#bingcumber

where airplane replies to a comment from cucumber with 'lbg isnt gonna fuck you, dude' and that shit bounced around in my head for good long while and personally i think the canonically existing PIDW green jj meimeis wouldnt take a comment like that lying down:

so anyway now i have an au living rent fucking free in my brain where this goes viral overnight and everyones drawing memes and ship content of luo bingge and a sentient cucumber, until shen yuan's canonically bl-enjoying sister gets involved with a semi-private group of PIDW green jj meimeis and is like no you dont understand he really is gay. he just doesnt know hes gay. but hes definitely gay and he has like no friends and no self awareness. so they double down and with vague descriptions of what cucumber-bro looks like, they start making not only memes but obscure and highly specific fanmerch of new rarepair bingcumber

this may or may not devolve into a potentially criminal series of actions in which shen yuans sister collaborates with random online danmei-enjoying PIDW readers to get her brother a boyfriend, ideally one as similar as possible to luo binghe. who better than the man who understands binghe most in the world? who better than the man who is clearly self inserting when writing binghe? who better than the man somehow managing to give an E-rated harem stallion novel gayass vibes? who better than the man who MADE cucumber-bro's perfect match?