#biweek2016

As some of you will already be aware, and many of you will not, today is GLAAD's Celebrate Bisexuality Day.

I want to take this opportunity to talk about bisexual visibility, a topic very close to my heart.

Many of you may not have been aware that I identify as bisexual - you may have thought that I was gay, or that I was straight, as at different points in my life I have thought both of those things myself. Being able to comfortably identify my sexual orientation has been a long and hard won process. It has involved a lot of self doubt, a lot of self loathing, and a huge amount of self discovery.

Being bisexual is a strange and often othering experience. Too queer for the straight community, but often not considered queer enough for the LGBT+ community, we exist in a kind of identity limbo. When the Pulse nightclub shooting happened in June, many bi people, myself included, found themselves struggling with their own responses, simultaneously feeling grief and questioning whether we had a right to grieve.

Because the thing about being bi is this; to many, you're Schroedinger's Queer. People will tell you that you're confused, that you're greedy, will ask you if you're 'gay now' or 'straight again' depending on who you've kissed or fucked or, god forbid, fallen in love with. You exist on a precipice where becoming intimate with another person - an experience that should be happy, and exciting, and yours alone - comes with a sentence of erasure. Because from the moment you enter a new romantic or sexual relationship, many (if not most) people will now categorise you as gay or straight. Your orientation, such an important part of your identity, is effectively wrested from you. In many cases, many of your past experiences will suddenly be perceived as invalid, as mistakes, as not counting.

Worse, when they find out you are bisexual, there are some people who will decide that your orientation is performative and for their benefit. They will tell you that it's disgusting, or (sometimes worse) that it turns them on. They will reduce an important part of who you are to something trivial; to something they will blithely pass judgement on without being asked.

But that is not what being bisexual should be. I am trying to not let it be what it is for me. For me being bisexual is falling in love, and having my heart broken, and getting tongue tied around people I find attractive. It's walking up a steep hill in the snow, wheat fields on a summer afternoon, a cafetiere on the windowsill, the love letters from her that I shouldn't have kept but I did anyway. It's my own personal and myriad collection of all the times that I cared about people. All of you reading this will have a similar portfolio of memories. The fact that mine contains a variety of pronouns shouldn't render any of it invalid.

So, what can you do?

If you're not bi, respect the identities of those who are. Make an effort to ensure your bi loved ones feel accepted. Don't play into stereotypes. Educate yourself about bisexuality and bi erasure. Be open minded. Be kind.

If you are bi? Know that you're valid, and that your orientation is valid too. Know that you belong in the LGBT+ community. Know that being with someone doesn't silence that part of you. Be proud of the person you are.