#beingheld

A few weeks ago during a concert one of my friends came up to me and said, "I just had the best dance of my life". This made feel warm and happy inside for her, but that statement triggered a chimera buried at the surface of my heart, especially since the song just played took me to a harmonious folk story of escape soon before. I stood there for a moment wrestling with a burning desire that yearned for nothing more than a dance, but not just any dance, an innocently romantic dance. A dance I've dreamed of and hoped for since my childhood but never asked for directly in prayer. Yes, He knew I desired this, that I'm willing to wait for it, that I trust it will be sweet in its timing, but how could He give it if I've never humbly let myself be completely vulnerable and gently ask for it, like a child approaching her dear father with a shy smile wanting to know if she can have something. So, forgetting all that was around me and escaping to an empty room filled only with music, I closed my eyes, bowed my head and gripped what I couldn't comprehend and surrendered it in a prayer, "Jesus, you know how much I've longed for this, for that sweet dance with him, whomever he may be, but you know how much I long to dance with him. May it be soon, because this hurts a little right now, if not comfort me into steadfast waiting. Most of all, in the mean time, can this desire be fulfilled in you?" The rest of that night tells of great music and laughters between friends accompanied  by simple fun that won't be forgotten. 

A week or so later, my plans to attend a weekly gathering were interrupted, and so instead of insisting on a way of getting there I complied and decided to contently stay home. I didn't understand why I had to miss something I looked forward to so much each week. I didn't know what was in store for me to learn but I figured to just go with it, and I did. While the worship music streaming through my computer closed the service I was listening to I was caught off guard by the most beautiful man that has ever walked this earth. 

He wrapped my arms around him, and he wrapped his around me, and led me to the innocently romantic dance I had thirsted for my entire life. He held me close and radiated comfort and genuine love that I could not contain my uncontrollable sobs no longer. Being the perfect gentleman he is, he held me tenderly as I began to fall to my knees to bow in worship. His presence was soothing, kind, lovely, gentle... just unexplainable through words. Then, his soft hands led me to look up so he cold caress my face in his hands as he then held them. He whispered not to worry about all my insecurities because I am beautiful to him in every way despite all evident imperfections I carry and that his love should enough to not be brought down by them. Before he left, he wiped my tears and filled me with the great gift of joy.

"Won't you dance with me oh lover of my soul to the song of all songs?"

Yes, he did, Jesus danced with me that night and allowed me to fulfill that need in Him and not a person. I danced the sweetest dance of my entire life to no better song than this one.

"Romance me oh lover of my soul to the song of songs."

He did this too in the most precious ways possible.

We entirely forget that he created romance and search for it in every other disappointing pathway, when he's eagerly waiting for us to just come and ask Him for what we desire. He will, in his perfect timing pursue us and lead us to a sanctuary made just for us and him. He won't leave you empty, instead he will leave you overwhelmingly fulfilled. Soon, you will want more, but you know what? You can have all the perfect love you want, because he is a vast eternal ocean of it. Just ask.