#bitterthoughts

Last night I was going to dinner with T and we happened to pass by my ex’s neighborhood. It all started off with a strange uneasy feeling of my stomach dropping and recognizing familiar landmarks that I remember seeing on night drives with him. It took me a few minutes to collect my thoughts and then hit me like “Wait this is the route to his house”. It was honestly so weird to be around that area again since I haven’t been down in his area in few months. The last time I was around his area was three months ago.

The last time I remember going through those streets was the night I stayed over at his place.

And then there it was. I saw his exact apartment as we passed by his neighborhood. Being back in that area made me get super emotional. I started to break down again because of those little things that remind you about something that almost feels like forever ago.

T pulled over and he hugged me and we talked. I told him we were in my ex’s neighborhood and I saw his place. He hugged me tightly and told me it was going to be ok.

We talked later on and I told him that I apologize in advance for every time I break down about my ex. I always keep telling him “Sorry for not being over him yet”. He responded to this by saying “I know you still love him. You want him to hurt the same way he hurt you. That’s why your heart is not at ease”.

He started breaking down too and seeing tears run down his face makes me feel even more shitty about myself. He says “I know exactly how you feel about him. I still love Jacqui too. She was my best friend and the only reason why I haven’t let go of her yet is because I’m hoping one day she’ll come back too”.