#bgriffinlove

“Yeah…naw—okay,”  I said laughing finally reaching our resolution.  “I’ll meet you for lunch,”

I hope everything's been good with you guys for the past few months? has it even been months or? i don't really know. 

Anyway I hope you like that little thing I wrote yesterday! I'm on summer break now so idk I'll have more freedom time wise...my exams went really well and I'm so excited for this break you don't understand...

OH AND REGARDING UPDATES 

I'll basically be posting whenever I want to or whenever I think of something and I think it'd make a cool piece...so there's that. :)

All Love from,

Take my passport out again

And I think I’m done.  I’ve been using these stories as a coping mechanism and to an extent as an avoidance tactic and I need to deal with the things in my life instead of pushing them down…and I don’t want to be that blog that just posts shit writing all the time just to put something out there—you guys don’t deserve that. 

I dunno I feel like we’re all generally the same.  Like there are constants in human nature and I want to leave you guys with something that I hope you won’t forget or something stupid like that. So here goes:

I don’t know any of you personally but you’re going to be amazing.  You are going to change the world.  I’m not talking about that annoying trite expression (not that I have anything against Ghandi, just the opposite.  I have a problem with the way people overuse an expression to the point where it’s original meaning is almost lost into oblivion) I’m saying that YOU as a person have a special function.  You’re a part of something even if you don’t see it.  You are a part of this thing and it’s huge and listen to me when I say that you need to travel.  You need to go through things you can’t be SCARED all of the time. Like shit stop being so scared and stop being so hesitant.  You’re going to fall off the boat numerous times anyway—but you’ll swim back and most likely fall again and then swim back again.  I took that from Beyonce’s documentary but it’s so true.  I just—I really want you all to have good lives.  I don’t want you to be sad or come to the end of it and realize you could’ve done more—don’t be led by fear.  Let grace come and live in your heart in place of fear.  “One day you’re seventeen and you’re planning on someday and then someday is today and this is your life.”  This isn’t going to be you.  You have a talent—you have a DREAM…go CONFIDENTLY in the direction of your dream.  You’re not chasing anything—I fucking hate that, when people say chase your dreams.  That implies that you’ll be running after them as they run ahead of you.  I don’t think that’s how it is.  I think that you need to go confidently in that direction as in do every single little fucking thing you can in order to get there. Even if you don’t know that you have to do some of those things like go fucking get your heart broken so that you learn something, go dye your hair white or move away from everything you’ve ever been taught, go spend your years earnings on traveling the world because your money is only going to last until it’s spent yaknow…you’ll never regret it and you know why you’ll never regret it? Because you’re LEARNING something….I want to tell you that you shouldn’t force yourself into a job you know you’re going to hate but I don’t think that’s very smart if you look into the logistics of it…if you want to be a sculptor go be a fucking sculptor—but be able to take care of yourself.  Independence is one of the greatest contradictions to ever exist.  It’s good because you’re independent—you’re self-sufficient.  But then when you really look at it—it can be this giant big nothing…if you want to spend your entire life smoking every single kind of weed on the planet—be my guest.  As long as you’re happy…and I do not use that word lightly.  Happy.  It’s your natural state did you know that? I believe that we’re made of happiness and love…and then things just started coming in like time and temptation to complicate that. Stop caring what everyone around you thinks of you because chances are—they aren’t thinking of you at all.  Just BE. 

And I want you to know that your happiness shouldn’t come from others.  Your happiness should come from you.  You’re all intelligent because to me there’s no such thing as people who are smart and people who are dumb…it’s a matter of patience.  “It’s not that I am smart…it is just that I stay longer with things.” Or SOMETHING like that. 

I don’t know at what point it was but I just felt like I wasn’t being sincere in my writing and that’s something I never want to compromise when putting out a piece of work.  To me writing is an art and it should be enjoyed. 

I love writing.  I love when you’re writing and something just takes you over and you don’t feel like you’re yourself anymore because you’re so absorbed in what you’re creating…you come to this place and I think Beyonce described it perfectly when she said, “it’s where art meets God” and it truly is because there’s no better way I can describe it.  You’re in this zone and nothing is forced and everything around you kind of melts away and it’s just you and the words that are flowing through your fingertips—it’s beautiful.  And I hope that one day you find that thing for you—you find that thing that just makes you feel alive—makes you GLAD to be alive.  I can count on one hand the number of people that have made me feel alive and it sounds really fucking tacky and corny but you guys kind of made me feel alive.  Like really alive—the conscious realization that you are breathing and you are here in that moment…I’ve felt that when you guys gave me feedback I really did. 

And I thank you for that.

So I guess this isn’t a goodbye post so much as a thank you post because you helped me—ALL of you helped me grow as a person.  And I think growth is one of the most important things in life. Without it you remain the same and if you’re remaining the same you’re not truly living.

“No,”  he says a mouth full of food.

She leans over and takes a piece of chicken off of his plate.  He looks at her annoyed.  “Well I’ll tell you again then.  They’re coming for like three weeks or something and—“

“Like at a hotel around here?”

“No.  As in sleeping in the guestroom,”

“Our guestroom?”

“No.  The one down the street.”  Elodie says sarcastically. 

Blake shrugs.  “You should’ve just said that then.”

“YES OUR GUESTROOM.”  She sets her food down on the counter and gets up to get water.

“…that’s kind of a long time don’t you think?”  he’s not really worried, more just confused as to why anyone would stay with someone for a month.

“It won’t be weird I swear…and there’s more.”

“There’s more?”

“Somewhere within those weeks we’re going on a road trip to Seattle because I already made reservation weeeeeeeeeeee…..”  she doesn’t turn around afraid to see his reaction.

He doesn’t say anything for a while.  “Well?”  she asks.

“You can’t just not talk to me about stuff.  What if I have something planned that weekend?”

“You don’t though, I checked with your agent and everything.  I know your schedule better than you do.”

“So you checked with everyone but me?”  Disbelief lacing his voice.  “You’d throw a fit if I planned an entire fucking weekend and didn’t tell you about it until a week before.  I don’t like that El…”  he finishes his food and puts his dishes in the sink. 

“Yeah bu—“

He walks past her, making his way to the office. 

“Okay fine,” she quietly says to herself.  “I guess I’m cleaning up by myself.”

--

“Blake.”  She says when he’s lying as far away from her as possible.  “B c’mon I said I was sorry…if you move any farther away from me you’re going to fall off of the bed.”  And that’s saying a lot because Blake’s bed is a California King—the biggest mattress size possible.

“Babe I’m coldddd.”

“Turn off the AC,”  He mumbles into his pillow.  El would rather sleep in like 30 degree room temperature than sleep without any covers…Blake doesn’t like it at all, because he’d rather be a bit uncomfortable than freezing cold and yeah. 

“Noooo.”  She pouts.  “I’m sorry.”

He doesn’t respond.

“You seriously want me to grovel?”

“That’d be nice.”

“Bl—“

“You asked.”

“Fine.  Blake I sincerely apologize for not talking to you before I booked the most kick ass five day trip we’ve ever been on—not counting Key West—and—“

“I don’t hear much groveling in there,”

She sighs.  “I’m sorry for not communicating with you better and I’ll work on it.”

“Gettin’ there”  he says again into his pillow.

“And you’re the best person and you don’t deserve to not be in the loop and I can’t always call the shots an—“  she starts going on and on about the talk they had a few weeks back when things got really rocky.  Both of them had been under a lot of stress I guess and I don’t know what it was but one of them did something that really pissed off the other one and they didn’t talk for two days and it was a mess.

Anyway

He finally lifts his head up and moves closer and to his side so that his face is right in front of hers.  “Okay.”  He says quietly.

She exhales a sigh of relief.  “Thank you.”  and she turns away from him as his arms come around her waist.  With his head in the crook of her shoulder she cranes her neck as if she can see him.  “I love you Blake.” 

“I know.”  He says and his warm breath tickles her neck.  “Shut up please so I can sleep,”  he presses his lips to the base of her neck and they fall asleep.

--

So something did come up.  It was two days before El’s friends were supposed to arrive actually.  Blake’s father was hospitalized because his blood pressure was really high even though he was one of the healthiest men either of them knew. 

**

“I can come with you.” 

“No D...  It’ll be fine.  He’s going to be fine.”  She could hear the slight edge of worry in his voice and she didn’t blame him either.  She’d be a mess if this were someone she really cared about.

“Are you sure?” 

“I’ll be there for a few days—the whole week maybe.  Dammit.  I feel bad now about your friends and I won’t—“

“Stop that.  This is more important you hear me?”

A look of worry passes over his face.  “Don’t worry about me.  And call me when you can okay?  I want to make sure that he’s okay.”

**

“I’m going to the airport to pick up Blake…seriously you two.  Can you PLEASE behave while I’m gone—literally it’s an hour there and back…don’t break anything, don’t finish the food I bought and don’t have sex in our bed I swear to god—“

“Okay okay you can go now,”  Tess says already opening the fridge.

“Tate—“

“BYE”  she says as she slams the door behind Elodie. 

-

“Tess, Nico, this is Blake, Blake Tatenda and Nico.”  Elodie says smiling brightly.  “Introductions are kind of late but,”  she laughs again.  She’s really giddy and just HAPPY.  Blake is back home safe and sound—Papa Griffin is healthy…Blake had been gone for two weeks.  They were supposed to go to Seattle the past weekend, but Elodie just pushed it forward, back?  again.  She wanted Blake to be there and a part of Blake wanted to be there too. 

“I’m just glad I didn’t completely miss you guys.  It’s really nice to meet you.”  Blake hugs Tess and shakes Nico’s hand.  He’s actually genuinely excited to meet people that were a part of her life before he was.  It’s like…looking into the past and seeing the present kind of…

“Aw I’m so glad to meet you aswell!  How’s your father?  Or is it your mother Elodie told me one of them was in the hospital?”  Tess says concerned. 

“It was my dad, but he’s fine now.”

“Always good to hear,”  Nico says smiling.   “We’ve both heard so much about you bro,” 

Blake smiles sideways to Elodie.  “You have have you?”

“Seriously she never shuts up I swear you guys are married or something—oops.”  Tess stops herself when she feels El’s glare on her. 

Blake shifts kind of uncomfortable. 

“Okay, SO in a perfect world as in this is the first time you were ever in our house, I’d be giving you the grand tour but I already did that so,” she makes her way to the kitchen.  “I thought we could go to Huntington…“  she wrings her hands together.  “B you up for it or?”

“I hate to be the party ruiner but I think I’m just going to sleep.  I’m tired.”  He fills up his glass of water and makes his way to the bedroom. 

“You don’t have to come with us.  We can take care of ourselves…getting lost in L.A. is on muh bucket list anyway”  Tess says.

--

So Elodie waves the two of them off with emergency numbers and everything.  Then she makes her way to their bedroom and flops down on the bed.  She can hear Blake in the shower and the pitter patter of the water lulls her to sleep. 

“What are you doing?”  Blake says tired but amused.  “I thought you went with—“

“I’m beat.  And Tess’s fine with it.”

“Oh.”  He walks into the closet to put on sleep clothes. 

“You know what we should do?”  she says flipping onto her stomach. 

“What?” he calls. 

She gets up and joins him in the closet. 

She wraps her hands around his bare torso.  “We could,”  she looks up at him swaying slightly. 

“We could what?”  he says softly a smirk carving itself into his face. 

She brings her lips up to his.  “You tell me.”  And she looks him dead in the eyes.

“I missed you…”  he strokes the side of her face with his thumb, moving his hand to the side of her face.  “I love you Elodie.” He says quietly. 

“I know…”  she says smiling to herself.  “Do you know how lonely I was when I went to bed?  No one was there to tell about my day and you weren’t there to tell me about yours…”  Blake hadn’t called every night and she hadn’t expected him to.  His father’s health was more important than anything.

“I’m just happy you’re back…goodness I want to do so much to you right now but I can’t…”

“Uh says who?”  he asks his entire face amused. 

“Says Tess and Nico.”  She sighs.  “I don’t know what time they’re getting back…fuck,”

“me please,”  he says he says cheekily.

She slaps him lightly but doesn’t step back.  “Can you put a shirt on now?  You’re distracting me.”

“From what…”  he asks pressing himself into her.  “Breathing in and out,”  and she brings her lips to his again and it feels so good.  He feels so good.  It’s like they were meant to be together you know?  Just the way their bodies fit together and their breathing is so in sync and his skin is warm and hands roving over his chest her chest, his abdomen and her abdomen, arms, all the while their mouths fitting together, together, together, together.

Blake pulls away to catch his breath.  “You.  Are mean,”

“Wait what?”  she says flustered.  She’s still trying to come back down to earth as corny as it sounds.

He chuckles.  “You kissed me like that and then you say we can’t do stuff—“

“You kissed me like that too,”  she says with a short laugh.

“Yeah okay,”  he says sarcastically. 

“Hmmm.  You know,”  she runs her hands over the clothes that are hanging up.  “I feel like I should be bothered that you have as many clothes as I do…but then I’m like wait…that just means more sharing oppurtunities for me,”

“I think that’s weird as hell.”  He says slipping on an old OU hoodie.

“What’s weird?”

“That you wear my clothes like in public,”

“It’s not weird,” she says sticking her tongue out at him.  “When styled right—I always style it right—it looks pretty damn good.”

“HOkay.”  He says.  “whatever you say.”

“I’m serious.  Like this shirt,”  she pulls out a dark blue plain dress shirt.  “I wore it with my sparkly leggings when I went to dinner last week with those two,”

“Do you want like a sticker or something…?”

“Shut up.  I’m trying to prove a point.”

He pretend to zip his mouth shut and throw away the key. 

“I’m gonna wear this to prove a point,”  she says grabbing one of his Clippers hoodies.

She takes it with her to the bedroom and she starts making herself comfortable on the bed.  She grabs the remote on Blake’s side of the bed turning on the TV. 

He shakes his head laughing.  “What time is it?”

“Like ten…” I think she says laying on her stomach.

“Don’t you think they should be back by now?”

“I guess yeah.  I’m going to wait until 11.30 and if they’re not back by then—then I don’t know, I guess we’ll find out.  OH MY GOODNESS.”  She jumps up going to the bathroom leaving Blake confused. 

“You’re so weird…”  he says to himself. “AHHHHHH”  he says loudly his whole body melting into the pillows.  There’s nothing like coming home to your own bed.  Nothing. 

“AHHHHHH”  Elodie mimicks.  “huuuuuuuuh oh Blake, oh yaaaaaaaaaaah,”  she moans.  She has two bottles of nail polish in her hand and a bottle of nail polish remover in the other. 

“Stop itttt”  he says throwing a pillow at her.  It hits her square in the face and she frowns.  “Booo,”

“What’s the nail polish for?” 

“Putting on my face.”

“Are you serious?” he asks distracted by the TV.  “Aw pichachu you recorded Workaholics for me,”

“I did.  And no I’m not serious, I’m gonna paint my toenails.”

“You haven’t done that in forever,”

“Yeah but I got this nail polish that’s like reflective seeeee?” she holds up the tiny bottle so that he can see it. 

“That’s really cool omg,”

“Are you being sarcastic?”  usually she could pick up on it in an instant usually when he actually said ‘omg’ but she couldn’t really tell.

“No I’m serious.”

So she paints her toenails for a while and Blake watches her while trying to watch Workaholics at the same time.  “You keep staring at me doing this…”  she says concentrated on her left foot.  “Do you want to try?”  she asks laughing.

He looks at her like she’s crazy for a second and then a smile slowly spreads over his face.  “Yeah.”

~

“HAHA NO DON’T HOLD IT LIKE THAT,”  she says.  Neither of them has stopped laughing. 

“How am I supposed to hold it then?”  he asks laughing. 

“Like a—a pencil” she says.  “Gah my stomach hurts from laughing Blake,”

“I think I’m doing a pretty solid job…” 

“HELLLOOO WHERE ARE YOU GUYS?!!”  Reese’s voice echoes through the house. 

“TESS INSIDE VOICE,”  Nico says equally loudly. 

Blake looks up at her amused.  “Are they always like this?”  he asks quietly. 

“Yeah they are, WE’RE IN HERE!”  Elodie responds loudly. 

They hear pitter pattering coming down the hall and they pass the door even because their talking gets farther away.  Blake gets up and opens the set of doors.  “In here guys,”  he says.

“I hope we didn’t disrupt sex or something.”  Tess says completely serious.

“No.”  Elodie says completely deadpan.

“What were you guys doing…?”  Nico asks looking at the nail polish removers, nail buffers, and candy wrappers.  “It looks like 12 year old girls were in here having a slumber party…”

“Don’t worry about it,”  Elodie says clicking off the TV.  “How was the beach?” 

“HA.”  Tess says loudly.  She makes herself comfortable at the edge of the bed. “We didn’t go.  We went to the Grove?  Yeah I think it was the Grove.  Loads of shops and stuff.  We bought you two chocolates at Godiva,”  she says triumphantly.

Blake laughs.  “Why didn’t you go?  To the beach,”

“Oh we tried,”  Nico says resting back on the dresser.  “We got lost and we both said ‘fuck this’.”  He shrugs.  “The shops always win.”

“They do,”  Elodie says like she’s been through it all.  “They really do.”

--

“Stop ittt.” Elodie says to Blake who keeps closing her suitcase with his foot.  Tomorrow’s the big day—roadtrip to Seattle…that meant being in the car with nico, tess, and blake for well…a really long time. 

“No.”

Elodie sighs piling her hair atop her head.  “How about yes.  Where’s my North Face?”  she snaps walking into their closet.  Her jackets and coats were all on one side and his on the other.  “Seriously babe I’m tired.”

“It’s already in mine,”  he says calmly watching her walk back and forth and back again.  She glances at the clock and lets out a frustrated mix between a scream and a squeal.  “Are you actually going to sleep now?”

“No,”   she starts making her way to the bathroom.  “I’m not done yet.”

Blake shakes his head having had enough of this.  Elodie had been packing for about three hours now and this ski trip?  It was only six days.  They weren’t even flying.  Blake wanted to fly but El had insisted that a road trip would be more fun. 

‘Wait it’s a roadtrip?  What the hell D?’

‘It’ll be fun trust me!’

‘That’s seventy hours.’

‘You’re over exaggerating.’

‘You wanna fucking bet?’

‘Not really.’

He comes to the doorway and flicks the light off.  “If you don’t go to bed, I’ll get no sleep.”  He says steadily.

“Wha-!? Switch the light on!”  She says makeup bag in hand.

“No.”

“Blake.”

“Elodie.”  He says mocking her tone.

“This is no time for jokes!”

“Yeah it’s a time for sleep.”  He takes her by the arm, but she yanks it away. 

“Switch the damn light on.”

“You.”  he says bringing his arms up and under her.  “Are impossible to deal with.”

“I swear to God if you pick me u—“  he picks her up in one swift motion.  

“Put me downnnnn”  she whines writhing and kicking her legs back and forth.  He does put her down, but only when they reach the bed. 

“Blake.”  She says frowning.  “You’re not helping me out here.”  She says quietly. 

“Yes I am,” he says covering her with one of the blankets at the foot of the bed.  “Wittle Elodie needs some TLC during her Special Week doesn’t she?”  he says in a fake motherly tone.

“I can’t believe you just said that.”  She says quietly into her pillow.

Blake flips the light off in the room, and slides in himself.  Finally.  “Goodnight.”

There’s no response because she’s already asleep.

--

“Ooo the zebra bitch is out,”  Elodie said rolling her eyes and leaning her head against the window. 

Nico doesn’t turn around because he’s the one driving.  “Don’t talk to her like that,”  he says seriously.  Blake next to him in the passenger seat doesn’t say anything because he’s busy playing some game on his phone.

“Nico you’re not even in this.”  Elodie says taking a packet of gummy bears from in between her and Tess.  The floor beneath them is littered with bags and sweatshirt and even a pillow. 

“I DON’T CARE, I’m not going to let you talk to her like that.”  He says a bit too sternly.  He makes Elodie flinch. 

“Babe calm down It’s fine…”

“No it’s not.”  He says boredly. 

Tess sighs slouching down in her seat.  “This is going to be a long ass trip.”  She says letting out a yawn.

Blake still fixated on his screen says, “El don’t call your friend a zebra bitch…”  he turn his head so that he’s looking at her.  “What is a zebra bitch?  That can’t be a real thing…”

“Oh it’s a thing,”  Elodie says glaring at Tess.  Tess feels her gaze but ignores her completely.  “Nico, would you be oh so kind to turn on the radio?”  Blake flips a few switches and Elodie’s favorite station comes softly through the speakers.