Well folks, this is a writing blog, and I’ve got writing anxiety. I’m going to make an attempt at remedying this by making a longer, more detailed update post.
This month makes about a year since I last roleplayed. I know this, because it’s been just over a year since I separated from my now ex-husband. Let’s unpack that a bit.
I was blindsided by the divorce. I asked him to do counseling, to try a break instead, et cetera, but after he had been gone a week or so I began to realize how relieved I was. Things hadn’t been going well between us for a couple of years, really, and he hadn’t been faithful (the entire reason we dabbled in polyamory was an ill-advised attempt on my part to make it “okay” by putting rules to it). During that time, I shrunk into myself. I lost what self confidence I had left, I burnt some bridges and allowed others to crumble, and I had no idea what to do with myself.
I will say, looking back, that when I needed love and acceptance the most, some people weren’t in a place to give it to me. It felt as if I had been rejected by my husband and nearly everyone else, but that’s not necessarily anyone’s fault. Self love and care should be important above all else, but at the time all I saw was a lack of notifications, and dead chats. I have some regrets, but this isn’t the place for them.
I was fortunate that an IRL friend reached out to me, and invited me out to see Wonder Woman with her and her wife. I felt like I ruined their date night with my timid jokes and trembling hands, but I walked out of that theater later that night with more than just our friendship renewed.
I was in love with Gal Gadot, with GIRL POWER, with doing things without feeling guilty that I hadn’t brought my ex along. I’m not saying I was a perfect wife, or even a great one, but divorce changed me in the most beautiful way. I’m blossoming, and not even ashamed of using that poor, worn out flower metaphor.
Then came my adventures in online dating. Ladies, gentlemen, and everyone else, it does not matter what custom gender you type into that blank - if you have breasts and point out that you’re playing Fallout 3 for the thousandth time, you will get stereotypical Gamer Girl messages. One not-exactly-lovely gentleman said something along the lines of, “Goth and a gamer?! Splooge!” Yeah.
Surprisingly, I didn’t receive a whole lot of the bi/pansexual messages. Sure, a fireman asked me if I was into “bi bottom guys,” but not much talk of threesomes. So, I guess I have that going for me.
Somewhere along the lines I friendzoned a tall, charming, blue-eyed dork who asked me out to the Renaissance Festival several months early. He lives two hours away, but said he liked driving. Aight. Long story a bit shorter, he’s a pretty great boyfriend and we play co-op games when we can. He preferred the juggling acts to my Spoonerisms, but what can you do?
I still work as a shift lead for a Big Chain Retail Pharmacy, but I’ve been out on medical leave since March because of a shoulder injury from a fateful truck day at the end of February. My rotator cuff is finally starting to give a bit, so maybe I’ll be better eventually. My physical therapist is quite hopeful.
So, there’s your big ol’ Bethany/bethabunny/Hura update. It’s been quite a year, but I’ve learned a lot, and I’m overall a lot happier and healthier than I was. Grats if you read the entire thing.
