#beyond control

How free and easy was I in the old times ? He feels like a fool since he never noticed, or avoided noticing what was going on with his brothers. But he misses being “free” of guilt and pain which are now tying him down like iron chains I AM FINE

I don’t wish to be stained by dust but it is never up to me My soul is the color of ice and snow I don’t wish to be affected by the debt of gratitude and revenge, but who can hide from it ? Afraid that everything is wrong form the start He tried to remain detached, but in the end this caused his wrongdoings. With the colors described you can really picture him in white and blue robes, getting dirtied and ragged from the thorns he was walking through.

Gentle breeze came in the darkness of night  Washing away the rise and fall of this world  But the people from the past are not longer here I fucking lost it here. Time passes, the world is slowly starting to rebuild itself, but nothing can fill the absence of loved ones, and nothing can bring them back. The last line HURTS so much

Playing the Zither to ask the bright moon The times that gone by left me with a tinge of ruefulness No one can resist the vicissitudes of life He needs answers, but the moon can’t give it to him

The Landscape is wide, like a piece of wildly splashed ink painting Even at such close distance, what’s pure or turbid cannot be differentiated. The young man held a wine cup and lamented There aren’t many wrong paths in life  What’s right or wrong ultimately will have to be pointed out

This is clearly him reflecting over what being around Wei Wuxian and his brother taught him. How good and bad are subjective, and ultimately it’s people who judge your actions one way or the other

I don’t wish to use my sword, but I could not control myself  How can a song on my xiao become my inner sustenance I don’t wish to cover my eyes because there exists karma  Even love and hate are determined by the heaven.

Gentle breeze came in the darkness of night  Washing away the rise and fall of this world  But the people from the past are not longer here

Playing the Zither to ask the bright moon The times that gone by left me with a tinge of ruefulness No one can resist the vicissitudes of life

also note the repetition of “I don’t wish” accentuating the feeling of helplesness and not having control. 

TLDR : Beyond Control is so fitting and I am crying. “the people from the past are no longer there”” akjkjkjkjk

Here’s the Youtube link for those of you who, like me, didn’t bother to check it out before hahahaha. I also transcribed the subtitles from there.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hq1Gpi14U_k&list=PLCveu7j6iUjhHV_UiIdBZa-78W4R5pAJ_&index=3