#beinganasshole

I saw an ex today. You know the type of ex you’ve never really thought about, whether with melancholy or rage; the exes who provoke nothing but indifference in you? Yeah those exes!! Yeah saw one of them today. It took me a few seconds to even realize it was him and from the urgent manner in which he exited the supermarket aisle where we were both browsing for wine, I’m guessing he recognized me right away. But it wasn’t the fact that I saw an ex that perplexed me but rather the pettiness that ensued or could have ensued. What pettiness you ask? Well for a few seconds, yours truly took some kind of sick solace in the fact that he was hell bent in avoiding me. I registered his relaxed attire and compared it to mine, crisp, polished (thank God I did not dress in my sweats today). I followed him for a few steps and registered with satisfaction his stiff neck, a sure sign of him not wanting to turn back and look at the girl he was once involved with. I even judged his choice of wine, generic and compared it to my bottle of Pinot Grigio. A single thought stopped me dead in my tracks and made me go back to my grocery shopping, ashamed; the simple realization that many things in life have become senseless competitions. Without knowing it, we were competing with one another on who had won. Won what you ask? Well, the breakup. That is the pettiness that I am talking about; the fact that he seemed embarrassed and wanted to run away from me. The realization that I reveled in the fact that I seemed to be doing better than him. It dawned on me that many times, love is a losing game (Amy Winehouse). The worst kind of game where we keep score years and years after, enough for indifference to be no more; the kind of game where we suddenly care enough to compare. For shame!! Oh well…. At least I won