DIY c-section tutorial
I’ve gotten billions of requests to post my c-section tutorial following the birth of nechkropheleigha so here you go!
So first off you wanna smoke as much pot as you can physically contain for the last week of your pregnancy.
Then gather your materials. You will need:
- one (1) pizza cutter
- one (1) crowbar
- one (1) electric whisk
- one (1) cheez it
- one (1) electric drill
- one (1) hand held vacuum
- one (1) bucket of laundry detergent
Okay, so begin with disinfecting your hands. Rubbing alcohol is too expensive, so I prefer to use tequila/holy water. Next, take the pizza cutter and slice open your abdomen. Then use your crowbar to wrench your spleen out of the way, and turn on your electric whisk. This is great for causing organ failure instantly so they’re not a problem in this procedure. Next, take the electric drill and drill several large holes in your lungs. Insert the hand held vacuum cleaner into the uterus and extract the child. Immediately plunge the infant into the bucket of laundry detergent and allow to marinate for 44 hours. After marination they should be ready for their first fitnessgram pacer test.
You’re welcome!
Debra J.
Scrapbooking WOrld champ 1642, Owner of world’s largest clorox wipe, Proud mother of chlymidihah, gohnorrhehaj, and twe’46bekh69420 (pronounced gregory)
