shooting electricity through his body, excitement collecting in the pit of his stomach. His heart was racing.

Roy bit into the skin below Danny’s navel before hurriedly undoing his belt and unzipping his jeans. Roy rested back on his heels as he tugged Danny’s pants away, freeing his incredibly hard dick and leaving him lying gloriously naked on the bed. Roy licked his lips as his eyes took in the scene before him. Danny was by far the most attractive man he had ever been with. “You’re so incredible.”

He leaned down, trailing one hand along Danny’s hip, the other gingerly resting on his inner thigh. He brought his face down, kissing the skin near the base of his shaft. He grinned when Danny thrust his hips upward and groaned his name. He tipped his head to the side, taking a moment to appreciate Danny’s breathless wantonness.

“Eager?” he laughed, relishing the hungry look he elicited from Danny.

“Baby, please?” Danny moaned, his eyes hooded with lust.

“Since you asked nicely,” Roy teased, licking his lips before dragging his firm, flat tongue along the underside of Danny’s shaft, from base to tip. Danny was warm and velvety soft and god so hard. Roy had planned on teasing him longer but suddenly had the overwhelming urge to just take all of him and pleasure him and watch him come apart at his tongue.

He engulfed Danny’s length, welcoming his hard member into his mouth, pushing himself to accept the entirety of Danny. He wanted to bring Danny to the edge. He wanted to be the only thing Danny could think about for a long time. Fuck, I’m tipsy.

 He hollowed his cheeks, drawing Danny further into him. He was thick and not necessarily over the top big, but big enough to warrant appreciation. He drew back, bobbing down again after swirling his tongue around Danny’s head. He set a steady pace, relishing in the noises he was drawing from Danny. He dragged his fingertips gently over Danny’s skin, moving towards his balls which he kneaded softly. He pulled all the way back and ran his tongue beneath his foreskin. He felt the fantastic sound he earned from Danny shoot straight to his own rock hard member. He moved away from Danny long enough to remove his pants and lick his fingers. He returned to where Danny was incredibly slick with his saliva and teased his asshole with one hand while pleasuring himself with the other and continuing to use his mouth on Danny, though less intensely than before.

“Babe, fuck, I can take more, please,” Danny whimpered, pre-cum leaking deliciously from his head.

Roy traveled up the bed to kiss his beautiful lover tenderly before grabbing lube and a condom from his bedside table. He coated his fingers with it before returning them to Danny’s hole, pushing first one then two in and waiting until Danny ground down onto them before moving. He crooked them and grinned devilishly when he elicited a raw growl from Danny as he pushed against his prostate. “That good babe?” Roy whispered into Danny’s ear, moving his free hand to press their dicks together.

“Fuck,” Danny breathed. “Yes, fuck, that’s good, mmm, Roy.”

Roy watched Danny’s face, his jaw slack, breathing heavily, his eyes screwed shut in pleasure. He looked like sex. Roy inhaled sharply when Danny involuntarily jerked his hips upward, their dicks rubbing together roughly. “Fuck.”

“Roy, please, I want you inside me,” Danny whispered into the hot air between their open mouths.

Roy wasted no time, shifting away from Danny and tearing open the condom. He rolled it onto his still rock hard, leaking dick and lathered it with lube. He moved over Danny, spreading his legs apart and moving a pillow below his ass to lift him to his height. He kissed Danny as he teased his entrance, slowly sinking in and waiting for Danny to relax around him. “You’re so beautiful,” he groaned when Danny turned his head to the side and grabbed a handful of bedding. Danny tipped his hips upward and grabbed Roy’s ass with his free hand, encouraging him to begin moving.

Roy pulled Danny closer to him and began to move in earnest, rocking into Danny with firm, steady strokes. “God, you feel so good,” he moaned into the spit-slick skin of Danny’s neck, continuing to lave suckling kisses onto it.

Danny enjoyed how vocal Roy was during sex, tilting his head to share a sloppy, all tongue and some teeth, kiss with his lover. He dragged his nails over the skin on Roy’s ass, stopping to firmly squeeze it before raking his nails up and over his back. He left one to draw lines over the muscled curvature of Roy’s back and dug the other into Roy’s hair, tugging it. Roy hissed and retaliated by pulling out of Danny and flipping him around so that his ass was in the air. He smacked one cheek but paused, looking at the other one. “You’re so sexy,” he growled, bending to nip at the crescent moon tattoo adorning the side of Danny’s ass. He pulled back, giving it a resounding slap before plunging his dick back into Danny.

Danny sunk his teeth into his lip and whined, the sting of Roy’s palm hitting him going straight to his dick. He bunched some of the bending into his fists, grabbing for purchase as Roy continued to push into him. He was surprised at how good Roy’s dick felt in him. He had been almost exclusively a top in his last relationship and had never experienced this much pleasure when bottoming. He couldn’t remember the last time he climaxed as a bottom but he could feel his muscles tightening in his lower stomach and knew he wasn’t far away.

“Babe,” he breathed into the bed linen. “I’m so, mmm, so close.”

Roy lowered himself so that his chest was to Danny’s back, reaching around him to give attention to his neglected dick, pumping it in time to his thrusts. “I want to see your face when you, fuck, come,” Roy hissed into Danny’s neck. He turned his head so that one cheek was on the bed and sought out Roy’s eyes. Roy leaned to the side to accommodate him, never once loosing rhythm with either his hand or his hips.

“Fuck Danny. You’re so sexy, fuck, so beautiful. Come for me babe,” Roy groaned, extremely close himself and needing Danny to let go so he could find his own release.

Danny breathed out a strangled moan as Roy felt hot liquid cover his hand. He slowed his pace to let Danny ride out his orgasm, thrilling pride coursing through him as he watched the beautiful man beneath him gasp out his name in pleasure.

God he was close. Seeing Danny climax was the sexiest thing he had seen in his life. He kissed Danny’s cheek. “Are you okay to keep going?” he asked, anxious not to push his partner too far.

“It’s your turn to come baby,” Danny sighed, his voice sinfully low and sated.

“Fuck,” Roy breathed, pulling back to lave kisses over the butterfly tattoo at the base of his lover’s neck. He began pumping in and out of Danny with quick, shallow strokes, feeling his stomach tightening. He felt his own release approaching quickly and groaned out Danny’s name as he came inside of him.

He kissed Danny’s neck as he pulled out of him, removing the condom, tossing it into a waste bin beside his bed and using a tissue to wipe Danny’s come from his hand. Danny rolled to his side, his face blissfully relaxed and glowing. Roy kissed his nose and pulled his comforter over them, cocooning them in their post-coital haze.

“You’re amazing,” Roy breathed into the space between them.

Danny wrapped his arms around his lover and kissed him sleepily. “No, that’s you,” he sighed, yawning. Roy smiled, his heart fluttering with affection. God he’s so cute.

“Go to sleep, baby,” Roy teased, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“See you in the morning,” Danny whispered, shifting even closer to Roy.

Roy sat around the large oak table trading bored glances with Shane the vocal coach. It was the monthly staff round table and why the hell they held them on Monday mornings was a mystery Roy had never figured out. He looked over to where University President RuPaul Charles was droning on about rising costs necessitating less extravagant freshman and sophomore productions. Roy rolled his eyes. He didn’t know why he needed to be present for this discussion. I coach comedy. Most of the kids I work with end up standing in front of a microphone and telling jokes. They don’t need production. They barely need lighting. Some of them would benefit from less lighting. No lighting even.

Shane sniggered from across the table at Roy’s antics. Roy looked at him and hammed up his performance, crossing his eyes as he leaned back in his chair.

Willam, a dramatics professor, began to spar with President Charles over attacking the theatrical department disproportionately and Roy animatedly sighed. Great. He knew that if Willam got started, there was no way that this meeting would end before his 10 am lecture. Shane sensed the direction the situation was going and extended an arm, gently pulling Willam back down. He smiled at Willam. “I’m sure this is something we can discuss with President Charles? The vocal department is also being effected by this and I would love to partake in this discussion. Dr. Charles, is there any way concerned faculty can address the budget deficit and proposed solution with you at a more appropriate time?

God fucking bless you, Shane. Yes. Let’s get the fuck out of here. He snuck a look at his phone and noticed a text notification from Danny. He felt the corners of his mouth pull up, wishing he trusted himself enough to open the text now and not grin like a fucking idiot. He tried to school his features before looking up again, immediately making eye contact with Shane who was staring him down quizzically.

“Of course we can discuss it, but remember that the final decision is mine to make,” Dr. Charles announced, closing his leather portfolio and looking across the room. His eyes mildly reprimanded Roy. Guess subtlety will never be my strong suit. “That’s all. Make your way to your lectures.”

Everyone waited until RuPaul had exited the conference room before stirring and making small talk with those around them. Roy barely had time to stand before Shane was practically on top of him.

“Okay,” the lithe Australian chided him. “What’s going on with you? You’re all happy and smiley. Where’s my reliable cynic?”

Roy rolled his eyes. “What, cunt? I’m not allowed to be happy every once in a while?”

“No, actually you’re not. Not unless I get to know what’s got you that way. Did someone you hate die?”

Roy loudly sighed. “No, Shane. Someone did not die. I’m happy not fucking ecstatic.”

Willam burst out laughing as he dragged the new dance coach over with him. “Bitch, it would take a fucking miracle to get you jolly.”

Roy rolled his eyes. “Okay cunts. I don’t need your fucking shade. It’s too early for this shit.”

“Y’all I need to get me some go-go juice. Where the hell can a lady get a Red Bull up in this gig?” the new dance coach interrupted in a lilting southern drawl.

“I need caffeine if I’m going to be around you two all day,” Roy agreed turning to the big-haired woman beside him. “I’m Roy Haylock. I teach comedy and scene study.” He extended his hand to the tall, slender woman, using the moment to take in her entire presence. She had hair up to high heaven, piled over onto one side, and a shoulder padded, dark green, brocade blazer and pencil skirt combination on. She had sleek black pumps on that were an inch or two taller than perhaps professionally appropriate, but certainly accentuated her toned calves.

“My name is Miss Alyssa Edwards and it’s a pleasure to meet you, sweetie.” She daintily placed her hand in his and smiled toward him. She seemed larger than life itself.

Roy smiled back at her, retracting his hand and turning to face Willam and Shane. “You assholes coming on a coffee run?” He deadpanned at the two fuckers he called friends. He heard Alyssa give a small, scandalized gasp.

Shane laughed, intertwining his arm with Roy’s. “I’m not going anywhere until you’ve told me what’s going on.”

Roy rolled his eyes. “Willam?”

“I’m not doing shit until my 1 o’clock,” he quipped.

The group of four meandered their way to an on campus Starbucks taking turns reading one another along the way. Alyssa could hardly keep up with the three. She knew she liked them but she couldn’t imagine spending every moment with your friends on your toes, waiting for the next bomb to drop. The topic of discussion was blessedly never her, so she used her time with them to observe the odd trio of professors that she now worked with. They stepped through the doorway into the Starbucks. The place was littered with students, all flamboyantly dressed, with scripts or instruments or lyric sheets spread around them. Alyssa smiled. She missed Texas like hell, but she was also grateful to be in an environment that fostered creativity in all its forms and expressions.

Roy made a particularly devilish comment about Courtney’s choice in bed partner and Willam nearly doubled over laughing.

Alyssa’s head snapped over to him and her eyebrows flew up to her hairline of their own accord. “Girl, your laugh sounds like a fucking asthmatic seal.”

All three of the men turned to look at her, eyes wide. Alyssa began to panic. Maybe she wasn’t allowed to join in their mockery yet? Maybe there was some sort of right of passage she needed to complete first?

Suddenly Roy burst out into a gigantic grin and laughed. “That was good bitch! That was good!” He clapped as the group got into the Starbucks line.

Alyssa felt relief was over her. She was definitely in.

Roy walked up to the counter and frowned. He hadn’t been able to go to the Steampot this morning before work. He was surprised by how much he missed it. The barista smiled widely at him.

“Hey Dr. Haylock! What can I get started for ya?” It took Roy a moment to realize who the younger man was.

“Oh my gosh! Tyler! I barely recognized you! You must be in your, what? Senior year now?” Roy smiled, remembering Tyler the busted, annoying freshman from his costuming course three years ago.

“Yep. Last year and then out to the real world,” he said with far too much enthusiasm.

“You’ve got a storm coming kid,” Roy laughed, not managing to appreciate Tyler’s sickening optimism near as much as Danny’s enthralled him.

“I’ll miss this place. Not my professors though. Just you. You were always my favorite. Funny, nice, charming. Always happy to stay after and help me when I couldn’t get something right,” Tyler smiled sweetly at him.

What the fuck? Roy looked back at him quizzically.“Umm, I’ll take a black coffee, double shot,” he stated, uncomfortable under Tyler’s oogling.

“Someone likes theirs strong, Prof.” Roy handed Tyler a few bills and immediately retreated away from him to the opposite end of the counter.

Roy watched as Shane placed his order, paid, and made his way over to Roy. He grinned fanatically at him. “Someone likes you.”

“Disgusting.” He returned Shane’s gaze, face devoid of humor.

“Oh come on you old grump! He’s cute, not in any of your classes, and he’d be an easy shag. He practically screams bottom!”

“You should know, bitch. Takes one to know one.”

Shane enjoyed watching his friend squirm. Very few things were able to throw Roy quite like students’ misplaced affections were. “Then you won’t mind if I went ahead and gave it a go?”

“Shane, that’s inappropriate.”

“What? He’s never been in any of my courses, I’m younger than you are and he’s a senior. And I’m practically a regular top now. I’ve done it twice this month!”

“The age thing doesn’t matter. He’s a student here and you’re a professor.

“The age thing doesn’t matter? Roy, you dog! He’s got to be like ten years younger than me. I’ve never known you to be one to ignore something like that.”

“Listen age is just a thing. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how many years are between two people if everything else just clicks, you know?”

Shane looked at him intriguingly before his entire face lit up in understanding. “Roy Haylock. I’ve figured it out. You are involved with a younger man.”

Roy’s phone chose that moment to vibrate in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw a text message notification from non other than Danny. Roy involuntarily smiled.

“And his name is Danny,” Shane observed, quickly peeking at Roy’s phone screen.

“Shane, for fuck’s sake, keep your voice down!” Roy hissed, noting that Willam had a shit-eating grin on his face.

“Roy’s got a man?” Willam excitedly chirped, grin still obnoxiously plastered across his face. Roy felt flashes of irritation pulsate through him.

“It ain’t none of your damn business what body I got in the trunk of my car, queen,” he threw back, eyes challenging Willam to continue.

Willam either decided to ignore the glint in Roy’s eyes or the look went over his head as he barged on, “bitch, you wouldn’t be this defensive if the body was dead. You found yourself some dick!”

Roy’s gaze turned witheringly cold, burning into Willam. Alyssa felt the weight of Roy’s stare and stepped back a few feet, overwhelmed by the intensity. Willam appeared to be oblivious, grinning idiotically at the other man.

“If you all must know, I met someone but it’s very new. Happy now?” Roy stressed his ending question, daring someone to continue.

“Oh c’mon Roy! You can’t leave us with just that!” Shane whined, grabbing his and Roy’s drinks off the counter. “You’re not getting this,” he teased, shaking Roy’s beverage, “until you spill some T.”

Roy practically growled. “I don’t know why I’m friends with you fucks. Okay, his name is Danny. He works at a coffee shop that I go to. We’ve only been on one date. It’s not even a real thing!” I want it to be. It could be.

Shane narrowed his eyes and Roy squirmed under his scrutiny. He was relieved that his tanned skin hid the blush he felt creeping up his neck.

“Have you fucked him yet?” Willam asked loudly drawing the attention of the other patrons to them.

Alyssa gasped. “I … I am shocked. What the hell kind of question is that? He just said they’ve only been out once!”

Willam looked at her as if she’d grown a second head. “Yeah, so you get dicked?”

“Oh, honey. No, not my gay ass. I was raised a good Christian woman. I don’t live in sin baby.”

Roy and Shane started laughing as Willam took time to process the information being presented to him. “No, no I’d rather fuck now and go to hell later. Bet there’s amazing dick down there.”

Alyssa gasped and pointedly turned away from Willam. “Baby, sweetie, you need Jesus. Now Roy,” she quipped, attention fixed fully on him. “When we gon have a good ‘ole church wedding?”

The three men cackled in laughter as they walked out the store back toward the Performance Arts buildings. Alyssa followed them, warmth settling in her heart at having made three fast friends among the faculty her first day here.

–

Danny’s phone rang again. He cringed when he saw the Caller ID display Michelle Visage. Fuck. Ugh, might as well just fucking deal with it man. He took a deep breath and tapped his phone screen.

“Hey,” he more or less whispered, subconsciously hoping that his manager would think he hadn’t answered if he were quiet enough.

“Daniel. I’m guessing you’re either in a hospital or a prison. I can’t come up with any other explanation for why you didn’t show up to our meeting yesterday. Without notice, I might add,” the stern, older woman barked into the phone, her Jersey accent more pronounced in her anger.

“Yeah, sorry. I kind of lost track of time. I was totally vibed out and writing and feeling and shit. I had to go to that space and, like, do whatever I had to for the music, you know? I’m a Libra.”

“Mmmm.”

“But I got a shit ton done, man! Wanna hear some? I promise it’s fucking cool.”

“Go on.” Danny winced at the lack of emotion in her voice. He was sensitive to her energy and the negative aura was killing his enthusiasm. Her opinion mattered more to him than anyone else’s. She was his manager, she had believed in him and trusted him before anyone else. He hated the thought that he might disappoint her.

Danny nervously walked over to his keyboard and put his phone to speaker as he sat down. He flipped his notebook a few pages back and cleared his throat. “Okay, so it’s called Constellations and it’s not done yet but I’ve got, like, almost all of it in my head already.”

He ran his fingers gently over the keys once before beginning to play them, beating out a soft tune. He took a deep breath and silently prayed that Michelle would like it.

“It’s the weekend, anything can happen

Anything can happen tonight.”

Danny smiled as he thought back to taking small peeks at Roy over the top of the sketchbooks, watching him quickly turn away, trying not to be caught also staring.

“Feel the space with cosmic revelation

Let our bodies go on and fly.”

Danny’s mind flashed back to Roy’s lips pressed against his, his heart beating against Roy’s, the world slipping away save for everything that was them.

“And just surrender

Live forever

It’s all ours tonight.”

Danny closed his eyes and briefly allowed himself to picture a future where he was worldwide superstar rocking out on stage every night but with Roy waiting to hold him at the end of the night, traveling the world with him, supporting him, saying sweet, validating things to him.

“A million stars light up the night

The constellations give me life

And heaven’s boulevard it’s shining.”

Danny opened his eyes and it was suddenly last night. He and Roy were walking hand in hand down the street, the dark sky illuminated with specks of light.

“I’m givin’ in, and letting go

The constellations fill my soul

Our heart beats are on zero gravity.”

He raised a hand to his chest where his heart was frantically hammering. He looked around himself and it was his room again. A small smile graced his lips. He felt strangely nostalgic and novel at the same time.

“Okay, I’m impressed. That’s one of the best things you’ve ever written.”

Danny flushed with pride. Yeah motherfucka yeah. I wrote that shit. “And that’s not the whole thing. I’ve got more of it done. The only thing I need to still figure out is the sound cuz it’s not, like, the same as my other stuff. I don’t want it to be, like, some party, dance track, cuz this is, like, some real shit to me.”

“Really? Talk to me, girl. What’s going on?”

Roy.

“Nothing, man. I just don’t want to, like, only have club songs. Like, I want to have some real life shit too.”

“I’m not buying it. Something’s going on. I think we both know that I’m not patient so you can tell me or I can force it out of you.”

Danny laughed. His manager was one of the greatest people he knew, but also stubborn, hot-tempered, and one of his most reliable critics. She was never shy to voice her opinion. Danny knew better than to keep her in suspense, especially when he was trying to redeem himself for skipping his meeting the previous evening.

“Okay, so I guess I like might have met someone,” he chewed his bottom lip as he waited for Michelle’s reply.

“Daniel Anthony Noriega,” she gasped. “It’s about time, girl! Spill, sweetie.”

“We met at the coffee shop. He’s so cute and so smart, like, he’s a professor at Juilliard. He’s been so nice and understanding and shit. Like, Gregg showed up to one of my shows this weekend and-.”

“Hold up. Who the fuck stopped by?” Michelle practically growled into the phone.

“Yeah. I don’t know how he found out where I was but, like, yeah he was there. But Roy was too and he made sure I was okay and he got me out of there. He took me to get pizza which was really fucking cool of him. And then he walked me home and we went out the next day so yesterday. And we went to this really fucking cool place where people like make sketches and leave them there. And so he drew me and then we got tacos and then he walked me home again. I know it kinda doesn’t sound like a lot but it feels like a lot and he’s so great.”

He heard Michelle laugh lightly and smiled himself.

“I’m glad you’re happy, baby. Just promise me something,” she said softly, Danny already knowing where this was going. “You promise me that this one treats you right or I get involved, okay? You deserve the best, Danny. Promise me you won’t let yourself settle for any less?”

Danny smiled sadly. He understood that Michelle was concerned for him, and he had given her every reason to be, the way he had stayed in his last relationship and hidden from view how bad it was. But he didn’t want Roy compared to that. Roy was a different person. Hell, Danny was a different person now.

“This isn’t anything like Gregg. He isn’t anything like Gregg,” Danny quietly answered.

“That’s what I like to hear. Now, no more ditching your responsibilities. I’m not going to manage you if you can’t even show up to a damn meeting. You got that?” Michelle barked. Danny tried to keep himself from laughing. Michelle could only stay sentimental for so long before retreating back behind her wall of sarcasm and cynicism.

“Yes ma’am Mama Michelle. I’ll be a good boy.”

He heard her laugh. “Bye Daniel.”

“Bye Michelle!”

He smiled as he tapped the End Call button thinking about Roy.

He pulled open a new message to Roy and began typing.

Danny N: I missed you this morning.

Danny N: You know you have to be around to be a tease…

–

Roy finally managed to get rid of the three idiots. He smiled as he walked into his 10 am lecture room and realized hardly anyone was there yet. He pulled out his phone and hit the home button. The screen lit up and Roy’s eyes were automatically drawn to the text notification. He glimpsed at the clock, noting that he had at least ten minutes to indulge himself by trading texts with his adorable barista.

Danny N: I missed you this morning.

Danny N: You know you have to be around to be a tease…

Roy smirked.

Roy H: I’d say it was pretty successful considering you missed me and felt the need to text me to let me know about it *nail polish emoji*

Danny N: Okay, I take it back then.

Danny N: I missed the awesome fucking tip you always leave me.

Danny N: I may have to starve tonight without it. *crying emoji*

Roy had to keep himself from laughing at his phone screen. He was not going to be that crazy professor who had a mental breakdown before class. He was happy to let Dr. DuJour have that title.

Roy H: I knew you were only after me for the money …

Danny N: That and you’re amazing ass *tongue out emoji*

Roy looked up to ensure none of his students were close enough to catch a glimpse at his phone.

Roy H: Daniel! I am at work. A little subtlety please?

Danny N: K babe. Just know that the money isn’t your only asset I’m interested in. I’m all about the fucking package that comes with it …

Roy bit the inside of his lip discreetly as he flushed with warmth. He said babe. Is that just like a casual babe? Or is it like a babe-babe? Fuck Roy. Calm down, you’re reading too much into this. Play it cool.

Roy hesitated answering. After a couple minutes of trying to figure out what to say, his screen lit up with another text from Danny.

Danny N: And I mean the fucking package. *tongue emoji* *water drops emoji*

Roy glanced at the clock. 9:58. Great. I have two minutes to text Danny back, calm down, get my shit together, and remember what the fuck I was going to lecture on today. Fuck.

Roy H: And here I thought you liked my personality, whore.

Roy H: I need to start my lecture. QUIT DISTRACTING ME

Roy reluctantly turned his phone upside down onto the podium and got up to begin class. How he was going to focus on comedic timing in silent films was beyond him when all his mind would come back to was Danny and what it would be like to indulge in his package.

–

Danny nervously reordered his portfolio for the sixth or seventh time since he sat down outside his thesis professor’s office. Dr. Michaels had a reputation in the Creative Writing program. He was known to be supportive of his students’ exploration of their talents, but also super realistic about things. If your work wasn’t good enough or if you were running with an idea that wasn’t going to get you anywhere, Dr. Michaels would say so. He didn’t want to go in there with a month’s worth of research and written pieces just to be told that it was all for naught.

The door clicked open next to him and another student he recognized from his graduate courses walked out. She turned to look at him.

“You meeting with Michaels?” she asked, his voice monotone and dejected. What the fuck is her accent?

“Umm, yeah?” Danny replied, closing his folder deciding whatever order the pieces had fallen in was where fate wanted them.

“He’s ready for you.”

Danny stood up. “Party,” he responded automatically. His nerves were far more frayed than his go to word let on.

“Good luck. Nothing like having something you’re proud of torn to shreds to start the week, am I right?”

Danny had to remind himself to breathe. “Oh.”

The grey haired girl moved out of the doorway gesturing for Danny to go in.

Danny stepped into Dr. Michaels’ office, noting the pile of papers covered with red notes on his desktop.

“Hey there, Daniel. Take a seat. Let’s see what you’ve been working on.”

Danny smiled sheepishly and handed his folder over. Dr. Michaels took all the pieces out and spread them on the stretch of open desktop in front of him.

I spent all that fucking energy getting that folder together and this guy just dumps all of it out?! Danny internally groaned. Mental note: Dr. Michaels doesn’t give a shit what order shit’s in. He’s just going to throw it all around anyway.

Dr. Michaels silently thumbed through the pieces, moving from one onto the next without so much as glancing up at him. After he’d worked through the third piece, he finally made eye contact with Danny.

“Daniel, I don’t do this kind of thing often, I pride myself on being a professional. I’ve been at this university a lot of years and I’ve only come across this situation a handful of times before.” Dr. Michaels looked him straight in the eye as he spoke, never once wavering. Danny felt his breathe escape him and his lungs collapse.

Oh my god. I’m fucking awful. He’s telling me I’m not good enough. He’s telling me to leave. I can’t do this. Why did I ever tell myself I could? Why the fuck did I try? I knew I wouldn’t be anything! I’m just some no name kid from California who told himself he had a fucking shot. Fuck. Fuck. Fuuuuckkk.

Danny reached out to retrieve the papers he had worked so diligently on, the pieces of his soul he’d been so proud to share. He was desperate to get the offending words out of Dr. Michaels’s sight as soon as possible. “I’m so sorry Dr. Michaels. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m so fucking sorry. Fuck. I’m sorry for saying that. I shouldn’t’ve come here. I’m sorry you had to read -.” Danny rambled, his face burning crimson, as he clumsily tried to grab his work back, managing to only shuffle them further over the open desk space.

A gentle grip settled on one of his wrists and Dr. Michaels laughed softly. Fuck, great. He’s fucking laughing at me for even thinking he should waste his fucking time reading my shit. Oh god. Fuck.

“Danny, no,” he said, his voice soft and reassuring. “I love it. Both your thesis work and this,” he explained as he pulled the piece Danny was holding in a vice grip, easing it from his hold. “This, your work, your writing, is amazing. I haven’t read something so uniquely stylized since …. Gosh I don’t even know, kid. This is special, you are special.”

The hot prickle of shame dissipated from his extremities and gave way to wonder. Dr. Michaels was … complimenting?! … Him? What???

Danny lifted his head up, his eyes gilded with unadulterated reverence. “What?” he barely managed to breathe out.

“Kid! I like your stuff!” he exclaimed in exasperation. He knew he had a reputation for being a hardass but was it really this shocking to get praise?

“You like it? Like seriously? Like, no disrespect or whatever, but like you’re not just shitting me?” Danny couldn’t wrap his mind around the idea that the Chad Michaels actually thought his writing, the writing inspired by his darkest thoughts, was dope. What the actual fuck man?

“No, Daniel. I’m being honest. You’ve got something good here,” he replied, fishing one of Danny’s short stories out of the disaster Danny had made on his desk. “This,” he said, gently shaking the haphazardly paper clipped together bundle of sheets, “is genuinely one of the best things any student has written in this program, especially a first year. Your voice is reminiscent of Faulkner’s stream-of-conciousness. I’d like to work with you to polish it up some and submit it to a few lit magazines, see if we can get it published. Is that something you’d be interested in?”

Danny could feel his mouth hanging open and mentally forced himself to shut it. “Yes, Dr. Michaels. Yes, that’d definitely be something I’d want to do. Thank you so much!”

“Alright kid. Let’s talk about your poetry,” Dr. Michaels smiled as he walked through several of the pieces Danny had brought with him. Many of the works ended up riddled with red marks, but each mark made was thoroughly explained. By the end of the meeting, Danny had pieces that were praised, pieces that were torn to shreds, but none in a way that made him feel incompetent or not good enough. Dr. Michaels had a way of critiquing him that felt entirely nurturing and empowering. Danny wanted to write, he practically felt new ideas buzzing within his soul. Holy fuck! This is so fucking goom.

Dr. Michaels held back another two of Danny’s pieces along with the initial one to read through more carefully before returning. Danny couldn’t believe it. THE Dr. Michaels, notorious for being the gatekeeper to success, loved his stuff! He nearly squealed with delight as he walked out of the professor’s office, thanking whatever diety (that may or may not exist) that he managed to contain it.

The thing that surprised Danny most was that he immediately wanted to tell Roy. Before he even thought of telling Jay or texting G about it, he was fixated on what Roy would think about it. Deciding not to second guess his gut, the same gut that had told him that New York was where he belonged, he pulled out his phone and began to type out a message.

Danny N: Oh my fucking god. I’m literally still shaking and I’m not even in the room anymore.

Roy H: Wtf?? What’s going on????

Danny N: I had my first dissertation check in with my thesis prof.

Danny N: It was actually terrifying.

Danny N: Like I don’t even know if I was breathing while it was happening.

Roy H: You’re a fucking asshole. I thought you were dying.

Danny N: I literally could’ve.

Roy H: But you made it through! What happened?

Danny N: He liked my stuff! Like the short fiction especially and that’s the shit I was the most proud of Roy! Like I actually cannot believe that this is real. I’m freaking out for all the best reasons but I’m so

Danny N: I don’t even know just like

Danny N: Ugh this is so goom I’m dead. *skull emoji* *skull emoji*

Roy laughed. He was changing in his office from his slightly less formal daywear into a slightly more formal evening suit and currently stood with his shirt unbuttoned and a bow tie draped over his shoulders. He had decided against running all the way downtown just to change. He couldn’t imagine how much it would have confused his two pups for him to rush into the apartment just to leave it again. No. It was better to fumble with his tie and suit jacket inside his cramped office.

Danny’s frantic texts were a more than welcome distraction. He’s been distracting me all day. Roy had barely managed to push Danny to the back of his mind the entire day. He had thought about him during his two lectures, one of which had focused on comedic timing in romantic dramas. How fucking convenient that had been. How could Roy not have fixated on his adorably disarming barista while discussing the role of physical humor in relationship storytelling.

Danny’s so fucking physical. I wonder what it would be like to lick up his-. No. No. Roy was not twelve. He could damn well contain his hormonal urges. He was an adult. A professor. A damn seamstress. Not some giddy youth only just discovering lust. No he was better than that.

Roy H: What the fuck is a ‘goom’?

Danny N: If you don’t know goom maybe you don’t know me…

Roy H: I don’t have a fucking clue what that means but I definitely know that I want to get to know you. All of you.

Danny N: I thought we weren’t supposed to send suggestive texts PROFESSOR.

Roy H: And what about that message was suggestive? I was just saying that I want to know more about you.

Danny N: Mhmm.

Danny N: so I guess that means you’re only interested in knowing me better with my clothes all on?

Danny N: *tongue out face*

Roy H: I’m open to the idea of spending time with you and your clothes ….

Roy H: ON THE FLOOR.

Roy H: And very much off of your body.

Danny N: I’m ready when you are babe.

Roy had to slow down. Since when did he send suggestive text messages? He had an important dinner to go to tonight. One where he would potentially be accepting an award. No, he could not just jet off to eat out Danny’s ass. He needed to be a fucking professional and spend a night with a bunch of old, washed up theatre nerds who had nothing better to do than finance the younger generation of art kids.

Pull it together Haylock.

Roy had lowered his threshold of maturity since meeting Danny. Not because Danny was younger than him, but because Danny managed to make HIM feel young. He felt like he was having his first crush all over again. Danny made Roy’s faculties desert him, his maturity vanish from grasp, and his physical reactivity escape control. Danny was so different from anyone Roy had previously known and it was equal parts exhilarating and absolutely terrifying.

Roy H: Regardless of what I want to do, I can’t tonight.

Danny frowned at his phone. So Roy wanted to sleep with him. That would be great, if he were coming over here to sleep with him. But he isn’t, because he “can’t tonight”. What the fuck does “I can’t tonight” fucking mean?! Danny groaned as he walked down the steps of the English department building.

Danny N: Life’s short old man. Gotta make the most of what you got left.

He felt a twinge of regret after having sent the text. It came off a little sharper than he wanted it to, but he was anxious. Don’t be fucking vague, man. I don’t need that shit.

Roy cackled as he read Danny’s message. He had managed to perch his phone on his desk at just the right angle so that he could read his texts while also looking into the mirror to arrange his tie and jacket pins. I don’t feel all that old around you kid. Roy smiled as he pondered what to write back.

Roy H: I’ll have even less life to live if I don’t show face at the Arts Education Banquet tonight. I’m pretty sure it’s mandatory for people being recognized.

Danny N: Who’s getting recognized? *eyes emoji*

Roy half sighed, half laughed in exasperation.

Roy H: You’re quick aren’t ya kid? What’d you get on your SATs? KETCHUP?!

Danny N: Fuck you! I got more than that bitch!

Roy H: Mustard too?

Danny N: Fuck all the way off. Why do I even like you?

Roy H: I’m still asking myself that question *kissing emoji*

Danny N: Maybe it’s because you’re kind, understanding, accepting, brave, handsome, YOUR INCREDIBLE ASS, and because you’re insanely smart. Congrats on the award baby. Whatever it’s for, you deserve it and so much more.

Roy blushed. He felt his heart surge. He didn’t deserve someone so pure and kind. He didn’t want to go without seeing him. He couldn’t skip the banquet but arriving fashionably late wouldn’t be the worst thing he could do.

Roy H: Are you still at NYU?

Danny N: Yep! I was going to try to get some more writing done while here.

Roy thought back to NYU’s layout and cringed when he realized the English Department was right by a park. Almost instinctually Roy knew Danny would be going there.

Roy H: Please tell me you’re not actually going to Washington Park to write.

Danny N: And what if I am?

Roy H: You could not be more cliché.

Danny N: I vibe with nature man. It helps me open my mind.

Roy H: I’ve become very aware that you “vibe” with nature. I don’t know how I made it out of your room alive. It’s a fucking gas chamber!

Danny N: I’m from Cali. It’s my lifestyle.

Roy H: I have to be at NYU later tonight for this banquet, but I could be there in like half an hour and we could spend some time together?

Danny N: Fuck yeah! I’ll be at the park feeling my oats *nail painting emoji*

Roy smiled the whole cab ride uptown. Even the crawling traffic wasn’t able to dampen his excitement. He had been expecting a painful evening and, even though he would still have to go through the pomp and fare of a high society dinner, he now was going to have a bright spot to hold him over. He was going to get to see his adorable writer.

He practically jumped out of the cab as it pulled up to Washington Park. He quickly scanned the area around the fountain, guessing that would be where Danny would set up shop. Once again, he was right. On a small stretch of grass he saw the man he had been thinking about all day.

He looked like something out of some ridiculous pretentious indie fantasy. He was leaning back against a slender tree trunk with his legs propped up in front of him. A laptop was cradled in the angle formed by his stomach and thighs. He had dark wash skinny jeans, combat boots, a loose black tank top on with a red and black checked flannel tied around his hips bunched between him and the tree. He was intensely focused on what he was typing. A chocker encircled his neck deliciously.

What? Roy seriously needed to work on this damn control thing.

He strolled easily over to him, allowing himself some time to really just take in the vision before him. “Hey babe,” he said softly as he bent down to sit next to him.

“Roy! Hey!” Danny’s face lit up and Roy’s followed in response. He leaned forward to peck Roy’s lips chastely before shutting his laptop and throwing it into his bag. Once he had everything put away, his hand found its way to Roy’s, molding perfectly together. They sat there for a minute not speaking, just running their fingers over each other’s skin, enjoying the feel of the other.

“Want to go somewhere a little less public?” Roy suggested, smirking at the way Danny practically leaped up.

“Where are you taking me?” he asked, suggestively raising one of his eyebrows.

“Somewhere dark, quiet, where I can have you to myself,” he nearly growled, capturing Danny’s lips again quickly before he grabbed his hand and began dragging him out of the park.

“I’m down,” Danny breathed into his ear, dipping down to press a delicate kiss to his neck.

Roy felt every part of him respond to the younger man. Roy needed to get Danny alone. Now.

He led Danny down E 4th to the performing arts center, dragging him through the doorway and down the hall.

“Are we even allowed to be back here?” Danny laughed, amused at the way Roy was walking through the halls as though he owned them.

“Wimping out, kid? I thought you were ‘punk’?” Roy tossed over his shoulder, cackling.

Danny smiled, happy to follow Roy wherever.

Roy turned one final corner before excitedly spinning around to face Danny. “This was one of the most important places to me when I went here. I made some of my best memories in this room.”

Danny smiled encouragingly at him as Roy pushed open the heavy metal door and lead him in.

“Before you read me for having taken the stage in this tacky, polyester-seating hall let me remind you that you sing in bars that have puns for names,” Roy said as he walked over to the stage edge and sat down.

Danny looked at Roy adoringly. “Nice try, bitch. At least I can order a beer while I work.” He moved over to where Roy was and stretched out next to him.

“Doesn’t matter if you bring your own.” Roy’s smile practically split his face in two.

“Whoa Roy. I’m not sure I can be with someone so hardcore,” Danny teased as he leaned in to capture Roy’s lips, the kiss quickly growing heated.

Roy leaned into the kiss, moving them so that Danny was pinned beneath him on the stage floor. He positioned one knee between Danny’s legs and caged him in with his arms. Danny raked his fingers through the short hair at the nape of his neck, earning a small moan from his man. He smiled slightly at receiving physical validation that Roy was just as affected by his touch as he was.

Roy’s hands began to wander, running down Danny’s sides and toying with the hem of his shirt. Danny felt Roy’s fingertips ghost along his skin and dragged his nails through Roy’s stubble in response, breaking away from the kiss to suck his lower lip.

Roy’s hands stayed at the junction between Danny’s shirt and belt, drawing figures along the exposed skin there. Every sliver of skin Roy managed to get to seared electricity through Danny.

Danny abandoned Roy’s lip and worked his way up his jawline to his ear. “More.”

Roy pulled slightly away from Danny to look in his eyes. “More?” He replied, searching his features to ensure that this was what he wanted.

Danny used the space to ruck up his shirt, roughly pulling it over his head and dropping it beside them. He returned his hands to Roy’s neck, fiddling with the exposed skin by his collar.

Roy’s eyes raked down Danny’s torso, following the small trail of hair leading out of site. He slowly returned his heated gaze to Danny’s eyes. “You sure?” He managed to breathe out.

“Yes,” Danny replied softly, moving one of his hands to guide Roy’s to his exposed torso. “Touch me.”

Roy responded with fervor, diving down to reclaim Danny’s lips in a bruising kiss, his hands exploring Danny. Learning, memorizing every part of him.

Danny felt on fire. His body covered in delicious burning heat wherever Roy had touched. He felt amazing. Roy somehow balanced passion with care. He was intense and consuming but intimate and gentle. Everything around him was Roy and he was drowning but felt incredibly alive.

Just as Danny’s hands had worked their way to Roy’s hips, grabbing handfuls of ass on their way there, Roy’s phone blared.

Roy broke away and groaned. Danny laughed as he recognized the song.

“You do not have Rocky Horror as your ringtone,” he giggled.

Roy shot him a dazzling grin as he answered his phone.

Danny felt his heart flutter with affection for his theater nerd. He watched as Roy’s eyes widened and he moved away from Danny, offering him a hand to pull him up.

“Yeah. Yeah, sorry traffic was awful. Yes. I’ll be there soon. Tell them I’m on my damn way. Yeah. Okay. See you soon.” Roy rolled his eyes as he ended the call and looked apologetically at Danny. “We may have gotten a little carried away and I’m late to the dinner. I have to go.”

Danny frowned. “I’ll miss you, baby.”

Roy laughed. “I’m going to a dinner, I’m not going to China, bitch! You’ll live!” He pecked a kiss to Danny’s lips before leaning down to scoop his shirt up and hand it back to him.

Danny grabbed his shirt, using it as leverage to draw Roy back in, kissing him meaningfully. “Doesn’t matter. I’ll still miss you.”

They exited the theater and made their way out of the building, holding hands, Roy rubbing his thumb across Danny’s knuckles. Once outside, they stood still, neither one wanting to leave the other.

Roy smiled warmly. “I really have to go babe. I’m sorry. I’ll be thinking about you.” He grabbed Danny’s hand, pecking a kiss to it.

“Text me how it goes,” Danny urged, pushing Roy away from him gently.

“Let me know when you get home?” Roy called, shuffling backwards away from him, holding his gaze.

“Go!” Danny laughed.

Roy smiled goofily back at him. “Bye.”

“ROY! GO!”

“Okay, okay, I’m gone. Bye!” Roy laughed, turning around and walking away.

Danny stared after him for a bit before turning in the other direction to head toward the subway platform.

His phone buzzed and he fished it out of his pocket.

Roy H: I miss you already.

Danny flushed with warmth. He really liked this man.

Chapter Four: Miscommunications and Sketchbook Pages

Roy tossed and turned in his bed for hours that night, eagerly anticipating his date the next day. He had no idea what he was doing but he knew that how he felt for Danny was something meaningful for him. He had never fallen for anyone so quickly but, god, was he taken with this young man. His full lips and sparkling eyes, his easy smile and ethereal voice, his profound maturity hidden behind a mask of humor and naivety, it all ate away at Roy’s tough, no nonsense exterior and warmed the most bitter recesses of his heart. He had spent the past hour just trying to conjure every nuance of Danny’s face in his mind, wondering if he was doing the same for Roy.

He wasn’t. Danny was preoccupied with Gregg. He always brought out a lot of raw emotion in him. His mind wouldn’t stop churning and Danny knew that this was his one chance to channel that emotion into his writing.

He heaved himself out from beneath his covers and in front of his laptop screen. He slowly typed a few words, feeling as though each one had to be forcefully pulled out from the tips of his fingers. He deleted everything he had written and tried to start again. He couldn’t. He could feel the words ready, lingering just beneath the surface of his skin, dancing on the tip of his tongue, but he was somehow unable to give physicality to them. He groaned in frustration and threw his head into his hands.

This is shit. You’re shit. Fuck, what are you doing? This is never going to cut it. Why the fuck did you think you could complete a Master’s degree? You’re a dumb bitch from Azusa. You’re not fucking Hemingway or Fitzgerald. You’re not a writer. You’re barely a real student. When was the last time you actually wrote anything fucking close to good?

Danny had always struggled with confidence when it came to his writing. He never felt these same fears on stage, singing into the microphone, sharing his voice with a room full of people. But his writing was and always had been somehow more personal to him. He drew inspiration from his life and he tended to use his stories as a way of understanding himself and his emotions better. When he wrote, it was just him alone in a room with nothing but his own words looking back at him. He couldn’t hide behind the screams of a crowd or dissociate into an open sea of faces. There was no energy bouncing back at him that he could absorb power from. He was face to face with his successes and his failures.

He began to feel hollow and cold and knew a panic attack was threatening to sink its demanding claws into him. Inhaling harshly in an attempt to drag in good, clean oxygen and release the dark clasp of anxiety from around his lungs and heart, he managed to quell the harshest wave of panic and focus his vision again. He stared at the empty screen before him and knew that he would never accomplish anything like this. His nerves were an absolute mess and his emotions so wildly fighting for dominance that he could hardly grasp one feeling tangibly before it had slipped and given way to the next.

He got up and went to his nightstand, pulling out a small container of weed, a few rolling papers, a filter, and his grinder. He went back to his desk and made quick work of rolling a joint and lighting it, relishing in the warmth that spread through his body at the first pull. He needed to quiet the insecure, self-conscious part of himself in order to make the most of his torrential emotions.

It was not only the drive to make something good out of feeling shitty that was motivating Danny to sit down and write. He was also keenly aware that he had a meeting with his toughest professor in a matter of days and that it would be a fate worse than death to walk in there empty handed.

It had been a while since Danny had written anything even halfway decent and he was nervous that perhaps he never would again, but as the joint burned slowly closer to the butt, and Danny allowed the negativity to leak out into the night air with the exhaled smoke, he could feel the words within his fingertips. He grabbed an ashtray and placed it next to his laptop, deposited the still burning joint in it, and began to furiously attack the keyboard, typing out any and everything that came to mind. It mattered not that it was conveyed in coherent prose or consistent structure, it mattered only that he felt it and wrote it the moment he felt it. His mind was working quickly and his fingers struggled to keep up but he wanted to get it all out before it slipped away and was lost forever. He was unaware of the passage of time as he stared at his laptop screen, letting his emotions flow from his heart to his hands to his ever-growing Word document.

–

Roy awoke the next morning smiling. He had dreamt of Danny. He was overwhelmed with the way he felt about him. Roy didn’t do this kind of thing. He didn’t just fall for someone. It wasn’t his style. Danny wasn’t really his style either, but he had crept into his heart and filled it with warmth.

Roy threw on some clothes and grabbed his two pups, heading out to take them on a quick walk. He pulled out his phone as Sammy and Deedee investigated a particularly interesting smelling tree and typed out a message to Danny.

Roy H: Good morning. I don’t think we ever decided when or where we were going to get lunch. Did you have any place in mind?

Roy frowned after a couple minutes went by without a response, but after last night, he couldn’t blame Danny for wanting to sleep in some. He allowed his Chihuahuas to drag him down their usual path, refusing to let anything ruin his wonderful mood.

But then an hour passed by, and another. It was now nearing 11:00 and he still hadn’t heard back from Danny. Roy chewed his lip and decided to type out another message.

Roy H: Hey, just checking to see if you’re still alive?

Another hour later. No response.

Roy H: Earth to Daniel???

It was now two in the afternoon and Roy was pissed. He felt stupid for having been so excited to get lunch with Danny. What if Gregg was right yesterday? What if I’m too old for him? Maybe this was all a mistake. Maybe he thinks I’m a mistake. Oh God…

Roy paced his apartment up and down. Anger, worry, disappointment, humiliation all swam in his head and heart. He felt almost sick from the warring emotions all simultaneously fighting for dominance.

He bitterly grabbed his phone and had a message written and sent before he had even thought it through.

Roy H: If you didn’t want to see me today, you could’ve told me. You really didn’t need to be a fucking child about it and just ignore me all day. It’s comforting to know you care about me enough to at least inform me that you were ditching our plans. Thanks.

Roy looked at the screen and cringed at the words, remembering the way tats had spoken to him the night before. He felt nauseous, already regretting the entire message.

Roy H: Danny, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that last text and I shouldn’t have said what I did. I’m just really worried.

Roy H: Please respond to me. At least so I know you’re okay?

Roy finally let himself think about the thought that he had been trying to block all day. What if Gregg found out where Danny lives… Roy could feel his skin prickling as anxiety coursed through him. He looked to his two dogs that were blissfully sleeping on their beds. He envied their ignorance. He felt like he was drowning.

Roy knew that the only thing he couldn’t stomach more than Daniel not wanting to see him, was Danny hurt somewhere trying to face the world on his own.

Before he allowed himself to think it through rationally, Roy had grabbed his keys and wallet and walked out the door. Perhaps it was forward, but he needed to make sure Danny was okay. He needed to know that Danny wasn’t in danger. He turned left out of his apartment building and started retracing the path he had taken last night to get home.

He felt stupid as he arrived at Danny’s building. He didn’t even know which apartment he lived in! How the fuck am I going to make this casual? Oh hey Daniel, you didn’t reply to my texts and I know your crazy ex is in town so I thought I’d just swing by and make sure you’re only ignoring me and not like hurt or something?

He had just about given up and turned around when a slender woman jumped by him, her hair in an exaggeratedly long ponytail flowing behind her. She held three large paper grocery bags in her arms, attempting to balance them while fishing her keys out of her small, circular bag.

“Hey, need a hand?” Roy gently offered, his hands outstretched, ready to retrieve a bag or two from her grasp.

The small woman looked up at him and smiled genuinely, relief spreading across her face. “Oh my god, yes, absolutely! Thank you!” She then unceremoniously plunked two of the bags into Roy’s arms while continuing to dig through her bag. “My roommate was supposed to help me with the groceries today but he’s had some kind of, like, creative awakening, or whatever, and was too busy feeling his oats to come help me.” She flipped her ponytail with her free hand, exaggeratedly flourishing it as she finally retrieved the key.

Roy smiled, not really knowing what to add. He looked the chipper young girl up and down. She wore an acid washed denim jumper with a lace bralette beneath. She completed the look with a faux pearl choker around her slim neck, an arm full of assorted bracelets and bangles, and grey heeled combat boots. It was quite the statement, but somehow felt befitting of her large personality.

She managed to unlock the downstairs door, and swung it open. She turned around to Roy and frowned. “Do you live around here? I haven’t seen you around and it’s not exactly like people walk this street for the sights,” the lady gestured around her and Roy took in the surroundings for the first time. Guess I’ve been too focused on Danny to notice anything else. The neighborhood wasn’t anything special, but it wasn’t anything terrible either. Just a street full of smaller apartment style buildings, most of them walk-ups, with the occasional tree thrown here or there.

“No, I was here to visit a friend,” Roy decided to try to keep his answer as simple as possible when the whole scenario felt anything but.

“Oh, who? I can totally let you in if they live here.” She smiled at him.

“Isn’t it a bit dangerous to just let whoever into your building?” Roy laughed a bit incredulously. He could tell the woman before him was young but her naivety made her seem even younger.

“Okay, c’mon Campus Security RA Hall monitor. I thought that was something only people in dorms freaked about.” She reached over and took one of the bags back from Roy. “Besides, if you’re a murderer, or whatever, you’re a super helpful one who’s welcome back here every time I have to get the groceries,” she punctuated the statement by flipping her hair around her and proceeding toward the staircase inside of the apartment. Roy looked down at the bag still in his hands and, for lack of what else to do, he followed her up the stairs. “Now tell me, who is it you made your way down here to see?” she threw over her shoulder as she turned at the second floor to continue up the steps.

“Umm,” Roy didn’t see what harm could come of telling this strange woman the truth. “My friend. We had plans today and he kind of went off the grid last night and I just was starting to sort of get worried about him.” Roy shrugged his shoulders despite knowing that the lady wouldn’t see it.

“Oh no!” she clucked as she reached the third floor landing. “You’re too cute for that shit. What’s the kid’s name? I’ll let him know what Mama Gia thinks of that behavior.” She turned around to look at Roy, seriousness plastered across her face. Roy would’ve thought it comical if the whole situation weren’t so odd and out of character for him.

“Umm, Danny?” He replied as if it were a question on a test he could get wrong.

Gia gasped catching Roy by surprise and causing him to almost topple the bag he was holding. “What? What’s wrong?” Roy looked around as if he could deduce the answer from the hallway walls surrounding them.

“OH MY GOD! Bitch wasn’t lying when he said you were cute,” she smiled at him, looking him up and down as if in appraisal. Roy was completely lost. “Okay honey, I’m gonna need you to do a spin for me okay?” Roy looked at her in utter confusion. “Baby, a spin, a twirl?” She mimed the movement with her hand.

Not knowing what else to do, Roy slowly spun around, heat creeping up his cheeks, embarrassed by his lack of understanding. Once he had completed the circle and was facing the woman again, he opened his mouth to speak.

“No sweetie. You’re coming with me and I’m going to let Daniel have it, officially, and then you two are going to have a lovely afternoon. He has these fits where he gets really into his writing and it’s like he’s fucking hibernating because you don’t see him, you don’t hear him, the only way you know he’s alive is because you can smell the coffee and weed. You know? One of those artsy types.” She scrunched her nose and nodded daintily as she said the last bit and, with that, she turned around again and headed to the end of the hallway, unlocking the door to apartment 3D, and stepping over the threshold. Roy awkwardly stood outside the door, not knowing whether to step inside or run away, but Gia peeked her head into the hallway with an exasperated look and intimated to him to follow her.

He stepped into the small space. Before him was a narrow hallway that met in a T style intersection, to the left were two doors (bedrooms?) and an open door to a bathroom. To his right was a standard gangway kitchen and an open concept living room space that held a bookshelf overflowing with books and vinyl records, a dining table that was home to several of those records and a beat-up older record player, two well-loved sofas, and a pair of mismatched armchairs sat around an ornate coffee table. No two pieces of furniture went together, but as a whole, the room seemed perfectly eclectic, as though it had been staged for a cliché Urban Outfitter’s shoot and then had been left behind to be loved by the people who lived there.

“Now, sweetie, you leave that bag on the counter, have a seat anywhere, and you let me go remind Daniel that he has a handsome young man waiting for his attention and he can’t be bothered to leave his room.” She pranced down the hallway back the way they came and plowed into the first door on the right. Roy heard the muffled evidence of Gia’s lecture. He felt guilty. Clearly Danny had been purposely ignoring him and here he was, invading his home, setting his energetic roommate on him, for no other reason than his selfish need to make sure that Danny was okay. God I’m fucking pathetic.

He listened for another minute to the quiet traces of Gia’s berating before he decided he had had enough. Danny doesn’t need to suffer because I’m a soft bitch who doesn’t know when to back off.

Roy strode over to Danny’s door and paused, self consciously running two hands through his hair, making sure it was coiffed in just the right way. If I’m going to be rejected by this adorable kid, I may as well look good. He smoothed out his shirt, took a deep breath and stepped into the room.

“Hey Danny,” Roy mentally scolded himself for how coy he sounded. He raised his gaze from the ground and immediately regretted it. He lost all resolve at the sight before him. Danny looked amazing. He had a light smattering of stubble across his jaw and his hair was no longer in a carefully arranged mess but a full-on, hands had been raked through it several times, hadn’t been brushed in a minute, mess. He had thick, black, large rimmed glasses on and the trace of dark bags beneath his eyes. He wore grey jogging bottoms and a baggy Misfits muscle shirt. He looked goddamn delicious. Roy’s mouth went dry and he nearly forgot why he was there all together.

“Roy!” Danny’s face lit up as he focused on Roy. Fuck. Fuck what time is it? “Oh my god. I’m so sorry! I had to write while it was all still fresh and I’m so sorry! I’m so terrible when I get into the zone like I don’t like think about anything else. I’m so so so sorry.” I’m such a fucking asshole. Shit. I’ve fucked it up. Fuck.

Roy saw Danny’s face go from excitement to realization to regret in the space of maybe two or three seconds. Roy could almost feel the panic emanating from the frazzled man before him and he felt a swell of relief. At least he wasn’t ignoring me to ignore me. God he’s cute when he’s flustered. Roy laughed a little and allowed an easy smile to spread across his face. Danny visibly relaxed and gave a shy, guilty smile in return.

“You’re a fucking cunt, you know that?” Roy laughed as he stepped closer to Danny. “I’m pretty sure I paced a fucking hole in my floors worrying about you and turns out you’re just an adorable brooding writer.” Roy felt himself flush a little until he noticed that Gia had conveniently slipped out of the room and closed the door behind them.

“I know, but seriously. Like I’m so sorry,” Danny turned his gaze to his feet and lowered his voice. “Seeing Gregg again and everything that happened, it stirred up a lot of emotions and I just needed to capture all that while it was still fresh and in my mind and the best way for me to do that is shut myself in so yeah it was very that. Trust I wasn’t ignoring you. Like, that was the last thing I wanted to do. I really wanted to see you and spend time with you, I just-”

Roy was struggling to follow the stream of words running out of Danny’s mouth seemingly as quickly as they formed in his mind. All he could focus on was how hot Danny was like this. Disheveled. Dark. The fucking picture of the stereotypical tormented writer and Roy wanted him more than anything.

With Danny still mid sentence, Roy jumped him, pulling his face down to meet his mouth, enveloping Danny’s deliciously full lips with his own. He greedily pulled Danny closer to him until they were flush to one another. Danny eagerly opened his mouth allowing Roy to entwine his tongue with Danny’s. Roy’s fingers curled gently into the hair at the nape of Danny’s neck as their tongues scraped together deliciously. Danny’s hands traveled down Roy’s body, drawing teasingly over his tense shoulders and trailing to his full biceps.

Fuck. So good. The world beyond Roy ceased to exist as Danny became overwhelmed by the taste, the feel, the sound, the sight of Roy wrapped so fully around him. God. So hot. Danny’s entire being felt on fire. He could feel Roy everywhere. One hand scraping through his stubble, one hand pulling gently at his hair, his chest firmly pressed against his, his hips perfectly aligned with his. Danny allowed his hands to wander dangerously low on Roy’s back, one curling beneath Roy’s shirt and traveling up his defined torso. Fuck.

Danny pulled away for lack of air, keeping their foreheads pressed together to allow only a minimal amount of space between them. Danny felt drawn to this beautiful man. He couldn’t bring himself to put any amount of distance between them. He gazed into Roy’s eyes, reveling in the blown out pupils and the primal hunger he saw in them. He smirked.

“Remind me to disappear more often,” Danny panted into the air between them, diving back in for another kiss, this one slower but no less heated.

“You pull this shit on me again and I may slap you,” Roy laughed, immediately stopping when he remembered Danny’s ex. Fuck, no. God you’re such an idiot! He’s actually been in a relationship where that was a thing. God I’m such an asshole! Roy’s eyes widened in regret and he began profusely apologizing for the slip trying to assure Danny he didn’t mean any of it and that he would never hit him and god he was so sorry when Danny’s face broke into a mischievous lopsided grin.

Danny leaned in a bit closer and all but breathed into Roy, “sometimes I like being slapped,” before reclaiming his lips.

Roy felt his breathing stop. His eyes rolled to the back of his head as he internalized what Danny had just said. He felt the words travel through his body, lighting up every nerve ending. The words ran down his body and settled in his groin. Roy knew that he wouldn’t be able to resist this delicious man if he didn’t stop them now.

“Danny, Danny,” he breathed greedily as he pushed him away, not yet entirely decided on the direction this encounter was going to take.

“Mmm, yes Roy?” Danny asked him dangerously, all big eyes, thick lips, and warm sighs. God, he’s fucking sexy.

“We need to stop,” Roy managed to spit out.

Danny backed away, glints of hurt and confusion in his eyes.

“No, no,” Roy never wanted Danny to feel unwanted but he desperately needed some oxygen and space to get the words properly thought out, let alone said, to him. Roy pecked Danny’s lips one last time before partially extricating himself from the delicious man he couldn’t get enough of. “I want you Danny. Believe me, I do. But, call me old fashioned, it’s just that I’d really prefer to wine, dine, and make you feel special before we get too physical.”

Danny’s hesitation dissipated into a grin far too wide for his face, but, at the same time, absolutely perfect and too good for this world. Roy couldn’t help but mirror it. “Okay, old man,” Danny teased, leaning in to press his lips delicately to Roy’s for a moment. “Then I guess I have to ask you to leave while I change…?” The question was clear to Roy. Danny was trying to figure out if he had blown his date today. Good God, no you haven’t. Roy had already lost himself in Danny. He felt young and light for a change, a far cry from the dull, weighted days he had grown accustomed to.

“I take it all back,” Roy whispered, capturing Danny’s lips again in a kiss that was certainly NOT reminiscent of the honor he was trying to uphold.

Danny felt the relief palpably reverberate through him. He didn’t blow his chance. He thanked whatever deity was looking out for his interests at that moment. He met Roy’s passion, trying to convey how grateful he was for his support and understanding. He eventually pulled away, wanting to respect Roy’s wishes to not take the physicality too far just yet. “Out.” He smirked as he ordered the beautiful man before him.

Roy composed himself enough to only mock disappointment at having to leave Danny alone, to undress, everything, and redress. Damn it. Why did you have to open your fucking mouth?! Fuck.

Danny turned around and went to grab his phone and it was at that moment that a cold panic gripped Roy’s heart as he remembered the slew of texts he had sent earlier that day. “Danny, wait!” Roy lunged toward him, doing his absolute best to not let his fear show in his eyes.

“What? Do you need another kiss before you go?” Danny teased, his eyes alight with affection.

“Umm, well yes, but can I see your phone for a sec?” Roy laughed, doing his absolute best to feign nonchalance but failing miserably.

“Okay …?” Danny had no idea what Roy would need with his phone but handed it over, making sure to wind his fingers through Roy’s as he deposited it in his palm.

Roy smiled at him in relief and went into their conversation, noting that he was saved as ‘Roy [heart eyes emoji][tongue out emoji]’ in his phone. He was about to delete the longer message, the harshest of the five he’d sent, when Danny plucked it from his fingers.

“Nope, you’re being weird so you’re going to tell me what’s going on first.” Danny had been in a relationship before where his boyfriend hadn’t trusted him and had felt the need to perpetually police his messages and calls and he wasn’t doing it again. He was never going to be made to feel like he was perpetually doing something wrong or like he wasn’t worthy of someone.

“Umm,” he started off, nervously laughing in an attempt to relieve tension. He brought a hand up to scratch the back of his head. “I may or may not have gone a little overboard with the texts today and one of them I wrote in anger and I didn’t mean what I said in there. I feel terrible about it and I shouldn’t have said what I did. It’s not who I am, I was just frustrated and worried about you. I really wish I had waited until I was calmer to text you.” Roy smiled ruefully at Danny, sincere regret in his eyes.

Danny knew he should probably hand the phone back and let Roy delete the text but he felt a desperate masochistic need to know exactly what Roy had said that had him this worked up. Is it bad? I can’t do the whole toxic relationship thing again… But it’s Roy. He’s been so nice and sweet to me. But he decked Gregg and wasn’t sorry about it. But that was Gregg and this is Roy. Roy told me he’s not like that and that he never would be. But what if he is..? He was horribly conflicted. He exhaled slowly. He knew he should probably respect Roy’s wishes but he also needed to protect himself, to know what this relationship was going to be before he got invested in it and couldn’t turn away.

He looked down at the messages and scanned them.

Roy H: Good morning. I don’t think we ever decided when or where we were going to get lunch. Did you have any place in mind?

Roy H: Hey, just checking to see if you’re still alive?

Roy H: Earth to Daniel???

Roy H: If you didn’t want to see me today, you could’ve told me. You really didn’t need to be a fucking child about it and just ignore me all day. It’s comforting to know you care about me enough to at least inform me that you were ditching our plans. Thanks.

Roy H: Danny, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that last text and I shouldn’t have said what I did. I’m just really worried.

Roy H: Please respond to me. At least so I know you’re okay?

Danny burned with shame. He could practically feel the fear and anxiety he had caused Roy through the messages. God I’m such an ass. The fourth text, the one he assumed Roy was desperate to erase forever was harsh, yes, but not totally out of line. He was mad. Of course he was mad. I practically stood him the fuck up the day after he saved me from being beaten by my ex and listened to me and fed me and took care of me so I didn’t have a full scale panic attack. Fuck. You’ve finally found an amazing, smart, kind, understanding man, and what’s the first thing you fucking do? Make him feel like shit because he thinks you’re not interested. Great work Dan. Really nailed that one.

Danny stood silently scrolling through the messages. Roy felt like he was on trial, awaiting the judge’s verdict. Would Danny be disgusted by his words? Would he look at them and think Roy was his ex? Not that he hadn’t been cruel in those messages and couldn’t understand the assumption that Roy was a piece of shit, but he wasn’t ready to lose Danny before they had even gotten a real start. Just say something. Please. Anything.

“Danny, please? I’m sorry and I regret it so much. Please just tell me what you’re thinking?”

Danny looked back up at Roy. He saw hope and shame and reverence in his eyes and he realized in that moment that Gregg had never been this genuinely sorry, and over something this small. He had hardly ever apologized for the big things.

He smiled sweetly at Roy. “I think I need to get changed so we can go on our date,” he gently reassured him, reaching out to twine his fingers with Roy’s. “And I’m sorry too.”

Roy exhaled in relief and smiled mischievously. “Alright princess. You need to get dressed and then we are going to spend the day doing whatever you want to do!” Roy helped to spin him around and swatted his butt. Danny threw a smile over his shoulder at Roy and wiggled his playfully.

Roy looked at Danny with admiration. God he’s amazing. He was determined to start their relationship off today showing Danny just how wonderful he was and just how committed Roy was to treating him like royalty. He backed out of the room and blew Danny a kiss before going to wait in the living room. He was ready to be the one that got to treat Danny like the angel incarnate he was.

He pottered on his phone while Danny was changing, searching up fun young people date ideas in the event that Danny didn’t have something in mind. He felt so out of touch. What the hell is Vietnamese-Mexican fusion cuisine?! Why would I take him to tour a postage stamp museum?! None of the suggestions he found were good enough for Danny. He was not going to take him on some cliché rom-com date but he didn’t want to overdo it by trying to be too hip either.

He heard a door close and looked up. “Okay gorgeous. What do you want to do?” He smiled as Danny curled his arms around him, his eyes radiating excitement.

“I don’t know man, I thought we could kinda just let this day take us wherever.” He smiled adorably.

Roy looked into Danny’s eyes and smiled. “Okay, freeform isn’t usually my style, but we can try it.” He laughed, pecked a kiss to Danny’s lips, and dragged him out the door.

Once they’d exited the building Roy looked to his date and asked, “right or left?”

Danny looked both ways down the street and declared, “right.” Roy happily snaked his fingers between Danny’s and turned down the street. They wandered through the city, deciding at every intersection whether to continue straight or to turn. Roy was surprised by how calm he felt. They had no set plan for where they were going or what they were going to do, and he was perfectly happy with that.

They turned right onto 9th Avenue and walked several blocks, window shopping and chatting. Danny pulled Roy to the left down W 19th toward the Joyce Theater, explaining that his roommate Jay was a dancer and had performed there a while back, lamenting that he hadn’t yet been in New York then. Roy smiled and watched Danny excitedly share the most trivial things about himself with him. It felt wonderful to be getting to know such special details about this man and Roy committed to memory as many of them as he could.

They then turned right again on 8th and walked a few blocks until they got to the first subway station on their journey. Roy turned to Danny. “Now what?”

Danny laughed. “First we have to choose above ground or underground?”

Roy smiled at him. “Underground.”

“Party. Now we gotta decide the blue or gray line?”

“I made the first choice. It’s your turn, chola.”

Danny swung their hands between them as he scrunched his mouth in contemplation. He gasped excitedly. “We should totally go to Williamsburg! Yeah?”

Roy’s face slowly broke into a big smile and Danny could see the wheels turning. “Okay, man, what’s with the grin?” Danny asked him suspiciously, pouting his mouth.

“Nothing, kid. But, yes we are going to Williamsburg.” Roy dragged Danny down to the subway platform, laughing when Danny bypassed paying by hopping over the turn style.

“C’mon old man. You got any moves left?” Danny teased from the platform.

Roy cocked his head and placed his hands on his hip, his brows raised in amusement and mock disappointment. “Daniel, do I look like a teenager? I’m a little beyond doing silly stunts to impress a guy.”

Danny rolled his eyes. “Alright, man. I’m just saying, it would impress me and it might get you a kiss. But, whatever. Your choice.” Before Danny had time to finish shrugging his shoulders in feign nonchalance, Roy had vaulted over the turn style and was standing before him.

“I’ll take that kiss now,” Roy smugly grinned, his dimples popping. Roy was a little too pleased with himself for Danny’s liking.

“No one likes a sore loser, Roy.”

Roy cocked his eyebrow. “No one likes a tease, Danny.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re into it.” Danny leaned in to kiss Roy’s cheek, pointedly looking him up and down, then turning around and to watch for the train. Roy felt himself flush under Danny’s scrutiny.

Roy shook his head, partially in frustration and partially in adoration. Mostly adoration though. With you Danny, I’m very into the tease. He allowed himself to focus on Danny’s ass for a moment before he moved to stand beside him, wrapping his arm around Danny’s waist.

He leaned over to whisper into Danny’s ear, “don’t start something you’re not able to finish.” He gently pressed his lips to Danny’s earlobe and reveled in the hungry look it elicited from him.

Their train arrived and they boarded, standing hand in hand for the duration of the ten-minute trip across the East River to the Bedford Avenue Station. Roy laced his fingers through Danny’s and pulled him up the staircase and proceeded to lead him in a zigzag pattern.

“Roy, where the fuck are you taking me?” Danny groaned as he was turned from Union onto Frost Street.

“Calm down, princess. We’re almost there.” Roy bit his lip in excitement and Danny sighed, allowing himself to be lead further down the street. He was suddenly stopped as Roy flourished his wrists and chimed “ta-da!” spinning around to face him with a big smile on his face.

Danny looked around in confusion. “What? I don’t get it?”

“Here, bitch!” Roy pointed to a simple brick two-story building with large, glass windows exposing the first floor. It looked empty and incredibly ordinary. Not exactly the kind of place Danny was expecting such a cultured, intelligent man to get this excited about. He smiled perplexedly at Roy, still not understanding what he was looking at but not wanting to hurt Roy’s feelings either.

Roy sighed. “C’mon chola.”

He opened the door and let Danny in before him. Once they stepped inside, Danny noticed that the space was large and open, the walls lined with recessed bookshelves stuffed with books of varying colors and degrees of wear. Danny noticed that none of the books had titles on the spines. The shelves were clean, white and uniform along the lengths of the walls, strangely juxtaposed with the torn, beaten, and faded books that overwhelmed them. There were wooden tables and chairs strewn in the space between the shelves and a red park bench sat along one wall, blocking a section of shelving. Danny felt the spirit of the place flowing through him. It was exciting and eclectic and vibrant, there was obvious creativity and human exploration within these walls. Whatever this place was, he fucking vibed with it.

He looked over to Roy with an incredible grin and found that he was smiling as well. He looked so incredibly youthful. So beautiful. “What is this place?” Danny asked him quietly.

“This is the Brooklyn Art Library. These are all sketchbooks. All by different people, from different places, and then they’re stored here and you can look through them. See things people you’ll never know see. Find out how they experience the world, what they think is beautiful. I like coming here when I’m feeling stuck on a project. It’s like I get to borrow inspiration from someone worlds away that thinks in ways I don’t. That can see things, understand things that I don’t. It’s one of my favorite places.”

Danny couldn’t tear his eyes away from Roy. His eyes had wandered around, growing wistful as he explained this place to Danny. He was so beautiful. Danny felt warmth flutter through him as Roy shared how meaningful this library was to him. Roy was sharing a part of his soul with Danny, welcoming him into this sanctuary of creativity where he felt at home. Danny felt the faint tingle of emotion sting his eyes as he realized that Roy was sharing this special space with him because Roy thought he was special. If they had been anywhere even remotely private, Danny would’ve jumped Roy, shown him how grateful he was for opening himself up like this. But they were in public, so Danny contented himself with grabbing Roy’s hand, tangling their fingers together, and giving his absolutely incredible date a slow kiss on his cheek. “Thank you for bringing me here,” he grinned around the words, his jaw hurting from the pull of his smile. He couldn’t remember a time he had felt this amazingly happy.

Roy flushed with color, squirming slightly under the intensity of Danny’s praise. “I’m glad you took a chance on an old guy like me,” he laughed. Danny rolled his eyes and looked at him with affection. Roy felt his chest swell with emotion. “Whoever finds the weirdest sketch gets to choose where we have dinner.”

“Fuck yeah, I’m gonna win,” Danny declared, moving off to a shelf in a quiet back corner of the room.

Roy smiled and followed him, stopping at the other end of the shelving unit and grabbing a book. He flicked through it, occasionally stealing glances at Danny. He was furiously sifting through the books, his brows furrowed and his tongue captured between his teeth poking out from his lips. Roy suddenly found himself imagining what Danny would look like in bed, wrapped around him, allowing Roy to- Nope. Nope no. Not that. Calm down Haylock. You’re a fucking adult. Act like it. He quietly took a few deep breaths, forcing his body to calm down. He made a pointed effort to focus on the task at hand and not the gorgeous man a few paces to his left.

Danny was watching Roy. God he’s fucking hot. Danny watched as Roy’s tongue poked out to wet his lips and watched his chest rise and fall deliberately. He wondered what Roy looked like without a shirt on. How his chest and arms and stomach would feel under Danny’s touch. Holy shit man. Keep your fucking cool. He’s mature and smart, bitch. Last thing he wants is a guy who can’t keep his mind out of the fucking gutter longer than ten seconds. Danny took a moment to close his eyes and refocus. He continued flipping through the sketchbooks, purposefully keeping his eyes on the pages of the books and not on the deliciously tanned man just down the shelf from him.

Roy gave up trying not to stare at Danny, his adorable face scrunched in concentration. He looked at the book he was holding and flipped to the back page, it was blank. He looked on the table behind him and found a pencil. If he was going to spend the afternoon staring at Danny, he might as well do something productive about it.

Danny was flipping through his fifth book when he found it. There was no way Roy could top this. He triumphantly strode up to Roy and displayed his treasure, a very well-drawn sketch of an octopus body with Queen Victoria’s stern head holding a balloon animal dog with one of its arms. Roy burst out laughing. He has such an cute laugh.

Danny stared warmly at Roy, trying to commit this picture of Roy to memory, his head tilted back laughing until he was out of breath at this stupid sketch. Danny smiled. “So, I win?”

Roy managed to nod and gasp out between giggles, “yes bitch. You fucking win. That’s either the best or the worst thing I’ve ever seen.”

Danny laughed with Roy for a few moments before he snatched Roy’s sketchbook out of his hands. “What did you find?” He looked down at the page the book was opened to and felt his heart warm. “Roy, did you draw this?” On the page before him was a sketch of Danny. Danny had always been confident about his looks. He knew that his full lips, baby Jesus eyes, and delicate bone structure blended together in a unique and appealing way. He had never doubted that he oozed sex appeal. But as he looked at Roy’s sketch, for the first time he felt beautiful. Roy had delicately carved his features out with different hues of shading, contouring out his cheek and brow bones. He instinctively drew his finger over the drawing half expecting to feel the dips and grooves Roy had created on the page. He gazed in awe at the detail captured within the drawing’s eye, flecks of white broke through the myriad of tones Roy had managed to create using just pencil on paper. It was amazing.

Roy smiled bashfully at Danny. “Sorry, I couldn’t find anything so I guess I just,” he shrugged his shoulders, not knowing where the sentence was going himself. I guess I just wanted to capture the most beautiful person in the world on paper so that I can look at it forever? Yep. Perfect Roy. Keeping it reeeal casual. Great.

“It’s beautiful,” Danny whispered gently as if the drawing would leap from the page and disappear forever if startled.

“It’s easy to draw beauty when one is looking at it,” Roy whispered back, half hoping Danny wouldn’t hear him, half hoping he would.

Danny looked up at Roy, his eyes wide.He didn’t know what he had done to deserve such an amazing man in his life. He was so sweet and so kind and so good to him. It was overwhelming and far too much but absolutely right at the same time.

“Roy,” Danny breathed, not knowing how to possibly convey through words how much it all meant to him. “Thank you.” He leaned forward and softly kissed this incredible man, attempting to pour his gratitude into Roy through his lips. He pulled away and smiled.

“You’re welcome,” Roy whispered back. He had never known himself to be this type of person. This ridiculously sappy, romantic idiot that did grand gestures and expressed emotion, but Danny did something to him. He made him feel safe exposing these parts of himself, completely unafraid of ridicule or judgment for it. But he could only do this kind of this for so long. Recovering his dignity, he stepped back a pace. “So, where are we having dinner?”

Danny smiled and laughed in exasperation at this adorable man that obviously was not used to sharing so much of his heart with the world. He felt a heated wave of almost affection rush through him and started at the realization that he wanted to be the one to open Roy’s heart up, to be the one to show Roy how wonderful emotion could be. But he also knew that the poor guy had probably maxed out on romantic deeds for the day.

“What’s the least attractive food to eat you can think of?” Danny grinned at him.

Roy laughed. “Umm I don’t know. Barbecue, maybe? Or tacos?”

“Fuck yeah, I choose Mexican,” Danny decidedly informed his date, depositing the sketchbook with the incredible profile of him back on the shelf, mentally noting it to be sketchbook #705 on the far right of the third shelf of unit #21, and grabbing Roy’s hand. “Do you know any places around here?”

Roy nodded and explained that his friend owned a taqueria right by the metro station they had gotten off at. They walked back the way they had come, hand in hand, looking in shop windows and chatting about nothing in particular. Danny smiled when they stopped in front of a building that resembled a cantena. A large sign read “Cynthia’s Especiales” across the entryway.

Roy ordered for Danny and took him to the back to introduc him to the owner Cynthia. Danny smiled when Roy introduced him to her as his date.

“Roy! Mis amores, my heart is falling out my cucu. This man,” the tiny, energetic Puerto Rican jabbed a finger at Roy while looking pointedly at Danny, “he has been alone too long. He’s a good man, and if you treat him bad, amore, I will come at you like tiger. Yes?” Her accent grew thicker as her words grew more impassioned.

“Ms. Fontaine, I swear on my chola mom that I’m not just using him for his hot bod,” Danny teased, smiling into Roy’s eyes.

Roy laughed. “I mean, he has to like my personality if he’s willing to pretend I’m hot,” Roy joked, putting air quotes around the word ‘hot’.

Cynthia and Danny protested at the same time.

“Roy Haylock, you are a sexy man,” Cynthia scolded while Danny leaned over to Roy’s ear and whispered, “I happen to think you’re very attractive Roy.” Roy was ready to tackle him there and then. He sounded like pure sex breathing into his ear.

Cynthia smugly watched the two men fawn over one another. It had honestly been far too long since Roy had let someone into his life. She had never understood how he hadn’t been snapped up already, but looking at the younger man before her, the way he looked at Roy and tenderly held onto him, she thought that perhaps it had been for the best.

“Okay, amores, out! I need to work and I can’t do that with you making love eyes in my kitchen!”

Roy rolled his eyes. “Sorry. We’ll get out of your hair.”

They contentedly worked their way through dinner and took the L line back to Chelsea. Roy walked Danny back to his place, the streetlights burning brightly by the time they made it back there.

Danny pouted when they got to his door. He didn’t want to say goodbye already. He turned to Roy. “Would it be, like, extra of me to ask when I can see you again? Without ghosting out on you this time?” He chuckled in an attempt to mask his nerves.

“Danny, I don’t know if there’s anything about you that’s not extra. You’re a writer, musician, singer who has creative binges. I’m pretty sure you’re the definition of extra.” Roy laughed, kissing him on the cheek. “But I would love to see you again. I’m free Wednesday night I think? I’ll have to check my calendar.”

Danny quirked his eyebrow, “Your calendar? Okay cool guy. Let me know if you can pencil me in.” He leaned into Roy’s touch, not ready to let go of him yet.

Roy laughed. “I’ll have my people get in touch with your people.”

“Perfect.” Danny sighed and angled his head downward to kiss Roy’s lips. “Thank you for today. It was honestly, like, the greatest day I’ve had in a really long time.”

“I’m glad. I had a great time, too.” Roy couldn’t remember the last time he had been so shy about things. He tipped his head up and captured Danny’s lips in a heated kiss, releasing suddenly and backing away.

“Goodnight, Daniel.”

“Excuse me. I thought ‘no one likes a tease’?” Daniel exasperatedly threw Roy’s own words back after him, frustrated and excited and filled with affection for this amazing man who had him wrapped around his finger.

“Maybe there’s something to it after all,” Roy smirked. He waved to Danny and watched the younger man slip into his apartment building.

Roy pushed his way toward the stage until he heard a familiar voice near the bar. He turned around and smiled. Danny was laughing, loudly. Probably louder than is technically socially acceptable, but that was Danny. He was loud, and confident, and light. He was happy and just enjoyed being happy. It was something Roy hadn’t experienced in a long time, that feeling of just enjoying life and allowing himself to enjoy it. It was one of the things that drew him so magnetically to Danny.

Roy started walking toward Danny at the same moment a tall man with tattoos running up and down both arms, metal sticking out of his nose, eyebrows, mouth, and who knows where else, and large holes in his earlobes put a hand on Danny’s shoulder. Roy stopped as Danny turned around and a look of realization spread across his face. And sadness. Danny’s smile dropped and his brows furrowed. Roy could tell they knew one another, the way they both responded with familiarity. The stranger went in for a hug and Danny responded almost mechanically. He let the man’s arms encircle him and lightly placed his hands on the other’s sides for just a moment before pulling away. His eyes were normally so expressive but now they were cold and emotionless. Danny was detaching from the situation and Roy could almost physically feel the wall that was being erected around him. Whoever the hell that guy was, Danny did not want him there. I can do take care of that.

What the fuck is he doing here? Why is he here? Why can’t he just leave me alone? Danny’s heart burned with bitter disappointment. He wasn’t even angry at Gregg. Of course Gregg tried to find him. It’s what he did. He always took over Danny’s life and invaded what little space Danny tried to keep for himself. He was angry with himself, for actually letting himself believe that he could leave that part of his life behind in California. That he could leave Gregg behind and never see him again.

“Surprise, babe,” Gregg smiled and winked at him. Danny felt dirty. That smile that used to mean the absolute world to him, that smile that used to make him come alive, now turned his heart to ice. His pulse sped up, not from the excitement it used to around Gregg, but from fear. Danny had no idea what Gregg would do or what he wanted from him. It terrified him, the idea that Gregg came all this way to punish him for leaving. He could feel the walls closing in on him and his breathing becoming shallow and fast but there wasn’t enough oxygen going to his lungs. He needed an escape route but it was almost as if his brain couldn’t process anything. He was seeing everything fine but he couldn’t focus on what he was seeing. His brain was too panicked to think about anything other than the panic. He felt cold.

Danny felt a hand gently grab his arm and he instinctively shrunk back from the contact.

“Danny, hey, it’s me!” The only voice that could pull Danny from his near anxiety assured him. “I’m sorry I scared you.”

Roy.

Danny looked to his side and saw Roy gently looking at him, his hand raised in the space between them as if he had forgotten to move it after Danny had jumped away.

What the fuck did this asshole do him? Roy gave Danny a small smile, already cursing the fucker who thought he was more important that Danny’s carefree happiness. I’m not even going to look at him. Fuck that guy. Roy would rip what little calm he had in his soul and give it to Danny if he could. He looks so… so defeated.

“Roy,” Danny whispered as if to reassure himself Roy was real and not a hallucination. A small smile graced Danny’s lips as Roy nodded.

“Yes, Roy. And I’m not going to bite Daniel,” he grinned mischievously as he leaned in to give Danny a quick hug. He felt victorious when Danny hugged him back properly. How about that tats? THIS is what it looks like when Danny actually wants you around. “Not unless I get permission first,” Roy whispered gently into his ear, earning him a small smile and roll of the eyes from his adorable barista. Pride and relief filled Roy’s heart as he saw Danny’s shoulders relax and his cheeks begin to fill again with that deliciously bronzed tone that was so uniquely Danny. Roy kept his focus on Danny’s eyes, silently trying to convey to Danny that he was there for him, no questions asked, no strings attached.

Tats had the audacity to clear his throat, annoyance evident in the way he dragged out the sound. “Aren’t you going to introduce us corazón?” Tats’ eyes coldly bore into Danny’s and Roy had never hated anyone so intensely or so quickly in his life. Fucking asshole. Where the fucking hell does he get off calling Danny that? Roy almost scared himself with the amount of emotion he was feeling.

“Gregg, this is my friend Roy.” Roy tried not to wince at the word ‘friend’ when he wanted to be anything but. “Roy, this is my ex Gregg.”

Gregg stuck his hand out for Roy to shake and Roy reluctantly pulled his eyes away from Danny’s and turned to properly face the creature standing across from him. Is it THAT ex? The one that that couldn’t get his fucking shit together enough to treat Danny the way he deserves? He’s the most fucking magical, wonderful, amazing person in the goddamn world and you couldn’t just let the world be special for him. Roy hated him.

As tats leaned into the handshake he whispered, “hopefully not for too much longer,” just loud enough to ensure Danny would hear him. He turned and shot a disgusting wink at Danny before pulling back. Roy wanted to beat that shit eating smirk right off that fucker’s face and into the fucking ground as Danny paled at the ex’s insinuation.

Roy hated him more.

“I should probably go backstage,” Danny said quietly. “Get ready for the show and … yeah.” Danny’s eyes desperately avoided looking at either tats or Roy.

Roy’s heart burned in his chest. He’d never seen Danny look so unsure, so uncomfortable in his own skin. It hurt Roy to see someone who should be so full of life and laughter and joy look so hopelessly misplaced and full of self-doubt. Roy would do just about anything to bring back the Danny that was so charmingly self-assured and happy. It killed him.

“Of course,” Roy smiled. “I’ll be right here.” Roy looked into Danny’s eyes as he said that, hoping Danny got the message that there was no way in hell he would leave him here to deal with fuckface on his own.

“I’ll go with you, babe,” Gregg drawled as he tried to reach for Danny again. Roy all but growled at the way this shitstain thought he could just touch Danny whenever he wanted to and say things to Danny that he clearly didn’t want to hear.

Danny subtly drew his arm further into himself and smiled apologetically at the ex. “Sorry Gregg. Only performers and staff are allowed back there.”

Anger flashed briefly in his eyes but was then replaced with a suggestive smirk. “But you know how much I love watching you from behind.” Roy gagged. Fucking prick. “Can’t you just tell ‘em I’m backup or something, azucár?” This time he managed to snatch Danny’s wrist, holding it tighter than he needed to, tighter than Roy thought at all necessary. His whole fucking presence is unnecessary.

“They know the whole band here Gregg,” Danny sighed. “I can’t just lie to them.” Danny broke free from tats’ grip and looked over at Roy with an expression he had never seen before. “Bye Roy.”

Roy watched as Danny quickly headed through the crowd and toward a door next to the stage. Roy felt a hand rest heavily on his shoulder.

“I don’t know who the fuck you are but Danny and I always find each other back. You’re nothing to him. He always comes back to me.”

Roy bit the inside of his lip in an effort to not deck the guy right then and there.

“I think Daniel’s allowed to have a friend or two in this world, or are you the only friend he’s supposed to have?” Roy bitterly threw at him.

“What the hell are you fucking accusing me of?” Tats growled, leaning closer to Roy.

Roy’s pocket vibrated and he stepped back as he went to check it, hoping it would give him a second to cool down if nothing else.

Danny N: Come backstage. Please. They’ll let you in.

Roy quickly threw the phone back in his pocket, hoping jackass hadn’t been able to see the message. “I think you know perfectly well what I mean. I sincerely hope I never have to see you again.” Before Gregg could respond, Roy had headed off in a different direction than Danny had. He hoped that the ex wouldn’t suspect his true destination and perhaps allow him some time to actually speak to Danny.

He took a long path around the edge of the club to the door by the stage. A large man stood before it with a stern frown. He looked down at Roy.

“I’m here to see Danny.”

“No one’s allowed in.”

“I’m Roy. Danny texted me,” Roy explained as he pulled out his phone and showed the security officer Danny’s text.

The bouncer’s expression softened and he leaned down toward Roy. “I’ve never seen him like this. I don’t know what happened but he’s … not him. Take care of him.” He looked into Roy’s eyes and Roy couldn’t help but feel comforted knowing Danny had people in his life that worried about him.

“Always,” Roy said, surprising himself with the amount of sincerity he meant. He really did want Danny happy. He couldn’t bear the thought of such a beautiful soul experiencing fear and sadness. It wasn’t right.

The bouncer smiled at him and opened the door allowing Roy to slip through it.

Danny couldn’t see, he couldn’t hear, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t breathe. Why couldn’t he just stay the fuck away? Why am I such a fucking idiot? What was I thinking? Of course he would find me. Of course he – His thoughts were stopped when two gentle hands came to rest on his biceps. He panicked for another moment until he realized it was Roy. It was then that he felt centered, if only slightly. “I’m sorry,” he croaked but stopped when Roy shushed him immediately.

“You have nothing to be sorry about, Danny. How can I help? What can I do?” Roy looked at him with so much care and concern. They hadn’t even had one date yet and he was showing Danny more support than Gregg ever had in over three years.

“You’re helping by being here,” Danny whispered. “What are you doing here anyway? I thought you were out viewing the latest Broadway hit?” Danny tried to smile but he knew it didn’t reach his eyes. He still felt so raw and violated.

“Browning Elementary’s adaptation of Frozen was a little avant-garde for the big time, but I have no doubt that it’ll get picked up as soon as the reviews are out,” Roy joked, hoping to pull a genuine smile out of Danny.

He succeeded. But barely.

“He’s not supposed to be here. Why can’t he just leave me alone,” Danny whispered dejectedly into the space between them. Roy’s heart ached.

“Not that it’s any excuse, but take it from me, you’re not someone that’s easy to forget,” Roy murmured carefully, looking gently into Danny’s eyes.

He’s too good for me. Danny’s body warmed at Roy’s confession. He couldn’t understand why this man would feel this way about him. He looked into Roy’s chocolate eyes and saw nothing but sincerity in them. He was so hopelessly taken with him and his quiet words and the way he softly but reassuringly held onto him. His heart burned in his chest as he took a breath and leaned forward, connecting his lips with Roy’s. His entire body felt on fire at the touch. He pulled back after a moment, noticing Roy wasn’t kissing back. He hoped he hadn’t gone too far. Hoped this was what Roy wanted too.

At first Roy looked at him in confusion and Danny felt the first wave of shame crash over him. Of course he doesn’t fucking want you! Why are you so stupid?! Danny rushed to apologize but before he could get two words out of his mouth, Roy’s expression changed. His eyes darkened and he looked at Danny hungrily before crashing his mouth onto Danny’s. His lips greedily drank in everything that was Roy as Roy did the same to him. He was all mint and masculinity and warmth. They molded together perfectly, Roy gently moving Danny back until he was pressed against the wall. Danny opened his mouth at the slightest touch of Roy’s tongue, eagerly accepting the increased intimacy. Danny felt alive and treasured and wonderful and beautiful and safe caged within Roy’s strong arms. All of the fear was gone. Roy was safe. He was comfort.

Roy couldn’t think. Danny surrounded him. His smell, his taste, his touch all engulfed Roy and there was nothing in the world that could pull even an ounce of his focus away from the man that was leaning into his touch, eagerly reciprocating his affection. The entire world could burn down and Roy would be none the wiser, happily entranced by the faint traces of smoke and beer hiding in a taste so uniquely Danny he couldn’t find the words to describe it. And this beautiful man wanted him. Sought him out. How was that possible?

It’s not. The most unhelpful part of his brain seemed to have caught up with the moment. It’s not you he wants. It’s the distraction. He’s reacting to seeing his ex and you were a convenient and stupidly eager body. Roy pulled away sucking in a breath that burned on the way down. “Danny, wait,” he managed to pant out. “Stop.”

Oh my god. Fuck. He doesn’t want this. He doesn’t want me. Danny looked to the floor cursing the tear that managed to escape his eye. “You don’t want this,” he stated so factually that it tore through Roy.

“No,” Roy grabbed Danny’s face and turned it so he could look into his eyes. The lively green that he had started hopelessly falling for was now a pale and lifeless hue. Roy ached knowing he had caused it. “That’s not it. Danny, I want you. So much. But not like this. Not when you’re ….,” he desperately searched for the right words, still barely able to think with Danny so close to him. “When you’ve just run into your ex and are maybe reacting to that instead of just me.” Roy pleaded with his eyes for Danny to understand. God I want you Danny. But I don’t want you to regret me. Us.

Danny tried to understand what Roy was telling him. “You think I’m just reacting to Gregg being here?” he asked carefully as if testing out the words himself.

“I think that maybe you’d want us to take things slower if you’re nerves hadn’t been shot through by fuckface showing up.”

Danny legitimately smiled at that and a small laugh escaped him. “Fuckface?” he asked, his eyes soft and happy.

“My pet name for Tats McGee out there,” Roy bitterly explained, rolling his eyes.

“Thank you. For being here,” Danny looked at him earnestly, still wrapped around him.

Roy felt his body begin to inconveniently react to the man before him looking so genuinely back at him. He pushed away from Danny and gave himself some distance. He smiled at the beautiful man before him. “You can thank my Gracie for letting me ditch her after party to come here.”

Danny felt like he was floating. Roy had gotten out of plans to come here. To see him. And he had been there to protect him from facing Gregg alone. And from having to deal with his panic attack by himself. He stepped forward tentatively and placed a small, chaste kiss on Roy’s lips. “I’ll be sure to let her know how much you being here meant to me.”

Roy lost his breath at Danny’s words, his eyes and voice conveying absolute sincerity. “There’s nowhere else I’d want to be,” he breathed. The intensity of his feelings terrified him. He barely knew anything about Danny but he was sure that he would do just about anything for him. This wasn’t like him. He never let himself feel these emotions. They were everything vulnerable and uncertain that Roy liked to think he wasn’t. He was logic. He was calm and rational. He didn’t fall head over heels for a man he met less than a month ago. But the way Danny looked at him, like he was someone worthy of the world, made his heart expand in his chest, his finger tips warm, and his whole body tingle with life and feeling.

Danny opened his mouth to say something just as a stage manager cleared his throat awkwardly. They both looked towards the young blonde. “I’m sorry but we need you on stage like two minutes ago Danny.”

Danny looked between Roy and the blonde a few times before Roy pecked a kiss to his cheek. “Go. I’ll be in the front row cheering on my rock star.” Roy surprised himself at his sentimentality. HIS rock star? Bitch, you are way too fucking far ahead of yourself. He hasn’t even told you he LIKES you!

“Start a personal fan club for me so I know it’s real,” Danny giggled. “I’ll see you after.”

Danny couldn’t believe it. Roy had managed to turn this night around just by being there. Danny had gone from panic attack to floating on Cloud 9 just because Roy had held him and comforted him and made him feel worthy of love. No, not love. God, this is all so fucking fast. But he was willing to admit to himself that he was falling for this amazing man who wasn’t frightened off by his past or his anxiety. He was falling for Roy and he absolutely did not want to stop.

Roy shoved his way through the people in the front row until he secured himself a spot at the foot of center stage, hoping Danny could focus on him if he got anxious again.

Danny stepped out on stage and Roy finally got the chance to truly admire him for the first time that night. He was wearing skintight black jeans that had been cutoff just below the knees, combat boots, and a baggy DARE muscle shirt. He looked like sex and youth and everything Roy wasn’t. His mouth went dry when Danny found him in the audience and winked, a slow smile spreading across his face. Roy bit his lip and held Danny’s eye contact.

The band behind him started up, pulling Danny from the trance Roy put him in. Damn him and his fucking mouth. Fucking mouth. Fucking. Mouth. Danny forced his thoughts in a different direction, grabbing the mic and introducing himself to the audience before plowing straight into the first song of the set.

–

Close to an hour later, Danny thanked the crowd and found Roy’s eyes again, smiling down at him. This time biting his own lip, hoping it would do to Roy everything it had done to him.

Fucking Christ. Roy didn’t know how Danny managed to get to him so easily but oh so fucking effectively. He breathed through his nose desperately trying to control himself. You’re a fucking grown man Haylock. Get your shit together. He headed toward the side door, happening to notice that it was swinging closed. He wondered who had gone in, deducing that it had to be staff getting ready to clear the stage. It took him what felt like forever to navigate the near teen orgy that was occurring on the dance floor around him. He was itching to see Danny again.

He finally made it to the door but his smile dropped and his greeting died on his tongue as he took in the sight before him.

He felt a forceful swell of anger bloom within him as he saw Danny pushed against the wall of the narrow hallway, tats leaning over him. Danny was huddled back, clearly trying to get as far away from the ex as possible. He was crowding Danny’s space, whispering things to him. Roy silently stepped forward until he could hear what he had to say.

“I was an idiot, babe. I just don’t work without you. What’s it goanna take to get you to come back home with me? You know it’s what you want, corazón.” He moved to curl a piece of Danny’s hair behind his ear. Danny flinched away from his touch. Roy noticed the ex’s jaw clench. “Stop being fucking difficult Daniel. You’re lucky I’m ready to give you another chance after the fucking tantrum you threw last spring. Moving all the way to fucking New York. Changing your fucking number. Do you seriously think you’re ever going to find someone who’s gonna treat you as good as me, you little shit? You think you can do fucking better? You think anyone is going to put up with you?”

Roy felt his blood boil. Danny put his arms up, his eyes red from crying, and tried to push tats away from him.

“Get away from me,” Danny quietly stuttered. “Leave.”

The ex’s eyes flashed angrily at Danny’s weak shove and he pushed forward pinning Danny to the wall. “Don’t you dare –,” he started to growl, through clenched teeth when Roy couldn’t hold himself back any longer.

“He told you to get away from him,” Roy emphasized each syllable, his arms crossed over his chest, eyes cutting daggers through the ex.

Tats flung his head backward and groaned. “Fan-fucking-tastic.” He turned away from Danny, crossed his arms and returned Roy’s stare. “I’m really proud of you Danny,” he began, eyes never leaving Roy. “You finally found yourself a sugar daddy who’ll pay for your precious hobbies. Willing to suck old man dick in order to play superstar at a gay bar twice a week? I can only imagine how you got bookings in LA.”

Roy could see Danny in the periphery of his eyesight. Tears were streaming from his eyes as he looked in shock and disbelief at the man he used to love brutally patronizing him. Fucking asshole. Roy’s anger felt like its own entity, willing him to make decisions he rationally never would. His arms dropped to his side and his fists clenched.

Gregg continued to stare straight at Roy, uncaring at the destructive force his words had on Danny. Danny felt powerless. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t speak. Why the fuck is he here? Why is he doing this? How did he find me, again? Danny felt like he was outside of himself, watching the scene in front of him through a looking glass. Both in it and out of it at the same time.

 “I’m happy for you Danny. Really.” The ex began walking toward Roy slowly, like a cat stalking its prey. “I’m impressed that you managed to find someone who actually indulges your pathetic, worthless dreams. I just hope you know that the only thing he wants out of this is that perky ass of yours-”

His sentence cut off when Roy’s fist connected with his lower jaw. Danny gasped as Gregg collapsed to the ground from the force of Roy’s hit. He gingerly grabbed his jaw and cried out in pain. Roy felt nothing, just seething anger coursing through him.

“YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH,” the ex screamed at Roy as he lay on the ground, still holding his face.

Roy stepped over him and grabbed the collar of his shirt bringing their faces closer together. “Listen to me, you disgusting piece of shit. Leave. Danny. Alone.” He calmly punctuated each word. He looked up and away from tats to Danny. He was still cowering against the wall. Roy carefully reached for his hand, waiting to let Danny reciprocate, not wanting to force him into anything. “Let’s go get something to eat,” he said, checking to see Danny nod yes before stepping away from the ex and leading him out of the bar.

Roy quickly and silently walked them through the crowd and out the front door. He hit Gregg. He fucking hit him. For me? Danny watched Roy’s back in wonder as he let him lead the pair. Once outside, Roy gently but purposefully pulled Danny along with him until they had crossed a couple of streets and turned around the corner. Danny had no idea where they were. Roy suddenly stopped and turned back to him, his eyes swimming with concern.

“Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” Roy quietly breathed, his arms holding onto Danny’s upper arms.

“No. I’m fine. What about your hand? You didn’t have to do any of that. I’m so sorry.”

Roy shook his head firmly. “Don’t apologize for that asshole. You have nothing to be sorry for.” Danny tilted his head away from Roy and looked at the ground. “And I want you to know something,” Roy said, turning with Danny to catch his eye. “You deserve, and are, worth so much more than that.”

Danny felt himself blush and he rolled his eyes, embarrassed by Roy’s flattery. “Thank you,” he whispered back.

“Now let’s get some food. I’m starving and could definitely use a drink,” Roy smiled, dropping his arms from Danny’s surprisingly firm biceps. Danny frowned at the loss of contact.

The pair found a small pizza place along the street they had ended up on. Roy had been ready to pass it by when Danny’s face lit up. Roy was loathe to deny Danny anything after the hell he had just been through and steered them toward it.

“Party,” Danny smiled as they stepped inside.

They ordered and talked about nothing in particular for some time, Roy avoiding discussing the incident until Danny was ready to. When Danny had finished inhaling three slices, he folded his hands on top of the table and nervously looked to Roy. He squirmed in his seat for a moment before taking a deep breath and staring down at his hands. “He was my first real relationship, my only real relationship ever.” Danny paused to take a breath. Roy reached over and rested his hand over Danny’s. Danny looked up and gave Roy a small smile. “I loved him. And I thought he loved me, too. I think he did at one point. But it wasn’t a good relationship. The breakup was even worse. I guess you can kinda know now why I had to come out here to get away from it all. Why I couldn’t stay in LA anymore. I wanted a total fresh start.”

Roy nodded gently and looked at their hands. “Did he always treat you like that?”

Danny laughed humorlessly and bit his lower lip anxiously. “More or less.”

“What was with all the Spanish pet names?”

Danny laughed bitterly. “I was raised speaking Spanish at home and at first I thought he learned it for me, to be romantic and sweet and … I’m pretty sure now that he only learned it so he would know what my mom and I were saying about him.” He stared down at the table, avoiding Roy.

Roy squeezed Danny’s hand. “I’m sorry he didn’t appreciate what he had.”

Danny smiled shyly at him, looking up through his lashes. “Me too.”

“Have you dated anyone else since?” Roy tried his best to sound casual.

“Not really. I’ve been on dates and whatever but, I still feel, like, all over the place mentally, I guess, and I’m just trying to focus on me right now.”

Roy felt his stomach drop. “Oh. Makes sense.”

“What about you?”

“No one at the moment. My last serious relationship ended three years ago and I’ve dated here and there but my shit personality usually scares them off,” Roy laughed.

Danny laughed incredulously. “Oh whatever. You’re literally, like, my knight in shining armor so fuck all the way off with that.”

Roy smiled, glad that Danny was perking up. There was something almost magical about Danny’s smile to Roy. How in fuck’s name could that asshole ever want to do anything other than make him laugh? God, his smile is so beautiful. Danny’s joy was infectious. It warmed even the most bitter part of Roy’s heart.

“May I walk you home?” Roy gently asked Danny, still scared to make him feel trapped or like he didn’t have a choice.

“Fuck yeah,” Danny smiled genuinely. God he’s so fucking perfect.

Roy grabbed the ticket before Danny had a chance to even notice the waiter had placed it on the table and paid for the meal. Danny blushed. It was unbelievable to him that someone so caring wanted him. He felt valuable and special in a way he hadn’t in so long.

They walked the five or so blocks to Danny’s place hand in hand, both overwhelmed by the amount of feeling they had for the other in such a short amount of time. When they reached the door to Danny’s building, Roy placed a gentle kiss on Danny’s lips that Danny eagerly returned.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Roy whispered into the space between them.

“Thank you for everything tonight. It meant a lot,” Danny steadily held Roy’s gaze hoping he understood just how grateful he was for him.

“And that’s the last time you get to say that. I’m glad I was there.”

“Goodnight my knight in shining armor,” Danny quipped as he unlocked the building door and opened it.