#blurtselfcareathon

@theblurtfoundation #blurtselfcareathon This was my #dream for this year. And last year. And the year before. It really hurts being a #chronicpain mum especially when your kids say ‘you’re always tired’ or ‘go to bed mummy and rest’ (as soon as Hubs walks through the door) or ‘we never do anything fun’ - it’s so hard to keep your head held high when your #kids are disappointed and let down by you all the time. This week I have really #struggled to walk. I’ve kinda kept it hidden from my family and blamed my inability to take the kids school and pick them up every day (only done it twice this week) on just being #tired or achy... but the truth is, when I’ve tried to walk even the short distance from my car to the playground, it’s brought me to (choked back) tears it’s hurt that much. I don’t know what this means for my future but it certainly wasn’t my dream... I was warned at 18 that if I continued to #dance I would be in a #wheelchair by my 40s but I stopped dancing and never really believed it. But... what if it is a reality? I guess it’s time for a new dream. It’s just gonna take some time for me to accept that this chapter could be over in some ways.

#nofilterneeded #nofilter #blurtselfcareathon #Day5 #Outside in my #urbangarden #bliss #lowmaintenance (at Ipswich, Suffolk)

My mum being the kindest human ever got me a buddy box. It's basically a lil self care treat. If you're interested go see the blurt foundation website. They also do a v sweet self care weekly email which is free and positive and lovely.

@imwtclothing @theblurtfoundation SONG: as you can see, this isn’t really a song... but it IS an amazing person/company who deserves to be shared far and wide. Say hi to Aiden Hatfield. He’s the brains behind the #inmusicwetrust brand, set up after he addressed his own mental health issues and realised that just as music helped him out during those episodes of bleakness, so too could it be the same for others. 50% of all profits he makes goes to #mind charity too! Aiden hosts a live stream Q+A session on his Twitter page every Monday at 8pm - answering questions about mental health and to connect with his abundance of followers. A #musician at heart, he ends every session with his guitar and original music. I follow Aiden over on #twitter and can attest to his dedication and the respect he has for his supporters. He’s proof there’s still good in the World #blurtselfcareathon

Anxiety has taken over my life. I think it’s always been there in the background, throughout my life and manifested itself in rather varied and mostly “unattractive” ways. As a child I was always the people pleaser. I let kids walk all over me. I was quiet in public; the teachers pet; the best dancer and swimmer and gymnast my parents could dream of. As a teen I was so terrified of being alone so that when I was all manner of negative things would run through my brain. Some of which turned out to be true. Friends hanging out without me. Boyfriends losing interest or cheating. I lost a lot of friends during this period because my answer to anxiety was explosive anger. Looking back now I wish I could hug all that pain out of that 16 yr old girl and tell her “it’s not you, it’s your anxiety”. Maybe then I’d have got and accepted help. As an ‘adult’ I’ve accepted far from ideal relationships and been the far from ideal partner. I’ve lied, cheated, manipulated, broken people. It’s only now, in my early 30s that I’m realising that things could’ve been different had I had help. As I said in my post yesterday - I’m so scared of starting my road to recovery because it’s been such a damn long road of messiness and pain that I don’t know who I am without that. I hope that one day I’m BRAVE enough to try @theblurtfoundation #blurtselfcareathon #anxiety #mentalillness #mentalhealth #sicknotweak

#Day4 #blurtselfcareathon #theblurtfoundation #blurtfoundation #SNUGGLE my Daddy’s cardigan helps me comfort myself when feeling low. He died 26 years ago xx (at Ipswich, Suffolk)