I’m having an identity crisis bc I’m very attracted to a trans man but have been a lesbian for years. I’ve been friends with this guy since before he came out and was attracted to him then as a butch lesbian. I thought that as he transitioned i would stop being attracted to him but he’s got a beard and just got top surgery and if anything, I’m more attracted I him. I feel like I’m invalidating his gender and it’s shitty to him. Is this something that’s common?
hey, mod rice here! i’m not a lesbian, so as far as that goes i’m not entirely sure if such things are common, but your situation isn’t unheard of. i’ve heard quite a few stories of folks who had identified as gay/straight for years, but there was one particular person that was the exception. i believe there is a term for it, but i seem to have forgotten it at the moment - i’ll try and see if i can’t find it here in a minute.
regardless, i would say that if you were to talk to him about it, it would probably be best to emphasize the fact that you like him as a dude, and not as a woman. i would also say that the fact you are considering how he would feel about it is a good sign that you aren’t invalidating his gender (or, at the very least, not doing it on purpose). tread carefully and talk to him about it if you are considering telling him, and if not, i would say that some introspection as to why you like him is a good idea regardless. what do you find attractive about him? why? if you know any other trans men, do you find them attractive? things like that are some decent questions to ask.
