#biggirldecisions

Saying good bye to you is going to be the hardest thing I ever do. It's going to feel like I'm leaving behind my soul-mate. But I know in the end it's for the better. I can build a stable foundation on which I can build the rest of my life. All I know is I'm going to enjoy the fuck out of every minute I get with you until that day comes. 

So I've come to realize today that after hanging out with one of my best friends from high school that ever since taking my current job I have been leading a wholly not so authentic version of myself. I'm overwhelmingly brainy and nerdy but I've been hiding that because I have to work with men that make me feel small and stupid however I am neither of those things. So I hope to start showing and bringing the old Randi to work versus the one that acts a certain way to fit in with others. I think every time I come back to working in this small town it encourages me to conform to something that I'm not and have never been. I am thoroughly for sure this is why I am heading to grad school in the fall and why I'm happy for the need to escape this provincial life as Belle would say. Living in this town hasn't given me only grief but it has made me someone I am not fully and when I am in an academic setting where I am encouraged to excel I flourish like a flower seeking light but in Knox there is no sun. That's all for my personal rant.