- jenny nimmo writing about boys who are a bit uncomfortable with themselves but who have found years-long solace in another boy. this friend loves them dearly but feels sorry for them (benjamin and charlie dynamic ; gwyn and alun dynamic)
- charlie does love ben for who he is and for the years of friendship. but he is sometimes frustrated by ben's,, i guess inability to help himself? charlie will never be in love with ben because of the guilt he harbours about the distance that grows between them (and i fully believe this distance would have appeared even if Charlie wasn't endowed and never left his old school). BUT they will always share a bond and an understanding of one another's out-of-the-ordinary-ness.
- now fidelio on the other hand. fidelio is almost benjamin's foil -- he's not endowed either but he's charm he's grace he's got a smiley face. on this reread it's just hit me like a ton of bricks that he is just so perfect for charlie
- but yeah there's something to be said i think. something about how charlie sees the life ben is forming as an outsider. And he would never push ben away but... the moment he realises how he feels about fidelio and how he'd never feel that about ben... i think there'd be a whole mix of like 'oh i can feel this?' euphoria alongside 'oh i can feel this after all' guilt