#bipolarprobs

I got 2 moods, sleep is for the weak or sleeping for the week ✌🏼#butforreal #bipolarprobs 🤷🏽‍♀️😂

When you’re dealing with cognitive behavioral disorders, such as black or white thinking and catastrophic thinking, seeing something like this can have a profound impact on you. It could be viewed as an accurate physical representation of your feelings. I struggle with low self worth and low self esteem. I don’t expect others to be especially mindful of these traits of mine, or for them to alter their actions or words. However, I am extremely likely to respond negatively to simple things like moving a chair. Seeing this as I went to make my morning cup of coffee shouldn’t have elicited feelings of shame, worthlessness, hopelessness, and exclusion. Unfortunately, that is exactly what happened. Previously, I had the chairs arranged so that all five could be at the table neatly. My black chair wasn’t in the way of anything. Nonetheless, it was removed, and the four matching chairs were spread around the table. Pairing this with my tendencies to feel as if I’m a “ghost,” “unwanted,” and the feelings of being an outsider in this home, it was a severe blow to me. Yesterday, upon my arrival home, only one of the four other occupants of the house said a lackluster greeting to me. I have been feeling emotionally unstable for a while and this resulted in my retreat into the room I occupy, where I cried, as silently as possible, for over 45 minutes. Before noticing the chairs this morning, I asked one of the roommates if she was upset with me, to which she asked why she would be, and called me a “crazy girl,” in the tone a mother uses with her child. I have never, and will never, expect special treatment or for people to adjust anything to cater to my emotional and mental problems. I know that my emotional responses to things are irrational but I still feel the pain immensely regardless.

Does anyone else out there feel like they shouldn't be a parent because of their mental illness ): I don't want to pass on this hellish disease to my kids or ruin their life because I'm not always going to be well

I HATE CYCLING