Yesterday I had a super strange situation in my debate class.
A while before the doorbell rang, I went to get my things and went to the bathroom. I texted my boyfriend (who is in the debate with me) and said, "I'm in the bathroom, I'm coming." So far so good, the bell rings to enter classes, I wash my hands, leave the bathroom and go up to the first floor, when I enter the room, most of my friends and my boyfriend were there, sitting with more people (who are my acquaintances but not close to the point of being friends) all together in a row at the back, side by side. Obviously I wanted to sit with them, but in the place where I went to sit, a friend was already sitting, so I left there and sat alone at a table.
I felt super excluded alone at that table, I felt like crying just because of that, and because I knew that if any of them were late, I would have saved a place for them as I thought they were going to do with me, when I entered the room I thought that my friends and my boyfriend were going to be sitting together as always waiting for me, It's what I would have done, but I always think more about others.
When I sat down, I heard a friend complain that I was alone, she spoke as if with pity, I didn't want to feel sorry for me, I didn't want to feel sorry for me. They tried to get me to sit with them and I refused because there was literally no room for me to sit with them. It was then that I heard that friend send my boyfriend to sit with me, at that point I didn't want that, I didn't want my boyfriend to leave his friends to sit with me and I didn't want him to be there either because it wasn't his initiative to do so, if he was the excluded one, I would have sat with him without thinking about it, But I didn't run him off just so I wouldn't be rude or look like I was playing the victim. I also thought, why do they send my boyfriend? Why doesn't one of my friends come and sit with me? Why didn't they save me a place?...
Maybe I'm exaggerating but I felt really bad, I hate being so sensitive 😭
That's when I realized that maybe they didn't care about me as much as I thought.
Then I spent the whole class anxious to leave at once, my day had started very badly and at that point it was horrible, I wanted to throw myself on the terrace. But it is what it is.
