#bfic

Sophia vs The Real World

Avengers Facility: Upstate New York

Sleep, what an odd word.

I almost laughed out loud when Bucky told me to go to sleep. It was cute that he was making sure that I got enough rest, it really was. If the thought wasn’t so hilarious I probably would’ve melted at how adorable it was.

I didn’t sleep. In fact, I couldn’t sleep. I could rest, I suppose, but sleep? And dream? Not a chance.

I didn’t want to tell Bucky that, or even try to explain to him how the hell that worked because even I wasn’t totally sure. Plus, I had dropped enough metaphorical bombs on him for the time-being. I figured he deserved a break.

I hadn’t meant to tell him about Zolo, or about anything regarding his past. It was a bit fucked up that I had been there for a good majority of his life as the Winter Solider. It wasn’t even a little bit, actually, it was completely fucked up.

But Bucky had practically begged me to tell him. It was his life, a part of his life he wanted to forget but also a huge missing piece that he was desperately trying to figure out. His eyes had been my undoing. Big, blue and desperate as he stared at me, it was like puppy dog eyes but a 1000 times more potent.

I could feel the warmth of his skin against my cheek still, and on my hands I could feel the warmth and the cold his hands provided. I found myself tracing the back of my palm, imagining what it would like to be that warm all the time.

I was so consumed in my own thoughts that I didn’t hear the door open as my favorite redhead walked in. “You’re awake.” I turned my head and had to keep myself from rolling my eyes as she approached the cell wall. She had breakfast in her hand and I was willing to bet money that there were potatoes on the plate.

She pressed a few buttons on the tablet in her other hand and a space in the wall appeared – just as it had been for the past three months – and she placed the plate on the little tray underneath the window.

“You should probably eat, it’s going to be a long day for you,” she suggested but she and I both knew I wouldn’t be touching that plate of food. Probably why she didn’t even give me a chance to take the food (not like I was going to) as she sighed heavily. Natasha tapped her tablet for a bit before the entire wall disappeared.

She then pulled out the weirdest contraption I’d ever seen until my brain caught up and realized that it was handcuffs for my hands and ankles but it was all connected with chains and various other buckles. It looked like a strait jacket but without the actual jacket material – just the buckles and straps.

She didn’t speak as she walked forward and locked the cuffs around my wrists, leaving now room for me to move. Every time I tried, I felt the bite of the metal dig into my skin. She didn’t angry as she clamped the ankle cuffs in place but she didn’t look apologetic either.

“C’mon, Tony wants to see you,” Natasha muttered. Normally, I wasn’t so dressed up when I went to go see Tony, but perhaps after my last little show and tell they decided to take precautions. Smart I thought to myself. Bucky’s face flashed in my mind, the twisted features when I said the same thing to him about the government. I had never seen him so angry before. In fact, I hadn’t seen him angry at all before that moment.

I followed her – well, more along the lines of shuffled since the chains only allowed me to move so far. I had to be careful with how long my strides were. I could easily break through the chains but I didn’t want to freak them out any more. I didn’t need another week and a half of isolation.

So, it was slow going but we finally made it to Tony’s lab. It was huge, spanning so large I couldn’t see the other side of it and it was filled with gadgets and toys, half-finished projects and coiled wires. Today, there was an audience. Wanda and Vision, the two little mind readers and the one who shot the arrows, I had no idea what his name was. Carl? Connor?

“Welcome back,” Tony announced as he emerged from behind a towering pile of metal. I gazed quizzically at him as he walked forward, his hand hidden behind his back. Gone was the snarky remark that begged to be thrown out as I watched his arm. Hm, definitely something. “Nat, uncuff her. The whole point of this is to give her more freedom, now you’re just suffocating her.”

Freedom? Now I was very curious. I tilted my head as Natasha unlocked the handcuffs, looking anything but pleased with the situation as she narrowed her eyes menacingly at me. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes as I dropped my hands to my sides, ignoring the pain that flared around my wrists.

“This wasn’t my idea,” Tony seemed to defend himself. From what, I wasn’t sure. “Vision and Wanda seem to think this will help, but if it were up to me you would’ve been in an entirely different situation.”

Like in the hands of the government, I thought to myself. Bucky would never allow it I wanted to gloat, to brag, and to shove it in his face. But I knew that would do nothing aside from get Bucky in trouble. Because I was 99.9% sure his little late night excursions would not be approved of if anyone knew.

I was still confused by Tony’s words until his hand revealed itself and I saw a massive syringe clutched in his hand, his thumb already hooked through the hole. Dark green liquid filled the canister and it seemed to be moving, flickering beneath the bulbs.

“Microchip,” Tony explained, seeming immensely pleased with himself. I had never seen one in liquid form before, and my interest piqued tenfold. He nodded to my arm and I stretched it out, suffering from déjà vu as I remembered all the times in his lab when we did this. Every day. Same tests. Same results. At least today it was a bit of a change.

Tony began explaining what the microchip did or more aptly what it was supposed to do. As I stared at the liquid tracking device, I knew it wouldn’t work. Even though Tony gloated about how he had made it fit to track a super-soldier, I knew it still wouldn’t suffice. I wasn’t a super-soldier or Vision. I was something different.

Give me something, I heard Bucky plead in my mind. I knew what he had really meant. Talk to the others, tell them something. I didn’t want to. In reality, I really had nothing to say. I couldn’t give them the answers they wanted. I didn’t have the answers they all seemed to think I had magically stowed away in my inner garden of knowledge.

But I realized now, I could tell Tony the microchip wouldn’t work. A part of me – a very large part of me didn’t want to tell him. Being tracked wasn’t exactly something I looked forward to. Having my every move monitored definitely was a giant pain in the ass and made me feel like a child that was sent to its room, confined to a single space. So, really, I could very easily not tell Tony about the chip and go on my merry way and not have anything to worry about.

Yet, all I saw was Bucky’s anguished face. The normally sky blue irises had darkened to a navy blue and I saw true fear in his eyes. The prospect of me going to the government scared him. I could see it, even though I knew he’d deny it the second I ever mentioned it. He wanted me here, at the tower. But in order for me to stay, I had to speak. And while I was very content with keeping my pretty little mouth shut and remaining a mystery, all I heard Bucky’s pleading voice and something twisted in my chest. It was all I needed before I said: “It won’t work.” Oh, here we go. Tony jerked back and glared at me, his face affronted.

“Excuse me?” He looked like I had punched him in the gut and told him the world was ending all in the same second. I sighed and leaned against the table. This is for you I thought to Bucky and made a mental note to myself to remind him of that next time I saw him.

“The microchip, it won’t work. It’ll dissolve in my blood the second you insert it. You’ll never track me with that.”

“This chip does not just dissolve,” he hissed. “It’s not like some…tablet that disintegrates in water. This is top of the line, brand new technology that was imported straight from Wakanda and–”

“I don’t care where it came from, it won’t work,” I told him, trying to keep my frustration at bay. It was like he refused to believe I was different, yet the whole reason why I was here was because I was different.

Tony began to launch into another tirade that I absolutely had no care for. Before he could react I snatched the syringe from his hand with blinding speed and turned to the petri dish that sat idly on the table beside me. I quickly dispensed the microchip into the clear dish and watched as the liquid bubbled and solidified into an unassuming tiny chip.

I turned to Natasha as I eyed the impressions of the knives and weapons that peeked through her clothing. “What metal are your knives made of?”

“Excuse me?”

I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. “Your knives. What are they made of?”

“Adamantium and vibranium,” Natasha finally answered as she regarded me cautiously. I frowned. Neither of those would break my skin. They’d barely scratch me.

“Do you have any celestial bronze? Or imperial gold?” I turned to Tony who looked at me as if I had three heads. Of course he wouldn’t know what I was talking about. Celestial bronze and imperial gold were extremely rare, even rarer than vibranium and Adamantium. They only affected a small portion of the population and they were so rare they were considered a myth. Just like me.

“I mean, I’ve got regular gold princess. I got lots of that, if that’s what you’re looking for.”

This time, I did roll my eyes. “No, too weak,” I muttered as I glanced around the lab. There had to be something. But there wasn’t. There was lots of stuff that could hurt a lot of people, all types. But not me. I realized how pretentious that sounded, like I was something special and ethereal. Which wasn’t what I was going for at all. It’s just how I was made. Unfortunately, nothing I could do about that.

I knew I’d have to go straight from the Earth itself, something I didn’t really enjoy doing but desperate times called for desperate measures. This wasn’t exactly desperate but in order to ensure that I wasn’t totally insane, it was desperate enough.

“Do those windows open?” I asked Tony, nodding towards the large bay windows.

He stared at me, completely mystified. He nodded though and the Robin Hood turned to open one of them. I walked towards the window and took a deep breath, smelling the fresh air. The sun was warm and welcoming and I watched as a little blue jay fluttered onto the window sill. It saw me and ruffled its feathers proudly and sang a stunning tune. I smiled as it hopped around, obviously proud of itself. I held my finger out and the bird completely bypassed my crooked finger and flew to my shoulder, nestling itself into the junction of my neck and shoulder. I let him stay there as I leaned my head out of the window.

I closed my eyes and focused my mind on the mines on Olympus. Soon, I could smell the musty Earth and the faint trickle of water and the stifling smoke from the forges. In my mind, I was there, with a pick axe over my shoulder and my skin black from grime and soot. My eyes fixated on a tiny pebble that was as black as the rock around it. As I walked closer, I could feel the power that radiated from the tiny circle. My hands reached out and I brushed off the dirt and found a dull piece of celestial bronze, humming with energy and practically begging to become a part of another piece of weaponry. I pressed the pebble into my palm and when I opened my eyes again my hand was clenched into a fist and I could feel the nugget of bronze warming against my skin.

I walked back to the table, ignoring the gaping stares of those around me. I pressed harder on the bronze and felt the pebble shape into a thin stick. I quickly held the piece of bronze in my hand and pinched the tip off, revealing a sharp edge. This is gonna have to do. If they thought I was crazy before…

With a sigh, I rolled my shoulders and pressed the sharp front against my palm and dragged an opening against my once untouched skin. Immediately, golden ichor – the blood of the gods – flowed from the cut and spilled into my palm. I dipped my hand forward and watched as four droplets fell against the microchip. Almost instantly, it folded in on itself like it was trying to become smaller. Smoke curled from the chip as my blood bubbled and collected around the chip like an angry, golden cloud. Soon, all that was left was a tiny puddle of my blood. The microchip was gone.

I dropped the celestial bronze and it melted into the worktable as the cut on my hand healed within seconds. I turned my head to Tony who looked about two seconds away from passing out or suffering from a stroke.

“See?” I nodded towards the now smoking petri dish. “Your microchip didn’t stand a chance.”

“How?” Was all he managed to say and I was surprised that it was slightly coherent.

I shrugged. “Who I am, chemical makeup. I dunno it’s just how it is.”

“But…when I ran those tests, all of that…why did I get results?”

“You didn’t.” I shrugged again. “They came back normal or inconclusive. Your systems identify unknown substances but unnatural substances. They aren’t equipped to handle that sort of information or results, so they just revert to normal or inconclusive.”

Tony blinked as he stared at me and he suddenly laughed, short and clipped and stressed. “I can’t…we’re going to talk about this later.” He motioned between the two of us. “This conversation is far from over.”

I wanted to laugh but I managed to hide it in a form of a smile. “Not much else to say.”

“Oh, sweetheart. I always have something to say.” He flashed me a lopsided grin and I couldn’t tell if I should feel creeped out or smile in return. “But, this has gone on for too long. We have a team meeting in five minutes and since I can’t track you, you’re coming with us.”

I frowned, having no interest in showing up to a meeting and it seemed like most of the room agreed with me but Tony didn’t give anyone a chance to protest. He strode straight to the door and didn’t wait for anyone to follow, we just did.

I was behind Tony and Natasha and the guy – gods what was his name? – walked behind me at such a close range I could feel their breath on my neck.

We walked through different hallways and doorways and I honestly had no idea where the hell we were until Tony stopped in front of a mirrored door which was extremely unsettling when I realized that the whole wall was actually a mirror. How narcissistic did you have to be to have a whole wall of mirrors in your place? Apparently, Tony Stark was narcissistic enough to find it necessary.

Tony swung the door open and I had to lurch forward to grab the handle as it threatened to swing shut. Rolling my eyes, I pushed open the door and stepped inside.

There was a long oak table that spanned across the room and fifteen cushioned leather chairs surrounded the table. Four of them were occupied with Steve, Sam, a guy whom I didn’t recognize, and Bucky.

But what caught my eye were the walls. They weren’t mirrors on the inside. They were holographic screens, depicting different events across the globe. Fires burned in California, buildings rose in Dubai, streets swelled with people in Tokyo and caution tape crisscrossed behind a news reporter in Toronto. Every major city was broadcasted on the screens and it seemed to be scanning for major news that was shown on the main screen at the north wall of the room.

“Scott, nice of you to join us,” Robin Hood shouted from behind me and I flinched at the sudden noise. The man whom I hadn’t recognized – Scott – looked up and grinned with a sort of boyish charm that made him look about five years younger.

“Clint, it’s good to see you buddy,” Scott bypassed the outstretched hand and went straight for a smothering hug. Clint! That was his name. I knew it started with a C.

The others breezed by me and I cautiously hung in the back as I watched everyone said their greetings and took their seats. I watched as Tony stood at the head of the table, his eyes flashed to me every few seconds as he spoke to Natasha.

“C’mon,” a thick voice said beside me and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I turned and saw it was the other red-head (why were all the girls redheads here? I felt oddly out of place), Wanda. She smiled kindly and for once I didn’t feel this insistent prodding at the base of my skull. She wasn’t trying to poke around in my head for once. “You can sit next to me.”

I narrowed my eyes skeptically at her, wondering if the seat she pointed to was booby trapped or something. “Are you gonna try to scrounge through my head again or are you over your little scavenger hunt?”

She smiled yet she visibly flinched and I suddenly felt a bit guilty. She shrugged apologetically. “I don’t know. I might keep looking, I sort of like looking at all the dogs you send my way.”

I couldn’t fight off the smile that twitched at the corner of my lips. She winked playfully then sat down and gave me a pointed look. After a second of hesitation I sat next to her and folded my hands in my lap as the table fell quiet.

“Well, glad you could all make it,” Tony began and I wanted to scoff at him but I kept my mouth shut. Everyone shifted in their seats and I allowed my gaze to lazily flicker over everyone. Natasha and Clint were muttering about something and their eyes kept glancing over at me then skittering away whenever I caught their stare. I fought off the urge to roll my eyes. Steve was listening attentively to Tony while Bucky sat beside him and looked enthralled with the pen that flipped between his fingers. I watched, mesmerized as the pen rolled effortlessly until suddenly the tip of the pen stopped and pointed right at me.

My breath froze in my chest as I looked up and was met with silver irises that danced with quiet amusement, hidden behind a sheet of ice. I raised my eyebrow and his right eye dropped in a discreet wink that was only meant for me. I quickly tore my eyes away and tried to ignore the warm heat that spread from my stomach to the top of my head. Gods I needed to relax. It was literally just a wink. It wasn’t like he proclaimed his love to me. I shook my head angrily trying to clear my head.

I turned my attention back to Tony and my breath froze in my chest for an entirely different reason. The north wall screen had changed to a bunch of documents and all of the lettering had black lines through them. But I didn’t care about the black lines. What I cared about were the words that weren’t blacked out.

They were in Ancient Greek.

“These are the files that we were able to download at the base in the Katun Mountains,” Tony claimed as he motioned to the screen. “As you can see, pretty useless.”

“What the hell are those words? What language is that?” Clint pointed to the Ancient Greek lettering as his brow furrowed.

“No idea,” Tony shrugged. “FRIDAY can’t decode it. It doesn’t register as a dialect. It might be a form of code that Hydra has created that we just haven’t been able to crack yet.”

“What about the redaction lines?” Natasha tilted her chin to the thick black lines that blocked out most of the information. “Can you remove them?”

Tony shook his head and his lips twisted in irritation. “They aren’t normal redaction lines. There’s code embedded in the lines. FRIDAY is still trying to decode them but everything she throws at it gets rejected or destroyed. Think you’ve got some contacts that can help?”

Natasha frowned as she stared at the documents. “I’ll see. I’ve never heard of redaction lines being encoded, but maybe someone else has.” She stood up and walked gracefully out of the room while tapping on her cell phone.

Tony turned his hard gaze to me as his eyes narrowed. I immediately tensed and braced myself for whatever he was about to throw at me. “Since you’re our resident expert on Hydra…you have any idea what any of this means?”

I ground my teeth together as I struggled to keep my face impassive. Resident expert on Hydra, who the hell told them I was the encyclopedia for all things Hydra? Whoever it was I hoped they stayed out of sight because I was going to kill them next time I saw them.

I sat back and drew patterns against my legs as I looked away from Tony. My eyes fell on the pen that was trapped in Bucky’s hand. The tip was pointed to me – again – as if to say your time to shine. I flicked my eyes up and saw Bucky staring at me. His eyes held nothing but his eyebrow curved up.

Give me something.

I glanced down at the pen again and found myself shifting in my seat. Like I was intimidated by a fucking pen. But the more I stared at the tip, the more restless I got. Could you believe it? The tip of a pen was slowly convincing me to speak. I was going crazy, I had to be. It was the only logical explanation.

I clenched my jaw and tore my eyes away and looked at Tony who was staring at me expectantly. Actually, so was everyone else. I released a tiny sigh and looked at the Greek lettering.

“The words are Ancient Greek,” I finally said and tried to ignore the various looks of shock on everyone’s faces. I felt like I was the main act in the circus. The main freak in a group of freaks.

“Uh, not to sound like an asshole,” Scott began saying. So you’re about to sound like an asshole I thought to myself, but kept my mouth shut. “But Ancient Greek is a pretty well-known dialect. I doubt that would stump FRIDAY.”

“It’s an ancient form of Greek known as Mycenaean Greek which was spoken by many Greeks in the sixteenth century up to the twelfth century,” I spoke calmly though I was a rage of annoyance inside.

“What are you our resident expert on Greece too?” Tony narrowed his eyes and this time I did roll my eyes.

“Well, Tony, some people are experts in more than one area. As a self-proclaimed genius, I would’ve thought you would’ve understood that. Perhaps you’re not as intelligent as you think you are.” His face blanched and then brightened to a lurid shade of red within a span of three seconds. Before he burst an artery, I continued. “As I was saying, Mycenaean Greek is the oldest form of Greek there is. It’s normally written in Linear B format–”

“What the hell is linear B?” Clint interrupted.

“A type of script. Like your alphabet is written in Latin script, the Mycenaean Greek is written in Linear B.”

“Linear B is an ancient form of script that was deciphered in 1953 by Michael Ventris. FRIDAY has the largest archive of ancient dialects as well as some alien languages. Deciphering Linear B should not give her any issues.” Vision spoke and I immediately decided I liked his voice. It was cool, calculated, measured. Like a robot. A refreshing change from the annoying chatter that came from Tony’s mouth.

“Because what’s on that board isn’t Linear B.” I pointed to the few letters that peeked out from the redaction lines. Each image could mean so many different things it was hard for me to understand. But the different option each image presented, I didn’t like where the context of the document was heading towards.

“Then what’s it written in?” It was the first time Steve had spoken during the entire meeting but he looked the most interested out of everyone.

“It’s written in Linear A.”

“Jesus Christ enough with the lines,” Clint muttered but I pointedly ignored him.

“Linear A is a dialect that Linear B is derived from,” I explained as carefully as I could. “Basically, Linear A is an unknown writing system that has never been deciphered. No AI in this world would be able to decipher it because there is no reference to go off of. It would be like trying to decipher a bunch of keyboard smashes. It’s impossible.”

“Then why can you understand it?” Sam asked. He didn’t look like he was accusing me of something – again, another refreshing moment – but he looked totally confused. I pressed my lips together as my chest tightened.

Give me something.

“Because I was alive when Linear A was used.”

“Um when was that, exactly?” Scott raised his hand and I had to resist the urge to call on him like a school teacher.

“2500 B.C.”

“How old are you?” Tony gaped at me.

“Didn’t your mother tell you, it’s rude to ask a woman what her age is?” I smiled sickly sweet at him. He scowled darkly as he pointed to the board.

“Can you understand this or not?”

I looked at the Greek symbols that jumped out at me. They seemed to swim before my eyes and I had to blink a few times just to focus. I frowned and shook my head. “No. Not without the rest of the documents. There is too much possibility with what the meanings of the symbols could be. It’ll be pointless to try and decipher when the meanings could change so easily.”

“Awesome. Just what we needed,” Tony muttered and silence fell over the table.

I sat back as my frown deepened. Linear A was an ancient, ancient form of writing that only a select few understood. It belonged to a civilization so old I had almost forgotten about it. But Mycenaean was associated with Linear B. Someone had to have found a way to take one language and manipulate it into a completely different writing system, one that only a small group understood much less could write. Whatever was on those documents, Hydra really really wanted no one knowing. And that’s what concerned me.

“Wanda, go show our Encyclopedia to her room.” Tony turned to me pointed a finger at me. “Don’t go anywhere, I’ll have a tracker for you soon.” I just smiled at him and ignored his heavy scowl as Wanda stood beside me and motioned for me to follow her.

I happily scurried after her but not without a quick glance towards Bucky. His eyes were focused on Tony but the pen was pointed in my direction. Instead of it being still, he flicked it back and forth, as if it were waving to me.

“I’ve lost it,” I muttered to myself before I ducked out of the room and welcomed the blissful silence of the hallway. Wanda wove in and out of the corridors and I had to struggle to keep up. Soon, we arrived at the elevator and I breathed out a sigh of relief because it was something I knew. It was normal.

The doors slid open and I followed Wanda inside and immediately retracted my previous statement.

The elevator was anything but normal. There was a TV screen that took up the wall to the left of the doors and images flickered past, revealing what looked like a promotional video for SHIELD and the facility or whatever building we were in. There were no buttons on the right side of the doors, just a square glass door with a tiny screen to the side of it.

“It gives you food,” Wanda said as I peered at the glass. I whipped my head at her, shocked. She tapped the screen and wouldn’t you know it, there was a whole menu. Think of all your favorite fast food restaurants and then throw in a few random healthy options to feel good about yourself and then you had a perfect description of the menu.

“North campus, the fourteenth floor please,” Wanda spoke and I was about to ask who the hell she was talking to when a voice suddenly responded.

“Yes, Miss Maximoff. What music would you like to listen to?”

She glanced at me. “Uh, High School Musical,” I blurted out. Wanda stared at me as – wouldn’t you know it – Breaking Free filtered through the speakers. While my cheeks flushed I didn’t regret my request one bit.

“A classic,” she smiled wryly at me and I couldn’t help but grin in return.

“Will that be all Miss Maximoff?” The despondent voice spoke again.

“Yes, FRIDAY, thank you.”

“Vision requests you in his quarters once you have finished.”

“Thank you FRIDAY.” Wanda’s cheeks blushed a faint pink. Her and the robot? Interesting.

We rode in silence as Troy and Gabriella belted out probably the most iconic song in the entire High School Musical trilogy. I tried not to sing along because that would probably make the situation even more embarrassing, Wanda broke the silence. “What was it like?” She asked. “Back then,” she quickly clarified when I frowned in confusion.

I shrugged as I dug out memories that were buried in cobwebs. “Smelly. We hadn’t quite mastered the concept of hygiene at that point. And hot. Also hadn’t mastered the concept of air conditioning.”

Wanda laughed as the doors pinged and slid open to reveal a single black tiled hallway that had doors that lead to two different staircases. One side the wall was glass, the other was metal. Wanda led me to a metal door and motioned to the keypad beside the door.

“You can set up your own four digit code and scan your hand. All the security here is biometric. Tony will get you into the system later today.”

I had a strong feeling that I wouldn’t have much access but went to the keypad typed in a four number code. I followed the instructions and got my handprint locked into the door and soon the door slid open after a successful ping from the keypad.

“Every Avenger has their own floor in this building. I’m on the third floor, if you need anything.” Wanda’s smile was apologetic as she glanced into the room. “Sorry, you were such short notice so we didn’t really have another room for you.”

I shrugged and breezed by her before stopping in my tracks.

The room was huge. It was easily twice the size of my apartment. There was a small kitchenette to my right and another door to my left was propped open and I saw that it was the bathroom. The floor was covered in a beige carpet and the bed was low on the floor with a plain white duvet. What caught my attention was the span of wall in front of me. It was entirely made of glass and for a brief moment I wondered if that whole side of the building was glass, but I didn’t care. The view was beautiful like something straight out of a painting or a postcard.

“You can decorate it any way you like,” Wanda added. “It’s yours. You do with it what you’d like. Sorry it’s small, like I said. You were short notice.”

I nodded mutely. This was small? I would hate to see what their big would look like.

“Well, if you need anything. Floor three.” She smiled awkwardly before she shut the door behind her. Silence enveloped the room and I hadn’t realized how much I missed it. Today had been hectic, a huge contrast to the past however many months I was locked in my cell. I couldn’t tell if I liked the change or not.

I glanced around my room, mouth open at the sheer size. I cautiously stepped forward, towards the windows and saw two other hallways that led to who even knew where. I didn’t have the energy or the mental capacity to find out at that moment.

You can decorate it any way you like.

Bucky’s smile was all I saw for two years, seven months and eighteen days.

He had become Bucky after the first date, his first name was used when I was annoyed with him or teasing him, same as mine was to him. He became a permanent fixture four months after our first date, seemingly worming his way into my life and made me forget what life was like before him.

I was happy. He made me happy, he made my mundane life suddenly burst like a kaleidoscope of laughter and colors and happiness. He was everywhere, I saw him in the simplest of things. I saw the silver of his arm in the moon. I saw his smile in ice cream and chocolate and everything sweet, I saw the mahogany of his hair in crowded park benches and blooming trees.

Being with Bucky was easy. It was so easy I didn’t even have to think about it. He was there when I needed him to be there but understood when I wanted space more than anyone else I had ever met. He understood when I was so stressed that sometimes I’d need a hug but most times he’d just make sure I was properly fed and slept well and in a few days’ time I’d crawl out of my shell and curl into his lap where he’d kiss away my mumbled apologies.

The only time it got hard was at night when I’d wake up to him mumbling and trembling. He didn’t thrash or punch or kick. It was like he was paralyzed with terror until I was able to coax him awake and he’d bolt up, panting and gasping for air as he’d look at me with wide, empty eyes. He’d pull me in close and I’d hold his huge body against mine until his erratic breathing calmed. I never asked about his nightmares. The few times I did it led to horrible fights that left both of us miserable and hurt.

So I learned not to ask and we fell into a pattern. As long as I didn’t ask or pressure him, he’d tell me when he was ready. Which was rare, he never told me anything about his nightmares until one night.

He woke up shaking and drenched in sweat and I opened my arms and let him curl into me. His arms held me impossibly close and his breath was quick against my collarbone. “They take you from me,” he whispered and I had to strain to hear him. “Every night. And they make me watch as you…as–”

“Sh,” I hushed him quickly as my heart tore in two. I didn’t know who they were, I assumed it was Hydra or whoever tore his life apart and left him to mend the broken pieces. And to know they were still affecting him like this, it made me want to cry for him and want to carry his pain all at the same time. “I love you. No one is ever going to take me away, I promise.” He calmed down faster than he did most nights, like a piece of his burden had melted away. But I was wrong. They never did take me away, Bucky’s demons.

Instead, they took him from me.

He left. Without a word, without a text, without a call. I came home from class one day and all of his stuff was gone. It was like he had never even been there. The only slightest inclination that I had left of him was the pendant of a rose that hung around my neck. Gifted to me on our two year, it was Bucky’s way of saying he loved me without ever saying it. He liked to call me petal; it was his nickname for me. I didn’t know why, he never told me and whenever I asked he got oddly silent and kissed me until I was breathless.

There were nights where I’d grip the rose so hard the shape would be bruised in palm for days until I furiously tried to rub it away, angry at him and myself.

For a long time, I thought he was dead. Perhaps, he had gone on a mission and never returned. But Steve never visited, no one did and I was pretty sure I was supposed to get some sort of notification if the love of my life suddenly fell off the face of this Earth.

But I got nothing and then in a newspaper one day, I saw him receiving the Medal of Honor alongside Steve, his lips pulled into a smile.

And I was angry. I wasn’t sad anymore. All the tears I shed, all the times I screamed into my pillow over a broken heart were gone. The gaping hole in my chest closed up and hardened over. I became bitter. I was angry at him for just leaving, leaving me by myself with no explanation, nothing. I was furious that he didn’t have the audacity to try and tell me something was wrong, to talk to me. He didn’t even try. He just…left.

So I stopped mourning over Bucky Barnes. Every time I saw a picture of him smiling and with Steve, or Sam, it drove a nail through my heart but I didn’t let myself dwell in the pain. I moved on. I burned every picture we had together and deleted every trace of him from my life. He had moved on, he was living his life, why the hell couldn’t I?

I graduated university and promptly threw myself into graduate school until I got my masters. My research propelled me into a doctorate at the age of twenty-six. At the ceremony my picture was printed in the newspaper for being one of the youngest holders of a doctorate in my field. I got a small column, but it was front page and my smiling face was there. Even in the picture, you could make out the rose pendant over my white gown, the one thing of Bucky I could never get rid of.

I walked home from work one day, whistling as I thought about the last piece of my congratulatory cake from my parents that were waiting for me to devour at my apartment. I saw a figure leaning against the wrought iron fence that caged in the front garden of my apartment complex. I didn’t think much of it, since there were people milling out there all the time. Until the figure became clearer and I froze into place.

It was him. Bucky, my Bucky. Leaning against the black iron, his hair had been cut short, but long enough for someone to drag their hands through and get a good grip. He was leaner but he was the same. His arms folded across his broad chest and the same stubble that dusted his strong jaw.

“Hi petal,” he whispered and my entire world came crashing down. The hard knot that had formed in my chest seemed to unravel in a second. But I refused to let myself fall to his feet like a lovesick fool (which I probably would have done if I didn’t have a shred of self-control). I deserved an explanation, I deserved a fucking apology.

“Why?” Was what I managed out.

“I saw your picture in the newspaper,” he murmured and there was a flash of pride in his eyes. “Youngest person in your field with a doctorate. I just…wanted to say congratulations.”

“Congratulations?” I wanted to scream. “That’s all you have to say to me? After all these years, you want to say congratulations? That’s it?”

“Petal–”

“No, James. You don’t get to petal me. You’ve got some fucking nerve coming back here after all this time. Congratulations? That’s it?” I shook my head and forced the hot, angry tears down my throat. I was so angry I was vibrating. “Is that all you were going to do? Drop by say oh by the way, congrats on your life! So glad I was there to see it and just waltz away again? Is that it?”

“No,” Bucky sighed as he rubbed the back of his neck. He fell silent as he seemed to struggle with what he wanted to say as he toed the ground with his boot.

“I’m so mad at you,” I whispered. “I’m so, so mad at you.”

“I know, petal. I know.” He took a step forward and I winced. The pain that twisted his face went straight to my stomach but he didn’t move any closer. “You should be. You should hate me.”

But I don’t. I wanted to scream. I wanted to punch him, I wanted to yell at him and make him regret every second that he left me. But I couldn’t do it. Not with him, right here, finally here. I wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms and forget everything. But I couldn’t do that, not yet.

“Just…tell me why,” I finally forced out. “Was it me? Did I do–”

“No,” his voice was so fierce it shocked me. “God, no, it wasn’t you. Don’t think for a second it was you.” He shook his head as he brushed a shock of hair from his forehead. “I wanted…I was trying to protect you.”

“From what?” Bucky shook his head as his eyes begged me to understand. I didn’t. How could I? “Protect me from what? I deserve to know.”

I watched as his throat worked tightly before he fiddled with the buttons on his jacket. After a long stretch of silence, he finally spoke. “It…things were getting, bad. At the tower. Hydra was starting to infiltrate the systems and was getting information…valuable information. And they were threatening everyone, everyone’s families. Clint had to relocate his wife and kids four times because of Hydra.” He chewed his lip for a moment before he glanced at the bushes that peeked through the rails of the fence. “They didn’t know about you. Nobody did. But, if Hydra found out about you…do you know what they would’ve done? My nightmares would’ve become a reality. I couldn’t…I can’t let them do that to you.”

“So you left,” I said bluntly and this time Bucky flinched.

“I put it off for as long as I could,” he whispered. “It was…it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Leaving you. And I couldn’t tell you, you’d want to come with me or you’d beg me to stay and honestly I would’ve. I’d do anything for you. But I had to do this. I had to keep you safe. Charlie, you have to understand. I did this for you.”

I shook my head and I didn’t realize I was crying until Bucky made a soft sound in the back of his throat. He hated when I cried. It was the one thing that made him crack. I wiped furiously at my cheeks and hid my face by looking at the ground beneath me. “It sucked,” I whispered.

“I know, baby, believe me.” Bucky’s breath rattled in his chest. “I wanted to come back, I thought about it every day. But Hydra…they weren’t stopping and it took so much longer than anyone thought. But I never stopped thinking about you, I never stopped.”

“You could’ve told me,” I whimpered as I tried to keep the sobs from my throat. “I would’ve understood…we could’ve figured something out.”

“Maybe. I couldn’t take that chance, Charlie. I couldn’t put you in danger. Not now, not ever.”

“What about now?” I asked as I heard a car honk off in the distance. “Is Hydra gone?”

“For now.” Bucky didn’t sound too convinced.

I shook my head as I pulled my hair back and finally met his eyes. They were churning with anguish and an ancient pain that was only just beginning to shine through. “So what do we do now? You come back and we pick up where we left off? Then Hydra comes back and you leave me alone again? I can’t live like that, Bucky. I can’t give you everything and watch you walk away again, I can’t do it.”

Bucky took a step forward, and another, and another until he was right in front of me. “I’m not asking you to do that.” His voice was so soft and sweet and just how I remembered. Some of him had changed, but most of him was the same. “I have…I have an idea but it’s not something we’ll talk about now. I just…I had to see you, Charlie. These six years…it’s been hell without you. I thought I could do it, but I can’t.”

“I was so angry at you,” I murmured as I stared at him. “I thought…I didn’t know what to think. I thought you were dead, and then I thought you left because of me, then I hated you then I hated myself. Then I just got so angry…so fucking angry. And I tried to move on, I tried to forget you but I can’t. And I just…I missed you Bucky. I missed you so fucking much and there was nothing I could do about it.”

He reached a hand out and caught a fluttering curl and tucked it behind my ear. A zip of electricity passed over me when his fingers brushed against my skin. His fingertips trailed over the line of my jaw, then my cheek, my lips, my nose and my eyes as if he were re-mapping me. His touch passed over my neck and collarbone before his palm rested against the side of my neck, right where my pulse was.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered and his voice cracked. “I’m so sorry, Charlie…you have no idea. You have no idea what I would give to take these last six years away and make them into something good. I never wanted to hurt you. I never knew…I’m sorry, petal. God, I’m so, so sorry.”

“I know.” For years I imagined how this moment would go, how I would yell at Bucky and tell him off. How I would be strong and brave before him. But I realized now that perhaps the bravest I could be was forgiving him. He had punished himself enough, I could see that. I wanted to be angry at him but suddenly it wasn’t worth it.

“I’ve missed you,” he whispered. He took another step forward and I couldn’t help but reach my hand out and touch his chest, just over his heart. Just to feel his heart beat and believe he was real. Bucky’s hand covered my own, his left one, covered in a glove.

“How long can you stay?” I asked and Bucky’s breath caught in the back of his throat. It was as if time was suspended and we were delicately treading along, not wanting this moment to be shattered.

“I don’t know.” He brought his head down and pressed his lips into my hair and breathed deeply. “For a little bit, but not long enough.”

I nodded and stepped back to unclip the chain that held the necklace around my neck. I took his left hand in my own and laid the pendant in his palm. “So you have something to remember me by, whenever you have to leave again.”

“Charlie, I can’t–”

“Bucky please,” I stopped him in a soft voice. “It’ll…um it’ll make things maybe a little easier. Just to remind you that there’s a home for you. Wherever you are.”

Bucky nodded as he closed his hand round the pendant. He brought his fist up and kissed his clenched fingers as he brushed his thumb along my jaw. I don’t know what it was, the tenderness of how he touched me or just the whole situation in itself, but a wave of emotion that I had been holding back crashed over me and I lunged at Bucky, throwing myself onto him.

He caught me easily and pressed me so close to him as I felt his muscles contract and pull beneath me. I breathed out a sigh that I had been holding in as I buried my head into his shoulder, breathing in all of him.

“I love you,” he whispered and the last bit of resistance that I had in me melted away as he pressed kisses into my neck. “I love you, I love you, I never stopped loving you.”

I started crying again as Bucky pressed my back against the fence as his hands roamed every inch of me and his lips pressed against my collarbone, neck, face, forehead, everywhere he could reach. “I love you too, Bucky,” I sighed against him and it felt so good to say it. “I love you more than you know.”

He released a strangled sob as he clutched me so close to him I almost couldn’t breathe. “You have no idea…what – dear God Charlie, you don’t know how long I’ve wanted to hear you say that.”

I started laughing. It was so good to laugh again. And even when Bucky kissed me, I couldn’t stop smiling. He laughed too, deep and throaty and when he pulled back his lips were red and glistening and his eyes sparkled again.

“Before we get any further,” I said as Bucky leaned down to kiss my jaw and cheek. “What’s this plan you mentioned? I want to get all the serious stuff out of the way before we start anything.”

Bucky froze and when I leaned back to look at him, he suddenly reminded me of the nervous guy who had asked me out in the dining hall all those years before. “I – um, okay.” He nodded, mostly to himself, and took a deep breath. “I love you, more than anything in my entire life. And you’re it, y’know? You’re all I want and um…I kind of know I can’t really be without you. But the world…s’not getting any better so. I was gonna leave, the Avengers, and all. To be with you. But Tony convinced me to stay but I said I would only if there was some way to protect you. Properly. And he came up with something which I think could work. It’s a long shot but it’s something and I, um–”

“Buck,” I laughed. “Spit it out.”

“Okay, okay. Yeah, totally. Spit it out. Right.” He shook his head before he stared me deep in the eyes and blurted out, “Come live in the tower with me.”

“What?” I gaped at him. “The Avengers Tower…like the Avengers.”

“Yeah, uh, I know it’s a lot. It’s a huge change. And I know you just got this gig with the university, not that I actually know that or looked it up or anything, whatever. Anyways, um, it’s just; it was the only way I’d stay. But if you’re not up for it then I get it, I do. It’s a big change and it’s a lot to ask but–”

“Yes.”

“–we already sort of lived together, well, we did live together, before everything so it won’t be so different but still it’s change and–” his voice suddenly faded as his brain connected with his mouth. “Wait…you said yes.”

“Yes,” I repeated with a smile. “I did.”

“You actually said yes. Just like that.” Bucky stared at me in shock as he slowly processed what I was saying.

“Just like that,” I reiterated. “I’ve wanted to move out for a while. I’ve been trying to find something closer to the university. The Avengers tower is a five minute walk. What have I got to lose? Besides, Bucky, it’s the Avengers. Why the hell would I ever say no?”

Bucky blinked. Once. Twice. Then he smiled. His beautiful, brilliant smile that split across his face and he laughed like he did when he didn’t have a care in the world. It was rare when he laughed like that, but I always remembered when he did.

“So, you’re saying yes? We’re doing this?”

I laughed as I threw my arms around his neck and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips that he followed when I pulled away. “Yes, Bucky. I’ll move in with you.”

He kissed me hard, all lips and hot breath as he braided his fingers through my hair and secured me to him. Once I was sufficiently breathless, he pulled away with the brightest sparkle in his eyes. “You’ll love it petal, honest. The place has got a balcony so you can do your studying and grading and look over the city and we’ve got the whole floor to ourselves so we’ve got a living room, kitchen, everything. You can decorate however you want to, I’ll repaint whatever, whatever you want Tony already said the floor is ours so we can change it however we want to.”

I giggled like I was five years old again when Bucky breathed out a sigh and pulled me in close again. He spun me around and I couldn’t even suppress the grin even if I wanted to. “Never thought you’d be so excited about decorating,” I teased once he set me down again.

He looked at me with serious eyes and it knocked the smile off my face. “Charlie…I thought you hated me, I expected you to hate me. To tell me off, to turn me away and never want to see me again. Now, you’re moving in with me. It’s…surreal.”

“Hate you? How could I hate you?” I repeated the same words he said to me at the dining hall and suddenly we were young and stupid and hopelessly in love all over again.

“I don’t deserve you,” he whispered as he kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes and reveled in the warmth of him, a part of me savoring it just in case this was all just some fucked up dream.

“C’mon,” I whispered as I pulled back and threaded my fingers with his. “There’s one more person you have to apologize to.” Bucky’s brows furrowed until he heard an insistent barking from one of the third floor windows. In the second window from the left, my black lab was paws up against the window, practically throwing himself against the glass as his eyes locked on Bucky. Bucky tilted his head back and laughed as he allowed me to tug him into my apartment complex.

And the moment I saw him embrace my dog and talk to him in hushed, apologetic tones for the next half hour, I knew he would stay. And I vowed to myself that I’d never let anything take him away from me.