#bhellarki

-4-

At four years old, Raven didn’t even know anything was different about the day until she saw Finn.  He was wearing a new sweater, and it was bright red. Raven, having only two outfits herself, had an understanding of how many credits new clothes could cost, and was shocked.

“Where’d you get that?”

“My mommy and daddy gave it to me for Cwistmas!”

“Oh! Well, Mehwy Cwistmas!”

-6-

By six years old, Raven knew that most people celebrated some sort of holiday on the Arc, but that she didn’t.  She was kind of upset by this, as she heard about all the cool things the other kids in Kindergarten got, but mostly she didn’t care.

Finn also knew that she didn’t celebrate any holidays, but he didn’t understand why.  When he asked her why not, she just told him that her mommy didn’t, so she didn’t either.

“Do you want to?  Celebrate Christmas?”  Raven shrugged.

“I don’t know.  I like the presents,” she added with a toothy grin.

On Christmas Day, Finn knocked on the door to her living quarters. When she opened the door (her mother was still passed out in her small bed), he presented her with a wrench, a couple of nuts and bolts, and a screwdriver.

“My daddy said I could give this to you for a present.  Merry Christmas, Raven.”  Raven grinned and jumped to hug her friend.

“Merry Christmas, Finn.”

-8-

The next year, Finn gave her a similar gift.  Raven found that she liked playing with  the wrench and screwdriver, going around the house and playing mechanic, pretending to fix the lights or the door.

This time, Finn gave her a hammer, and tied a bow around it with a silver ribbon.  Raven smiled, hugged him, and said thank you, but couldn’t help the guilt that set in when she realized she couldn’t give him anything.

“Merry Christmas.”

-10-

On her tenth Christmas, Raven didn’t see Finn.  Her mother came home in the morning, slurring and angry.  Raven had never seen her like that before, and she didn’t know what was wrong with her, so when she heard a knock on the door, all she could do was yell “Sorry, nobody can come to the door right now! Merry Christmas!”

The next day in class, Finn gave her a book titled Mechanical Engineering 101.  She didn’t understand the title, or most of the words in the book, but she wanted to learn, and so she gave Finn a hug as usual and thanked him for the gift.

-12-

At twelve years old, Raven considered herself accustomed to her Christmas schedule.  She would make sure her mother was lying on her side in bed on Christmas Eve, she would take her bottle of moonshine and put it on the counter, and she would put herself to bed.

In the morning, she would let her mom sleep, eat what little she could that her mom wouldn’t notice went missing, she would let Finn in when he knocked, not having to check who it was, and she would try not to feel too guilty accepting another gift when she couldn’t give him anything in return.

-14-

When she was fourteen, Raven made her first attempt to give something back to Finn. She saved up some rations, and followed her mom down to the market, making sure to stay out of her sight.  She walked up to a booth, and was greeted by a surprised looking woman with curly hair and dark skin.

“Well, who might you be?”  Raven knew better to tell her full name at the market, but she didn’t want to ruin her chance at getting a gift.

“Raven.  What’s yours?”

“Like a little bird!  I’m Nigel.  Well, little bird, what can I get for you?”

“Metal.  Do you have any steel sheets?”  The woman’s eyebrows shot even further back towards her hairline and she chuckled.

“Yeah, we got some.  How much you want?”

“How much can this get me?”  Raven put forward half of what she had brought with her.  She didn’t want to waste any more than she needed to, but she wanted to get him a good gift.  Nigel brought forward four metal sheets a square foot large.  Raven nodded and slid over the rations, grabbing the steel.

The next day, Raven went over to Finn’s quarters before he could come over to hers.  His mother answered the door and seemed surprised to see her.

“Raven, Merry Christmas!  How lovely to see you, Finn was just about to head next door to give you your gift!  Finn, sweetie, Raven is here!”  Raven stepped into the familiar room and hid her present behind her back as she saw her friend enter the room.

“Hey, Merry Christmas Ray!  I have something for you,” Finn said, holding his hands behind his back.  Raven stepped forward, and brought her hands around front.

“I have something too,” she declared with an attempt at nonchalance, but she couldn’t hide how proud she was to have something to give him in return.  As he took the sheets, she continued.  “They’re steel.  I figured you could use something permanent to make those designs you’ve been making out of paper.”

Earlier that year, Finn had found an old book on something called Origami, which told him how to make designs out of folding paper.  Raven thought that he was really good at it, and she wanted to give him something he could keep them with.

Finn leaned in to hug her.  “It’s perfect, thank you.”  Raven grinned, and her smile only brightened when she saw what he had for her.

“Are these wires?  And clamps? How did you get these?”

“They’re to go with the pipes, screws, and other things I’ve given you.  You’re talented Raven, and I know you’re going to make something incredible.  I found them at the market, they only cost a couple of credits.”  At this, Raven felt a stutter in her heart as she remembered he, unlike herself, could afford to buy a gift at the legal market in the Arc, but she straightened back up, thinking to herself, at least I have a gift for him this year.  

“Thank you Finn, it’s perfect.  Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas.”

-16-

Raven’s mother had started drinking more heavily.  She found her daughter’s stash of rations and traded them for moonshine.  Raven found herself going over to Finn’s more and more often, asking if he could spare any food for her.  Raven barely had enough rations to feed herself, so she couldn’t trade any for gifts like she had done the past two years.  Instead, she would have to figure something else out.

She was walking down the hall one day when she saw a plant hanging from the ceiling pipes.  Interested, she stepped closer and noticed that the plant was not real, but she didn’t have any time to examine it further before a boy looking to be about her age approached her.

He was scrawny, and wore goggles on his head.  Raven opened her mouth to ask him who he was when he spoke.

“Do you know what this is?”  She shook her head, and he grinned, leaning in further.  “It’s mistletoe.  Well, it’s fake mistletoe, but it’s mistletoe all the same.  Do you know what mistletoe does?”  When she shook her head again, he continued.  “You have to kiss whoever you’re under it with.”  At this, her jaw dropped open.

“I don’t even know your name,” she said hesitantly.

“Jasper.  Jasper Jordan.  What’s yours?”

“Raven.”  With that, she leaned forward and quickly pecked his cheek.  Jasper was too stunned to react, and he didn’t seem to notice that when she leaned back, she took the plant with her.  Waving over her shoulder, she walked back to her quarters.

The next day, Raven hung that same mistletoe over her doorway and waited for Finn to knock.  When he did, she smiled and thanked him for his gift, another mechanical engineering book, as she had basically memorized her first one already.  She took a deep breath.

“I have a gift for you too.”

“Oh yeah?  What is it?”  Raven pointed up, and her breath caught in her throat as she waited for him to realize what it was.

“Is that-” his words were cut off as she leaned up on her tiptoes to press her lips to his.  His hands came up to cup her face and she relaxed into him.

“Merry Christmas, Finn,” she mumbled into his shoulder, butterflies in her stomach.  He pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

“Merry Christmas, Raven.”

-17-

When she was seventeen, Raven didn’t even realize that it was Christmas until Finn knocked on her door.  It was her door now- her mother had passed away earlier that year, while she was at school studying to be a mechanic.  Once she turned eighteen in another two months, she would test to become a Zero-G Mechanic, and she found herself wrapped up in her studies.  She opened the door and greeted him, but then did a double take when she noticed the cloth pouch in his hand.

“Finn, what is that?”

“It’s a gift.  You’ll have to open it to see what it is.”

“What day is it?”

“It’s Christmas.”  Raven’s shoulders sagged.

“Shit, I’m so sorry, I just- I didn’t even notice what time of the year it was, and I don’t have anything for you.  I can go and-” Finn cut her off with a kiss.

“You don’t have to get me anything.  If it makes you feel better, you can think of this as a good luck gift for your test.  That way you don’t feel guilty, and I won’t feel like I have to get you something then.  It’s a win-win situation.”  Raven laughed at that and accepted the bag.  She opened it to find a metal chain with a metal figure hooked on it.  At a closer glance, she realized it was a necklace, and that the figure was an origami bird–more specifically, a raven.

“Finn… I don’t know what to say.  It’s beautiful.  Thank you.”  Finn smiled as she pulled the necklace over her head, and then pulled him in to give him a hug.

“Merry Christmas, Raven.”

“Merry Christmas, Finn.”

-18-

Raven woke up early on her eighteenth Christmas.  The Arc leaders had decided to allow visitors into the Sky Box on Christmas, and she was going to make the most of the time she had.  She picked up the gift she had gotten him, and headed towards the jail.

When she arrived, she found herself among many parents and friends, trying to visit loved ones who were locked up.  A guard approached her, scanned her ID badge, and asked her who she was there to visit.

“Finn Collins.”  He checked a chart, found Finn’s cell number, and took her to it.

“Hey you, Merry Christmas,” she said softly as she approached the cot he was sitting on.  His cell mate’s parents were there as well, and so she quietly gave him the watch she had restored, kissed him chastely, and sat with him in comfortable silence until his parents arrived.  The cell was getting crowded, and Raven didn’t want to prevent anybody from seeing their children, so she left with the promise that she would be back the next visitor’s day.

-19-

When she was nineteen, Raven had her first Christmas without Finn. Despite all that had happened in the past year with him, with Clarke and the grounder village, she found herself missing him, and nostalgic for the times before her world became so complicated and it was only herself and Finn that she had to worry about.  At the end of the day, the delinquents were partying with a batch of Jasper and Monty’s moonshine, and Raven sat distanced from the group, watching everyone else celebrate but not joining in.  After an hour, Clarke noticed and came over with a cup of moonshine for both of them.

“Hey, you enjoying yourself?”  Raven put on a smile, but she knew that Clarke would see through it.

“Yeah, just watching the party go on.  Merry Christmas,” she added as an afterthought.

“Merry Christmas.”  Clarke bit her lip before taking a breath and continuing.  “It’s him, right?  I know that he helped you get by as a kid, so you must have spent holidays with him pretty closely.”  Raven nodded, and Clarke continued.  “Do you miss him?”  Raven thought for a minute before carefully answering.

“I don’t think I miss him, but I miss the memories I have with him. My mom never did anything for Christmas, so it was always just–him,” Raven decided, still unable to bring herself to say his name.

“You know, you don’t have to miss memories.  They’re always with you, in your head.  But if you stay caught up in the past, you’ll miss the opportunity to make new memories.  You have friends here Raven, and we all care about you.  You don’t have to feel bad for having fun.”  At this, the weight that had been resting on Raven’s shoulders lightened, and she leaned over to Clarke and hugged her.

Hugging Clarke on Christmas was different than hugging Finn.  She was soft where he was hard, and a considerable amount shorter, but the warmth and happiness behind the gesture stayed the same.

“Merry Christmas, Raven.”