#bexdoesnano

i fucking did ittttt 50k in november!!!!

im in the last four days of nano now and i have nooo motivation, these last few days have been So Hard and the next few days im super busy and won't even be staying in my own apartment so I know it will be really hard to write. I think tomorrow im just gonna have to try power through and finish 5-7k words to get finished on time. I think my motivation has really waned because im half way through my story and 30k in and honestly im just doubting if anyone would even be interested in reading it at all, which is fine if not cause in the end its for me but also! i do want other people to read and enjoy it so like?? idk

I'm having a hard time with sharing my stuff, I think because I'm in the first draft I'm not happy enough with any of it to share and when I do im just more anxious than anything so its like not helping that much which sucks cause its nice to have feedback!

overall i think it's just been hard to commit to such a long fic project when I know theres so much editing and rewriting to be done after the first draft like now ive realised i might have to rewrite the beginning and the midpoint has had to be changed so much already, i know this is like part of the process but i think doing nano hasnt left me with enough time to think about things in between because i have to hit count each day

I'm still glad i did nano and everything but like the end is stressing me and also i kind of just wish my first draft was done so i can focus on the type of writing I enjoy instead of just getting words on the page

also i feel like im losing the characters voices in the writing because im trying to move the story forwards in this draft and not get too deep into character stuff but then im like well?? what would they do?? would they even say that?? and i think its actually making it slower to write than if i just spent more time focusing on them