Hello girlfriend. My Lovely. My Babylove. Also my Sunshine. My bamboo. My sweetie. My darling. My beautiful. My sweetheart. Mine. Today is a day where I am so honored to say that we have been together for 9 whole months aka 3/4 of a year. I am honored to say that I love you x's 9 billion and so beyond that. Today I get to love you even more, and not even 'cause today is our anniversary, but because my body, heart, mind, brain, and soul allows me to have my love grow for you every second of every day. You've made such an impact in my life. You've helped me grow into the person I am today. You make me feel beautiful and smart and loved, the three things that I struggle with constantly. You have done a shit ton of things for me, some that you might not even know of, and I am beyond blessed. I have God and I have you to thank for that. Listen to the song "Perfection" by Guy Sebastian. The first time I heard it was the day I cried all day and you took me to rehearsals that night. I was listening to the Spotify radio for "Say You Won't Let Go" by James Arthur and that song came on. I had it on blast and I put it on repeat. I listened to it over and over again and each time, I thought about you. About how God made you so beautifully. How not even Picasso could paint your beautiful eyes and body. How all of the angels most likely wanted you to stay with them, but they allowed you to come down to this world and be with me. God knows it all. He's made a plan and that plan includes you and I being together. I can never thank Him enough. I know it doesn't help that I am still trying to believe, but I also know that He is greyt and knows I am trying my hardest to believe. I try and I try and the more I think about it, you help me. You're the one I wanna try and go to church with. You're the one I wanna tell all my secrets to. You're the one I wanna give all my love to. Currently, you are my one and only, and I am no one else's and I don't wanna be anyone else's, and I hope it stays this way for a long time. I hope you want to be with me for a long time as well. I think about you constantly. I love you constantly. I wanna love you constantly. I want to constantly make you feel happy and every single type of feeling that only brings you joy and love and comfort and protection. I know it doesn't help that I overthink everything. I know it doesn't help that I bring up the past. I know it doesn't help that I'm a crybaby. I know it doesn't help that I've said things that I regret. I know it doesn't help that you've cried because of me. I know it doesn't help that you probably feel like I'm putting pressure on you to do things you're not ready for. But please know my love that I am trying really hard to be a better person for you and most importantly, for myself. I can't fix my brain or my thoughts or my feelings, but I can try and I'm doing that. I'm trying to love myself because like you said before, no one can love anyone else fully until they love themself. I feel like I fully love you, but if you're right, then I am so sorry because I don't love myself yet and I don't know when that'll be. I feel like I've gotten better but still. I'm also a jealous person and I try really not to be but I don't want you taken away from me. I'm scared that there will be somebody who is better for you. I'm scared that there's already somebody who is, but you just don't know it yet. I've been heartbroken before and I'm going to be completely honest with you 'cause I'm always honest with you, and that means I'm gonna say that if you find someone better, or if we break up for some reason, I will eventually probably hopefully be okay, but it's going to be so hard until that happens. I was thinking earlier and I thought about how I felt when you told me you were in love with me. I've been told by 3 people that they were in love with me, but each time, I never felt the way I felt when you told me. Of course I was happy (with 2 of those people) but I never cried with so much feeling. When you told me, my heart didn't know what to do. It was quiet and was in shock because you told me you were never in love before, and I thought I'd be the last person you would tell that to. I never thought you would fall for me as hard as you have. That day, I was alone in my room during a day off from Orientation and I sat in front of my body mirror and stared at my face and how I looked after hearing you say those words. I thought I was ugly 'cause I'm an ugly crier, but I also thought I was beautiful. I thought that hearing your words made me feel beautiful inside and out. Estrella Alicia Sotelo, you are such a special person. You have a personality that everyone loves. You have a laugh that is so addicting. You're like a drug that everyone needs. You have a smile that can bright up the sun if it dies out. You take my breath away but then you make me feel like I have the freshest of air to breathe in. You stand tall and are confident in who you are. You have beautiful parents that raised you right. You have amazing friends that all love and support and care for you. You're patient with me. You bring me up when I'm down. You call me beautiful. You look at me with love. You calm me down. You make me laugh, smile, cry, be mad, be happy, and feel every emotion there is and I love it all. You're all around perfect. You are so divine. Baby, I would do anything for you. I would go on planes to get to you. I would walk through darkness to see your shining star at the end. I would conquer my biggest fear to win you. I would sit in silence for however long to hear your angelic voice after. I would travel lightyears away if it meant to see you after. I know I mentioned earlier that I'd be devastated if you weren't mine anymore but if it made you happy, I would do it. Like I said, I would do anything for you and if you are happy, then I am happy. I would be sad but the thought of you being happy will always bring a smile to my face. You make me see the world differently. You make me want to be a better person. You make me feel like I don't have to see the whole world 'cause it's like I have it all, knowing I have you. You teach me so much. I want you to feel secure. I want you to feel safe. I want you to feel wanted and needed. I want you to feel protected. I want you to know that you shouldn't change however you are for me at any time. Whatever you want to wear, wear it. I say I don't want you to wear revealing clothing, but I trust you and I know you will still be mine if anyone tries to pick you up. You're sexy and you should show it off. I know I was mad at you for doing poppers, smoking, and drinking all at the same time, but that's 'cause I care about your health. But baby, get as turnt as you want. I trust you even when you're super under the influence. I know I get sad when you leave me, but if you want to go hang out with your friends, even when we're supposed to be together, go do it. Live your life. I don't want to stop you from doing anything you want and I'm sorry for making you feel that in the past. I'm sorry for putting pressure on you for telling people about us. It's just hard but I'll get through it. You're not ready and that's okay. You may not be ready for a long time and that's okay too. We're still friends and I am okay with being introduced as your friend 'cause even then, I'm still with you. I'm not as an outgoing and party like person as you are, and I'm sorry. We're the same in ways, but we're also different in so many other ways, and if you rather hang out with people that are more similar sometimes, go do it. I'm fine. I want you to be you and not anyone else 'cause my sweetie, you are perfect. I'm not exaggerating. Everyone says nobody's perfect. Even Miley says it and I love her, but I feel perfection in you. When we get in arguments, when we disagree, when we raise our voices at eachother, when we make eachother cry, all those times and other times, you're still perfect. That doesn't change. Overall Lovely, I am madly in love with you and there are times where I know for sure that I did not lie to you on our 5 month anniversary when I said I will always be in love with you no matter what. I know even 9 months isn't a super long time, but I truly believe time doesn't define anything. I do think though that I shouldn't be telling you all of this now. It shouldn't be said until our 1 year. Or maybe even vowes at a wedding. But I love you and I'm not afraid to express my feelings to you. I'm afraid though that you'll think this is too intense and then be distant from me, but either way, I know you should know. You deserve to be told. So my angel, I love you. And I am over the moon about me being yours and you being mine. Whatever happens from here, know I'm always here for you. Know I'll always love you with everything I have. Know that I love every single thing about you. Know that you're beautiful from the top of your scalp to the bottom of your tosies. Know that I am your kowawa, Babygirl, sunshine, chick, piece of shit, crybaby, alien, queen, and that I, Aliyah Mailani Schiesz, am in love with you and wish us both a Happy Anniversary. MWAH x's 9 billion x's infinity.
Aliyah Mailani Schiesz
