Once Ayanna was changed into comfy clothes she walked back into the kitchen where Noah was using cookie cutters to make various Christmas shapes in the cookie dough. Olivia was pouring together ingredients for another recipe her hair pulled back into a high bun her glasses on the brim of her nose. When Bell entered the room Liv looked up immediately moving to give her a quick kiss.

“How was work my love?”

Ayanna reached to pull a purple apron around her stifling a small sigh, “Oh just the same as it always is.”

Olivia cocked her eyebrow but Bell merely shook her head. Liv leaned over to plant another kiss on her girlfriend’s cheek, “If you could help Noah with cutting the cookies I should have our next recipe ready by the time they go in the oven.”

“How many cookies are we making?”

“Three different kinds!” Noah exclaimed, “Sugar cookies, peanut butter balls, and thumbprints.”

“Hope you have lots of people to give cookies to,” Olivia laughed looking at all the batter around her, “I may have doubled the recipes by accident.”

Bell merely laughed and set to work helping Noah finish the sugar cookies. When everything was done and cooling in the kitchen Noah rushed to take a shower and Liv pulled Ayanna into the living room. They curled together on the couch Ayanna telling her all about the troubles she was having at work. Stabler had been in an awful mood for days now and it didn’t seem like it was going to be disappearing any time soon. She skirted around some of the things he had been doing hoping to not make Olivia feel like she was the cause of his distress. However, both of them knew deep down that Elliot’s rage was concentrated on a particular Captain.

Their conversation got cut short as Noah launched himself into Ayanna’s lap. This is when the rest of the Christmas Eve traditions came into play. First was Noah’s favorite Christmas Movie The Grinch followed shortly by Olivia’s favorite movie A White Christmas. Once the two movies were over Olivia made a quick dinner and they turned on the movie Ayanna loved Happiest Season. Once the food was gone and all movies watched Noah went and grabbed three boxes from below the Christmas tree. He handed one box to Ayanna and Olivia and then sat down on the couch looking expectantly at his mom.

Olivia smiled and then looked at Noah, “Should we have Ayanna open hers first since this is her first Christmas with us?”

Noah shook his head excitedly and all eyes turned towards Ayanna. She quickly turned her eyes down at the box trying to hide her embarrassment. She opened the box to reveal the contents a smile immediately coming to her face. The first thing that she saw was the book that she had been wanting to read for months. Below it was black plaid pants with a penguin shirt that read: Merry Christmas. Noah locked eyes with Ayanna as she looked up.

“Do you like it? Momma helped me pick out this year’s pjs!” He said excitedly.

“I love it,” Ayanna agreed, “Go ahead and open yours.” Noah ripped through his box excitedly and pulled out Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. He let out a large gasp, “I thought this book was too old for me.”

Olivia raised an eyebrow and looked over at Ayanna, “I thought you were too but Ayanna convinced me otherwise. So if you read this book and like it we can get you the second one.” Noah giggled excitedly running his hand over the front cover, “Thank you Momma. Thank you, Aya!”

Olivia was still nervous but seeing her son so excited made her more than a little happy. She was the final one to open her box with a set of penguin pajamas for her as well. She was used to already knowing what book was going to be in the box because she would package it herself. This year however Ayanna had taken it upon herself to wrap the box and buy the book Olivia wanted. She was not disappointed when she found the next book to a series that she had been obsessed with.

“Where did you get this? It’s not supposed to be published until next year!”

Ayanna smirked, “A magician never reveals her secrets.”

Olivia merely rolled her eyes and then looked over at Noah, “Go get changed, and then we will read.”

Noah rushed off to his bedroom as Olivia got off the couch extending her hand to Ayanna. They walked to their room hand in hand before gently closing the door behind them. Ayanna began to strip off her clothes pulling on the Christmas PJs. Right before she could pull her shirt on Olivia placed kisses all over her back. 

“I love you,” Olivia whispered giving Bell one final kiss.

Ayanna turned to grab Liv in for a hug, “I love you Liv.”

As they stood there curled in each other’s embrace there was a knock on the door. They called Noah in and he immediately jumped on their bed book in hand. Both of the women let out a small laugh as he opened the front cover and then look expectantly at them. They each crawled into their respective side of the bed pulling out their books. For the next hour or so all that could be heard through the Benson household was the flipping of pages as all three occupants read their designated books. However, as the clock began to get closer to midnight Noah’s snores could be heard through the silent room.

“I should probably take him to bed,” Olivia sighed placing a bookmark on the page.

“Let him stay Liv,” Ayanna begged, “It is Christmas after all.”

Olivia raised her eyebrow and then placed her book on the bedside table, “Okay, but if he starts kicking I am telling him to kick you off the bed.” Ayanna laughed and placed a kiss on Noah’s forehead before leaning over to kiss Olivia. They flicked off their respective lights and buried themselves underneath the covers. Ayanna wrapped her arm around Noah taking Olivia’s hand in hers. It only lasted for a couple of moments before Olivia let out a large FUCK.

“We forgot to finish wrapping the presents.”

“Shit!” Ayanna said pulling back the covers, “I’ll grab the supplies you grab the gifts.”

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Ayanna woke with a jolt sitting straight up in bed. She held her breath as Olivia shifted for a moment and then fell back to sleep. Noah was still snoring soundly his elephant clutched to his chest. She was not sure which of her constant nightmares had woken her this time but seeing them immediately calmed her down. She looked at her phone a picture of Olivia and Noah greeting her along with the time: 6am. It was her favorite picture of them, a selfie that Olivia had sent to Ayanna when she was feeling sad at work. It had been her phone background ever since. 

Deciding that she wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep Ayanna slowly got out of the bed trying to do her best not to disturb the two sleeping figures. They had been up till two am wrapping the rest of the presents that had been too busy to get during the week. Bell could already tell this was going to be an extremely long day as she turned on the coffee pot. Once she had poured herself a cup she sat on the couch looking at the Christmas tree. It was decorated in dark red and green bulbs scattered with ornaments Noah had made for Liv over the years. There were even a couple for her that he had made in the last couple of months so that she would feel included. 

The Bensons had done everything in their power to make sure Ayanna knew that she was loved and safe. She couldn’t imagine a better place to be. After she finished her first cup of coffee she busied herself in the kitchen making breakfast. It was about an hour later that Olivia woke to the smell of cinnamon rolls. She glanced over to see that Noah was the only one occupying the bed. He groaned pulling the covers tighter around him as Olivia left the bed. When she walked into the kitchen Ayanna was filling her second cup of coffee looking proudly at the plate of cinnamon buns she had made.

“Good morning love,” Olivia said startling Ayanna so bad that she let out a large yelp.

Once Ayanna calmed down she smiled at Liv, “Good morning. Did I wake you?”

“Not by noise… the smell was what woke me. How long have you been up?”

Ayanna shrugged her shoulders, “Like 6am.”

“Another nightmare?” Liv said wrapping Ayanna in a hug.

Ayanna merely nodded before they heard another person entering the room. Noah ran into their hug wrapping his hands tightly around Ayanna, “I smell breakfast.”

“Yes, Aya made us breakfast and then after we can open presents.”

“Then let’s get started!” Noah squealed, “I’ll set the table!”

The two women merely laughed as Noah set off to get everything ready for breakfast. Once breakfast was done and all the presents were unwrapped Liv was sitting contently on the couch watching Noah rip into all of his new toys. This was her favorite part of Christmas. When it was all done and she could relax as her son played his way through the day. However as she brought her coffee cup to her lips Ayanna let out a little cough.

“Noah, I think we forgot to give your mom one present.”

Noah gasped and rushed into his bedroom grabbing something. Olivia eyed them both suspiciously as they stood in front of her. Noah looked up Ayanna who nodded. He pulled out a large sign that read: Olivia Benson will you marry me? Standing next to him Ayanna pulled out a small black box that contained a silver diamond ring.

Olivia smiled as she looked between the two loves of her life. Tears began to roll down her face as she said Yes. Noah let out a large scream of delight throwing himself into Olivia’s arms. Ayanna slipped the ring on Olivia’s finger before she also grabbed her fiancée into a hug. The three of them stayed locked into a hug for a couple of moments before Noah rushed off to build one of the lego sets that Ayanna had bought her. Refusing to let Ayanna go Olivia merely grabbed the book from the night before and began to read it. The lack of sleep finally caught up to Ayanna and she quickly fell asleep with her head in Olivia’s lap. Olivia smiled as she watched Noah read over the instructions to put together the Harry Potter house and the snoring Ayanna in her lap. This was the life she always wanted. 

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“I’m coming over,” Olivia responded and then hung up before he could answer. 

She opted to drive her car to his house a smile coming to her face as she saw one of Noah’s stuffed animals in the backseat. Olivia had reminded him multiple times to take it in the house but it was nice to see a little reminder of him every time she drove to work. As she pulled up to Stabler’s apartment she sighed seeing him waiting on the porch for her.

He smiled as she stepped out of the car, “I have some coffee waiting inside.”

Liv shook her head, “No thanks, I won’t be staying. I just came to talk. I don’t think I can keep doing this… well whatever this is.”

“You mean our friendship?”

“Is it a friendship to you though El? Because you sure don’t act like it. You cross my boundaries constantly with no regard for my feelings. Friends don’t do that.”

“So what you are going to throw twelve years of friendship away over one argument?” Stabler scoffed.

“One argument. You have got to be kidding me. You think I would give up one of the most meaningful relationships I have ever had over one fight! If that was true we would have stopped talking long before you left because we fought constantly.”

“So what makes this time any different?”

Olivia sighed, “Because we are different people now and I am no longer allowing myself to be surrounded by that toxicity. I have been telling you for months that I will not be with you. Yet you ignore me constantly to the point it is borderline sexual harassment. You gave me this letter that you didn’t even write. You tell me you love me. You show up randomly at my house putting my son in danger. Oh and let’s not forget the nine years that you just disappeared into thin air. You want to act like I threw our whole relationship away… let’s not forget who set fire to it first.”

“I thought that after all we have gone through you would feel the same way,” Elliot said barely above a whisper.

“I told you I was seeing someone. That I was in love with someone. Yet you keep pushing and pushing the subject,” Olivia sighed trying to hold back the tears threatening to spill down her face.

“You won’t even tell me who it is! How am I supposed to know they are even real?”

“Because I am telling you that this person is real and that is enough.”

“Bullshit.”

“Bullshit is all of the witnesses you are sleeping with to make your fucking case,” Olivia scoffed, “I know all about Flutura and Angela. You ask me to give you a chance but yet you betrayed my trust yet again.”

“Again?”

“Elliot! You left me…you just left me. No goodbye. Radio silence. Horrible awful things have happened to me and not even one time have you asked me anything. You know nothing about me. I am done.”

“Wait Liv…” “Stabler just so you know…in a parallel universe it would never be you and I,” Olivia said and then turned her back towards him and climbed in her car.

She drove all the way back to her apartment expecting to cry but instead she sat in silence not feeling a thing. When she got inside she quickly checked on Noah who was still soundly sleeping. After she had changed back into her comfy PJs she climbed into bed hoping that sleep would overtake her quickly.

As she settled in Ayanna turned over and wrapped her arm around Olivia. As soon as she touched her cold skin her eyes shot open.

“Babe! You are freezing. Are you okay?” She asked looking up at the older woman.

Olivia merely nodded, “I decided to talk to Stabler.”

Stabler was a subject Ayanna knew all too well. Being his Sergeant gave her a front-row seat to every pass he made at Olivia, every time he got rejected, and the anger that arose in Olivia every time it happened. Ayanna expected the same sort of anger on her girlfriend’s face now but instead, it was void of amy emotion at all.

“Would you like to talk about it, my love?” She asked tentatively.

Olivia reached out her hand taking Ayanna’s in her. She rubbed her thumb over the back of her girlfriend’s hand ten times before she decided to speak, “I told him we couldn’t be friends anymore.”

Ayanna tried to form an answer but Olivia spoke again before she could, “I know it was the right thing to do but no one ever told me it could be so hard breaking up with a friend.”

As the final words slipped out barely above a whisper the tears finally decided to make their appearance. Ayanna wiped them away gently giving her girlfriend a kiss on the forehead.

“I am so incredibly proud of you,” Ayanna told her placing another kiss on her lips, “You are one of the most amazing women I know.”

At this compliment, Olivia buried her head into Ayanna’s shoulder, “I am so sorry.”

“Sorry for what my love?” 

“For dragging you in the middle of this. You have had to handle so much already. You deserve…”

“I deserve you, Olivia,” Ayanna said, You are the most amazing, wonderful, beautiful, kind person I have ever had the privilege of knowing. I would choose you in this lifetime and a thousand others.”

“You really mean that?”

“Yes, but I do hope at least one time we come back as cats… they sleep like sixteen hours a day. We deserve the break.”

Olivia laughed at this kissing her cheek, “I love you, Ayanna.”

“I love you too,” She replied snuggling in closer to Liv’s side, “Now can we get some sleep. We have been up half the night already.”

“Well that is because we were doing certain activities and I didn’t hear any complaints from you at the time,” Olivia said cocking her eyebrow.

“No complaints ever,” Ayanna winked, “I would stay up all night to do those activities with you any time.”

Olivia rolled her eyes playfully and gave Ayanna one final kiss goodnight. Within moments Ayanna was passed out her head placed on Olivia’s chest an arm wrapped around her waist. Olivia watched her a smile across her face. This woman. This woman had changed everything for her. A year ago they had fallen in bed together after a drunken night at one of the big wig parties for the NYPD. Olivia expected Ayanna to be gone the next morning but was instead greeted by her making chocolate chip pancakes in the form of Mickey Mouse for Noah. Olivia knew then that she was falling for this woman and fast. Nine months later Ayanna moved into her apartment and Olivia’s best mornings were the ones that she got to wake up next to that beautiful woman. Ayanna was the person she would choose in every parallel universe.

When Olivia woke up the next morning she was greeted by the smell of coffee and breakfast. As she sat up in bed Noah bounded inside the room elephant in one hand and a small plate of toast in the other.

“Good morning my love,” Olivia called out as Noah scrambled on the bed.

“Good morning Mom. Aya and I made you breakfast,” He smiled.

“What’s the occasion?” Liv asked as her girlfriend finished walking in with a plate of eggs and bacon and a cup of coffee.

“Because we love you,” Ayanna replied, kissing her gently on the forehead, “And because I’m taking Noah to finish up our Christmas shopping.”

“I’ll come with,” Olivia said, dreading being home alone all day after the events of last night.

“No, we are Christmas shopping for you Mom! It would spoil the surprise,” Noah protested.

Ayanna could tell Liv was anxious so after she sent Noah to get dressed she curled her hand in her girlfriend’s. She placed a gentle kiss on every single finger making Olivia laugh.

“There is that beautiful smile,” Ayanna grinned, “I promise we will be back soon. Then we can spend the rest of the day cuddling and watching terrible Hallmark movies.”

Olivia merely nodded and exchanged simple I love yous before her two favorite humans left for the mall. When her breakfast was done she curled on the couch scrolling through channels to find something to keep her distracted. Her eyes fell on a TV show she and Stabler used to watch every week. She turned it on and picked up her phone to text him but suddenly stopped. It wasn’t her place anymore. Instead, she turned the channel to some cookoff show, shed a couple of tears, and waited for her family to come home.

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Ella Alina Benson: Baby Benson Series

Bellson Christmas Series

A Heartfelt Goodbye

Christmas Traditions Coming To Life

Olivia Benson

Pill Party #

Elevator Baby

Senior Prom

Secrets Out !

It Was Always You #

Hotel Dreams #

My Wife and I #

Amanda Rollins

Pill Party #

Casey Novak

Senior Prom

It Was Always You #

Hotel Dreams #

Alex Cabot

Melinda Warren

Elevator Baby

Graveyard Nights

Ayanna Bell

What About Your Wife? #

Kat Tamin