#blue cal

Blue Calum ☁️💨 for @talkcal

I FUCKING LOST IT. I'm pretty sure I was screaming about it to my coworker and she was just like "okay but they do that to all of us." And I was like "yeah they're fucking assholes" or something and she was just like "I'm sorry?" and I just couldn't. I rushed outside and started crying and my fucking manager was all "are you okay? your customer needs their check. you need to be in the front!" I was like "I WAS! I HAD JUST CHECKED ALL MY TABLES A BUNCH OF TIMES AND STEPPED TO THE BACK FOR ONE MINUTE" "well you need to be in the front." 

etc.

I don't even know what all happened. I was not okay. And he was all "okay, i'll do the checks" when I couldn't stop crying. and then I tried to compose myself because I didn't want it to get any worse and I went out and fucking he hadn't even touched the checks what the fuck???? so I started trying to make up the bills for the customers and my coworkers kept being like "are you okay?" so I would start crying again. and then they like told me to ask them for help next time (i was the only one in my section) and stuff and i started to feel a tiny bit less like a fucking worthless piece of shit human being who can't even do a simple fucking serving job right and my fucking manager comes up and he's all like "it's so easy! just do your job! it's easy!" FUCK. YOU.

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

AND YOU KNOW WHAT EVEN IF I AM A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT WHO CAN'T FUNCTION LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING YOU STILL HAVE TO GIVE ME ALLOWANCES. EVEN IF THIS WAS BECAUSE OF MY ADD OR MY ANXIETY OR DEPRESSION OR GOD KNOWS WHAT. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? NO. NO FUCKING HUMAN BEING CAN DO THIS SHIT. THAT'S WHY IT'S THE FUCKING LAW TO HAVE FUCKING BREAKS. BUT NOT ONLY DO WE NOT GET 15 MINUTE BREAKS, I APPARENTLY CAN'T EVEN DO WHAT EVERY OTHER FUCKING EMPLOYEE DOES AND CHECK MY PHONE FOR ONE FUCKING MINUTE. GOD THEY EVEN FUCKING GET MAD AT ME WHEN I FUCKING GO TO THE BACK TO DRINK FUCKING WATER. 

NOT EVEN THAT. THEY YELL AT ME WHEN I'M TOO BUSY DOING SOMETHING FOR ONE CUSTOMER TO DO SOMETHING FOR ANOTHER RIGHT THAT MINUTE. 

I WAS AT THE FUCKING BAR WAITING FOR THE FUCKING DRINK FOR MY FUCKING CUSTOMER A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO AND THE FUCKING HOSTESS (WHO ISN'T A MANAGER BUT ACTS LIKE SHE IS AND MY STUPID FUCKING MANAGER ALWAYS DEFERS TO HER BECAUSE THEY'RE BOTH FUCKING STUPID) COMES UP TO ME ALL LIKE "KARA YOU HAVE CUSTOMERS YOU NEED TO BE AT THE SUSHI BAR!" UM BITCH WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I'M DOING? JACKING OFF?????? ALSO THERE WAS ANOTHER SERVER WHO SHOULD HAVE BEEN TAKING THOSE CUSTOMERS SO WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS EVERYTHING ALWAYS MY FAULT??? 

WHY DO I ALWAYS GET THESE FUCKIGN PEOPLE? "OH KARA YOU'RE JUST SO SENSITIVE" FUCK YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF AND STOP FUCKING BULLYING ME.

seriously it's like this everywhere. i had a fucking anxiety attack wednesday because my old bosses who bullied me at my last job came in to eat lunch and i kept having to pass by them.

why do i have to put up with this fucking shit just to fucking have a shitty place to sleep and shitty food to eat? why? why?