I'm unfamIlIar.

THEN YOU NEED TO GET FAMILIAR!

Because I, Lord Hater, have mangled the minds of millions!! I have tempted forth torrential tides of tears! I have reduced the richest of republics to revel and RUIN!!

I AM THE MONARCH OF MAYHEM

I AM THE DUKE OF DESTRUCTION

I AM THE EMPEROR OF EVIL

I AM

THE GREATEST IN THE GALAXY!!!

Last week, you heard me go on about my earth-shaking realization that the adorable African Wild Dogs were secretly terrifying. Now, prepare yourself for the opposite: my heart-warming realization that the terrifying Spotted Hyenas are secretly adorable!

That’s not to say that Spotted Hyenas are not hunters who should be feared and respected: they are. I mean, they’re huge! Small ones weigh in around 89 lbs, and the biggest ones get to almost 200 lbs! You remember how everone talks about hyenas being scavengers (even in the beginning of this video?) That’s not true about Spotted Hyenas. They are predators, plain and simple, and they’re not picky: they’ll eat anything, and any part of anything, bones included. They are clever hunters with a competitive hierarchy and are capable of being just as scary as the Lion King would have you believe.

...And yet...just look at them! Big, chompy goofs! Super inquisitive! Love laughing, wrestling, belly-rubs, and chin scratches!

What? You need more? You got it!

“Oh look, lioness, what she doin, hahahaha! Lioness, wyd here, hahaha! Let’s get closer -- WOAH she saw us, hahahahaha!!”

Cute young hyena! Chasing her tail! Getting the chin scratches! Need I go on?

So, if you’re thinking to yourself, “I’m gonna go pet a hyena now!” like, don’t do it. For real. You heard Mr. Richardson: you can’t just be walkin up to any hyena and start tickling (rude!) But, if you’re thinking “I’m going to build a relationship with a hyena clan!”, well, maybe you can, because they’re very social animals and are secretly dorks!