When Oz said I love you for the first time & Ed found out, I donāt think he was repulsed I think he reciprocated his feelings. Between his shitty childhood & fairly lonesome adult life up until then, not only was Love a scary thought, he might have believed that Oz with fucking with him or using him. Like heās a super intelligent guy who doesnāt mind getting his hands dirty & he knows how useful that could be for Oz so itās a combo of thinking heās being used & not being worthy 1/2
YEAH YEAH YEAH EXACTLY! i agree with you!! itās like i said in my post he was just afraid, and didnāt believe it. there were a few epiphanies, one was when oz refused to give him up to babs (āiā¦. donāt know what it meansā¦ā that line REALLY messed me up bc⦠it meant he didnāt completely disregard what oz did, it meant he was reassessing what he thought.Ā ādonāt know what it meansā is code forĀ āi thought you didnāt truly love me but you just almost sacrificed yourself for me which, bc i know you so well, i know is a huge thing ā¦. i donāt know⦠if maybe what i thought was wrong. i donāt know what it meansā¦ā) and another was when oz gave up his revenge for him. see, most people seem to think all of edās ??? about what oz does is him being stupid and not seeing oz loves him, but for me, and for you it looks like⦠to me i think he DOES know he just doesnāt BELIEVE it fully until later, until oz repeatedly proves he cares about HIM beyond his own desires. thatās the reason ed is always asking WHY oz is doing stuff for him. why are you doing that? that doesnāt benefit you. why are you saving me? thatās only for my own sake. why did you forsake revenge for me, when you couldāve just gone and gotten it? why did you save me, when you could just leave me to die especially after everything i did to you? iām not WORTh saving, iām not WORTH your love, i donāt DESERVE it, i donāt have ANYTHING TO OFFER you, so WHY??
i think he was projecting a little again, you know when he was talking about all the shit oswald had did to him, bc he knows heās done worse. the only part that was him was when he thought oswald had broken his trust and brought him back to use him JUST LIKE HE THOUGHT OSWALD WOULD DO. and THATāS WHY it broke him so much. thatās why it broke his heart. it was like proving all his doubts and fears. but then oswald was showing him that he had nothing to do with it, and ed must still have a lot of trust for oswald, bc he believed him OVER his own fears and doubts. when he said he didnāt do it. so i think⦠maybe heās starting to truly believe oz loves him. he wouldnāt believe him if he didnāt think that maybe, actually, some part of oz loving him were true. and so he steps closer, into the space oz has left between them, and stands very, very close. close enough that oz could do something, snatch the gun, catch him off guard. bc he trusts him, and he begins to believe the love, even if he still canāt understand WHY the love is there.
AND YES, once they do get together both of them are so fucking in love and just a little bit terrified, ed because heās never had true love like that and oswald because heās had love twice and lost it TWICE when both his mother and father died. so they do what you say, grand gestures and deep, emotional, meaningful events to show their love. they donāt get generic gifts or do generic things. they do what they other would like. ed takes oz to a bird sanctuary. oz takes ed to a museum of art. god they love each other sm. OOF!! ok this is too long iāll stop now butĀ i fuck ing uhhhhhhhhhh love these boys