#black!au

The day Eddie meets Evan is a calm Saturday, with everyone hanging out at Athena’s house to drink and enjoy Bobby’s cooking. All the kids are playing outside in the yard- though Eddie keeps a close eye on them just in case- while the adults catch up and swap horror stories from their jobs. He really doesn’t expect for the doorbell to ring.

“Oh!” Maddie gets up on her feet with a helping hand from Chimney, a little unstable this far into her pregnancy. “I completely forgot. My brother is in town and Athena said he could join us!”

When Evan first came into Eddie's life, the rules were as follows:

1) Don't ask what he does for a living.

2) Don't answer his phone if someone calls.

3) Don't post anything about him online.

Eddie has no problem following these rules, even when they go from close friends to married, but he can't help being curious about what his husband does when he disappears for days at a time- especially once Evan's work life starts to hit too close to home.

《Black!AU》

Evan is a brother, a husband, a father, and a friend. Evan likes to work out and bake, and will often bring food by Firehouse 118 for his husband and the other firefighters on shift. Evan wears jeans and white sneakers. Evan likes to feel the sun on the top of his head. Evan washes his jeep in the driveway and waxes it until the black paint shines. Evan tells jokes and makes friends.

Buck is a killer. Buck had an assault rifle thrust into his not-yet calloused hands when he was sixteen years old. Buck has been tortured. Buck has been abused. Buck has nightmares and can't sleep in the dark for fear that something will happen. Buck takes another line off the bathroom counter to stay awake and alert for the next twenty four hours. Buck is alone.

And both versions, both of these men live inside his head, and in any given situation he must decipher who needs to be there. It’s sometimes so easy. When he’s at work, hands coated in sticky red blood, he knows he needs to be Buck. When he’s in bed, holding his husband’s face in those same hands, he needs to be Evan. Then there are times like these when it’s hard to figure out exactly who is wanted of him and how to parse it out. Like now, with Abby staring at him and Eddie behind him, holding onto his shoulder for some sort of reassurance. Buck wants to push Eddie off him and remain untouched. Evan wants to hold Eddie in his arms and promise him they’re okay.

“You knew it would come to this,” Abby accuses. “He’s been tossed around enough between your bullshit and Jodie’s and everyone else’s. This would be merciful, Buck, you know that.”

“No.”

She clicks her tongue. “C’mon, Evan. Come here.”

His whole body feels like a tightly pulled rubber band. There was a time- long past, nowhere close to recent- where he would have fawned over his name on her lips and sank to his knees at her feet like a well-trained dog. That’s what he was to her. A pet. Perhaps an attack dog. But he was never really her friend or her lover or even a person to her. 

“You don’t get to call me that,” he says.

“You’re being emotional.” She steps closer and he steps back, pushing Eddie with him to keep distance between them and Abby. “This is why we don’t get involved with civilians. They make you weak. And, at the end of the day, nothing you do will ever be enough to protect them. I’m giving you an out. We can kill him, and make it fast, or you leave it up to me- or heaven forbid anyone else out to get him- and we will make sure he suffers until his dying breath.”

He shakes his head. “No one, not you or anyone else, will ever lay a hand on my husband again.”

“Have it your way.”

In the milliseconds between her pulling out her military issue taser and activating it, Eddie shoulders his way in front of him and takes the shock, unable to even scream in agony as he drops to the floor. Abby raises her eyebrow at the heroics. But she is undeterred.

“He must really love you.”

She steps over Eddie’s body so that she can reach him, and presses her palm flat against his chest over his heart.

When Eddie sees Evan pick up his work phone, he tries his best to distract himself with anything else. Typically, Evan goes in the other room anyways. Maybe it's the fact that he's in the living room and Eddie is washing up the dishes that prompts him to stay where he is when he takes his call, or maybe he just doesn't care if Eddie overhears today.

"Hey, honey," he says, voice sickeningly sweet. Eddie nearly drops a plate. "No, of course I'm not busy. I always have time for you."

He reminds himself to take a deep breath. When things got serious, Evan told him that some aspects of the job require flirting, building false relationships, and occasionally sex. It's how he's so good at what he does, he had explained; he can fill any required role, even if that means becoming the doting partner of a young woman. It doesn't mean Evan likes these people. It doesn't mean he wants them over Eddie. It's just one thing to know and another to hear it.

"No, I'm not doing anything right now. Just at home. You know, thinking about you. Remember that thing you did, with your tongue? - Yeah, baby, I liked it. I can't wait for the next time I-"

This time, Eddie actually does drop a dish, and listens to it break at the bottom of the sink. He wipes his hands on his jeans as he enters the living room, trying not to feel so... he doesn't know. Dirty, maybe.

His arrival prompts Evan to look up at him, tilting his head to the side questioningly as he continues to speak to the person on the other end of his call.

"Of course," he purrs, voice too smooth and seductive for the wrinkle in his brow while he watches Eddie. "I miss you so much already. Go ahead, you can take off your panties."

Eddie doesn't know what to do. Interrupting Evan's call could put him in danger, but he can't just listen to his boyfriend have phone sex with a random woman who doesn't even know the real him. He winds up shoving his feet into his sneakers and stepping out on the porch, where he puts his head in his hands and tries not to hear the low moments of Evan's voice that seep through the front door.

Some twenty minutes later, Evan finally comes outside to join him. As if it's any consolation, his cheeks aren't flushed like they are when he's actually turned on or has recently gotten off. Evan sits down beside him, but doesn't reach out to touch him, seemingly waiting for Eddie to make the first move.

"You had sex with her."

Evan nods. "Yeah. I mean, what else do you expect, Eddie? I can't just stop doing my job."

"I know that."

There's a moment of silence before Evan grabs Eddie's hand and slowly guides it, giving him time to pull away before placing it over the crotch of his soft sweatpants. He's not sure what he's supposed to be feeling, which he states in a flat voice.

"Nothing. Nothing, Eddie, because I didn't feel anything. I'm not attracted to her. I'm not attracted to most people, certainly not women, but I do what I have to for work."

"If you don't- then how do you..."

"Pills, mostly. But over the phone, I don't bother. I'm a good actor, comes with the territory, you know?"

At first, Eddie tried to argue that he's not just some defenseless civilian in the way Maddie or Chimney are. He's a vet, and he did have that street fighting phase, so he's not going to be just taken down without a fight. Evan had raised his eyebrow and told him that they should spar in the backyard, and if Eddie beats him or manages to last twenty minutes, he'll let it go. That promptly led to Eddie getting his ass handed to him in less than a minute, with the very distinct awareness of the fact that Evan was obviously not giving it all he had.

Now they're here in the living room, with the furniture pushed against the walls and nothing but the shag carpet beneath their feet. Evan made a point that if he needs to use these skills, he'll have to do it in shoes and normal clothes, but the basic learning should give him every leg up he can get, which includes standing barefoot in workout shorts. Evan has left his shirt on in contrast, a mark of shame over the bruises currently painting his torso. He wouldn't hear of putting this off until he was healed, however, so hiding them is part of the charade that he's not in any pain.

"Just like we practiced," Evan says, watching him with a gaze that's just slightly too cold for Eddie to feel completely at ease. "I'm not going to hurt you, but if you ever need to use this, someone else won't be so kind."

Eddie nods and braces himself. He scans over Evan's body as he waits for him to make the first move. Every slight twitch, every shift of his eyes, could be the warning Eddie needs to win this and prove to both of them that he can hold his own, at least until Evan can come to save him.

Finally, Evan lunges, and Eddie barely sidesteps fast enough to avoid being thrown down to the carpet. He uses the moment in which Evan regains his balance to try and sweep his leg out from under him. Fight dirty, Evan likes to say, because fighting clean won't protect you. He won't do anything too nasty to his boyfriend, but he's acutely aware of what he might do to another opponent in a fight like this.

Unfortunately, Evan is too fast for him and Eddie doesn't manage to knock him down. He pauses for a second too long considering his next move and suddenly Evan's hand is in his hair, jerking his head back and causing him to lose his balance. It's a new move and entiely unanticipated. The surprise of it is enough for Evan to successfully grab onto his shoulder with the other hand and throw them both to the floor. Eddie's breath is knocked out of him when he hits the floor hard. Still, he knows the fight isn't over yet. He lifts his hands to try and grab at Evan's face as he bucks his hips to dislodge his weight, but that just results in his arms being pinned at either side of his head and Evan more firmly pinning his lower body to the floor.

Eddie starts to try again, intending to flip them over, and suddenly finds that his hands are held in the firm grip of one of Evan's, and the other is wrapped around his throat. The pressure is light, mostly concentrated in the fingertips at either side of his carotid, rather than any sort of harmful squeeze. Eddie recognizes this. Evan isn't choking him to harm or subdue him like a real opponent would, but providing the same slow dizziness that Eddie sometimes asks for in bed.

He glances down at Evan's crotch and notes that he's half-hard. "Does tossing me around turn you on?" he breathes, unable to resist a small smile.

"Having you pinned beneath me does have a certain appeal."

"So like, what is the deal with Evan?"

Eddie looks up from the plate of pasta he's been inhaling at Chimney, who seems far more interested in talking about his girlfriend's brother than eating his own meal before it gets cold or the alarm goes off. He knows the question is directed at him; as much as they've tried to keep it relatively quiet, they all know he's been seeing Evan in some capacity. Granted, they probably think it's discreet rendezvous with dinner or something, when in reality it's Eddie getting fucked so hard he forgets how to walk and then held until he falls asleep- though he almost always wakes up alone.

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"I mean, what's the deal?" Chimney repeats. "Maddie doesn't really talk about him beyond the fact that he apparently had a lot to do with her escaping her ex, and he doesn't talk to me, and he has some weird job he doesn't talk about period?"

By this point Eddie knows he really shouldn't keep prying about Evan's job, but at the same time, he's full of unsatisfied curiosity and maybe some other eyes will help him put together the pieces more clearly.

"I'll be honest, I know almost nothing about him. He's great at turning any question around so it seems like he's saying something when he's not. But whatever he's up to, I'd probably keep him away from your pregnant girlfriend."

"I don't know, he seems to really care about Maddie's well being," Hen interjects.

Eddie shrugs. "I mean, yeah, he's really protective for sure, but he's into some shady shit. The first time we slept together, he definitely had an untreated stab wound that couldn't have been more than a couple days old."

At that, Bobby drops his fork and puts his head in his hands. Chimney and Hen are both staring at him like he's grown another head. "What?" He gets the stab wound is weird, but surely they've all seen worse on this job.

"You're sleeping with him?" Chimney says slowly.

Eddie didn't mean to say that.

"Okay, yes, but it's nothing serious. I'm just saying that he's definitely involved in something bad and I really don't want it to land on Maddie when she's pregnant."

"But you're not worried about you?" Bobby asks.

"I'm an army vet and I used to cage fight for money. I can hold my own. It's a little different."

Hen nods. "But you've got Christopher to worry about."

"I'm not emotionally involved," Eddie protests.

He knows that's a lie, though. When he had that first night with Evan, he knew he had a major soft spot for him, one that's only grown as their dalliance continues. He's seen Evan have nightmares he won't talk about, traced bruises and scrapes with his fingertips and his lips when allowed. Maybe it's the same part of him that sees something broken and wants to fix it, or perhaps the part that longs for someone to want him. The whole thing is a complex web of emotions that he isn't quite equipped to sort out himself.

"Keep telling yourself that, Diaz," Chimney says.

"Okay, butt out of my sex life."

"That's enough," Bobby tells them both, just stern enough for them to feel reprimanded, but not so much so that he seems genuinely upset. "What Eddie does in his free time is his business."

"But...?" Eddie prompts.

Eddie doesn't get much sleep. The lights are always on and always bright, he's unsure if he can hear others screaming or if he's imagining it, and they come in to hurt him every so often with no discernable pattern or schedule. He dreads when they walk in with the camera because it means they're going to give him hell. As such, sleep is hard to come by, but what little he does get is filled with replays of everything they've done. He hears the crunching of the bones in his fingers. He feels the screws drilled into the soft flesh of his thighs.

Every time he wakes up is to someone slapping him or pouring ice cold water on his face, yanking him from the panic of the repeated sensations and into the endless pain. It's hard to think about anything else other than that pain when it's actively happening.

"Rise and shine, pretty boy!"

This time is a backhand, the ring cutting a new scratch across his already blood stained cheeks. He hisses in pain and looks up at his tormentor. It's the same woman as usual, the one he can't quite place. She usually looks some degree of smug or excited, but today, she appears downright gleeful as she clutches a tablet.

"Before we get started, I have something very important I'd like you to hear."

She presses play on something on her phone, flooding Eddie's voice with a familiar, usually comforting voice.

"No. No, please."

"Oh my God. The great Buck, begging at our feet. Make sure you zoom in on his face, too."

Eddie strains to see the screen, but she keeps it angled so he has no hope of even catching a fraction of a second of Evan's face.

"I thought you were smarter. I really did."

"No- no, please don't- Eddie! Eddie, help me, please!"

His words start to dissolve into empty vocalizations of pain and fear, every sound as gut wrenching as the last. For the first time in days, Eddie strains at his ropes because nothing in the world could keep him still when Evan sounds like that, when he was calling for Eddie to help him.

"Stop! Please, I'll do anything you want, just stop-"

"Oh, he wants to stop."

"No! Eddie, help! Please, Eddie! Help! Don't let them-"

His voice is cut off by a gunshot. Laughter. Then silence. The woman pockets her phone like she didn't just play a tape of the love of Eddie's life being presumably tortured, definitely murdered, certainly begging for Eddie to save him. This is the worst thing they've done. The physical torture would heal, if he ever got out of here. He will never recover from listening to Evan die.

Most of Eddie and Evan's dates are held at home, where they're safe and alone. It's the nature of dating something like Evan, something Eddie accepted a long time ago, which means he treasures nights like this one. The restaurant is nice enough that Eddie hasn't heard of it- though Hen whistled when he said its name- and Evan looks stunning all dressed up in a proper suit. He's also left his hair curly, as Eddie has noticed he does more and more often when he's not working. It's like a physical divide between the Evan Eddie loves and the one that gets his hands dirty.

"This place is nice," he comments after the waitress pours his third glass of wine. He's noticed that Evan has barely touched his glass- though that's in character for him. He rarely drinks, and he certainly doesn't indulge in public. Eddie is happy to drink enough for both of them, though, and is pleasantly warm by the time their main course arrives.