#bernea

Serena forgets her girlfriend isn’t going to join her the first time she goes to Albie’s after Bernie has deployed, until after she walks through the front door. She goes to the bar and orders a large Shiraz and a whiskey. 

It isn’t until the man behind the bar passes her the whiskey that she realises what she’s done. She takes a long sip of her wine, eyes fixed on the other glass as if staring at it will make Bernie suddenly appear. 

“She’ll be alright, you know.” Dom’s voice shocks her, since she hadn’t known anyone was sitting so close.

“Sorry,” she says numbly, still in shock that anyone is actually talking to her. 

“Ms. Campbell, you and I both know you brought that drink for Bernie despite the fact she’s been deployed a week, and I just wanted to reassure you that she’ll be okay.” Serena doesn’t miss the way he calls her Ms. Campbell but refers to Bernie by her first name. She knows the two of them are close and often meet on the roof when Bernie goes out for a cigarette since Dom is one of the few staff members that doesn’t judge her for smoking.

“But what if she’s not? She landed at Holby after being blown up by an IED. Those haven’t disappeared in the years Bernie’s been away from the place. She may be there as a medic but you and I both know the insurgents don’t exactly follow the Geneva Conventions.” She’s shared all these worries with Bernie, not to stop her from going, but because their relationship is built upon honesty. Now that Bernie is gone, though, it’s nice to be able to voice them to someone else.

“I can’t promise you that she isn’t going to be caught up in all of that, I can’t promise you for sure that she isn’t going to get hurt. But what I can promise you is that every day she will do her job thinking of you and how she needs to get back to you. On the tough days she’ll think about how much she loves you and how much you love her and that’s what’ll get her through. Just how on your tough days here you’ll think of her and how it won’t be long until she comes back to you.” 

It’s exactly what Serena needs to hear, exactly what she needs to calm her nerves a little, something that hasn’t happened since she and Bernie separated at the airport. 

“Thank you, Dom.” She uses his first name because there really isn’t a need for formalities. “Do you want that?” She points to the glass of whiskey. “I don’t think I can bring myself to drink it right now.”

She watches the glass as Dom raises it but doesn’t drink, understanding he’s waiting for her to do the same. She lifts her already half empty wine glass, not realising she’d been drinking it during their conversation. 

“To Bernie,” Dom says gently. “The bravest woman and finest Major we know.” Serena lets her glass clink against Dom’s before she takes a long drink of her wine, letting his words sink in. Bernie is the bravest woman she knows, and she is so lucky that she’s the one that gets to call Bernie her partner. 

***

When she gets home there is a letter on the doorstep. It’s strange because Jason always brings the mail in if he’s home first and he was on the early shift this morning. She picks it up and turns it over, her breath catching slightly when she realises what it is. On the envelope in Bernie’s messy scrawl is the message “Serena - Open when you have been alone for a week…” 

She wants to rip the envelope open but stands in the doorway having just come in from work and when Jason is around isn’t the right time. She knows whatever is in the envelope is going to make her emotional and she doesn’t need Jason to see that, not yet as he’s still struggling with the day-to-day routine of Bernie being gone. Instead, she puts the envelope in her pocket and walks into the living room where Jason is watching “World’s Strongest Man,” a rerun she’s almost sure. 

“I’ll be with you in a second” she says as she passes him on the way to the kitchen. She pours herself a glass of wine before going to settle on the sofa with Jason, who might not actively appreciate his aunt’s companionship, but she knows that he does. She might not be Bernie Wolfe, but she’s hoping she can help Jason by at least taking her place tonight. 

She doesn’t get any of what’s going on, but then Jason doesn’t need her to. He just needs her to sit with him and be. It’s only later, once she’s safely in the privacy of her own bedroom, dressed in soft satin pyjamas, Jason having gone up to bed half an hour before that she finally lets herself take the envelope in hand and open it. Bernie’s handwriting is as awful as ever but the sight of it fills her heart with joy. 

“My Dearest Serena, 

Today marks the longest we’ve ever been apart since we first got together, and I don’t for a second imagine those days have been easy on you. I’m hoping that you are just about getting used to sleeping without your own personal radiator and can instead enjoy the luxury of stretching out on our king-size bed. If memory serves me correctly, I will have just about gotten used to the ridiculously small size of the bunks in camp. Of course, I miss you like crazy, but I also have to thank you again for trusting me to do this. For allowing me the closure that I need. I would tell you not to worry about me, but I know that will be impossible so what I will say is please don’t forget to look after yourself while I’m gone. Protect my trauma unit and don’t let Raf get too comfortable at my desk. I should be back in eight months and three weeks, after all. 

I have only one other request from you now, if you haven’t already, please write me my first bluey, the timing of it will mean it should arrive as my first month here comes to an end, and I usually find that’s the toughest part of being out here. 

Say hello to Jason for me. Remember that I love you deeply and I miss you more than you can ever imagine.

All My Love, Bernie…

Your Big Macho Army Medic x

She doesn’t bother wiping the tears away, the emotion is good, it reminds her that she can still feel. This isn’t like the last time Bernie went away, she’s coming back. She caresses Bernie’s name on the paper for a few minutes before standing and padding over to her own desk to grab her laptop. 

She realises now is the time to battle the dreaded INtouchmail service to send Bernie her first electronic letter. It’s a bit of a strange concept in Serena’s mind as she knows even though she types the letter online, Bernie gets a printed copy, unlike the handwritten blueys she knows she’ll also keep writing. The only bonus of this system is they arrive much more quickly. 

She realises soon enough that she does not have a clue how to use the INtouch electronic mail service and has to resort to Facetiming Fletch and Raf so she can show them her screen as she works out what she needs to do, only thanking them and ending the call once she’s on the page where she needs to type out her message. 

Dear Bernie, 

Thank you so much for my special one-week letter. Though I have to ask who you had deliver it as there is definitely no stamp! I’ll assume it’s the same person who placed the box of envelopes on my desk last week. I am missing you like crazy, and right now I don’t know how I’m going to get through the rest of the time without you! The bed is so cold without you, and I may have taken to hugging your pillow to sleep, but can you blame me, you smell amazing. 

The guys managed to drag me to Albie’s tonight for the first time. I may have brought you a whiskey before my brain even registered that you weren’t there. Dom drank it and sent his best. Tonight, Jason has even had me watching “World's Strongest Man,” though I’m sure you’ll say you don’t believe it. I have the day off tomorrow so I’m taking Elinor out for brunch before some girly shopping with Fleur. 

Your first handwritten bluey is already in the post, but I wanted to write to you again, so you know we are all thinking about you, that we love you and miss you so much. There isn’t much more news from here for now, so I’ll sign this letter off and write to you again soon.

All my love, darling…

Stay safe, soldier.