#blonded

Your Honor, My client Ryan has done no wrong.

Pastor Rod sighed as he paced around the small office near the back of the church.

"Do you understand how big of a mistake you're making? How much you hurt your family?" Pastor Rod said as he crossed his arms, his body shaking from the force of his anger.

"Why does it matter what I've done anyway, its not like you have to participate." Ryan says through clenched teeth, flicking his eyes around the room before looking back at Pastor Rod.

"Its the point! You've managed to engorge my son in a life of sin!"

"A life of sin? So its my fault your son is gay?" Ryan said as he stood up from his chair.

"My son isn't a homosexual!" He shouts furiously. "Hunter is just confused because you made him feel things that aren't real!"

"Right, sure, Hunter isn't gay, he just likes to kiss boys." Ryan says sarcastically before grabbing his coat.

"Book of Leviticus, verse 13, you're breaking the holiness code, Ryan." Pastor Rod says as he shakes his head and opens his bible. "If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination."

Ryan walked out of the church without visibly acknowledging what he’d said, headed straight home through the misty rain.

———

Dinner sat cold as Ryan stared at the plate, picking at the edges of the tablecloth in silence. After a beat Ryan’s mum spoke up.

“Pastor Rod says he knows a deliverance healer, that it’d be good for you and Hunter.” She says as she looks at Ryan with her arms crossed.

“What’s a ‘deliverance healer’?” Ryan said with furrowed brows as he stared at his plate.

“Someone to cleanse your soul.” His mum mutters.

———

"I can't believe how much of a gullible arsehole my dad is." Ryan grumbled to Hunter as they stand and wait for the healing ritual.

"They all are, and my parents just put on this show for them." Hunter mumbles back.

"Yeah but he thinks this'll make it stop." Ryan said as he huffed out a laugh.

"Make what stop?" Hunter questions as he tilts his head, the corner of his mouth coming up just a tad.

"I see you're still sticking to you're story then." Ryan said as he smiled and stared at the ceiling.

"It's not a story, we did nothing." Hunter says with a casual shrug.

The pastors house was incredibly cold as Ryan rested on his knees next to Hunter, looking up at the funny looking dickhead claiming to be a ‘deliverance healer’.

“Look at the fire.” Ryans eyes drifted to the fire, locked onto the flames every move as it flickered with the old man’s breath.

"Two fires, O Lord, one to defile, one to reform."

As soon as the words were spoken and the flame was cut it was like molten lava crawled up Ryan’s throat, down into his lungs, and every nerve ending ached and spasmed as he hit the floor. He caught the smallest glimpse of Naim's panicked face before his vision went dark, the only thing he could do was cry out in agony.

"The sons of Aaron brought fire to please themselves. They worshiped as they willed, so the fire of judgement fell." The deliverance healer continued as both boys seized on the floor. "By the fire that consumes, i call upon the judgement. Let the fire fall now!"

———

Ryan wished that anatomy would go by faster, the minutes ticking by slowly as they dissected frogs. The wet, gooey feeling of frog guts landing on the left side of his face caught him off-guard, being followed by an entire carcass. With a tired sigh, Ryan kept his head down and continued to work, feeling the eyes of the class as giggles and whispers erupted from different corners of the room.

Not one of those giggles sounded like Naim.

———

Walking out of school, Naim seemed to be waiting for him by the road.

“Naim go away.” Ryan said quickly.

“Ryan.” Naim said as he took a step closer. “Ryan it’s okay.”

“Go away.” Ryan repeats as he walks past Naim.

“Ryan.” Naim repeats as he reaches out and grabs Ryan’s arm, the grip tighter than he remembered it ever being.

“No, just stay away from me, I don't want them to find you out too.” Ryan says as he shoves Naim’s hand and walks away quickly.

———

Ryan stood at the soda machine in the corner store, somewhat lost in thought until he noticed Naim’s mum walk in and pick up a basket, Naim following along behind her.

“Ryan.” Naim says as he looks at him.

“Your mum is going to see us.” Ryan deadpans as he glances at Naim. “They’ll find out about you too.”

“You OK?” Naim says as he steps a fraction of a step closer.

“You have to stop.” Ryan says with the faintest shake of his head.

“Stop what?”

“I- I can’t.”

Naim’s mum calls out his name as she turns to look at them both. Ryan walks out of the store quickly, the door bell chiming behind him. On his walk home he sighed, glancing down at the bruise blooming on his arm from his previous interaction with Naim.

Once Ryan made it home he sighed a breath of relief, collapsing onto his bed before looking out the window into the dark night.

Outside the window was Naim's figure, just standing there while looking into the house.

"Naim, it's late, just go home." Ryan said before drawing the curtains.

———

The next day of school went by agonizingly slow, the only respite coming from the scenic walk home in the soft glow of the setting sun.

"Ryan." A voice sounding like Naim's called out from the driveway.

"Naim, I told you not here, they'll see us." Ryan said as he stared at Naim amongst the windblown clotheslines.

"Ryan, there’s nobody here." Naim said as he stepped a bit closer to Ryan.

"You sure there's no-one here?" Ryan says as he looks around.

"nobody saw me walk in here." Naim said reassuringly.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

Ryan lets a soft sigh escape. "Well come on then." He says as he walks in the backdoor of the house.

"Be quiet, yeah?" Ryan tells him as he closes the backdoor behind Naim.

"Come on." He repeats as he ushers Naim through the house then out the front door.

"Will your parents hear me in the house though?" Naim says quietly as he steps through the front door.

"Nah, we're lucky, they're fucking always hidden away in their bedroom." Ryan says as he locks the front door before walking ahead to hold the gate open for Naim.

They walk for a bit before Naim starts leading Ryan to the roller rink.

"Lets go in here." Naim says as he points towards the building before walking forward and reaching for the door.

"Yeah, but what if there are people here?" Ryan says as he catches up to Naim.

"there's rarely more than four people here anymore."

"Yeah, OK, lets try it." Ryan says, conceding to Naim due to his forwardness.

They climb in the photo booth.

"I thought you were scared." Ryan mutters in-between kisses with Naim.

"Life is too short." Naim whispers before unbuttoning Ryan's shirt.

"Are you going to do it too?" Ryan whispers as the camera keeps clicking.

For one minute it was euphoric, Naim running his hands along Ryan's chest, along his back, all whilst peppering him in kisses.

Swiftly, Naim's hand snakes out and wraps around Ryan's throat, squeezing hard enough to constrict his airways. The photo booth curtain draws open before he hears a slam, rushing out of the booth bloody and bruised as he looks for an exit frantically.

"Stop following me!" Ryan shouts as Naim steps closer whilst he backs up.

"Ryan. Ryan." Naim says as he continues to get closer.

"Stop doin' this." Ryan says with a heaving chest. "Stop comin' to my house."

"What was that?" Naim says with a shaky voice as he points at the photo booth.

"You!" Ryan snaps, leaving Naim visibly shaken.

"It was you!" Ryan says as his breath gets quicker. "Please- Please don't make me tell anyone." He says a bit softer if it wasn't for the rasp in his voice.

"Just leave me alone. Please." He says before quickly walking past Naim, leaving him in the middle of the roller rink.

———

The news hit Ryan like a freight-train as he listened in to his mums phone call. Hunter was dead, that much was true. Was Ryan the next to fall victim to that… thing?

“Ryan.” His mum said as she stood in his bedroom doorway. “You heard that, didn’t you?”

“What, that Hunter was found dead in a field?” Ryan said quietly as he stared at his hands.

She sighed, rubbing her temples. “The police want to talk to you, see if you know anything about what could’ve happened.”

“Why would I know? I haven’t even seen Hunter since that deliverance healer came by.”

“His sister told police that Hunter confided in her, said he’s seen you every night outside the station.”

“Izzie?” Ryan said as he looked at his mum. “She’s lying, I haven’t seen Hunter at all.”

“Ryan, I don’t know what’s true and what’s not, okay? You should’ve never done anything with Hunter period but you surrendered yourself to sin and now a boy is dead.” She said with a frustrated sigh. “Now slide your sneakers on so I can drop you ‘round the station.”

Ryan’s dad was standing in the front yard, refusing to make eye contact with him as he got in the passenger seat of the car.

At the police station Ryan proved to be unhelpful as they ruled out his involvement due to his family as well as others recounting that he was never seen there.

———

The funeral was cold, not just due to the chill outside but the atmosphere inside as well. There really was a difference between celebration of life versus mourning of what could’ve been. All the tears that Ryan had for Hunter had already been shed, now all that was left behind was a cloud of loneliness mixed with paranoia and fear.

He sat inside the house whilst the other guests chatted amongst themselves before a scream was heard from outside. Quickly, he rushed outside onto the deck to see what’d happened.

“He- he tried to-“ Naim points frantically beyond the fence.

As soon as Naim spotted Ryan from across the yard his breathing grows more frantic. “Fuck.” He says in a panicked tone as he starts to run down the side of the house, into the front yard.

Without a second thought Ryan took off behind Naim.

“Hey! Naim!” Ryan shouts as he stops in the driveway.

“Stay the fuck away from me!” Naim shouts.

“You saw it, didn’t you?” Ryan says as he steps closer before pausing. “What’d it look like?”

Ryan didn’t get an answer as Izzie came barreling down the driveway, leading them to come to her room.

After the story gets cut short and Izzie gets swept away, Ryan and Naim sit side by side on her bed.

“Murryville, that’s about an hour away, yeah?” Naim says as he looks over at Ryan.

“Right.” Ryan says with a small nod. “Do you think she’s right, ‘bout being alone with it?”

Naim just sighs.

———

Ryan looks over Naim’s shoulder while on the bus, watching him read articles about the lifeguard.

The hospital is bustling, the never-ending stream of people difficult to navigate around until they both spot a girl that looks like Jessica.

After talking to Jessica about the intricacies of the entity, Ryan pulls Naim away to keep him from distressing her further.

“It’s okay.” Ryan says softly as he holds Naim by the elbow and leads him to the bus stop.

Ryan climbs on the bus, turning around to look at Naim before the door shuts, Naim having not gotten on yet.

“Hey, you missed someone.” Ryan says to the driver. “Let him on quickly, please.”

Ryan watched the emotions shift on Naim’s face, the furrow in his brow turning into full blown panic as he kept looking to his right at something.

“Oh fuck.” Ryan said as he touches the glass. “Naim it’ll be alright, it can’t hurt you, I’m right here.”

“Let him on!” Ryan said finally to the bus driver, the door sliding open as he grabbed Naim and pulled him in.

Ryan led Naim to the seats near the back on the right, guiding him in before sitting next to him.

He sighed as he rubs Naim shoulder for a bit.

“It’s ok.” Ryan whispers as he looks at Naim.

“I’ll go away.” Naim says quietly.

Ryan’s brows furrow. “What?”

“What if she’s right? What if we’re only makin’ it stronger?”

“Naim, don’t go.” Ryan says in a pained tone as he shakes his head.

“I hate that shithole town anyway.”

“I know you do, Naim.”

“You don’t.”

“Yeah, I do.” Ryan says before sighing. “Don’t go.”

Ryan’s hand reaches out to wrap around Naim’s, brushing his thumb over his knuckles. Slowly, Ryan leans over, cupping Naim’s cheek.

“It’s all my fault. Please.” Ryan says softly before kissing Naim, holding him close by the jaw. Naim gives into the kiss, leaning over to lick Ryan’s ear before pulling him back in.

Ryan’s hand drifts down, unbuckling Naim’s belt before reaching for his button and zipper.

“Will someone see?” Naim whispers.

“No, it’s ok.” Ryan says softly as he reaches his hand down Naim’s unbuttoned pants.

Naim’s moans ring in Ryan’s ear as he worked him over with his hand. After a minute, Naim buried his face Ryan’s shoulder, catching his breath.

A breathy giggle escapes from Naim before he pushes Ryan’s shoulder to sit back in his own chair. Ryan eventually nuzzles his neck back into Naim’s neck, breathing him in.

———

They walked home together hand in hand after getting off the bus.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Ryan whispers as they stand in front of his house.

“Yeah.”

“Be safe, get home as fast as you can, I mean it.” Ryan said as he touched Naim’s cheek

“Can I call you? While I walk home?” Naim murmured.

“Yeah, sure.” Ryan says softly as he pulls out his phone, dialing Naim’s number.

Ryan watched Naim turn and walk away, phone resting on his ear.

———

The next day at school was fairly boring, both boys treading along through the day. Ryan spotted Naim across the hall, smirking as he glanced over his shoulder before sauntering into the bathroom.

Once in the bathroom Ryan walked to the far back stall, hearing the footsteps of Naim behind him. Naim shut the stall door behind him as they kissed, dragging his lips from Ryan’s before licking up his ear.

Ryan sighed, bunching up Naim’s shirt with his fist as he kissed down Ryan’s neck then back up again. A sharp sting cut through the pleasure as Naim’s entity clawed Ryan’s ear as he screamed in pain.

Ryan stumbled out of the bathroom, landing against the wall and sliding down to the floor as blood continuously spurted out from his now severed ear.

Soon, the whole hallway was filled with spectators and phone cameras, Naim’s shocked and scared face staring back at Ryan as he moved to crouch down and look at the wound.

“Oh my god.” Naim whispered as blood poured from Ryan’s ear, staining his white dress shirt and the tile behind him.

———

The hospital visit was excruciating to say the least, Ryan’s mum looking at him unamusedly as doctors worked to stitch his ear back together.

“How’d this happen?” Ryans mum mutters as she looks at him.

“I… I dunno.” Ryan offers weakly, watching his mum sigh in disappointment.

———

Church was tense, Pastor Rod standing at the front while sobbing, his entire body shaking from the force of his tears. His wife tried to console him with little luck, his eyes locked onto Naim before shifting to Ryan, then back at Naim again.

Ryan’s eyes drifted back to look at Naim, glancing at him through his peripheral vision.

“Meet me outside.” Naim mouths towards Ryan.

Outside Naim stood in the rain, looking out beyond the church into the sky.

“Yeah.” Ryan said to Naim as he stepped outside, hands shoved deep into the pockets off his jacket.

“The bus that we took to Murryville, it goes to the city.” Naim says with a sigh. “Don’t follow me.”

“What?”

“You shouldn’t be around me.” Naim said as he glanced at Ryan. “I shouldn’t be around you either.”

“Right.” Ryan said with an exaggerated nod, hurt shown all over his features. He walks back into the church for a minute before stepping back out.

“So you leave.” Ryan said with a sigh, shaking his head. “Then what?” He said as he stuffs his hands into his pockets further.

“It’s just gonna look like the next dickhead you’re into.”

Ryan sighed again, deeper this time as he looks out into the rain before returning his gaze to Naim.

“If I have to live with this thing, I don’t want it to look like some other dickhead, I want it to look like you.”

They both stared back at each other, their eyes communicating words that’re far too dangerous for them to say out loud.

———

“You sure your parents aren’t going to freak out?” Ryan said as he looked at Izzie’s side profile. “‘Bout the car?”

Ryan felt weird, ‘bout this whole trip. Why would Pastor Ron help ‘em? Tell Izzie how to help?

They made it to this strange warehouse, Izzie parked the car and everyone got out.

Ryan’s brows furrow as he sees a car zooming closer. “What’s this?” He says as he looks at Izzie. “Fucks goin on, Izzie?”

Izzie sighed, crossing her arms before revealing her true intentions. “It only happened because of how you made him feel.” She says as she looks at Ryan. “And because you told my parents ‘bout it.” She said as she looked at Naim.

“Naim, fuck is she talking ‘bout?” Ryan says as the smallest bit of tears fill the corner of his eye. No way that Naim would do that to them, to him.

“Do you want to tell him, or should I?” Izzie says as she looks at Naim.

“Ryan-“ Naim squeaks out before they’re approached.

The only thing Ryan consciously remembers is the blows with the bat, over and over. He was hit a couple times in the ribs, arms, face even before returning some punches himself.

The boys started to walk away towards Naim, leaving opportunity to get to the car. With a shove Ryan scrambled up and to the drivers side of the car, Izzie yelling at him as he gets in and starts the engine. Without a second thought he drove straight into the guys cornering Naim, slamming on the breaks to wait for Naim to hop in.

The car ride is tense to say the least, Ryan’s speeding striking fear in Naim, among other things, like his silence.

“Are you alright?” Naim says quietly as he looked at the injuries littering Ryan’s face and body.

“I’m not alright, not att’all.” Ryan deadpans.

The physical pain of his body aching doesn’t compare to the emotional turmoil that’s turning Ryan inside out.

Ryan pulls up to Naim’s house, pressing on the breaks.

“Get out of the car.” He says with a straight face as he avoids eye contact.

“Ryan.” Naim says as his voice cracks. “Ryan I only told them because-“

“Get out.”

Naim sighs and nods softly, reaching his hand over to open the door.

“Naim.” Ryan said as Naim turned around. “If you see anything that looks like me, don’t go near it. It won’t be me.” Ryan says before continuing, “it’ll never be me.”

After a bit of thought, Ryan decides to drop the car ‘round the pastors house, keys still inside.

———

The depression that follows Ryan over the next two days is unlike anything he’s ever experienced, he sees Naim, or at least something that looks like Naim, everywhere he goes.

He waits in the yard for him, standing there whilst looking in the windows. He sees Naim each time he walks to school and from school, by the mill, in the fields surrounding the town. He’s everywhere.

———

The pounding on his bedroom door breaks the silence, his mum barreling into the room.

“Do you want to explain why Izzie told her mum that you stole their car?” His mum say’s furiously.

“Stole the car?” Ryan said with a humorless laugh. “I didn’t steal the fucking car.”

“Well Izzie says you did, her mum is heartbroken over Pastor Rod and then you go and do this?” Ryan’s mum said with nothing but distain in her tone.

“Izzie got me jumped, I’m not apologizing for saving myself.” Ryan said defensively.

“I want you in this house unless it’s go to school, your father and I’ll drive you to and from.” She said as she grabbed his door handle. “And I want you to work up an apology for Izzie and her mum.” His mum said before slamming his bedroom door.

When he was sure everyone was asleep, Ryan grabbed his backpack and dumped his school shit out, stuffing it full of clothes and necessities instead.

In the early hours of the morning, right before the sun came up, Ryan slipped on his shoes and coat before walking out of the house quietly, escaping into the chilly morning air.

———

He stopped ‘round the corner store to get something to eat and watch the sunrise, before continuing on walking to the far bus stop. He knew when his mum was actually panicked, her calls ringing throughout the day before he eventually shut his phone off.

The sun was setting little by little as Ryan stood at the bus stop, leaving a warm glow that soothed his skin against the cold wind.

He saw a figure walk up when the bus came and opened its doors, the people spilling out as it rounded the bus to stand in front of Ryan.

“Please tell me it’s really you.” Ryan says, his voice cracking softly.

Naim said nothing, just gave a gentle nod with tears in his eyes. He’d gotten more bruises since Ryan last saw him.

“Cmon.” Ryan said softly as he gestured to the bus, leading Naim on the bus and into a seat.

They sit in silence for a minute, relishing in the music and the calming atmosphere, before Ryan noticed Naim staring at him.

“What?” Ryan asked with his eyes closed, his head leaned toward Naim.

“I’m sorry, Ryan.” He says softly. “For everything.”

Ryan sighed softly, looking over at Naim.

"Why'd you do it?" He said quietly.

Naim shook his head. "I was scared." He said as he looked down at his hands. "I was a scared, jealous coward."

"You were jealous? Of Hunter?"

"I... I thought that it was just you and me, but when I stumbled upon you and Hunter I was so upset." Naim explained with an ashamed tone.

"Naim, it was always going to be you." Ryan said as he rested his head on the seat and lolled it to the side to look at Naim.

"What?"

"there was never a choice for me, I always knew that it'd be you."

Naim sat in silence for a second. "Why me?"

Ryan sighed deeply and looked around the bus for a moment before looking back at Naim.

"Because even when you hurt me I can't help but love you." Ryan said as he squeezed Naim's hand a bit tighter. "I've never known what that felt like, loving someone, until you."

"I love you too." Naim said quietly, as if hoping no-one on the bus heard.

"I know you do."

Naim looked into Ryan's eyes.

"Ryan."

"Yeah?"

"You didn't deserve that." Naim said as he looked at their joint hands.

"What'd you mean?"

"Everything that's happened, you didn't deserve any of it. You deserve happiness."

"I know, and you deserve happiness too."

Naim rested his head on Ryan's shoulder, nuzzling his head into the crook of his neck with a soft sigh.

"I am happy."

Ryan rested his head on Naim's, breathing him in.

"Me too."

*cue Frank Ocean*