#betterleftunsent

Sometimes I laugh at the moon for it’s just there watching you from afar while i have you by my side

Yet

Most times I envy how you feel something deeply for it every night

and you did not in mine...

The past creeps in. Slowly crawling up to me. Consuming my being. Every edge, every angle, every side.It fills me up. Letting me stand still in a filled up box, slowly drowning. Taking every bubble of my air. Letting me gasp for more. Exhausted. Tired. Terrified on what this evil past would do next. The past comes, sometimes it goes but when it’s back everything drags down to zero. One touch of it, everything instantly crumbles. Like a tower made of sticks, no matter how far I would reach when the past comes again, all at once I fall. It has been years already but it keeps creeping in.

I’m tired, exhausted, terrified. 

When will this end. When will I end. Where can I run. Where can I go.

This is me crying in the dead end. 

Perhaps, the past is my shadow -it can never go away from me.

things I couldn’t tell you enough,

the way you make me give in on you -effortlessly, of how your silhouettes are my new treasured art like how your curls drape over the curves of your smile.

the way your hand produces rhythm my heart could no longer un-hear, of how i secretly inked the rasp of your voice behind this skin.

the way i see myself in awe with how your mind works, of how you’re a living proof of beauty beyond surface.

the way you make me do things i don’t usually do, like how selfless i am now in taking risks.

the way you influence me by just doing nothing, like how you planted courage and bravery in me to continually be something.

the way i rest myself to sleep with every thought of you as well as waking up to.

the way you flood my notes in just one sitting, like how i have more reasons to write about happiness now.

the way i’m more myself right now even with any distance or absence we may have, like how better i am now with commitment and contentment. 

and i couldn’t tell you enough how sorry i am for not being good with expressing emotions in person. 

so, i’m putting it in writing as you wander in your dreams.