(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztotPvPA-mw)

Wasted Time by Vance Joy

Why Why do you go wasting your time on me You’re so beautiful now There’s so much that’s left for you now Oh yeah, babe

And why Why do you go flashing those eyes at me You know that I'm eager to please I’ve always been eager to please Oh yeah, babe

But I, I’ve got a lot to say And I'm scared that you’re gonna slip away And you, you’ve got this wide-eyed gaze And a smile that you'll carry through your days

Oh why Oh why It’s the easiest way To know you’re alive And the beauty you heard I see you talking with her hands Well I don’t think she knows How she changed all my plans

Why Why do you go wasting your youth on me You’re so beautiful now There’s so much time left for You now Oh yeah, babe

Why We look at the faces on your bedroom wall Nobody’s perfect at all Well, sometimes it makes me feel small Oh yeah, babe

But I, I’ve got a lot to say And I'm scared that you’re gonna slip away And you, you’ve got this wide-eyed gaze And a smile that you'll carry through your days

Oh why Oh why It’s the easiest way To know you’re alive And the beauty you heard I see you talking with her hands Well I don’t think she knows How she changed all my plans

The things that I thought would last Well they’re fading, they’re fading The feelings I used to have Well, they’re changing, they’re changing

The things that I thought would last Well they’re fading, they’re fading The feelings I used to have They’re changing, they’re changing, they're changing now

They’re changing, they're changing now They’re changing, they're changing now

It’s obvious where Daryl’s heart is when Norman is flat out giving you his inspirations for each episode. In a very recent interview, he spoke about how he uses music to prepare for his roles more than he does going over and over his lines. He uses music to set his emotion and mood for each episode. He casually mentions Motorhead as being a main source but for very specific episodes he reveals the song he used for it.

STILL  s4e12 J. Mascis - Very Nervous and Love 

Tell me why you broke Tell me ‘cause I’m nervous and love I’ve been thinking less I’ve been thinking out loud… to prayers Tell me where we are Tell me 'cause we never get far

CODA s5e8 U2 - Drowning Man 

Take my hand You know I’ll be there If you can I’ll cross the sky for your love For I have promised Oh, to be with you tonight And for the time that will come

THEM s5e10 Mazzy Star/J.Mascis - Fade into You

I want to hold the hand inside you I want to take a breath that’s true I look to you and I see nothing I look to you to see the truth You live your life You go in shadows You’ll come apart and you’ll go blind Some kind of night into your darkness Colors your eyes with what’s not there.

Fade into you Strange you never knew Fade into you I think it’s strange you never knew

“I think I’m in love with you, and I’m terrified.” happycookiieblog​

3,321 words (ha)

--

How could he leave us? After everything we’ve been through. After everything we survived together. How could he leave little Judith? I can’t believe him. Rick is going out of his mind and we really need him the most right now. I thought he cared about us. I thought he didn’t want to lose anyone else, but he left us.

He left...

--

There were so many. All their hard work clearing out that yard and in 10 minutes its back to this hell. It would take them awhile again to clear them out. Once she saw Axel go down, her heart jumped in her throat because daddy was somewhere down there close to the fence and Rick was running around somewhere. The overwhelming feeling of being unsafe overtook her, especially when she knew their strongest fighter wasn’t with them anymore.

She put it to the back of her mind and got in to gear once Maggie ran around with some guns. Take out as many as she can and hope that daddy was alright. 

After the gunfire stopped and the walkers took over the yard, she just stood there in severe disappoint. This was going to be a place they would have to leave behind again. 

She looked in the distance to see if Rick was alright and caught two other men standing close to him. Her heart jumped after recognizing the faint outline of a crossbow. His name slipped out of her lips in a whisper before she could stop it.

Carl must’ve heard her or saw him his self because he started to yell “Daryl! Daryl’s back.”

Daryl was back. And the relief in her heart was inexpressible. Daryl came back. She bit down on her lip to hold back her tears.

--

After everyone settled back in the cell block, she checked on Judith, lifting her up to hold her. 

“Oh Judith, Daryl’s back. Everything is going to be ok again.” She whispered against her hair as she rocked her back and forth. She wanted to see his face again, to speak to him. Once he made it up to the prison with Rick, he just nodded to her quickly before pushing his brother away.

She wandered out of her cell to walk around. Merle’s chatting away but there isn’t anyone around and she briefly wonders who he’s talking to.

“That a baby? Damn girl, ain’t you a little young?” Beth catches Merle’s eye but just continues to walk past and towards the stairs.

“Shut up Merle.” 

She looks up to see Daryl leaning over the railing. He’s watching her, or more specifically watching Judith. 

He holds his arms out, waving his hands.  “Hand her over. I wanna see little asskicker.” 

Beth can’t hold back her smile as she climbs the rest of the stairs, meeting Daryl at the top. As she leans in, his arms brush against hers and she could feel her skin tingle. There’s a bit of a push and pull with the hand off, but Daryl finally gets little asskicker situated.  These kind of moments were becoming her favorite, watching Daryl hold baby Judith. 

It’s about the only time she’s ever seen Daryl smile. And she loves his smile. The way his face lights up, he is so handsome.  A blush burns across her cheeks, when Daryl glances up to her for a second and catches her staring.  

“She’s putting on some weight.”  He bounces her in his arms feeling the extra weight.  “Eat a lot little asskicker, ain’t never gonna let you go hungry.”

He brushes the tip of Judith’s nose with his finger. Beth keeps quiet as he looks at her, her heart racing from this rare sight of affection from Daryl. 

“Ain’t gonna let any of you go hungry.” 

She feels her heart swell but a bitter thought is on the tip of her tongue and she can’t catch it before it escapes,  “Ya almost did.”

Daryl visibly straightens, his mouth closing and his eyebrows furrowing. Beth keeps stern, looking him in the eye, hoping to tell him that she was mad he left without actually saying it. 

“I didn’t mean...”  Judith coos, interrupting him and Daryl turns away from her to look down at the baby. 

“It’s alright sweetheart.”  He whispers, rocking her side to side. “I’m sorry I left. I promise I won’t leave again.” 

His voice is soft and the words are spoken to Judith. 

“I’m sorry.” he repeats a little softer. He then tilts his head and looks at Beth with the same look. Beth could feel her heart racing again and she has to bite down her lip to stop the tears from coming again.

She understands him and knows what he was trying to get across to her. That he isn’t saying this just to Judith but to her as well.  She forgives him instantly, because he is here now some how apologizing indirectly. The feeling is overwhelming and he is still looking at her, as if waiting for her answer.

She takes a sharp inhale and sighs with a smile. She reaches to touch Judith on her head, the side of her pinky grazing Daryl’s forearm. 

“Judith says it’s OK. Don’t ya baby girl? Daryl’s here now.”  She uses the baby to pass her message to Daryl. The corner of his lip tweaks up in a half smirk. 

“Good.” He nods at her one last time before turning back to Judith. “Now where’s her bottle? I wanna make this baby fat!”

The air feels lighter and Beth is happy she somehow resolved her feelings with Daryl about him leaving. She couldn’t dwell on it anymore, because he’s come back. And he’s never leaving again.

“I left it in my room, let me get it and bring her little box too.” She leaves to go retrieve the things and Merle is looking between her and Daryl, his arms hanging through the bars. The look on his face is suspicious and he continues to eye Daryl as she walks past him to her cell.

Once she’s in her cell, she presses her hands to her heart and sighs happily. This is the most she’s ever spoken with Daryl and he even almost smiled at her. She could feel the heat on her cheeks start to burn again just thinking about the looks he gave her, the softness of his voice when he apologized.  She could feel his arms brushing against hers. 

Her eyes widen with surprise and she mouths to herself “oh my gosh”. She’s got a crush on Daryl! Oh no! She presses her hands to her cheeks, covering her mouth.

“Oh no.” She whispers. She takes a minute to let it sink in and then finds her journal and pen.

I think I have a crush on Daryl. Help.

She throws the journal down and takes a deep breathe. She takes one last glance at it before picking up Judith’s bottle and box. So she has a crush on Daryl... I mean how could she not? He did everything for them, he was handsome in a grungy kind of way, and so sweet to Judith. 

It’ll go away. She’s just caught up in her happiness of his return. 

She doesn’t spare a glance to Merle when she leaves her cell, but looks up to perch to see Daryl isn’t there. 

“Hey.” Merle calls out to her. She stops and only turns to her head a bit, to show him she’s listening. “That baby ain’t his, right?”

She doesn’t answer right away and is unsure of how to respond. It can’t be that unbelievable for Daryl to have a kid. “Why?” 

“This what you been up to since I’ve been gone ya asshole?!” Merle yells, directing his question to Daryl. “Hey! You been knocking up girls! Damn Daryl, didn’t know you had that in you.”

“Don’t be fucking stupid, Merle!” Daryl responds, appearing from one of the cells across the perch. “She ain’t ours!”

Beth feels her heart jump. He said ours. She’s sure he didn’t mean it in that way, but the idea puts her brain on overdrive.  Flashes of Daryl curling up to her and an unfamiliar baby. Him giving that baby a kiss before placing one on her cheek. The thought is too overwhelming! But she’s always wanted a baby.

“Beth, ignore that asshole. Bring me that bottle.” 

She shakes her head, pushing away those thoughts. She runs up the steps and follows Daryl into the cell he was just in. He sits on the bunk watching Judith, reaching out in his hand for the bottle.  She hands it to him and places Judith’s little make shift crib close to his feet, kneeling down to fix it up. She looks upon Judith, who is eating hungrily, one last time before standing up.

“You can put her in the box and bring her back down if she falls asleep.” 

He nods, leaning back in his bunk to get more comfortable. She takes a couple of steps to leave them alone until his voice stops her, “You don’t gotta leave.”

He’s looking at her when she turns around. 

“Okay.” 

She doesn’t move any closer, but takes a seat by the cell bars, using it to lean back against. They both sit there in silence, watching baby Judith drink her bottle. 

She feels like she could watch him interact with Judith forever. Judith finishes her bottle very quick and Beth teaches Daryl to burp her. And when Judith lets out a good burp, Daryl smiles with pride.

“Wow little asskicker, some belch you got there.” 

He passes her back to Beth when Judith’s eyes close after some rocking and Beth places her in the box, curling the blankets around her. Carol walks up to the cell at that moment, telling them that Rick is calling a meeting. They both nod to Carol and Beth puts her arms around to box, ready to lift it up. 

“Leave her there.” Daryl tells her, nodding for her to exit the cell. She pats Judith one last time before leaving with Daryl following behind her. Everyone is gathered at the bottom, so she stays up by the rails between Daryl and Carol.

--

The governer was getting everyone in a rut.  Her anxiety had been at a higher level than normal, but she felt peace most with Judith in her arms or whenever Daryl was in close proximity. She has always getting used to having Merle around and pretty much after that one time with her, Daryl and Judith, he’s been leaving her alone. 

Daryl’s been going about his business, keeping Merle in line, hunting, ridding of the walkers in the open field, tending to the fence. He was as busy as ever, but never once shown an ounce of anger though the lack of sleep was evident in the shadows under his eyes.

Her daddy had been following Rick around lately and she knew there was something that must’ve been bothering him. Today Merle had been missing most of the day and Daryl had been running around as he usually was.

At some point, she lost track of Michonne, which wasn’t so hard when they’ve been hanging real close in the cell block. When she was in her cell with Judith, she could hear Rick and Daryl getting riled up about something. 

The last thing she heard is Daryl mentioning that he’ll go by himself. She really didn’t understand but she could feel a deep ache at the bottom of her heart. Where could Daryl possibly be going by himself?

It didn’t sound like any regular hunting trip. What if something happens to him out there?

She gets up to hopefully catch a glimpse of him before he goes, but Rick is standing there with her dad and their whispering about something. 

Where did Daryl go?

--

It’s been a couple hours since Daryl’s left and the sun is starting to set. Michonne came back and said that Merle had took her but let her go to face the Governer on his own. What if Daryl ran into them and got caught again?

I can’t help feeling nervous. He said he’d never leave again. And now I’m afraid he won’t be back this time.

--

Daryl didn’t come back until way past the sun setting. Everybody was gathered in their mess hall as he stepped in. His eyes roamed over everyone before landing on Rick.

“The governer killed Merle. We need to kill that bastard.”

There’s a silence as every feels the weight of what he has said. Merle was gone. So many questions running through my mind and it looks like everyone else is thinking the same.

Carol speaks up first moving up to touch Daryl on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry Daryl.”

He slips back away from her touch, looking down and away from everyone. The look of defeat on his face and the stiffness of his shoulders tells her something more has happened. 

Daryl excuses himself to his cell and walks away before anyone could respond to him. Carol looks as if she is about to follow but Rick stops her and tells everyone to give him sometime.

 --

Judith is restless tonight. The feeling of the whole cell block is pretty low as everyone gears up for the war to come and death of Merle still hanging over them. 

Daryl hasn’t left his cell yet but he hasn’t eaten yet and Carol set aside a plate for him and placed it outside of his cell.

Everyone by now has settled in as Maggie and Glenn go to keep watch. Rick couldn’t settle Judith to sleep so Beth took over, telling him to go get some sleep to get ready for all the preparation they have to do tomorrow. 

She tried lying with Judith, rocking her back and forth, pacing around her cell, placing her in her box but nothing was working.  Judith wasn’t really antsy, but her eyes were wide and teary which were obvious signs of her tiredness. 

She finally picked her up to walk around the cell block, hoping to lull her to sleep that way. She thought about Daryl, sitting up there in the dark of his cell, probably mourning for his brother.

Merle might’ve been a pain in the butt for Daryl, but that was his brother. She knew Daryl loved him. She finds herself climbing the steps slowly, using the light from the lamp set up on the perch. She moves to go sit close the lamp and use the wall to lean up against while facing Daryl’s darkened cell.

She can see a silhouette of him, resting on his bunk but sitting up against the wall. She wonders if he’s sleeping but she doesn’t need to wonder long when it looks like he is sitting up, placing his feet on the ground. He doesn’t move from that position so she turns her attention back to Judith and starts humming.

A song comes to mind and she can’t help but to sing softly, hoping that Judith will find it as a lullaby and Daryl would find some comfort. She finds herself starting in the middle of the song to words that maybe more relevant.

There was a time when you let me know What's really going on below But now you never show that to me do ya

She sings a little louder when she feels like she has Daryl’s attention. She wants him to hear. She wants to comfort him so badly and this the only way she knew she could without making him uncomfortable. She had the resist the urge to hold him, especially when he looks so defeated, his face in his hands looking between his legs at his feet.

But remember when I moved in you And the holy dove was moving too And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

She looked down to Judith and she was still wide-eyed but gazing up at her. She smiles as sings to her. Such a sweet child, who knows nothing of the sorrow of death.

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah...

Daryl stands from his bunk and starts moving her way, so she stops singing, thinking he was probably getting annoyed with her. He moves slowly and as he comes into the light, Beth could see his tired red eyes and his hair a mess, probably from running his hands through it so many times. She watches him come up to her, squatting down to peer down on Judith, who looks up to him. He reaches out to pet her head. 

Then he sits next to her, tilting his head back against the wall. He closes his eyes and just sits quietly. So she continues singing. 

Maybe there's a God above But all I've ever learned from love Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya And it's not a cry that you hear at night It's not somebody who's seen the light It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah...

“Ya know, Merle hates that song. He always hated sappy songs.” His voice is rough, as if his throat were dry from screaming.

“’m sorry. Didn’t mean to.”

“Nah. He deserves it.”

“I’m sorry about that too, Daryl.”

He’s quiet again but he opens his eyes and looks at her from the corner of his eyes. “His fault, din’t have to go after him like a dumbass.”

“Doesn’t mean it should’ve happened.” 

He pulls his head forward, looking away from her to look at his hands. She doesn’t see anything on them, but she imagines he must see something else. 

“I had to put him down.”

And there it was. That deep ache in her heart is there and she could feel the rumble of sadness catch in her throat. She hears him take a sharp inhale before shakily sighing. If she didn’t have Judith in her arms, she would have hugged him by now. Try her best to take that sorrow away from him. She would wish that he hadn’t been the one to take him down. She would wish that he hadn’t found Merle. 

She finds herself cursing Merle for causing Daryl this pain. Her heart reaching out to him. The sudden need to kiss his cheeks startles her. And a whisper is on her lips, “Oh.”

Oh. She knew this feeling and the realization frightens her. 

Daryl sighs again. “You should get some sleep. I’ll take her.”

Beth feels stuck and with the revelation coming over her, she just nods. The feeling is suffocating her, so she doesn’t say anything as she passes Judith to him. Daryl gives her one last tired look and her hand lingers on his arm. She finds a way to convey how sorry she was about Merle but he just nods, understanding. 

“Go on now. I’ll bring her back down when she’s asleep.”

The feeling creeps up her neck, threatening to escape out of her lips. So she nods and gets up quickly, flying down steps and into her cell.

She finds her journal right away and scribbles down quickly the things she almost blurted out to Daryl.

I think I’m in love with Daryl and it terrifies me. 

Because he could never love me. 

She can’t think of these kinds of things now, especially with the Governer knocking at their doorstep. With all the planning to go down tomorrow, she could not sit here thinking about being in love with a man who probably doesn’t even think she’s anything but Judith’s babysitter. 

She could not think about losing him in tomorrow’s war. 

So she will put it away and never think about it again. She shut her journal and stuffed it down to the bottom of her bag. She will bury it and move on. 

She won’t think about him like that again.

x

--

so --here’s my drabble. sorry its not really a drabble and sorry it took forever and sorry it’s probably not that great and totally unedited, but hope you like it happycookiieblog :)