Am I overreacting?He wants me to not know his bi-side.
I (wife) saw spouse (husband) on our outdoor camera have another man in our home and then he lied about it. 3 years ago he was caught sexting another man. For past year has been going to an adult toys superstore that has a reputation for sexual activity. These are the things we both know that I know. He has told me to think what I want, but will not talk about his involvement with other men. He tells me you know there was something going on. Then states he promises to never do it again, that I should accept that and that we get back to having a loving marital relationship. We have been married for 10 1/2 years. We have adult children that are out of the home. I want him to open up so I can understand better about him and then try to move on. With him not opening up, I feel there is mystery that will eat at me. Am I wrong to feel this way? We do both have a love for the other. He states he thinks I will never get over this. I am not sure if I can without full disclosure from him. Any thoughts on this from the Reddit Community?
Reddit consensus: NOT OVERREACTING (NOR) (100% confidence)
Top comment: “NOR. I think a marriage needs some baseline level of honesty and trust, and you aren’t getting that.
Without an open conversation, how can you be sure he isn’t putting you at risk for STDs?
This would definitely be something I couldn’t get over & I’m sorry you’re dealing with it.”
Notable comment: “NOR. There is zero way to get past infidelity when the person having sexual affairs is not being honest and providing you full disclosure of what happened.
It sucks but it’s true. This will always eat at you until you know the truth. If he wants to stay in the marriage, he needs to provide you with transparency. If he cannot give you that, then he no longer respects and cares for you like he once did.
He has to also acknowledge that having affairs puts you at risk as well. Even if he never had anal sex, STDs can still be caught through oral. If you two were sexually active still while he was doing this he was putting your health at risk. (*I want to note that this goes for anyone having affairs regardless of gender and sexual orientation)*
You need to have a very clear and stern conversation with him and explain that your marriage cannot go on when he is still refusing to be honest.”
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Originally shared by Think_It_Over4691 on r/AmIOverreacting on August 8th, 2026 at 9:01 PM UTC. Credit to u/itsJustE12 and u/George_Is_Upset for the quoted comments.
