#bionic-buckyb

Get up, Y/N. Get the fuck up, Y/N. As nice as the night had been, you knew you had to leave. You could never stay. Biting back a groan, you gently untangled yourself from Steve’s warmth. Your heart cracking at the small frown that creased his forehead. Fuck, he was making you soft. Hastily you grabbed at your clothes, a heated glare thrown back at the sleeping soldier when you realized you had to leave braless. Just fucking great. The walk of shame and naked nipples ta-boot.

You had just slid your jacket over your shoulders when shuffling from outside the motel door caught your attention. Immediately the air around you charged; the hair on the back of your neck standing on end. You looked at Steve, waving your hand in his direction. He shot out of bed, the sheet pooling at his waist. He looked around in clear confusion, annoyance settling on his face when his blue eyes landed on you. He opened his mouth to reprimand you when you swiftly cut him off.

“What the fuck did you do?”

His confusion settled deeper into the lines of his face. “What did I do? You fucking—”

“Shh!”

Steve’s face cleared when he heard what you had been hearing. Someone was outside the door. You fell to your hands and knees, crawling over to the window and peaked outside. Fear settled at the base of your spine when you spotted the sniper across the street. Teeth digging into your lip, you contemplated calling Bucky. If anyone could get you out—

“Stay down!”

You didn’t think, hands flying over your head, the force of emotions making every window shatter. You heart thundered against your rib cage, Steve’s heart hammering against your back from where he lay over you. His body was tense, his breathing deep and in control. God, you should have known better. You should have fucking left as soon as he pulled out of you. You were an idiot, and now, you were going to have to fight your way out.

Again.

You felt the electricity pulsing through the palms of your hands. This was why they were here. To take you, to cage you, to exploit you. A weapon to use for their own agenda. Because you didn’t have a mind of your own. That’s why you refused the Avengers. Nick Fury had wanted you for Shield. Other interested parties had reached out, but you liked your free will. Nothing was going to change that. Not even these bastards. You felt Steve pull himself off you, heard the jangle of his belt as he got himself dressed. He was purposely using himself as a human shield. You sighed as you crawled over to the door, one hand grabbing on to the knob. You both stared at each other, waiting.

You heard the crackle of a com go off before soft footfalls came closer to the door. Counting to three, you sent a wave of electricity through the knob. You smirked hearing a pained scream on the other side. In an instant you were on your feet and moving to open the door. You felt it before you heard it. The fucking sniper. Taking a deep breath, you glanced down at your leg. You gritted your teeth at the sight.

“Your legs bleeding.”

“Oh, really? I hadn’t noticed that half of my goddamned blood was flowing out of my leg, thanks for letting me know.”

It wasn’t supposed to be doing that. Your body healed itself—it was one of your abilities. You were starting to freak out, and if you were freaking out, Steve was definitely freaking out. The edges of your vision started to blur. You had a hard time separating Steve’s worried expression from the light coming from the open window. You’d never admit it out loud—hell, maybe he knew that—but you were terrified. You put up a hell of a front, you were good at taking care of yourself. It was all for a reason. This reason. Nobody was going to have their hands on you; to control you, to test on you. But here you were—how naïve you had been. Leave it to the fucking Avengers to lead the very people to your whereabouts.

“Y/N? Y/N don’t close your eyes. Focus on me. Come on, sweetheart. Keep your stubborn ass focused on me.”

This wasn’t normal. You couldn’t feel the pulse—the electrical current that ran through your body. It was like you were a drained battery. Maybe you were. A whimper escaped you when Steve’s warm hands grasped your face. He was yelling, you could tell even though you couldn’t hear him. The crease that formed between his brow more prominent with every word. God, what had they shot you with? You wanted to look down at your leg again, but you couldn’t move. You couldn’t feel yourself. It was like you were outside your body. It terrified you to your very core.

“Steve,” You whispered, your voice barely making it past your lips.

“No! No, no, no. Buck, damn it!”

The last thing you saw before the dark edges completely overtook your vision was your boy wonder and the winter soldier staring down at you. The look of devastation on both their faces didn’t go unnoticed.

Best Fluff: Did you write that down first, or was it off the top off your head? This week's best fluff goes to New Year, Second Chances by @avengerofyourheart​. This was just the New Year’s pick me up I needed this week. Sam is super adorable, and the nostalgia induced fluff is top notch. Snippet:Biting your lip, you looked around at the falling snow. “Okay. If it’s not too far out of your way…” “It’s not,” he spoke quickly. “You don’t even know where I live,” you replied with a grin. Warnings:drinking? mentions of sexy times and death(super tiny mention)

Best Angst: So just like that, we’re good? This week's best Angst goes to @sebbys-girl​ and her soul crushing, angst-filled series Disappeared. I am so torn on who to root for (no spoilers)! I have binge-read the series hoping for fluffy relief, AND IT HASN’T HAPPENED YET. 🙏🙏🙏 include some soon? (or you can totally keep my heart and crush it because either way this is beautiful) Snippet: “Because his next meeting is LONG OVERDUE.” Liz said, once again nodding in Y/N’s direction, this time a bit more exaggerated. “Got it.” Clint said, not getting the hint. “Clint, his next meeting won’t take too long so maybe you want to wait and explain it all to him?” Liz suggesting now pointing directly at Y/N now and nodding her head in a ridiculous fashion. “Not necessary Liz, it’s all in the report.” Clint replied, now almost all the way to the door. “Clint, would you just look this way so Liz doesn’t pull her neck out.” Y/N said casually causing Clint to stop in his tracks and turn to face her. Warnings: swearing, angst, anxiety, ANXIETY DISORDER AND PANIC ATTACKED DETAILED (Marked)

Best Smut: Is this stuff coming out of you? This week’s Best Smut is Does Captain America Put Out? by one of my favorites @imamotherfuckingstar-lord​ . The reader in this is absolutely hysterical, roommate!Nat is the best (even though she is the queen of embarrassing you), and getting to see my best buds have a night out together is perfect. Snippet: The redhead smiled and shrugged, tilting her chin up towards the bar. “I know you aren’t, but here comes Steve and Clint, make him buy you a beer.” You laughed and leaned back into the booth, twirling a white napkin in the air. “I doubt Barton will buy me a beer, I still owe him a pizza.” “Not Clint, you idiot. Steve.” Warnings: sexual talk, drinking, cursing, rated R. **So I kind of cheated a little this week by picking some pre-smut. I know, I know... (if you’re really disappointed the best of the week is full of smut)

Series of the Week: Dude showed up dressed like a cat and you don't want to know more? This week’s SOTW is White Lies by @bionic-buckyb​ . Fake Dating AUs are a serious weakness of mine, and this is done with perfection. I love your depiction of Buck’s parents and your flangst is on point. My heart physically hurt while reading this- and I was pining like a mf. My hat’s off to you. Snippet: Bucky was all spread out on your couch, grey sweatpants clinging to his chiseled form, a black t-shirt hugging his muscles. He was the definition of perfection, with his chestnut brown hair and sparkling blue eyes. Every fiber of your being was in love with him, wanting to jump his bones every second. Except he didn’t know that. In his eyes, you were best friends; for over six years to be exact. Nothing more. Warnings: language, angst, Nat is kind of a bitch

I've missed your calls for months it seems Don't realize how mean I can be 'Cause I can sometimes treat the people That I love like jewellery

The truth is, it’s not only in physical pain you risk being swallowed by the darkness. If there’s a more potent pain than physical pain, it must be heartbreak because even though it’s not physical, it feels stronger than anything. You swallow the happy times that resurface like a pill, hoping they will cure the bad days ahead, hoping that everything will somehow be a big, bad nightmare and you’re about to wake up. But the only thing you’re actually waking up from, is self-pity.

And it’s then that you realise your true potential, the road you didn’t pave for yourself. But it’s a road that has been laid out for you from the start, and only in heartbreak you will find it. For physical pain is just that, physical. Sometimes it can be cured and sometimes it cannot. It can last a lifetime and so can heartbreak, unless you choose to step from the shadows that encase you like a coffin.

Unless you choose to show your emotions and at least try to put yourself out there again, then you will be ready. Ready to face the world again, ready to go on that great adventure you’ve been longing to go on since you were a kid. So go on that great adventure, take a risk and take your chances. For heartbreak will turn into heartache will turn into a distant memory. Eventually.

'Cause I can change my mind each day I didn't mean to try you on But I still know your birthday And your mother's favourite song

You didn’t make this decision for yourself. You made this decision to keep the peace. In your heart, in your mind, in your life and that of everybody else. You had changed, inevitably so. And this while all the people around you stayed the exact same. It’s sickening knowing that your critical, sceptic mind is what keeps the peace in your own life. Scrutinising every single element, every broken piece trying to decide if true love actually exists. Or maybe it’s just all a ruse imposed by modern-day society, filled with young souls longing to find their way through all the misery and the black days. With a little help from the romanticised ideas fed to us by the media.

“I’m in love with you, Y/N.”

How you long to hear those words again, falling from Bucky’s lips like a broken record. But he’s moved on now. He was the solid ground underneath your feet when you felt like the pieces of your heart were crumbling apart, his eyes were the storm raging over the deep blue sea and his voice the lullaby fallen angels sing to their friends above, a drop of sin on his tongue. You needed him as much as he needed you.

So I'm sorry to my unknown lover Sorry that I can't believe that anybody ever really Starts to fall in love with me

A soft knock on Bucky’s door tears his attention away from the computer screen. With a soft sigh and a frown knitting his eyebrows together, he puts his laptop aside and shuffles towards the front door. The wood creaks when he opens the door and slowly reveals Y/N’s disheartened face, her dishevelled clothing and the old, brown leather suitcase in her hand.

Due to the aftermath of the initial shock, he barely registers your moving lips. “No one else knows that I’m leaving. I felt like you deserved to know.”

The monotone sound of her voice paired with the emotionless expression curling her lips downwards, sends chills running over Bucky’s spine. “What?,” is the first thought he exclaims. “Why-Why are you leaving?”

Y/N pinches the bridge of her nose, exhaling in both frustration with herself as well as in disappointment with what’s following. “Of all the things that could go wrong, of all the things that could go south in my life, fate chose to ruin us. Not my career, not my family, but our relationship. The best thing that has ever happened to me. And now it’s someone else’s turn to love you.”

Bucky locks eyes with her and shakes his head, unable to wrap his mind around this. “Y/N, why are you telling me this? Why are you leaving?”

“Because I don’t belong here anymore, Bucky,” is her sole reply.

Sorry to my unknown lover Sorry I could be so blind Didn't mean to leave you And all of the things that we had behind

“What? No, no Y/N, that’s not true at all. I need you, you can’t leave.”

“Bucky,” you sigh, “You and Nat are obviously very happy. You don’t need me. Besides, just last week, she made me swear I’d be her bridesmaid for when you finally pop the question. Because it’s going to happen one day soon, we both know that. I see the way she looks at you.”

“But Y/N,” Bucky tries to interject.

“Everybody we know has settled down by now. Scott just proposed to Sammie, Tony’s smitten with Caroline and Steve is very happy with Sina. Clint met Justine over the summer and Sam seems to be hitting it off with KJ. Thor’s gone back to his home country to introduce Silja to his parents. I should’ve married Pietro when I got the chance, then I wouldn’t be so alone and miserable. I wouldn’t be a full 100% happy, but I would’ve had a good life by now. Not one filled with insecurities and, well, emptiness. Because I feel empty without you.”

Tears have started to mix with the raindrops as she speaks in tongues. Bucky has lost all ability to understand what’s swirling inside that pretty little mind of hers. Her features don’t look tired, they look worn out. She’s exhausted, both physically and mentally. “Why didn’t I see this before?,” Bucky asks himself. “Why did I ever let her leave?”

“You know what I regret the most?,” Y/N continues in a feeble tone. “Lying to your face. Lying to your face and telling you I’m fine. You were so eager to believe that I was doing okay, to soothe your conscience after our break-up, that I just gave in. I loved you so much, I love you so much still. I couldn’t do that to you, I couldn’t see your heart break behind those beautiful baby blues. Because I know it would’ve hurt your heart more to hear that I was a mess than it would’ve hurt my pride.”

I run away when things are good And never really understood The way you laid your eyes on me In ways that no one ever could

“Y/N. Please stop talking,” Bucky interrupts your tornado of words. You’re afraid he’s going to start a word vomit of his own, but he just stares back at you with the most blank expression you’ve ever encountered. Drawing a deep breath, he cards his fingers through his hair and tears his gaze away from you. “Don’t you see the way I look at you?”

“You keep talking about how happy Nat and I look. Well, that’s exactly the problem. We look happy but we haven’t been happy for a long time.” Bucky exhales languidly, looking her straight in the eye as he punctuates every word, creating a reeling emphasis. “I. Am. In. love. With. You. Y/N. I’m in love with you. I never stopped loving you.”

And so it seems I broke your heart My ignorance has struck again I failed to see it from the start And tore you open 'til the end

“You don’t realise how much pain we’ve caused everybody. How much pain we’re still causing. I can’t go a single day without looking into the mirror and seeing your reflection staring back at me. I’m Nat’s confidante, she comes to me whenever she’s in need of some relationship advice. You know why that is? She says it’s because I know you best. She doesn’t know, she can’t know. She can’t know I’m still hurting and so are you.”

Silently, you had decided to leave it at this but Bucky didn’t want to give up to easily. His hands grip your shoulders forcefully, as if he means to shake some sense into you, but instead his fingers just dig into the soft fabric of your jacket. His eyes lock with yours and behind them there’s a wildness, a wilderness of emotions that you’ll never see again if you step away now.

“Don’t do this to us. Don’t you get it? We could be together! We love each other!”

“Keep your voice down, Bucky,” you hiss through gritted teeth, afraid the mild disturbance will wake up Nat.

He releases you and hangs his head down in defeat. “Bucky, look at me,” you tell him and he complies. He looks at you with all those raging emotions chaining him to that heavy heart you recognise all too well. “I love you. But I can’t be with you. You deserve someone that will love you better and that someone is upstairs, sleeping in your bed.”

You turn to go, tightly grasping the handle of the old suitcase. “Just because you think I deserve some better love, doesn’t mean you get to break my heart again,” Bucky whispers and it almost goes unnoticed in the dead of night. “You think I haven’t been trying? Surviving? Because I can’t live unless it’s with you. I’d just be existing, I’m just existing. Without you… I’m empty, too.”

“Love sometimes just isn’t enough, Bucky,” you reply, looking back one last time into those cerulean eyes on the brink of tears. “Our love isn’t enough to make me stay. I’m sorry, I truly am.”

“I love you,” Bucky tries one last time, hoping it’ll be enough to make you change your mind, hoping it can evoke even one spark of hesitation. But your mind is firmly set.

“Someone will love you. But that someone isn’t me.”

Sequel: “I can’t fall in love without you”

Before you had time to protest again she had yanked you inside a small tattoo shop. The first thing you noticed was how bright it was. You heard classic rock pumping out of some speakers off to the side but it did little to distract you from the constant buzzing sound that in your head seemed to be getting louder and louder with each passing second. Glancing around you saw several people with varying degrees of ink on display, both giving and receiving tattoos and having multiple conversations. The buzzing sound was getting louder and you felt your chest tightening, it was getting harder and harder to catch your breath. Just before you turned and  shot out the door you had the vague sense of someone asking Nat if you were okay.

You slumped down just out of sight around the corner of the building in a dim alleyway, eyes shut tight, attempting to regulate your breathing. You focused on the feel of the bricks digging into your back, the sound of traffic passing by, the smell of the bakery next door. “(Y/N)?” You felt Nat squat down next to you and place a reassuring hand on your shoulder.

Tears began to prick behind your eyelids. “I’m so sorry…” you groaned in frustration. “I’m such an idiot. I can’t believe I embarrassed myself and you in front of all those people.”

“Oh sweetie, it’s fine. I’m sure most of them didn’t even notice and the guy I was talking to said this sort of thing happens all the time.” She leans in to hug you. “I’m the one who should be sorry for pushing you when you clearly weren’t ready. Just promise me that you won’t give up on the idea? I know when you’re ready you’re going to be so glad you did it.”

You opened your eyes and pulled back to give her a watery smile. “Alright, I won’t totally abandon the idea.”

“Good,” Nat smiled back. “Now, how about we take that tattoo money and spend it on margaritas and pedicures?”

You attempted to blow a stray lock of hair out of your eyes as you struggled through the lobby door of your new apartment building. Most of the move had happened over your birthday weekend but a few boxes still lingered at your old place. Thankfully, you were currently holding the last box, the one that made it official.

You looked up to see the elevator doors beginning to close. “Noooo! No, no, no, no, no,” you chanted to yourself as you shuffled quickly towards the elevator. At the last possible second a hand stuck out to grab the door, pulling it back open and you hurried inside.

“Oh my gosh thank you so much,” you blurted in a rush, adjusting your hold on the box.

“Sure thing,” a gorgeous male voice drawled out next to you. “Need any help with that?”

“Oh, I couldn’t ask you to do that…”

“Really, it’s no trouble,” said your elevator savior as he lifted the box right out of your hands.

“Thank you,” you blushed slightly glancing his way hoping he didn’t see but his face was mostly hidden by the contents of the box. You went to press the button for your floor only to find it already lit up. “Oh, we must live on the same floor!”

“Well, that’ll make delivering this box even more convenient,” your mystery man said. “I’m in 4b. You?”

“4a. I just moved in last weekend.”

“That explains why I didn’t see you. I worked a couple extra shifts last weekend.”

The elevator dinged and you led the way as the doors opened, quickly unlocking your door and kicking some empty boxes out of the way. “You can set it right here, um… hey, I don’t even know your name yet!”

“It’s James. But my friends and neighbors call me Bucky.”

He turns and you finally get a good look at him. Dark hair, kind eyes, well built… Your eyes are drawn to his left arm which is completely covered in beautiful and intricate tattoos from his wrist to past where his sleeve covered his arm. You suddenly realized you were reaching toward them when you caught yourself, blushing. “Um, sorry, I’m (Y/N). Thank you so much for carrying that in for me.”

“Like I said, (Y/N), it was no trouble,” he said with a lopsided smile. “Sorry, this is totally gonna sound like a cheesy line but you look really familiar… are you sure we’ve never met?”

“Um, I don’t think so. Maybe you’ve just seen me around the neighborhood?”

“Maybe… but I’m pretty good with faces, it’ll come to me eventually... Well, it was good to meet you neighbor. Guess I’ll see you around?”

“Y-yeah, for sure,” you stuttered as Bucky turned to walk away. In a moment of uncharacteristic boldness you called out, “Hey, do you want to grab a coffee or something sometime? I really do owe you one…”

Bucky flashed you another gorgeous smile. “I’d like that. Tomorrow morning okay? I always stop at that coffee place on the corner on my way to work.”

“Works for me.” You couldn’t help the grin that spread across your face.

“It’s a date. I’ll come by around 8:00. See you then.” With wink and a smile he was gone.

Bucky held open the door to the coffee shop as you slipped through and fell into step beside him. From the moment you saw his face that morning you felt at ease, all your nervousness gone by the time you had ordered your drinks. He was funny, kind, easy on the eyes, and it didn’t hurt that he let you do most of the talking, asking you questions about your life, your job, and your friends. You probably wouldn’t admit to dragging your feet but you really didn’t want your time together to come to an end.

“Well, this is me,” Bucky came to a stop in front of a vaguely familiar storefront.

“Y-you work here?” Looking up you came to the chilling realization that this was the very same tattoo shop that you had run from the previous weekend.

“Actually, I… whoa, hey are you okay?” Bucky’s eyebrows furrowed as he turned toward you and saw the terrified look on your face. You turned your gaze toward him just in time to see his concerned look transform into one of recognition. “It’s you! I knew I’d seen you before. You’re the girl that ran out of my shop last weekend!”

You covered your face with your hands, attempting to hide the flame of embarrassment creeping into your cheeks. The only thing that stopped you from bolting was the feeling of Bucky gently taking you by the arm.

“(Y/N)?” He pulled you towards him carefully. “That was you, wasn’t it? Please, don’t be embarrassed. Like I told your friend, things like that happen all the time.”

You blinked back the tears that were threatening to spill from your eyes. “I can’t imagine what you think of me. I completely freaked out, just from walking in the door! I mean, who does that?”

“Believe it or not, lots of people react in different ways to getting a tattoo. Once, I was all set to give a tattoo to this huge dude, a linebacker or something. He was all about it until the second the needle touched him. Passed out cold. RIght there in the chair.”

You peeked through your fingers, slowly lowering your hands. “Really?”

“Really,” he said, giving you a reassuring smile. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Promise,” he said as he pulled you into a hug.

You were pleasantly surprised to find yourself calming down almost instantly as you inhaled his scent and felt the warmth of his arms around you. A sigh escaped your lips, one you hoped Bucky didn’t hear.

You felt him chuckle before you heard it and knew you’d been caught. He pulled back from you slightly. “Better?” he asked with one of those smiles he was quickly becoming famous for.

“Better,” you replied with a shy smile of your own, secretly enjoying the fact that Bucky had yet to let go of you.

Your mind suddenly clicked with something Bucky had said. “Wait, did I hear you right? Did you say ‘my shop’ as in this place belongs to you? You’re the owner?”

“Yup,” he said matter-of-factly, looking up at the sign, “she’s my pride and joy, in case you couldn’t tell by all the ink I’m sporting.”

“Wow, that’s awesome. Aaaaand now I suddenly feel even worse for running out of there.” You looked around nervously at everything but his face.

“Hey now, don’t worry about it, really,” he gave you an extra comforting squeeze. “Listen (Y/N), I had a really nice time this morning. Maybe we could hang out again? Soon?”

You looked up, finally meeting his eyes and seeing the sincerity and hope there. “I’d really like that, neighbor,” you said with a grin.

Over the next few weeks you and Bucky were inseparable. You were constantly hanging out at each other’s apartments, sometimes going out but mostly just preferring to stay in and spend time together. You were really enjoying getting to know Bucky and building your friendship but neither one of you had really defined whatever this was between you. He’d never tried to kiss you even though you could have sworn he was about to a couple times. You just chalked that up to wishful thinking. Some of your favorite times were when it was late and you found yourselves cuddled up together on the couch watching a movie.

It was on one of those nights that Bucky brought up the subject of tattoos again. “(Y/N)?”

“Mmm-hmm?” you murmured sleepily.

“Ah, I was… well I was wondering if you’d like to come by the shop tomorrow?”

You sat up and gave him a questioning look. “And why would you want me to do that?”

He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, “I-I’ve just been thinking a lot about what you told me. About how you really want a tattoo but your anxiety is holding you back and well… I think I might be able help with that.”

“Bucky… you know what happened last time. I have no plans to make a fool out of myself all over again.

“I know! I would never ever want you to feel like that again,” he said hurriedly, “I was just thinking about maybe taking things slow, exposing you to different things in the shop one at a time so that you aren’t bombarded with everything all at once.”

You were quiet, considering his words for a moment. You had to admit, this plan might work. And if anyone could succeed in helping you stay calm it was Bucky. Plus, your desire to get a tattoo hadn’t faded so you were definitely motivated. “Alright, I trust you Bucky. Let’s do this,” you said with a brave smile.

“Great,” he pulled you in for a hug and kissed your forehead. You were grateful for the dim lighting to hide your blush as you settled into his side and finished the movie.

As promised, Bucky was waiting for you outside the shop the next day just after closing.

“So,” you said, wringing your hands nervously, “what’s the plan?”

Immediately noticing your discomfort, Bucky took your hands in his. “Why don’t we just walk in first, then we can play it by ear, okay?”

You took a deep breath and nodded. Bucky led the way, still holding one of your hands in his.

Entering the shop you were greeted by a much different atmosphere than before. It was quiet, no music and of course no people. Bucky had turned out all the lights except for a couple of lamps around the edges of the shop. He gave your hand a squeeze, silently checking in with you and grounding you in the moment. “I’m.... good. Yeah, good...” you smiled up at him. “How about a tour?”

Beaming at you Bucky slowly led you around the perimeter of the shop, drawing your attention to the photography on the wall and away from the tattoo equipment. All of the photos were very artistic, featuring some phenomenal tattoo work but not in a blatant or basic way. Bucky pointed out a couple that he had done and named the artists who worked for him that had done the others. You continued to walk slowly around the shop hand in hand and before you knew it you were back up at the front.

“So far so good?” Bucky asked carefully. You nodded with a smile. “Ready for phase two or do you want to call it a night?”

Looking into Bucky’s eyes you felt a familiar sense of calm wash over you, just like the calm you felt that first night when he hugged you. You took a deep breath before answering, “I’m think I’m alright... what’s next?”

“Before we do anything else I need to know a little bit more about the tattoo you want to get,” Bucky said. “Basically where on your body that you want it.”

“Well, I know I want it somewhere where I can see it anytime I want so... no spots covered by clothing or any that I’d need a mirror for. Um, I was kinda thinking the inside of my wrist?”

“Sounds perfect,” Bucky responded, pulling you slowly toward the center of the shop. “I’m gonna have you sit down how you would if I was about to give you a tattoo, okay? Remember, we can stop anytime, just say the word.”

Bucky guided you over to a chair taking a seat beside you, still facing you, still holding your hand. He rubbed the back of your hand with his thumb for reassurance. He took his time, explaining how the first thing he would do is talk about a design with you. He would sketch it out and when you were happy he would transfer that sketch onto your wrist before starting the tattoo.

“Wanna see how the machine works?” Bucky asked.

You looked at the small table where the equipment was all laid out and swallowed nervously. “It looks so, clinical. Not quite what I expected…”

“Picturing more of a medieval torture device?” He chuckled and picked up the gloves. “I take the health and safety part of my job very seriously, doll,” he said with a wink as he put on the gloves and picked up a small packet. “Everything that comes in contact with you is clean and sterile. I promise, you’re in good hands.” He assembled all the parts and explained the basics of how the machine worked. “I’m gonna turn it on now, okay? Just so you can get used to the noise.”

You nodded and mentally braced yourself. The machine came to life with the same buzzing sound you remembered from that first day. Instantly you were transported back in time and your body began to react. You tensed up in the chair as your breathing became more rapid and shallow.

“Hey, hey look at me,” Bucky urged, turning off the machine and setting it down to rub his hands up and down your arms. You looked at him, noting the concern and caring etched onto his face and struggled to take a deep breath. He scooted closer to you, pulling you in until your foreheads touched. “Breathe with me, (Y/N). I’ve got you.” You focused on Bucky, slowly syncing your breathing, feeling your body relax again. “Maybe we should stop,” he said. “I-I’ve pushed you too hard, we should-”

“No!” you interrupted him, pulling back to look him in the eyes, “No, I’ve come this far. I don’t wanna give up now. It’s just, I don’t know, the anticipation of it, you know? It’s always worse than what actually ends up happening. I know that in the logical part of my brain but my subconscious and my body have other ideas…”

Bucky thought for a moment. “Do you trust me?”

“Of course,” you replied, without hesitation.

“If anticipation of the thing is what is holding you back then maybe you should jump that hurdle as quickly as possible. I can let you feel what getting a tattoo is like without actually giving you a tattoo.”

“Really?” you said nervously.

“It’ll be just like getting a tattoo, but I won’t use any ink. The feeling will be exactly the same.”

You took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Okay, let’s do it. Quick, before I think too hard about it.”

He smiled and repositioned your arm, scooting even closer. “I’m gonna try it here, on your upper arm. It’s less sensitive than your wrist and it’ll be much easier for you to see what I’m doing. Ready?”

“Now or never,” you said and braced yourself again. Bucky started up the machine, it was buzzing like before but this time you were more prepared. He held your arm with one hand and positioned the machine with the other. You held your breath as he pressed it into your arm. You felt pressure and pain, but not anything too overwhelming, almost like someone was scratching you hard with the lead of a mechanical pencil. It only lasted a few seconds before Bucky shut it off and set the machine down.

“Are you okay?” Bucky asked.

“I-I did it! I really did it! And I didn’t pass out or anything! Take that, linebacker!” Your excitement gave you such a rush and the enormous smile on your face was quickly mirrored by the one on Bucky’s. “Thank you so much!” you exclaimed, leaning forward and kissing him suddenly, without thinking.

You pulled back, shocked at your reaction and blushing with embarrassment, looking away so you didn’t have to see Bucky’s face. “I can’t believe I just did that! I’m so sorry, I was just caught up in the moment and, and…” your ramblings were interrupted by Bucky placing his hand on your cheek, turning your face to look at him.

“Don’t be sorry, doll. We shoulda done that a long time ago.” And he pulled you in for another kiss, one that you happily reciprocated.

You blinked sleepily as the sunlight filtered in through your curtains, bathing your bedroom in the soft morning light. Smiling you admired your new tattoo. It was finally done healing, small and beautiful, some might even say a bit cliche but that tiny purple butterfly just inside your left wrist meant a lot to you. It was a symbol of a fresh start that was a long time coming for you. New job, new apartment, new chapter of your life, this tattoo represented all of that for you and it never failed to bring a smile to your face when you saw it.

The mattress shifted as Bucky rolled over to place small kisses along your shoulder up to your neck. “Morning, beautiful,” he murmured against your skin. “Admiring my work again?”

“I can’t help it,” you said, rolling over to face him. “You are just so good with your hands.” Grinning you tilted your face up for a kiss, reaching up to thread your fingers through his hair. “In fact, I was just thinking about where my next tattoo should be.”

“Next tattoo? You hooked already, doll?” he asked, teasingly. “What did you have in mind?”

“Hmm… still working on the what, it’s the where I need your help with. Got any ideas?”

“Well, you could get one here…” He dipped down to kiss and suck lightly next to your collarbone. “Or here…” He brought your forearm to his lips, trailing kisses from your wrist to the crook of your elbow. “Or maybe here…” He moved slowly down to nip at your hipbone then slid down and lifted your leg to plant kisses just above your ankle. “Possibly here… any of these feel right to you?” he said cheekily.

“Maybe,” you smiled. “I just can’t decide...”

“Well then,” he said, grinning as he eased his way back up your body, “I’ll just have to keep exploring until we find just the right spot.”