#blaaaaaaaah

But, hey, it's been helping generate ideas. Wish me luck yall cuz I'm adding in Andrei/Anya's segment.

So. So. Close. I'm like... right there.

No spots are open. No flights out. I have no car. My friends are quarantined. I’ve made it this far in the pandemic not being sad about some shit. But like, I’ve found so much happiness in this pandemic from self love and discovery that this was my chance to maybe go out and explore what this all means for me. So it’s just. A bummer.

I get broken up with. I can’t find a place to move. I work to survive. Friends are scarce. Mental ambition. Low.

I was incredibly fortunate to have two amazing teachers when I was in school. Teachers that went way beyond making me memorize things that I needed in the next exam. I am talking about teachers who made me think. Teachers who made me look closer. Teachers that I would now call rather “mentors” than teachers. One of them definitely shaped huge parts of my personality, and I often hear the echo of his voice in my head. Some of the things he said have become “mantras”, things that I live by, and that I stick to almost religiously. Maybe one day I will elaborate on that.

What just struck me a couple of minutes ago was that as kids… we have no chance, right? We have to accept what is THERE. We have to battle through school, we have to try to get along. Which is good in parts, because… well… that is what life is, right? Battling through, sometimes. And we have to learn that.

But as adults we don’t have to accept teachers and mentors. We not only can choose, we have to consciously choose. And maybe get rid of those who hold us back and don’t respect us by clearly not caring about what _we_ need. That is what we owe to ourselves. We only have this one life - at least in this incarnation. We have to find the one person that fits. A guide. That certain someone who is able to help us to become a better person. Who makes us think. Who makes us look closer. Who challenges us. And who really cares. The funny thing is, and that is also what I realized… We, as adults, we now choose our teachers (or can do that). They don’t choose us. It is a liberating and at the same time frightening thought. Because suddenly we have the responsibility.