#bingeeaters

after 10 months of Binge eating, I decided (as many times, but I feel that this time it will do differently) I already got tired to eat because my brain, heart or tongue tells me(or some demon inside of me), now I want to listen to my body and eat when I need to eat, when I'm physically hungry !! This time I will succeed and I lose that 4 kilos that I gain for this eating disorder (54kilos, 25% body fat) as well as helping me to maintain balance with IIFYM....here I go !!!!!

okay so Friday me and my boyfriend went out for dinner and that was so triggering because we ate and drank so much and i was starting to feel the loss of control that night but i was able to keep my head above water. the next day i went to work and like everything went fucking wrong and i was bored as shit and anxious and triggered from the day before so i tried to eat the safe foods i had brought so i ate a muffin and egg and straebrrties then i lost it when my coworker left me alone and i scarfed down 2 huges slices of pizza and half a ham sub. i drank 2 pops and ate candy for the duration of my shift..went home after and drank even more alcohol because i was already feeling so shitty. today i woke up with my bf feeling fine. we made the most delicious pancakes for breakfast which just left me wanting more but i held out till dinner where we ate normal and then i decided to go home tonight damn well knowing i would binge but i did it anyway. ate lots of nuts and bolts, half a bag of smart pop, a muffin, a pancake and a huge sundae with frozen yogurt, chocolate sauce, peanut butter and chocolate chips… i am so disgusting… im not used to writing this out im used to keeping it in my head and letting my brain turn to choas and overwhelming shame. i can’t believe this is my fucking life.