#bitched at

a long time? a long time... how long exactly? like how long have you been waiting for an update to things i will get around to eventually i swear and just between you me and the wall which ones were they so i can be completely normal about looking at adding them to the update roation 😰

no but seriously makes my day to hear that, not gonna lie and the fact you like Seven of all people is great.

the found family thing is so cool but its building up so slow and the latest chapter has a kneejerk backtrack response and like i keep coming at it all sideways so its a lot of tell dont show so i figured people would find it boring but other than equalizing disparities thats probably the fic i have the most solid feelings and thoughts about right now

also thanks for letting me know you write transguys i need more of that in my life so when i get a free moment hopefully ill be able to devour that XD...

but wanting to see more male and trans men rep in the self insert flavored fics is why i started writing them - be the change you want to see/ create the content you wanna read vibes.

like i saw one person do it and i was like "wait thats allowed??? that slaps... i should get in on that" which incidently is the same way i figured out i was trans

im always terrified to... elaborate too much about the trans thing in stories on the teddy_feathers account because like many of my experiences theyre not universal and there's so little rep for people to read and enjoy and see themselves in

so like i just started going "this character is trans and thats not important to the story but does explain why he has a needle in the bathroom or why he's commenting on how he hated that his voice got thready when he was shocked" stuff on this blog

but when i have the spoons / attention for it im going to go back and get more into my personal experiences and takes and fears and kinks and niche interests or exploration of trans in x context on the bitch-bear account

ive got a handful already up to come at the same thing from different angles/ aspects under the times new roman thing and ive got... uh a poly ship story on the back burner and a omegaverse exploration of being trans story idea saved up some where

... this isn't like. a push or a sell sorry if it sounded like it - more just expressing im terrified to "get it wrong" on teddy_feathers so if it seems mild or lampshaded thats intentional so people can enjoy that same "oh im being represented in a fic? this is great actually" experiance i had without being frustrated when theres things they don't necessarily agree with or experience. i try to keep all my weirder shit seperate but im still human so i bleed through into my writing

Now I'm getting bitched at because I'm angry. Wow.

I can’t be everything everyone wants me to be. I try. I really do. But more often then not it’s a contradiction.

People want me to feel. Then they say I feel too much.

They want me to express my emotions, but then I express too much.

I’m supposed to be happy, but not too happy.

I become who they want and then get told they miss who I used to be.

I like how when i don’t make the effort we just don’t talk and thats my fault. As if phones only go one way. I like how i am the one that changed as if you didn’t either. I’m sick of being blamed for everything. I’m always blamed.

I don’t understand. Make up your mind about what you want from me. And be realistic about it.

I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep taking responsibility for other people’s choices. I’ve been through a lot too. My pain shouldn’t be any less important. I’m entitled to my own thoughts, feelings and emotions and expressing them as I damn well please.