#blackwhiteriot

Blaine doesn't normally make a habit out of accepting random friend requests, not that he gets them that often. Anybody at Dalton is generally accepted considering that they all live together and he at least recognizes most of the faces that go to the school. The only reason that he accepts Kurt Hummel is because he talks about his show choir group on his facebook and goes to McKinley High School. It's not out of the realm of possibility that Blaine has met him and doesn't remember.

Blaine A [3:52 PM] Hi, just wondering if I know you or not.

Kurt H [3:55 PM] Blaine. Wow. I didn't expect you to actually add me. No… Honestly? I go to McKinley and I'm in the New Directions. My choir group was teasing me about how I should spy on the competition and had me add you. Sorry.

Blaine's surprised by the honesty to say the least. He has to smile.

Blaine A [4:01 PM] That's an answer I've never received before. It's nice to meet you, Kurt. I don't post much about the Warblers on my facebook though. I'd offer to have you add the Warblers facebook group but since I'm the one who runs it and now I know that you're kind of a horrible spy, you wouldn't be added. Sorry.

He rereads through the message twice before he presses the send button. He knows that it has a flirty tone, everybody says that he flirts with everybody without really realizes it, but he hopes that it's not too much. While everybody at Dalton knows that Blaine's continued his long distance relationship with the handsome boy who'd been Warblers captain the previous year, this boy wouldn't.

Kurt H [4:03 PM] I am disappointed at the lost opportunity. I don't think that spying on somebody through facebook is really that smart of an idea anyway.

Blaine A [4:05 PM] That's true. Youtube is the place that you want to go: www.youtube.com/user/DaltonAcademyWarblers. Blaine A [4:15 PM] Did you get lost on youtube?

Kurt H [4:19 PM] No, sorry. You guys are really good. Maybe it's a good thing that I'm spying on you because we're going to need all the help that we can get. Kurt H [4:19 PM] We don't have an official channel like that. You can find us on my friend's youtube though: www.youtube.com/user/RachelBerryGoldStar

Blaine A [4:26 PM] You guys are really great too. The girl in front, that's Rachel?

Kurt H [4:27 PM] Yeah, that's her. It doesn't matter what video you click, it'll always be her. The guy in front with her is Finn. They're dating most of the time. Kurt H [4:28 PM] Sorry. I'm sure you don't care.

Blaine A [4:29 PM] Well, you are the one who tried to spy on me through facebook. I think you owe me some gossip.

Blaine sits for hours with Kurt that night, reading everything that Kurt has to say. They share horror stories about their glee clubs, talk about missing rehearsals and Blaine's stomach hurts from laughing when Kurt tells him about a time when one of their members had stage fright so bad that she was sick nearly a minute before they went on stage and then again immediately after.

It's 8:19 when Blaine's roommate comes in and Blaine realizes that he hasn't eaten dinner or done anything productive with his time, including his homework. He also has a Skype date with his boyfriend at 9:00 that he knows that he doesn't want to miss. He reluctantly says his goodbyes to Kurt but promises that they'll talk again. Doug, his roommate, looks at him oddly, at the smile on his lips and the happy flush on his face as he grabs his wallet to grab some things from the vending machine since he knows that the dining hall will be closed at this point.

Blaine is glad that Doug doesn't say anything, though. It's nothing special. Kurt isn't anything special. He's just somebody new than the few hundred Dalton students that Blaine sees every other day of his life. He's back in time to Skype with Eli and he beams at his boyfriend through the screen, all thoughts of Kurt forgotten.

*

Three days of talking for hours later, Blaine and Kurt exchange cell phone numbers so that they can talk on the go. Blaine doesn't get many texts meant just to make him smile. Eli's often busy with schoolwork or his work or just living in New York and so they rarely have time to talk except for their date nights on Skype every few nights. But Kurt texts him randomly and Blaine finds himself doing the same after the first few texts.

Kurt☺ [5:26 PM] Sectionals was just as it's expected. I don't know why we don't rehearse a bit more ahead of time. I'm just glad that we were able to move on and hopefully this means that the drama with the girls will be done now.

Blaine [1:12 PM] Somebody spilled an entire gallon of white paint in one of the corridors. Everybody's shoes are ruined and paint is tracked everywhere.

Blaine knows that they probably talk too much and he's thankful that he has unlimited texting. As the weeks pass, Christmas and then the New Year which Blaine was originally supposed to spend in New York but doesn't end up going because Eli is busy, they talk more. It's not just about their show choirs anymore. Kurt tells Blaine about his stepbrother and stepmother, about his father and his dreams for NYADA and Blaine tells Kurt about how his parents are never around.

Kurt☺ [6:19 PM] So, the proposal went well. I'm still not sure why the pool but… it worked, I guess. It was big and extravagant and kind of awesome but I don't know if it was really what she would've wanted.

Kurt☺ [9:52 PM] I'm really glad that I have you to talk to, Blaine. I feel really bad for Finn but I don't know what to do or say. I feel like whatever I say will be ignored.

It doesn't occur to Blaine that he hasn't ever mentioned his boyfriend. It doesn't cross his mind to bring it up and he thinks that that should be a sign. But he still Skypes with Eli every few nights and although he hasn't told Kurt about Eli, he's certainly told Eli about Kurt. It's hard to keep it in when Kurt's become such a big part of his day.

Kurt☺ [2:19 PM] We're going to be competitors at Regionals! Beware, Anderson. You're going down.

Every single text from Kurt, every response, every time they talk late into the night, Blaine finds himself smiling brighter. The Warblers ask what's going on but Blaine just shakes his head. He tells them that they're going to win at Regionals, that he's just happy. Sebastian looks at him suspiciously and Blaine tries not to look guilty. He has nothing to be guilty over.

Kurt☺ [5:16 PM] You don't understand, Blaine. The guy is hot. HOT. I don't know why he's a Spanish teacher when he could easily be a male model… And his voice? He could easily be famous.

Blaine [5:17 PM] You've made me very curious. I don't suppose you managed to get a pic?

Kurt☺ [5:19 PM] I'm a total creeper, I know! [Picture Attached]

Blaine [5:21 PM] Damn, Kurt. Wow. How are you even alive right now?

Kurt☺ [5:22 PM] I don't know. It was almost painful during class.

Blaine [5:25 PM] Kinky…

Kurt☺ [5:26 PM] Oh my god, Blaine! That's not what I meant. I just meant that he's… Oh my god.

Blaine [5:28 PM] No need to be embarrassed! Just that picture could make somebody's pants too tight.

Kurt☺ [5:33 PM] Are you implying something?

Blaine [5:34 PM] Maybe

Kurt☺ [5:37 PM] Blaine…

Blaine [5:40 PM] Do you want to meet for coffee tomorrow?

Kurt☺ [5:49 PM] Or you can come over.

Blaine [5:51 PM] Send me your address

*

Blaine stands in front of Kurt's door, staring at the wood in front of him. He's sure that nothing is going to happen. Kurt's just inviting him over because he invited him out for coffee. They've never even met in person before and Blaine has a boyfriend. Just because they've been talking now for nearly three months doesn't mean anything.

Steeling himself up as much as he can, Blaine knocks on the door, feeling like the neighbors can hear it, feeling like Eli can hear it in New York.

Kurt answers almost immediately and Blaine takes a moment to just look. The boy is even more gorgeous than he is in his pictures on facebook. Blaine had admitted to Kurt that he'd browsed, looked through most of them and Kurt had admitted, after a few minutes, that he'd done the same.

"Hi," Kurt says quietly, shyly and there's a hint of a flush on his cheeks as he opens the door wider so that Blaine can step inside. "I didn't- My parents are out of the house for the weekend. They're in DC and Finn's over at… wherever he is."

That makes Blaine glance up, looking at Kurt's face. His heart seems to be pounding in overtime, almost painful as he looks at him. They're alone. And Blaine suddenly realizes that it's on purpose. He's never told Kurt that he has a boyfriend. There's no reason that Kurt wouldn't invite him over for… whatever he's inviting him over for.

"What if I was a serial killer?"

Kurt lets out a surprised laugh, looking down and then back up as he closes the door behind Blaine. "Are you?" Blaine shakes his head, not able to force any words out, feeling like everything's caught in his throat, as if he can barely breathe the air in here. "Do you want something to drink?"

Blaine shakes his head again and Kurt shifts on his feet, obviously uncomfortable. Blaine tries hard not to but he can't resist, his limbs moving without his knowledge. Kurt doesn't step back when Blaine steps forward, one hand coming up to cup Kurt's cheek as the other rests on his hip. Kurt tilts his head slightly, making it easier and Blaine presses his lips to Kurt's.

Vaguely, he recalls Kurt telling him about his first kiss. It had been with a bully, a boy who'd ended up transferring away. Blaine can feel Kurt's hands, clutching at his back, holding onto the fabric of his shirt and Blaine presses closer. There's a slight height difference but Blaine barely even needs to tilt his head up to meet Kurt's lips, his eye cracking open to make sure that Kurt looks okay. Kurt's eyes are closed, a happy expression on his face and Blaine kisses him harder.

It wasn't what he'd come here for but it seems the most natural thing in the world as Kurt pulls away, reaching down to tangle his fingers in Blaine's and looking up into his eyes, as if to make sure that it's okay. There's something in the back of Blaine's mind, something that's telling him that this is a bad idea, that he can't go up the stairs. But he ignores it because he wants to. He follows behind Kurt, hearing the creak of the stairs and the sharp intake of breath from Kurt once they're finally in the room.

"I've never done anything like this before," Kurt says quietly, licking his lips and fiddling with the top button of his shirt. Blaine would think that he was trying to be seductive but he can see that it's nerves.

Blaine shakes his head and he closes the bedroom door although they're alone. As if that makes it any better. Cheater, his mind calls him but he can't stop. "It's okay," he says in response, knowing that it is okay. Anything is okay as long as he can kiss Kurt again.

There's something in Kurt's eyes, a fierce determination and he nods. This time Kurt surges forward, their noses bumping as he kisses Blaine and it takes a moment of kissing at the awkward angle, their teeth scraping and their lips not quite meeting before Blaine grabs Kurt's cheek gently, forcing him to slow down, forcing their lips to meet easier.

Blaine doesn't stop Kurt as Kurt reaches up, his hands trembling but firm in their quest as he grips the bottom of Blaine's shirt and Blaine takes a small step back so that Kurt can pull the shirt up and over his head. "Don't rush. We don't have to rush," Blaine whispers, the words seeming to get lost because all he wants to do is rush. He wants to be close to Kurt, naked together on the bed. He hasn't touched or been touched in months. And the most important part is that it's Kurt.

"Want you now," Kurt argues and Blaine is powerless to resist him.

He can feel his own hands shaking as he pulls off Kurt's shirt, tossing it aside before letting Kurt lead him to the bed. Wrong, the voice in his head tells him but he silences it by rolling over so that he's on top of Kurt, kissing him again. Kurt's lips are soft and they taste vaguely of vanilla chapstick which doesn't taste as good as it sounds.

Blaine grinds his hips down against Kurt, enjoying the whine that leaves Kurt's mouth, the way that Kurt's hands are pressing into Blaine's back. More, he tells himself instead of wrong. He wants more of this and he kisses Kurt deeper, slips his tongue into Kurt's mouth and tastes him.

"Oh," Kurt moans as he presses his hips up and Blaine can feel as Kurt's cock swells, feel the steady outline of it through his underwear and his jeans.

"Are you sure that you want this?" Blaine asks as he pulls back but he can't pull back fully. Instead, he presses his lips to Kurt's jaw, to his cheek, nudging his own nose down Kurt's neck and kissing right over where he can feel his pulse fluttering wildly.

Another moan as Blaine's hand slides down, cupping Kurt's bulge through his jeans and Kurt nods. "Uhhh. Oh, yes, Blaine, please. I want it. I don't want to wait. I want it. I want you."

Blaine's thumb slides across Kurt's jeans, closing his eyes as he lifts a hand to pull the zipper down, pop open the button. It's going too fast. This isn't what he came here for. He has a boyfriend that Kurt doesn't know about.

"Please," Kurt whispers and Blaine's lost. He's so completely lost that he can't even think of anything but pulling Kurt's pants and boxers down his hips. He lifts himself up onto his knees, hooking his thumbs in the fabric to pull them down and they shift so that Kurt can kick them off.

Blaine can only stare for a moment, so in awe over Kurt that he subconsciously reaches down, opening up his own pants because he's so hard it's physically painful. Kurt's pale all over, lightly freckled and Blaine knows that he's completely untouched. Nobody's ever been here with Kurt like this. His eyes catch on Kurt's stomach, watching how unsteady that it is, Kurt's nerves evident through his shaky breathing.

Then his eyes slide lower and Blaine groans, swallowing hard. Kurt's long. Not as thick as Eli but Blaine thinks that he could be okay with that. He can picture himself sinking down on Kurt's cock, how slow he'd take it to be able to take all of it.

"Blaine," Kurt says and he sounds almost worried, his fingers nearly as white as the sheets as he grips them in his fists.

Realizing that he's staring half clothed at Kurt, squeezing himself and not moving, Blaine quickly pulls off the rest of his clothes. He doesn't even know which side of the bed he drops them on before he's back up, settling in between Kurt's legs and leaning up to kiss him, careful not to let their bodies touch quite yet.

Kurt's lips part, his hands sliding down Blaine's back. "I have, uh, lube in the nightstand."

Blaine considers, sitting back on Kurt's thighs. He wants to fuck Kurt. He wants to be inside him so bad he can barely breathe with it. He wants to see Kurt's eyes as he slides in, inch by steady inch, stretching Kurt, feeling how tight that he is around him. He wants Kurt inside of him. He wants to push Kurt onto his back, reach around to grab Kurt's cock as he sinks down on him before riding him, wants to hear the sounds that Kurt would make as he comes.

But he can't. His boyfriend isn't far from his mind and although Blaine can't stop this, he can't say no when Kurt looks so beautiful, so wonderful, Blaine can't do that, not to any of them. Blaine reaches over, grabbing the bottle of lube and pouring some into his hand.

"If you're going to-"

"I'm not," Blaine interrupts quickly, looking at Kurt's lips and he loves how they look, bright pink and swollen from Blaine's lips. That's how they should always look.

Kurt looks at him curiously, unsure as Blaine sits back on Kurt's thighs. He doesn't ask, though, simply watches as Blaine covers him again. This time, he lets their bodies touch, their cocks brushing and Kurt lets out what Blaine swears is a whimper. The touch is dry and Blaine reaches his hand between them, the lube near dripping from his skin and he wraps his hand around Kurt's cock first.

An assortment of curse words and Blaine's name tumbles from Kurt's lips, his hips twitching up towards Blaine and Blaine presses his lips to Kurt's neck again. He's so pale, his skin begging to be marked and Blaine doesn't think of why he shouldn't press his teeth to Kurt's skin. He sucks hard, feeling the way that Kurt reacts, the way that he thrusts up and moans.

Blaine pulls his hand from Kurt's cock, chuckling as Kurt's eyes snap open. "Blaine?"

"Trust me," Blaine says and he adjusts himself again, lining their cocks up until he can wrap his hand around them both. He can barely see the heads of their cocks over Blaine's hand as he looks down. Even Kurt's cock is begging to be touched by Blaine's mouth although for a different reason. Another time, he tells himself, not thinking about why they might not.

"I do," Kurt whispers back and those words echo in Blaine's mind.

Trying not to think, Blaine lets himself get caught in the rhythm. Kurt seems a bit unsure, insecure about Blaine not saying much and so he lets himself go. He moans, whispers Kurt's name, kisses across Kurt's skin and then back up to his lips. He thrusts his hips, feeling as Kurt wraps an arm around his neck so that he can thrust up to meet him and Blaine squeezes his hand gently.

Blaine feels dirty, sick and suddenly he wonders how he's in this situation. Kurt's going to hate him. Kurt's going to hate him and he deserves it. He wants to pull away but he wants to come, he wants to make Kurt come because he has to see his face when he does. He has to see the look on Kurt's face when he lets go, when Blaine brings him to orgasm.

"Blaine, Blaine, Blaine," Kurt moans, one hand sliding up to tangle in Blaine's curls, tugging gently as the other slides down his back, his nails digging in and Blaine knows that there'll be marks later.

Blaine wishes that he'd done more. He wishes that he'd sucked Kurt off first, wishes that he'd been able to go further with Kurt because Kurt's never going to do this again. He's never going to want to be with him again. Blaine closes his eyes because he can't handle that thought. The thought of Kurt hating him is enough to make his eyes sting.

It's almost a shock when he feels his orgasm approaching rapidly and Blaine's hips move faster. He wants to get off, wants to feel the pleasure with Kurt. "Are you- fuck, close?" Blaine asks.

Kurt can't even force an answer out, the only words leaving his lips is just Blaine's name over and over again. But he nods, his eyes closed and his back arched as he rolls his hips up.

"Want you to come. Need to feel you come. Kurt, please, let me feel you," Blaine whispers, squeezing tighter and he rubs his thumb across Kurt's tip. He looks down, seeing, watching and he moans as he lets himself come. It's a shallow orgasm, the type that he had as a teenager before he knew how to pleasure himself properly.

It's enough for Kurt, though. Blaine isn't sure what pushes him over, feeling Blaine's come splattering on his chest maybe. Kurt seems to find the orgasm much more pleasurable, his back arching and Blaine winces as Kurt's fingernails dig deeper into the skin on his back. Blaine immediately sits up, back, pulling away and withdrawing.

"Tissues are where the lube was," Kurt says, his eyes open, wide, bright and so happy that Blaine has to stop and steady himself so he doesn't break completely.

Blaine nods jerkily, grabbing the tissues and he hands Kurt a couple before cleaning himself up quickly. He can't look at Kurt. He just can't.

"So…" Kurt says and Blaine can hear the slight tremor in the word, the way that Kurt is unsure now. "Are you… okay?"

Blaine knows that he should look at him, try to reassure him. Instead, he shakes his head, swallowing convulsively as he tries to keep from being sick. "I have a boyfriend."

From the other side of the bed, there's a squeak and the entire bed jerks as Kurt stands. Blaine finally turns to him, seeing the look of hurt, betrayal in Kurt's narrowed eyes. "What?"

Blaine groans as he sits up completely, his head already starting to throb and he moves his legs over the side of the bed, resting his head in his hands. He opens his mouth to speak, to try to explain but suddenly no words are coming out.

"What the hell do you mean that you have a boyfriend?" Kurt asks, his voice higher now and Blaine knows that he's going to never forgive himself if he's made Kurt cry. He feels like the worst kind of human being right now and why didn't he just listen to himself? He knew that it was a bad idea. He knew that he shouldn't and he'd slept with Kurt anyway. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know, Kurt!" Blaine snaps because every single word that Kurt says just makes Blaine feel even worse. He has to tell Eli. He has to tell Eli that he cheated on him. The thought makes his head hurt even worse and he digs his fingers into his temples, trying to make it stop. "I have to go."

Blaine stands up, half stumbling over himself and he looks around, trying to find his clothes. They're all over on the sides of the beds and he unearths his briefs from beneath Kurt's jeans, pulling them on quickly.

"You asshole. You absolute asshole! I can't believe you! I can't believe that I trusted you! That I invited you over! That I about had sex with you and that I-"

"I know, Kurt! I know okay?" Blaine said, spinning around, nearly tripping as he only has his jeans halfway up and he felt his heart clench when he saw that Kurt is indeed crying. Kurt's cheeks are pink, his eyes shining and Blaine can see the light reflecting on the tears on his cheeks. "Fuck. I know."

Kurt crosses his arms over his chest, holding a sheet up over himself and Blaine can see a light pink mark on his shoulder from Blaine's teeth. For a moment he wishes that they'd gone slower, that he'd been able to cherish his evening with Kurt. He knows that it won't be happening again and he thinks that hurts worse than anything else.

Finally dressed, Blaine looks at Kurt, thinking that he should say something, anything since Kurt is obviously going to be staying quiet. "I'm so sorry."

"Go to hell. Get out. God, Blaine, just get out."

Blaine looks down at the bedspread, thinking about how they hadn't even pulled it down in their frantic pace. "I'm sorry," he says again, rubbing his eyes. He only grabs his socks and shoes, making sure nothing had been thrown from his pockets before leaving.

*

Blaine throws up twice on the airplane to New York the next day. The elderly woman next to him smiles, rubs his back and suggests some water to make his stomach feel better. Blaine can't tell her that it's not about airsickness but the fact that he's an asshole who cheated on his boyfriend. The worst part is that he just feels sick at the thought of not being with Kurt like that again.

It's an easy subway ride to the dorms that Eli's staying at and Blaine stands in front of the doors. It strikes him that it's over halfway through the school year and this is the first time that he's visited New York to see his boyfriend. The knock echoes as loud as he had thought that knocking on Kurt's door had.

"Blaine," Eli says as he opens the door, eyebrows furrowing as he looks his boyfriend over. Blaine wonders if he looks as horrible as he feels. Eli steps back, opening the door wide and Blaine steps inside. "What're you doing here? I wasn't expecting you."

Blaine thinks about how things might be different. He could've come, surprised Eli and he would be in his arms right now. Why isn't he? Blaine glances around for a moment, trying to think of some sort of excuse for being there. "Your room is nice. Where's your roommate?"

"He's, uh, he's out. With his girlfriend I think. Blaine…"

"I was with somebody." Blaine can't look at Eli as he says the words, can't see the look on Eli's face. It had been bad enough to tell Kurt that he'd had a boyfriend but to tell his boyfriend about Kurt? To tell the boy that he's talked about forever with, who he gave his virginity to, who he's been with for two years? He can't do that and look in his face at the same time.

There's a sharp intake of breath and Blaine feels the tears fill his eyes again. He hasn't slept since he was with Kurt, hasn't eaten.

"It was with that boy, wasn't it? With Kurt?" Eli asks, the words sounding choked and Blaine turns to look at him. There's sadness on Eli's face but there's just as much anger, making Eli's eyes flash and Blaine is frozen. "I can't believe you! I thought that there was something. You constantly talked about him but I didn't think that you'd do that to me! I thought you were different! We were the lead couple at Dalton and I thought we could continue that here at Julliard once you're accepted!"

Blaine shakes his head and he wants to beg. He wants to ask Eli for forgiveness that he knows that he doesn't deserve. He can't take the way that Eli is looking at him, as if he's hurt him, as if he's lower than him, as if Blaine barely even deserves to be able to look in Eli's eyes. "I'm sorry. It just happened. I didn't- I swear I didn't mean to."

A scoff and then Eli turns away, clenching his fist and Blaine can hear the effort, the grunt and the crack as Eli punches the wall. "You don't know how it happened? How does sex just happen? Did he accidentally fall on your fucking dick, Blaine?"

"No! You know what I mean. I'm so sorry, Eli. It wasn't like that at all. You've got to-"

"What?" Eli asks, his voice dangerously low now and Blaine can hear the anger. There's so much rage on Eli's face now, making him look almost dark. "I've got to forgive you? You cheated on me like a whore! You slept with somebody else! I trusted you and you did this to me! I don't give a fuck if he fucked you or you fucked him. I don't care what happened. And the best part is it's with that fag boy. Him, Blaine? Don't you have any taste?"

Blaine's head snaps up, meeting Eli's eyes and he knows that he shouldn't say anything. He should let it go. But it's Kurt, it's Kurt who's beautiful and wonderful and makes Blaine smile just thinking about him most of the time. He doesn't let himself smile right now though. "Don't talk about him that way! You don't know him."

"I've seen him, Blaine and he looks like a fucking girl. Sounds like one too which the videos that Sebastian's sent me of their fucking choir group." The curse words indicate just how frustrated that Eli is. Normally he manages to keep from swearing, something that most of the Warblers do simply because they try to keep up appearances. Curses only generally slip out when Eli is feeling exceptionally emotional… or when they're in bed. "I can't believe you! You don't even regret it, do you?"

That makes Blaine pause because does he? He doesn't know how he's supposed to regret sleeping with Kurt. He regrets hurting Kurt, hurting Eli, sleeping with Kurt while he's dating Eli. But he doesn't regret being with Kurt.

Eli's eyes narrow, his jaws set and it reminds Blaine slightly of Kurt's expression when Kurt had been told that Blaine had a boyfriend. "You are an asshole."

"I've been told," Blaine whispers and he closes his eyes tightly, swallowing hard and looking up at Eli. "I'm so sorry. You have to let me try to… I'll do anything. I just need you to forgive me."

"Why? Because you still want to be with me or for your fucking conscience? Perfect Blaine Anderson can't stand knowing that he cheated on his boyfriend! That he broke his fucking boyfriend's heart! I know that I've been busy but I haven't cheated, Blaine. I haven't done anything that would hurt you like that."

The words pierce Blaine and he almost looks down to see if there's something physically in his chest. He gulps in a breath, his lungs stinging and he opens and then closes his mouth, not sure what to say. "I'm sorry," he says because he's not sure. Does he still want Eli? Has he wanted Eli for a while? He can see that he's losing Eli. He can see that Eli is slipping away. But on the other hand, Kurt's already gone and that kills Blaine. The thought of losing Kurt is worse than the thought of losing Eli and Blaine knows what his choice has to be. But how?

Eli shakes his head, scoffing and he reaches a hand up to rub at his eyes. It pains Blaine to see the tears evident in them and no matter how he feels about Eli, about Kurt, he loved Eli for years. "You should go."

"I just… I love you. I want you to know that. And I am so sorry for everything," Blaine says, his lower lip trembling but he has a tight hold on his emotions. He doesn't deserve to cry over this.

Eli jerks his head in a nod. "Yeah. Just… just leave me alone for a while. I'm sure we'll see each other at Warbler's reunions." Eli swallows hard, hollowing out his cheeks as he obviously tries to get a hold of himself. His body is shaking, his feet tripping over nothing as he goes to open the door for Blaine.

There's nothing else for Blaine to say and so he leaves. He came and did what he intended to do. He'll just sit at the airport until his return flight the next morning. And then he has to see Kurt again. He can't lose him.

*

By the time that Blaine is back at the Hummel house, he's exhausted. He's thankful for the credit card that his parents put his allowance into and the fact that he hasn't spent any allowance from it for about a year besides sometimes coffee in the morning. It feels as if ages have passed since he slept with Kurt but really it's only been the weekend. He'd been there on Friday with Kurt and now he's back on Sunday. What he doesn't expect is for the door to be answered by anybody but Kurt.

"Can I help you, kid?"

Blaine looks at the man who must be Kurt's father, Mr. Hummel and he feels guilt spiraling in his chest. Does this man know what Blaine had done? Does this man have any idea what Blaine had done to his son? He can only hope that Kurt didn't say anything.

"Blaine?"

"I'm sorry, sir. I'm just… I'm here to see Kurt."

There must be something on Blaine's face, some kind of guilt because Burt's face closes up a bit. "I'll go see if he wants to see you. What's your name?"

Blaine pauses because he knows that Kurt won't want to see him. If he tells Burt his name then he won't be able to see Kurt and he absolutely has to. "I… I'm sorry, sir. I made a mistake. I did something stupid and I know that he won't want to see me but I have to. I have to apologize to him." Blaine presses a hand to his face, scrubbing his face, rubbing his eyes until they burn. When he looks up, he catches a flash of movement and he can see Kurt on the stairs. He looks frozen, halfway to stepping on another stair but he's staring at Blaine.

So Blaine continues. "I made a mistake. I care about Kurt, so much. But I… I lied to him. It was a lie by omission but it was still a lie. It was just… that when I was talking with Kurt, it didn't matter about anybody else. I… forgot that anybody else existed in the world. But, that wasn't the same way. When I talked to Eli, I always talked about you," Blaine says and Burt frowns before looking back, realizing that Kurt is standing there and he clears his throat, stepping aside.

"I… will just give you two some privacy," Burt says, looking suspiciously between the two of them before he bypasses Kurt to head up the stairs.

Blaine expects Kurt to step away, to run back up the stairs after his father and to slam the door but he just looks steadily at Blaine. Blaine feels as if Kurt is a magnet, as if he can't help but walk forward until he's at the bottom of the stairs, resting his hand on the bottom of the railing. "The second that I told him about what had happened, he knew that it was you, Kurt. Because you've… been all that I've thought about lately. For the past few months, ever since we started talking.

"And I should've told you. I should've told you that I had a boyfriend, I should've- But I don't regret what happened. I can't regret what happened because Kurt, it made me see that you're the one that I really want, that you're the one that I've wanted for ages. I just regret it had to happen like that because you deserve so much better for your first experience." It takes a teardrop sliding down his lips, the saltiness making Blaine blink to realize that he's crying. But now that he's gone this far, now that he's admitting this, he can't stop. When he meets Kurt's eyes, he can see that Kurt's eyes are filled with tears as well, his lips slightly parted but they're curving up into a smile. Blaine hopes that's a good sign. Kurt still doesn't talk.

"When I was standing there- I flew out to tell Eli what happened- as I was standing in his room, I knew that me and him were over but what hurt… what hurt was the thought of losing you, Kurt. Of not waking up to one of your texts talking about Finn or Rachel or hearing you singing to me on my voicemail because you want my opinion on a new solo. I'd miss you. And I know that we haven't even gone out on a date and I probably don't even deserve for you to forgive me… but I want you. I want the chance to have a relationship with you."

Blaine pauses, looking up at Kurt and he's close to pleading at this point because while Kurt's progressed to crying silent tears, he still hasn't opened his mouth to speak. And Blaine's starting to lose hope. "The other night, meeting you and everything, was like coming home. Like all my life I've just been waiting for you. As if nobody else has mattered before you. If you… if you don't feel the same way- if you can't ever forgive me then I understand if you tell me to leave."

There's a sharp intake of breath and then Blaine has to brace himself, their bodies colliding with an audible smack as Kurt throws himself at Blaine. Blaine can feel the wetness on his neck from Kurt's tears and he immediately lifts up a hand to pet his fingers through Kurt's hair. "I'm so sorry," Blaine whispers, over and over again. "I'm so sorry."

"I don't- I'm not ready to just be with you. But Blaine, I can't let you go," Kurt whispers back, barely audible against Blaine's skin.

Blaine nods. "I don't want to let you go. I won't pressure you. I promise. We're going to be okay. I'm so sorry, Kurt. I'll do anything. I'll make it up to you. I'll make you see that this is going to be worth it."