So yesterday marked my triumphant return to the online dating world. And I have thoughts about it- many thoughts- many wonderfully cynical and unbelieving thoughts.. But- due to my ability to be longwinded  detailed- I am going to focus on one thing for now: Tinder messaging- because hey that was my night- and boy was it interesting. 

Let's break this down. I started up Tinder yesterday evening and after a couple hours and a lot of swipes, I began to get messages. Now a plus/minus to Tinder is that you really don't know much about people when you match with them- so you can't really judge if people are flat out not your type or are. Instead, I decided to respond to all of the messages I got- about 7-8. 

Most conversations go something like

Boy: Hi, how are you?

Me: Just peachy keen, how are you?

Blah, blah, blah basic get to know you stuff. Maybe 20 questions or talking about random things in common. After getting to know the person, maybe putting some flirting or jokes into the conversation. Maybe. (Caveat: I am not good at flirting. I go for jokes instead of flirty banter. Ruins the rhythm, but hey, it's my personality.)

And why would I be mentioning this- you may wonder. For the obvious reason that someone broke all of the rules of online chatting. Well, my rules. 

This guy- let's call him a bipolar sailor- starts off with hi, how ya doing? let's me answer, then comes back with- tickles you. 

Now let me say right here, right now- I am not the hookup type of girl. Not my thing, not my style. But I make it very, very clear to people who are trying to have a one night stand that I am not interested, including my bipolar sailor. He tells me that's not what he wants and we keep talking. But then he randomly- in the middle of a different conversation-does that type of thing again.

Which leads me to Brooklyn's #1 Rule to Meeting a Man: If he has major problems in a messaging conversation- those will translate to real life.

In my conversation last night my bipolar sailor was A) Needy- was wondering why I didn't beg him to stay on after he said he needed to leave, B) Bi Polar- Would go from talking about our likes/dislikes to telling me he wants to bite my ear to telling me he thinks girls are bitches and he doesn't trust them (I swear. I could not make this up.) to saying he wants to cuddle to telling me I should just leave because that's what I want to do and that's what all girls do. (I did at this point btw- I am not putting up with that shit.) 

It was an emotional roller coaster. Or kind of watching something bad happen, you feel like you should stop it, but it's really hard to interfere and you just kind of watch the implosion happen. 

Here's hoping that the other conversations go better.