#bladebreak

This is addressed to everyone who has decided to insert themselves into my particular drama.

Don't harass or contact ANYONE on my behalf. I've NEVER advocated for contacting people who don't want to be contacted. I've also NEVER advocated harassing them. Leave them alone. All you're doing is making shit worse on EVERYONE who is involved in this drama. Also, if you're sending them hate anons, you are no better than the people sending hate anons to my friends. I don't care how justifiable you think it is. It's not YOUR drama. Please do not treat this situation like a soap opera for your entertainment. There are real people with real emotions who are hurting from this situation, and it needs to stop for good.

I'm going to reiterate this for the umpteenth time: I don't know who runs the call out blog. I'm not friends with them. I don't know who is sending in anons. I'm not telling my friends to send in shit. If they ever did, it was of their own volition.

I'm completely drained from this non-stop drama shit over the past week. It's like a marathon of threats and smears and bullshit, and I'm exhausted. It's affecting me too much mentally and emotionally.

I'm choosing to disengage. Until I was dragged back in about a week ago, I had been ignoring this shit and moving on with my life. I had been focused on my job, my partner, and my friends. I legit had no clue what was being said about me, and I loved the peace that came with that. I'm going back to doing that.

People can believe whatever they want about me. I know my own truth. Just know that I did actually contact the moderators of the call out blog and tried requesting that they let the blog die. Since I don't control that blog, if they choose to keep posting after that, I did my part.

Also, for people who keep sending me screenshots of things that those two have said about me, I'm publicly telling you to stop. I don't want to know. I really don't. It's not good for my mental health. I'm setting a boundary here. If you keep sending me that shit, I will block you as well.

In addition, I don't want to know what's being said about me on the call out blog either, even if anons justifiably think they are defending me. I just want to RP and do my own thing without constantly worrying about all of the people who have my name in their mouths. Please give me my space. I am a private person, and I cherish my privacy. It is bad enough that people are speculating about my mental illness (BPD specifically) as if it was always public knowledge when it wasn't. I don't want to be a social pariah or have all of my private business being speculated on.

If, for some reason, you're still reading this, here:

For people who are passively following the drama that's been unfolding since last weekend (and honestly for FAR longer than that), hi, my name's Cyn. I'm the "Cyn," that's been constantly referenced on a lot of people's blogs lately.

To Solace and Skyler:

This has gone on for long enough. You need to stop. Like, seriously. Fucking stop. Don't just apologize for five minutes and then turn around and double down saying shit like "oh, they deserved it because they started it." If you're going to apologize and change your behavior, it starts with not repeating the same mistakes over and over.

For the past 8+ months, I've literally never tried to even defend myself on my blogs from all of the endless smears and lies you've said about me or Roxy. And yes, you read that correctly. You've been lying about me. Whether it's on purpose or because you're genuinely misunderstanding shit I've said privately to you or other people, a lot of the shit you've been saying about me are provable lies.

You claim I have a "sock account" that sent you anonymous shit? I've literally gone out of my way to block every blog that belongs to either you or Solace. I have ZERO interest in contacting either of you. I haven't even tried. If I was that desperate, I would've texted your phone numbers, but I didn't. Why the hell would I do all this evasive maneuvering shit? Hell, if you suspect I've sent either of you anonymous messages since last September, find a way to trace my IP. I can guarantee you that any anonymous shit you ever got was not from me.

I've blacklisted both of you. When a certain person came to me wanting to "be a mediator and have a group conversation that involved Skyler, me, Solace, Shin, and Roxy," I went out of my way to say, "fuck no. That's terrible for my mental illness, so I want no part of it." That entire conversation would have ended up with us yelling past each other and you both gaslighting me the entire time. Does this sound like someone who is "obsessively trying to get in touch with you because I'm so-called "obsessed" and "stalking" you? No, that sounds like someone who is desperate to get you to leave them alone.

I have tried blocking you, blacklisting you, moving blogs, never mentioning you, ignoring you, and even going on HIATUS for several months in the hopes that you would finally get bored and move on. None of these things have worked. The only reason why I even have the faintest iota of a clue of the things you say about me is because PEOPLE SEND ME SCREENSHOTS. Literally, every other week or so, someone sends me a screenshot of your blogs and go "hey, did you know they said THIS about you this week?" It's gotten to the point where I'm BEGGING people to STOP sending me shit that you say about me because I don't want to hear about it. This is how ridiculous this shit's gotten. You two have pushed me to my breaking point. I'm not even going to get into how it's affected my mental health because you'll just say I'm "guilt-tripping" you even if I'm being objectively honest.

And since you want to keep saying that I have some hand in that call out blog, let me reiterate it again: I don't. I have no clue who runs it. I have no clue who even sends in the anons. Why you think I'm "ordering" my friends to send in shit is beyond me. If any of them sent in shit, they did that of their own volition. I didn't make them do anything. All of us HATE this shit. When we claim we hate drama, we actually mean it. If I was going to send that blog anything negative to say about you, I wouldn't hide behind an anon; I'd sign my name on it.

Do you know how ridiculous it sounds that you're threatening me over a blog I literally have no control over? What? Do you want me to go bully the moderators into shutting the blog down? I have no control over them OR the anons sending in shit. Like, you two are effectively holding ME hostage with this crap. You're effectively saying "until that call out blog shuts up, I'm gonna keep smearing Cyn over and over and over and over." Since you keep triggering yourselves by reading the call out blog instead of BLOCKING AND IGNORING IT, your DEFAULT reaction is to just smear me and my friends. We've literally been trying to keep our heads down this entire time, and because you ASSUME everything on that blog are from me and my friends, you're just punishing us because it's the only way you know how to react. Lash out and hurt people. Have you ever heard of just, I don't know... taking a break and going outside? Take a nap? Do literally anything else but engage with people who you KNOW don't have kind opinions about you.

I'm exhausted. Aren't you exhausted? You say your mental health is suffering and you're not getting any sleep. Do you think I haven't been hurting over all the constant crap you keep saying about me? Solace goes out of their way to post private DMs where I'm being open and vulnerable about my mental illness. That was NO ONE'S business to see, but Solace wants to post that out there as some "gotcha" to prove how "crazy" I apparently am? You doxxed my discord username, so now anyone on tumblr can just randomly add my ass. Thanks for that, by the way. Really appreciate that.

Yes, our breakup was messy, and I can acknowledge that both sides have said some shit that was harsh and hurtful because it came from a place of anger and heartbreak. Is that what you want to hear? Like, do I need to cut my arm off and ship it to you to make you stop talking about me? What do I need to do to make you stop? Do you want to DIRECTLY talk to me like an adult? Like, what do you want, Skyler? Solace? When is enough enough for you two? What are you trying to prove here?

I have my own side of the story to tell. For the past 8 months, all anyone in the public domain has heard is only your side. There's a reason for that. The reason would be: I don't think it's anyone's business but the people who are within our circle. You, Solace, and those of us who were in that group chat. That's it. Period. Why the fuck are we still trying to hash this out in the public domain? Why are you dragging SO MANY PEOPLE into this who have nothing to do with this situation? Any time you make a public post about me or my friends, whether or not you realize it, that is DRAGGING more people into this drama. There are people who have NEVER in their lives met me who have all these horrific opinions about me because all they know are the things you say about me. There were people at the start of this drama who were making accusations of me being "ableist" who have never spoken a word to me in their lives. You whipped people into a frenzy, and they white-knighted to defend you to the point that more and more people who had nothing to do with the breakup drama decided it was now their business to weigh in. You two did that. Not me. If you're going to claim that shit never happened, I have screenshots that prove otherwise.

Why are you forcing me to have to come out and publicly address you? Notice, I've NEVER done this before. If I had wanted to "smear" you as you so often claim I have, why haven't I made any type of response like this before, hm? Solve this riddle for me. I'm making this post because I am exhausted, and you have run me out of any other options. Am I supposed to just shut up and take it? Never say anything publicly or privately to defend myself from provable lies you say about me?

Any private reactions that I've ever given to other people that somehow got leaked to you, were 1) vents. 2) they weren't ever meant to be seen by you because, again, private vents that I never planned to make public. Don't even try to argue that "I shouldn't ever say your name period" when you've said WAY worse things about me to other people in private. All I have EVER done is defend myself. 3) I had never planned to even respond publicly to any of this shit, so forgive me of venting privately in anger and hurt over being backstabbed over and over from people who once claimed to love me.

Here's the "cycle," that you two need to break. You post things about me and put my name in it. I get angry and upset because some people send me screenshots of the shit. I say something really harsh because I'm defending myself and reacting to terrible things that are being said about me. For some ungodly reason, you somehow hear that I said something out of anger and then rant about me some more on your blog. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

Here's a novel idea-- If you just stopped mentioning me on your blog, people wouldn't send me screenshots of the shit. Then, I wouldn't react. Then, you would NEVER hear from me EVER again for the rest of your lives. It's that simple. And, no, that's not a threat. That's just stating objective fact. I don't want to do this shit with you two anymore. You won't let me move on from you. You. Both of you. I want to move on with my life. Don't you? Stop dragging me back here.

I don't ever expect an apology from either of you. I don't want it or need it because I know you will never mean it anyways. You think because I've justifiably believed that Solace was being mistreated by Skyler, I deserve everything that you've done to me. That's fine.

If you and Solace are genuinely happy together, then fuck me? You do you. Live your best lives. Clearly, adding me into that dynamic didn't work. I'll genuinely be happy for you two if you've worked shit out and you're closer together than you've ever been. Good for you. I'm not being sarcastic; like honestly, good for you. Focus on yourselves instead of on me and my friends.

I'm not going to go detail by detail trying to debunk lies you've made about me in this post. That isn't the point of this post.

The reason why I'm finally speaking up is because you're escalating. You're getting worse. You're name dragging people who literally did fuck all in all of this mess. I'm not gonna name names out of respect for them (because they literally want NOTHING to do with ANY of this), but you know who I'm talking about. One of the people who you dragged today has literally left the anime rpc IN GENERAL since you started harassing everyone. They're not even directly involved, and hadn't said shit about either of you in literal months but are getting dragged due to their association to me. The other person who was dragged has literally never done anything but decide to agree with me. They've never made public posts about either of you NOR have they ever privately gone to people to try and defend me. Hell, I don't even think they've ever said one unkind word about either of you aside from "I felt hurt by what they did."

For the record, I've never "sent" people to defend me. I can defend myself plenty, thank you very much. If they have ever tried defending me, it's because they genuinely believe that I'm being lied about and don't think it's fair that I'm being lied about. Are people not allowed to have opinions if they're about you?

The reason why that call out blog is getting more and more noisy is not because of me sending them shit. It's because other people are seeing me and my friends never defending ourselves and see YOUR side constantly attacking us, and they collectively think it's fucked up. It doesn't matter whether or not you think you're in the right; If you are constantly attacking us and we barely make a peep, that makes YOU look like a bully. You can try and justify why you're attacking me until you're blue in the face, but that's how objective observers see it.