#bishing

10:45 AMish – I manage to find a small, dark, mouldy corner in the carpark and think this is the best place to park ever, so I do. I then grab the rest of my clothes and start dressing up in said dark, mouldy corner. Awkward moment when the owners of the car parked next to me come back to their car and see me putting on my fancy gear. They’re all “Look at this jerk”.

10:55 – I make it up to the Monorail station and stand around and lean awkwardly on railings. There’s a gym right next to the Monorail station, so as I stand there, people trickling in and out of the gym in their singlets and shorts stare at me going “Look at this jerk”.

11:20ish – I eventually spot Ruffles and Nova and for a few minutes we mock the Monorail travel recommendations. #35 shows up, gearing up with a waistcoat, tie and pocketwatch with chain and clip. Flu’s on-time (for once, but still later than me), in a most excellent red and black ensemble. Mashaaaaaaaa and Powalen show up, and I point to Powalen and I’m all “MAWT!” even though he is not Mawt and Flu asks “Why’d you say Mawt for?” and I’m all “I don’t know!”, true story. Pantsman shows up and Flu asks ye olde question “Who’s this guy?” (paraphrased), and Pants then introduces himself, saying that he probably should have done that first. Hah hah hah, who does that, that’s silly. (As a side note, apparently I introduced myself properly this time 3/3 times. Winning.) And then I left to pick up Rize. I kicked my tophat over to Nova who disprespectfully kicked it back. You do not kick a man’s hat, sir.

12:09 PM – Rize calls me saying that’s he’s somewhere not on a bus in Sydney presumably and that he’s lost and confused and he starts weeping softly. I reassure him that I’ll be there shortly and start singing ‘Dancing Queen’ to him to soothe his fears. A minute later, I look at a hobo curled up on the cold, cold ground, sucking his thumb and say Hi. Rize springs up and we head off into Central because screw walking 1.5KMs to Town Hall. He pops a Blue V on the train, and I rant about how they advertised Blue V, considering no one is going to actually see they drink before they down it. He later describes the flavour as “Fruit punch gone wrong… but not necessarily in a bad way”. Throughout the trip, Pez and Flu berate me for being late. VERY FUNNY, FUNNY MEN

12:30 probably – Back at the station and again, berated for being late, and forced to rush myself into buying a Monorail ticket. Maybe I wanted to savour the experience, guys. But you ruined my ticket buying experience. Inside the monorail station (yes, that is a time stamp) – Me: HI SHIGGY! Shiggy: HI Me: How are you? Shiggy: Very well. How are you? Me: Good, thanks. Because we are gentlemen. And then he criticised me for not wearing a bowtie. So then I put my bowtie on. And then someone criticised me for having both my tie and bowtie on. So I took my bowtie off. And then later on someone criticised me for not wearing my bowtie and I had an aneurysm.

On the monorail – Powalen: Wow, this is exactly like being on the train I took to get to the city. – 2 minutes pass - Me: Yeah, I’m just going to say, this is kind of boring. Apparently the other carriage had equally as much fun. We exchanged quips with an older couple in the same carriage as us, who seemed equally unimpressed. And then when we got back to GV, we got off and decided to wait for Freyr. As Ruffleberg said, getting off the Monorail was the best part.

No longer on the monorail – We thought about getting lunch, but decided to wait for the others, so we returned to awkwardly hanging around outside the Monorail station. And then I wandered off to find a cupcake. Which I did! And returned to the station to find no one there, until #35 appeared and told me they had gone to hang outside Kinokuniya because Ruffleberg told Freyr the station was sort of opposite Kinokuniya. So we hung around there for a bit and sat on the ground like hobos, tophat in front of us, hoping someone would throw spare change in. No one did. I wrote up my Revengeance Cupcake in the meantime.

“Did… you tell Freyr to meet us in front of Kinokuniya?” I asked Ruffleberg. “…You know, now that I think about it…” he started, and I headed down to the station to make sure she wasn’t alone at the station wondering where everyone was. So turns out she was alone at the station, possibly wondering where everyone was. I said Hi from over the barrier and gave her her cupcake, but then the monorail came around and I took the cupcake from her because there’s no food allowed on the monorail. So the pro-Monorail group decided to keep going for a third time, as I headed back up to Kinokuniya to tell everyone else that we weren’t eating anytime soon. Except me. I ate the cupcake.

1:15 PM – We head down towards the Monorail station to meet up with the monorailers and meet them on the way there. We hang around in the middle of the corridor blocking all the paths until we decide to head up to Ichi-Ban for lunch. But apparently that was going to take half an hour to seat us, so we headed back down towards Wagamama. Someone made a Rocketman comment about me ordering and knowing the proper ceremonial ways of serving tea, which Morkai wanted to take a picture of as I spilled said tea on my right leg. I yelled from across the table that Shiggy looked like a Mormon with his white shirt and black tie to which he said “OKAY?” to. Pez said something but no one cares. Nom photo!. Also this. Effluvius didn’t know what to order, and as he started panicking, I asked the kind waitress for recommendations, to which she offered none at all, so he ended up getting the Seafood Ramen. You can find my Wagamama food review . And as we(I) tallied up the money for the bill, some jerks (Rize and ‘Flu) decided to ruin my money arrangement scheme much to my dismay.

After lunch – We split off into two groups, the people who weren’t staying overnight and those who were (+ me because Rize’s stuff was in my car). Apparently Pez can’t tell the difference between $14 and $12. I query Pez about his tophat, cane and bowtie, and remarks that they are disgustingly cheap. I refuse to believe and request that he bring it out when we grab our stuff from our respective cars, and he politely complies. WOOOOOOOOOW that cane was a piece of crap. We walked to the Monorail station to shorten our trip very slightly, but split up into two groups because the Monorail was full (somehow). As I hung out with Rize and Hugo for the next monorail, I leaned on the cane and it just snapped.

On the Monorail (again) – Pez rings me up. Pez: Where are you guys? Me: On the monorail! Pez: You know to stop at the stop outside Paddy’s Markets? Me: Yes, we were intending to stop there, thanks. Pez: Are you still intending to stop there? Me: Well, no, since you’re badgering us about it so much! Pez: [Sometimes I just tune out when Pez says things because, you know, what are the chances he is saying anything important. So I’m sure he says something here] Me: Stop nagging me, MOTHER! Etc etc

Off the monorail, on the way to the ‘hotel’ – and then we walked. And saw this. Wat. Many men unclothed in that room. Except for myself and Pez, who were stupid enough to keep our outfits that didn’t breathe very well on. And then we headed back to Galaxy world, through automotive means, rather than the overrated art of ‘walking’. Turns out the others were busy declaring their territory with their newly formed hat gang.

Galaxy World – I walked in when I noticed the non-dropping-off-crap-at-the-room people sitting at a Reserved table. “Is that… for you guys?” I say, indicating at the little reserved sign. “Nope.” “…Okay then.” I said Hi to Ben White who had apparently appeared along the way, and we tipped our hats to each other, like gentlemen. Apparently Strange was sad that there was no photos of dapperness thus far, so I think Freyr and ‘Flu suggested I post dapperly, which gives us where I question what that is even supposed to mean. Harli then pipes up with “I want a cupcake!” to which Freyr agrees and is all mad that I ate her cupcake and I was all “/o\” because she is terrifying so I ran off to find some cupcakes. I pass Pez, Rize, and Ben at EasyWay, berating Pez about the EasyWay/ChaTime argument we had at a previous Meat, and, get this, he actually admitted he was wrong. Crazy! So anyway, I’m roaming around Market City food court, and this one guys gives me the stink-eye as I look through his muffin display to see if there were any cupcakes. I ask him if he has any cupcakes, and he very angrily tells me he doesn’t. I honestly don’t know what I did to offend him. I continue my cupcake quest, heading all the way to the bottom floor, and just when I think no one sells any cupcakes, the juice place becomes my saviour. I order three cupcakes for good measure, and head back up to Galaxy World. I bump into Freyr fairly quickly and try to appease her rage with a cupcake offering, but she is only enraged further to discover that I have mishandled said cupcakes and that now the icing of her cupcake was stuck to the paper bag. Fortunately, with surgical precision, she is able to peel it off and re-attach it to the main cake body. Now calmed, she heads off as I try to flee in the opposite direction just to make sure. Unfortunately, I bump into Harli who now laments her lack of cupcake. I offer her one, and I’m subjected to a hug because I was too slow to dodge it. I never was very good at QTEs. And then I ate the third cupcake.

GW SHENANIGANS - I think it was Powalen vs Nova at air hockey, I wander over and the puck come flying at me. I think we need to calm down when playing that, guys. - Everyone suddenly gets excited for bumper cars so I tolf Pez and Flu who were pew-pewing. Pez shoves the gun at me and runs off. I play in his stead, but I am somwhat more interested in my cupcake. - Shiggy, Powalen and Masha manage to miss the entire point of Arcade racers by playing Initial D, which is in Japanese so they are unable to find out how to link play. - Spiting Pez by getting some ChaTime tea. - Shiggy has some piss-poor effort at asserting his Hammer King dominance. - Time Crisis 4′s red gun is terrible. - “Pretty good… for a white guy.” – Some jerk talking about Ben White’s B-ranked dancing. (That person was me) - Some asian kid in a red hoodie passed by. I was told to run up to him and tell him he is looking at his future. - Shiggy and Freyr crammed themselves into the little kids rides that move back and forth slightly. Why someone has not posted a picture of this yet is beyond me. - More bumper cars. Harli rammed these two little kids caught up in the group first, and then Shiggy smashed into them a few times as well.

Ruffleberg left to pickup Batgirl from somewhere and we all headed out to decide on a place for dinner. Apparently I abused Pez (doesn’t sound like me) so much so that he had to stand on a bench to preach to us and a few of his followers kneeled at his (stunted) presence, somewhat alarming the lady sitting on the same bench. We headed down to the ground floor and watched as the anal security guard yelled at a kid tying up his shoelace on the escalators, and then proceeded to loiter because that is what we do. Turns out Pantsman had had enough of us and started to head off, which was very coincidental because Effluvius bolted off because he had seen Ruffleberg and Batgirl wander past us. So like, I’m just going to put this out there: I have never seen Batgirl and AlexPants in the same room together.

I start limping off, and I guess everyone else took that as a cue to start heading to dinner and because we are the best at planning things, we end up split between Yardhouse and the pie place outside. We seat ourselves and I wander off without a word to find some tape to fix Pez’s cane. Of course, when I get back I get sassed that I only got packing tape rather than duct tape, but after a short discussion, we figure out that packing tape is the new measure of wealth. Some of our food starts coming in and someone thought it’d be a great idea to take a photo at that time. Some people posed. I did not. (Names to faces, for anyone who was asking) Then some a-hole stole Harli’s bag. Ass. And at this point we said bye to Harli and Mr Harli.

So on a subdued note, we headed off to the drinking part of Yardhouse where Pez shouted us a round. I think he wanted something from us. After almost hitting a man in the face with Pez’s cane, those of us who were standing right in front of the ordering drinks area place thingy decided to move to another corner of the room. Eventually the rest of the group would join us in our corner. Things that happened: – Effluvius was kind enough to get me a drink, to which I requested “A glass of water with exactly two ice cubes in it”. – Nova threw my hat at me and knocked over my glass of water with exactly two ice cubes in it /o\ – A number of us had turns at trying to ‘wear’ my monocle. ITS NOT EASY – What is that on the back of Rize’s head – http://twitpic.com/9eowvy – Doc What’s dapper picture – http://twitpic.com/9eox46 – Flu’s enraged dapper picture – http://twitpic.com/9eoxs2 – Bish’s flattering dapper picture – http://twitpic.com/9ep4eu – Pez’s “I’m trying to poop” pose – https://twitter.com/#!/frejyr/status/196186121699463168/photo/1 – Flu’s action pose – https://twitter.com/#!/frejyr/status/196186267472510976/photo/1 – Pez has grey hairs – https://twitter.com/#!/frejyr/status/196188842766774272/photo/1 – Unwarranted hat – https://twitter.com/#!/frejyr/status/196190429467787266/photo/1 – We pick Pez’s brain – http://instagr.am/p/J9gsUoL8jy/ – I think there was a spider over there – https://twitter.com/#!/frejyr/status/196185751636017152/photo/1 – Mashaaaaaa left so we farewelled him by shouting “MASHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

We then migrated to Charlie Chan’s. Things happened. We do not speak of Charlie Chan’s anymore. Ben left us, but then we all headed the same way. Aaaaaaaaaaawkward.

So as we headed down George Street, some of the group thought it’d be a super idea to visit a sex shop. I visited the pie shop next to said sex shop. So I was limping with my cane up to Pie Face’s counter, when this guy who was in the middle of getting a seat for himself sees me and stops and offers me the seat or to get out of my way or something. I insist that he’s right to take the chair and very awkwardly thank him for his consideration and get my pie. I buy my pie and it turns out everyone’s had their fill of sex shop, so Freyr steals my cane and we start heading off to Liquorland, apparently. Outside Liquorland, people start hugging me for no reason, and because of my bum leg, I’m unable to run away. So I stand there, sobbing on the inside. Batguy proves he has a most excellent face for wearing monocles. Stocked up on booze, ice cream and Shapes, we head back to the room, very wisely taking Taxis this time. Freyr is displeased at my presence and tries to kick me out of the moving taxi at one point. Late night room shenanigans: – Pez mocks the guy from M83 who is guest hosting on RAGE – Everybody starts boozing up (ALCOHOLICS, ALL OF THEM) whilst I make a cup of tea. – Everytime I turn the kettle on, it triggers the surge protector on the power board. Safe. – Batguy uses the bed frames to open his bottle of Rekorderlig. He scratches the frames, but similar marks on other bed frames seem to indicate this is a common practice. – One More Time by Daft Punk comes on RAGE. Best. – I am probably a bit too excited when Karma Chameleon by Culture Club comes on RAGE – I go downstairs to let ‘Flu and #35 in and manage to fail at opening the room door, so I tumble through when Shiggy opens it from the other side. – Pez is enraged that we refuse him to tell him how old ‘Flu is, even though he has mentioned it before over several different Meats. – I kind of think this is a bit creepy – http://s29.photobucket.com/albums/c268/cronotriggr/Monomeat%20-%2028th%20April%202012/?action=view&current=5ab77b0d.jpg – #35 heads off and we bid farewell – Shiggy, Ruffleberg, Rize, Batgirl and I head out for some 1AM Oportos – Batgirl stands in Oporto amusing herself by swishing her dress. – There are cops outside the hotel. Discussion with Shiggy about if you they were all getting murdered in the middle of the night, the cops might be able to stop the murderer before they killed them all. …It seemed funnier at the time. – I eat my Oporto’s on the floor – Pez, now with a bajillion coasters from Charlie Chan’s asks what he should do with them. I suggest he makes sausage rolls out of them and he tells me that is the worst idea ever. Shiggy asks what I said and I reply with “Does it matter? All that matters is that I made him angry.” Shiggy replies with “He is a dickhead”. – In preparation to leave, I start cleaning the place because, you know, I’m me. – Freyr heads off and we wish her good night. – I start walking out through the door without a word and people get all up in arms over it. I foolishly demand they they come to me if they wanted to say goodbye, and unfortunately Shiggy comes up to hug me. I bro-fist ‘Flu and shake Pez’s fist and head off. – I head down the stairs, pause, then head back up the stairs and knock at the door to retrieve my top hat, then wish them a good night again and head off. – I head down the corridor, pause, then head back and knock at the door to retrieve my monocle, then head off again. – I head down the corridor, pause, then head back and knock at the door. I hear Pez yell “OH MY GOD, AGAIN!?” as the door opens up. “Good night, guys!” I say and then I head off.

And then I walked another 500 miles to get back to my car to go home. When I wake up, I know I’m gonna be I’m gonna be the man who wakes up next to you. When I go out, I know I’m gonna be I’m gonna be the man who goes along with you.

Meat awards because apparently this is a thing