Jul 28, 2020
“She says she died.”
The Sharif's sister.
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“She says she died.”
The Sharif's sister.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Gerry (tiefling): I feel like your skill modifiers are all better than mine.
Percy: How can you say that? I have a -2 to Bluff, Diplomacy and Intimidate after half level!
Gerry: That’s just because you have no Charisma.
Percy: I don’t need charisma, I’m the law.
"I Don't Know How To Sit"
A minor explanation: the party is going to stop some evil guys running a vague “corporation” we know nothing about. After passing a perception roll, we see a help wanted sign and all go in to apply. Turns out, this is a mind control facility who’s “product” is mild controlled soldiers and things to control them with. After breaking down the door in a mind control room, the other employees are unsure if it worked, while the vampire rogue is making his way in bat form through the vents. Employee: Oh hi fellow employee! Judging by how you’re dressed, I’m sure you should be a guard?
Warlock: …. Yes, we are.Â
Employee: Hm, your navigation programming seems to be malfunctioning. We should take you down for reprogramming in the lab.
Paladin OOC: No this is good, we should go. We can learn more about this place in the lab.
Warlock: … Yes, we should.
Upon arriving to the lab, scientists are there waiting.Â
Scientist: Programming error? Well alright, just take a seat in this chair and we’ll fix it.Â
Rogue, OOC: Tell them you don’t remember how to sit.Â
The whole party, OOC: *starts laughing*
DM: Are you really going to say that?Â
Warlock OOC: I know that is usually DM code for “don’t do this, its a shitty idea” but fuck you I’m doing it anyways.
Warlock: … My programming does not have any knowledge or record of what “sitting” is. *passes a deception check*
Scientists: Wh– Gods do I have to go up and readjust those crystals? Look just *long explanation of what sitting is that the whole party now is playing along with and refusing to do*
This bought the rogue enough time to basically make the alarm system broken, taking electrical damage and turning back into his normal form, and then the scientists were left defenseless with little weapons. In the end, this saved about 2-3Â sessions worth of content including 3 potential fights, a complicated trap, potential lich possession from a cursed item, and not knowing that there were children also being kept in the building that could have been in danger. Our DM was baffled that it actually worked and made us skip so far ahead stupid fast.
“Occupational Safety and Health Administration inspection team. We’re here regarding claims of employee harm in the Omu area, filed by one Mr. Kakarol the Upcoming. Do you know anything?”
-Me, the Paladin, when asked who we were by some Red Wizards that we’d been trying to find on behalf of a kobold lord
Context: playing Gamma World, which is set in a nuclear wasteland. Player characters have two permanent mutations and periodically get a random mutation every full rest or critical fail. These mutations can be anything from physical changes to new powers that have a single use.
Party: *sneaking into a old robot factory a gang of pigmen have set up in
Party, sans me: *successfully stealth past an open door to the guard’s breakroom
Me: *rolls a nat1, gets a random mutation card
Guard 1: “WHO GOES THERE?!”
Me, flipping the card to see what I got: “A platypus, clearly."Â
DM, after the laughter dies down: Role bluff to see if they buy it
Me: 20!
Guards 2: "Calm down, Pork Rind. It’s just a 6 foot tall bipedal aquatic mammal."Â
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Our group currently consists of a half-orc fighter, a wood elf ranger, a genasi wizard, and a gnome barbarian.  we’re also known for bumbling into high-level boss fights and generally causing a ruckus.  in our last session, they wound up in a room full of treasure with a centaur mummy laid out on a slab
DM: as you touch the door, the mummy begins to rise.  He says, “You may not–”
Ranger: Can I get his headpiece after we kill him?
DM: “Oh…I was just going to tell you not to touch the door.  But sure, let’s get right to fighting”
Us: Uhhh
Barbarian: Wait! -offers him a sugar cube from her hand-
DM: Well, he takes it but he’s still going to fight you
Barbarian: I offer another sugar cube
DM: you’ll have to roll persuasion for that.  What’s your modifier?
Barbarian (OOC): literally zero but okay -rolls 16-
DM: Okay, so he starts to–wait, where did you even GET sugar cubes?
Barbarian: uhh…the town
Everyone: -completely losing it-
DM: you know, what, I’m going to allow it because you managed to bluff not only the boss but also me
Gerry (tiefling): (to NPC) I’ve heard much about your people. All good things, of course!
Aisha (goliath wizard): cough Bluff check cough
Ball Bearings
DM: As you stop, she turns around and asks “Why have you stopped?” Elf: He uh, stubbed his toe. Human (OOC): I’m on a horse! DM: Okay roll for, deception. Elf: *rolls a 9* Warrior: OKAY! As they do this, I’m going to “accidentally” pour my thousand ball bearings on the ground.
Ball bearings are apparently a good way to distract from a bad distraction.