#bloodofthewind

Leif : Yes, I'm sorry I was late. I still haven't thanked you for letting us escape from Manster... Sety : Don't worry about that... ...How did you know I was the prince? Oh, did Karin tell you?

Leif : Yes. She told me that you stayed here to protect the people of Manster, when you actually have to return to your country as soon you can... It's all because I wasn't strong enough to liberate Manster. Forgive me, Lord Sety...

Sety : No, don't worry about it. I was planning on getting this done more quickly... but even my Holsety didn't stand a chance against Reidric's Blade of Loptyr. We lost many lives as a result... My lack of strength is to blame. It isn't your fault.

Leif : ...I am envious of you. Your heroic powers are exactly like that of the Holy Warrior Sety. But...I don't have such ability. I'm not like you or Lord Seliph... I...am not a Holy Warrior... Sety : ...What are you saying? What do you think a Holy Warrior is? Is it simply one who inherits a Holy Weapon? No, of course not! For hundreds of years, Jugdral was under the control of an evil Empire worshiping the dark god, Loptyr. The Holy Warriors were the heroes who freed the people from the Empire's grasp. And you, Lord Leif, have been fighting that same battle for over a year now. You have pushed through perilous battles to save your people from tyranny. I don't think Lord Seliph or I am any nobler than you. Not only did you, the youngest among us, grow up in the most painful circumstances, but you've also been fighting the longest. If that isn't what you would call a Holy Warrior, then what is? Believe in yourself! You most certainly are a Holy Warrior of Noba!

Leif : Lord Sety...thank you. I must have been overwhelmed after I saw how much you and Lord Seliph have done. ...Perhaps I still am a child. Sety : Well then, that would mean I've been rescued by a child. Leif : Oh... That's not what I meant...

Sety : Haha... Oh, this really isn't the time to be joking around... We managed to trap Reidric in a corner of the castle, but he has set up strong defenses and has taken the remaining children as hostages. My troops from the Magi group are all busy securing the city sector, so we don't have enough manpower to fight Reidric. I trust you will aid us, Lord Leif.

Leif : Of course! Reidric is a hated enemy to me as well. And if I could fight alongside you, it would be a dream come true.

I’m basing Julius’ personality on two things: his lack of proper socialization past the age of 8, and the way he’s been worshipped like a god for nearly a decade, if not longer. If you take a 8 year old, treat him like he could do no wrong, give him a horde of loyal followers, and the power of an Empire, you basically worsen and perpetuate the childishness of that 8 year old. No one was there to reprimand him, and those who did likely faced fatal consequences (if not from Julius, then from the Sect), and when he wanted something, he got it. This is the way psychopaths and personality disorders are created, and I believe I’ve already mentioned that Julius is a textbook case of narcissistic personality disorder.

Children need guidance, discipline, friends their age, etc. to properly develop into well-adjusted adults. Julius had guidance from Manfloy, but for what? Killing people, ruling an Empire like a dictator, taking whatever he wants. Even though I HC that Julius was probably always too soft to participate in the sacrifices directly (during these times, Loptyr took greater control over him and so Julius subsequently has blank spots in his memory from it), he certainly got a kind of sick thrill out of chasing other children down during the child hunts (and this is reflected in the way he makes a game out of trying to kill someone in Seliph’s army, or his idea to pit the children from the hunts against each other in fights to the death, though both of these things are likely intermingled with Loptyr’s will). So, friends his age? Not sure that would qualify as a game of tag when the ones running are legitimately terrified.

Tinny calls him “cold as ice” and mentions that he doesn’t even seem human. This is probably foreshadowing that Julius is possessed by Loptyr, but I also take it to highlight his lack of empathy. Empathy is what allows us to be warm and connect with other people, but if a child isn’t taught empathy, then there’s nothing in them that makes them stop when they’re hurting someone else. It should also be noted that Julius didn’t suddenly learn empathy when Loptyr let go of him, because it was never something he knew to begin with. He isn’t quite so bad that he doesn’t understand facial cues and emotions, but he can’t understand another’s pain.

Also, discipline. Every effort Alvis makes to discipline Julius is either overruled by Manfloy, or Julius himself blatantly disregards it. This is child petulance at its finest, and so it’s no surprise that Julius grew up thinking that he didn’t have to take orders from anyone. In fact, Manfloy probably became more of a father figure to him than Alvis did, but as we see with Sara, Manfloy isn’t winning any parenting awards.

So with all of that in mind, Julius gets stripped of everything that made up his identity when he’s “killed” during endgame. He loses his power from Loptyr, his cult, his title as Grannvale’s emperor, and everyone who even remotely liked him (I say “like,” but it was probably fear and respect more than anything else). He was essentially reborn with nothing but his past sins, and now he must make amends. His personality did not change though (minus the extremely violent tendencies), and neither did his expectations, which is why my muse acts as arrogant and bratty as he does. “Pity” is a foreign and disgusting concept to him because he once was the most powerful person on the continent, and receiving pity means that he’s not that anymore. He can’t let himself seem vulnerable, weak, powerless, etc. - he has too much pride - and uses arrogance as a defense. Of course, he’s also aware that he keeps digging himself into a deeper hole, but he just can’t stop, and along with it comes severe feelings of self-hate, further perpetuating this loop.

First of all, he certainly does harbor some regret for settling down with Tatiana. Had his memories all been in tact when he woke up in Rigel, he probably would have been careful not to do anything that would lead her on. He takes chivalry very seriously, and even if he was unsure that he would ever see Nyna again, he would not willingly give himself to another while he knew she was still out there. But as it happened, his memories were gone for nearly a year, and he has a soft spot for saints…

The internal conflict is very much there, and it’s a wonder that Camus hasn’t just completely lost it at this point. The good thing is that he had a year to establish his relationship with Tatiana before he remembered who he was and realized that another war was happening in Archanea. It might have been a mistake to return and search for Nyna though, because despite his disguise and how much he tried to distance himself from everyone, she definitely recognized him (how surprising) and just that one spark of hope that he was alive would be enough to bring her unending heartache. Above all, this is what troubles Camus. He’s probably settled his feelings for Tatiana, and has convinced himself that it would never have worked with Nyna anyway, but the thought that he might have given her a taste of happiness and pulled it away from her again… That keeps him awake at night.

A little bit of an extra tidbit though: during the War of Shadows, as much as Camus loved Nyna, he couldn’t allow himself to leave his country for her. Not solely because “a good knight sticks with his country until the end,” but because he didn’t want his reputation to sully hers. A princess marrying a turncoat? There would be no end to the slander. Plus, how would she ever truly trust him not to cheat or change sides again? Camus wouldn’t be able to live with himself, and he would never in his life wish the repercussions of his mistakes to fall on a loved one.