But I still want to hide under a rock. Mental illness can be a very embarrassing thing at times, no matter how much I try to be open about it. It is horrifying when people outside of a few close friends witness or hear about the ridiculous things I have done during an episode. The first reaction is to try and explain my actions rationally, but it is nearly impossible to explain something that you can barely recall, you don’t want to admit that you don’t exactly recall much from that time because then you have to explain your illness. How do you explain such a strange thing to people who have no idea? What If they think you are crazy or full of shit? People who don’t understand tend to say terrible things which makes me furious and vengeful. It turns into a nightmare for everyone, I hate it all.